-Who do you love?

-My partner, my family, my friends.

The list goes on, and even mere strangers make the cut.
And sadly enough, you forget the greatest love of all:
Self-Love.

If only they taught it to us in school.
Just as important as Math and Science,
Language Arts and yes, Health 101.

“When I get married…”
Those words echo through the school’s halls.
Young girls and women engraved to believe,
That we are not complete on our own.
To even the most romantic phrases like
“mi media naranja,” or “haf-orange” if you know what I mean.

Loving yourself is a life skill.
In searching for another’s acceptance and so-called love,
risk of losing your self-worth.
Is it worth it?

You deserve better.
Just love yourself first.
Sounds easy to me,
Until I remember the hardships endured by the women in my family.
Their sacrifice, my lessons.

Loving myself took some years.
I was single for a very long while.
First kiss, I think I was 21.
Some dates, complicated -ships, and even one night stands.
Nothing serious
because truth be told,
I was always happy by myself.

How did I do it?
Not even I know, but I suspect I was forced to learn to love myself
when my mom passed away.
Patience with my healing, setting boundaries, surviving.
Gradually wanting more for myself.
A love of my own: Self-love.
Then, a love of life.
Everything else
they say, falling into place.
First relationship and love at 29.
Shocking in this society.

Was it perfect timing?
What about fate?
Soulmates?
I will never know.
I adore my love and even then he knows my code.

Grief has shown me,
Whispered in my ear,
“Don’t base your life on another human being.”
I lost my mom and for a second believing,
I no longer wanted to live.
Insisting it’s different from wanting to die,
It IS different but still terrifying.
The journey taught me to be content
With just me.
Solitude, my beautiful companion.
Everything else,
a huge blessing.

My alone time,
so dear to me.
Just as important as family time, date nights, and work.
It’s something that my soul so desperately needs.
Practicing self-love,
the most important lesson to be learned.

I love myself.
These words replace the others before.
I love myself for believing in me.
For choosing happiness despite the mishappenings.
For ignoring the negativity, the people calling me naive.
I love just that,
the optimist in me.

I look back to that photo,
The one that’s framed above my desk.

It’s not because we ventured out,
Or because we loved the art.

Could it be the night-lit sky,
Musicians, the star-lit vibe?
Or perhaps it was blatantly
our anniversary.

Looking back I know
it was just that moment.
The passerby, the photographer,
became a witness to that instant.
Capturing the moment, the glim in our eyes.

Arms around my hips
Eyes locked into mine.
Smile awakening dimples
Lashes rising to the sky.
Hearts beating peacefully
yet excitedly.
Yearning to be confined in this moment,
My favorite moment of 2023.

Avoiding my departure,
Detached from visa concerns.
Come to think of it,
The origin of our flags.
Both holding stripes,
same direction, towards the horizon.
Different colors,
apparently a huge difference.
They want red and white.
While his, nature green and sunny yellow.
Stars, same placement
But his, missing only 49.
I think about that every day
Painfully waiting for the approval.
But I didn’t dare to think that night.
It would’ve tarnished that moment.
A perfect moment,
One where we are together.
Better together, just like the song.

Not thinking about our LDR.
Only 2 strangers that had just met the year before.
Look at us now.
2 souls forever in love,
Carrying that moment,
Our favorite moment.

Grateful for the lucha, the battle belonging to
the dreamers,
the underdogs,
And those looking for something better.

My parents,
One reclaiming his roots
The other for love and a better life for their children.
Not giving up
Welcomed or not,
Established a home
with compassion and love.

Grateful for my upbringing,
Raised Catholic but
given the support and freedom to explore.
Because life is but so much more.

To discover myself and become
The best person I can be.
One that would make my parents proud
Just as I am of them.

For the long-forgotten stories
Rising among the ashes.
My family’s struggles, their roots, their everlasting existence.

Humble, loving, and kind,
Stubborn, independent
And one of a kind.
Work ethic reflecting those famous, ringing words
Si se puede,
All is possible.

But our first lesson,
The importance of familia,
An unbreakable bond.
Stronger and better together,
My family is what I’m grateful for.

The women he paints
In pastels but mostly blue
Reveling in intimacy
Bathing just standing
Bending without a care
At first glance
not models
But women, they are.
Muffin tops
and never toned
Humans, Women, Tender creatures.

Curves and love handles like vines
No start or finish line
All intertwining,
A beautiful mystery, I see.

I look at these paintings, mesmerized
Go home and see,
Steam from the shower confessing
Beautiful body, that is she.
Needs not look a certain way
Neither his nor hers
Only mine, how divine.

Why do they care
What I should wear?
The clothes,
Kissing and hugging my body
Is nothing compared
to the blissful smile I wear.

Endangered smile
Once again.
After 50 years or so,
They’re taking the reigns.
You take my body,
You take my everything,
Especially that once luminous smile.