You’re Confident
You’re Beautiful
You’re Loving
You’re Kind
This beautiful heart that has developed
To care about individuals as much as you do
The confidence you truly found in you
I’m proud and love the woman I’ve become
It took me a long time to get here
You’re a queen
You’re a goddess
You are it
No one can take this away from you
You made it Vision
You love you
You don’t doubt yourself anymore
You believe in you
I love who you have grown into
A true Vision of Love

My body,
What do you think of when I say that phrase ?

Do you cringe in disgust or feel a deep praise?

Whichever side you find yourself on the line..
let me tell you about mine, and how an injury to my spine..

Completely changed the way that I lived life,
I’m grateful to be a father, because my surgeons weren’t sure if I could give life,

Even though it’s uncomfortable I’m thankful for this steel wear,
because the alternative, was being 23 in a wheelchair,

This shit got on my nerves,
especially after finding out that I had nerve damage,
I wasn’t disabled but definitely at a disadvantage.

I had to change my vantage point, and be thankful that my joints and tendons and bones-
overcame their adversity to reclaim my home.

My body.

the only place I know I get to live in,

I need to start honoring it and begin to forgive it.
There’s things I deal with but maybe you’re different,

Maybe you can’t help that you have a genetic diagnosis,
my heart shatters for every woman with endometriosis.

Maybe you have anxiety and depression,
maybe you carry an epipen and dread the day you need to press it.

Or maybe you suffer from Disphormia, or anorexia,

Or adhd, austism, dyslexia

But then again
Maybe you’ve never felt sexier,
Do your eyes turn to stone when you pass by a mirror,
But please open them and to see yourself clearer.

Seek out , don’t turn the other cheek baby let your cheeks out!
Let your freak out,

Speak out, no! speak up
to your body and give it praises,
cuz even if you despise it, each day it still raises..

you… out of your bed.

So , get of your head if you can, because just like you, the rest of us are doing the best we can.

But i get it, not feeling in love with yourself.

Man I really use to be in incredible shape,
Then I got injured and really struggled with my weight,
I would starve my self and would hate what I ate ,
I could feel judging eyes removing things from my plate.

But now I’ve accepted that I no longer need to be that athlete, my varsity days are over, I’m not going to the track meet,

I don’t need to complete great athletic feats anymore,
just want to play with and pick up my son,

I need to be thankful for what my body can do right now, rather than miss out on what it’s already done,

Why are we so concerned with the way we look rather than the way we feel,
we put our bodies through so much pain and never allow them to heal.

Also,
Let me just shout out to all the mothers!
Because you should love your body more than all the others,

So what ? you may have stretch marks, those battle scars makes you look more womanly,
you are everything that a man couldn’t be !

For you did the most physically demanding thing there is and gave birth.
A woman’s body is the most powerful thing on earth!

Your body has gone through a lot it’s changed I understand, but please, don’t hate your body for what it can’t do, and love it for what it can.

*This summer my friend challenged me to write something based off of paint color names. I did it once and liked the result, so I had to do it again. I had my mom choose 5 different paint color swatches at a hardware store and then wrote this. While some details in this letter have been changed (to fit the prompt) I believe this does encapsulate the beautiful spirit of my deceased godmother so I dedicate this to her.
____________________________________________________________________________
I miss you

I miss the way you used to romanticize life

And filled it with special moments

What a blessing it was to watch you relishing in every moment you were here.

With hospitality you would set out fancy china, brew coffee and fill a carafe with heavy cream just for me

The way you would belly laugh when we got caught in a downpour and arrived home sopping wet.

The few sacred moments we spent together in the morning where you would put my hair in a ponytail and smile warmly at me.

The way you would kiss me on the forehead and your cloudberry clad lips would imprint themselves there as a reminder of the deep love you had for me.

The way you would strategically place the tinsel on the Christmas tree so that it would glimmer in the darkness.

Your enthusiasm for life was what made you so beautiful.

And it is a piece of you that shines in the mosaic of pieces that make up me.

One day I will have my own goddaughter and I hope my wonder and enthusiasm for life

Will shine as deeply in her as yours does in me.

With Love,

I was in awe of the whimsies and romance.
I yearned for my art to comfort and soothe;
For my art to hold the listener’s hearthurt the way my hearthurt was held,
For my art to share imagery with songs of love,
To create beauty in death as he created it.

I wanted to be Hozier, but I have to be Poe, first.

I have to walk through my Inferno to reach such actualization.
My shadow still screams. Still cries.
Pieces of my younger self scattered in nine circles.

I have to talk to her and make peace with her.
I have to parent her.
I have to hold her.
I have to become one with her once more.

I will blood, guts, and gore my way through,
Just as the horrors led my way in.
The girl that wants to scream will scream and
Embrace the gross and the weird and the upset.

I will not become my own betrayer, no. So,
I am no longer my own betrayer, mine own Nth circle.
Treachery at mine own hands, no more.

Even now sometimes i have my moments
Moments where i feel like
I’m gonna fall apart
Can’t let it consume me
Let it go
Breathe just breathe
You’ve come so far
To go back
I know it hurts
You cry when you don’t want to
It’s trying to release
He’s gone
Your dad is gone
In the wind
You severely question
How can he not love you
Not be there for their for you
To still have breath in your lungs
But alas be gone
I never thought you would leave me again father
Why don’t you want me
When i am made up of half of your DNA
I can’t even say i hate you
I Love you Dad
But i have to let you go
You abandoned me
Came back
Left again
Came Back
Left again
Why come if you never intended to stay
Leave
You can’t be the reason
Theirs’s no peace
I will always love you
I have to live
To explore
Without a painful memory of you
Here is our long distance goodbye

Loneliness, a friend of mine

They keep me company, they take my time

They visit often and stay too long

They whisper dark things, sing sad songs

They drink along and share my glass

Thus wishing that our time won’t pass

Loneliness, the jealous type

They shun the social scene and hype

Prefers to keep me in my room

To make my mind a heavy tomb

Of grey-scale thoughts, of shadowed dreams

And feed me lethargy in reams

If I reach out or you reach in

My friend’s departure will begin

And pull me to the Sun and light

They’re only gone when when you’re in sight

*Disclaimer- There is reference to suicidal ideation- if you’re suffering please seek out help or call the suicide prevention hotline emergency number, 988.

Dear Angus,

I’m sorry this letter couldn’t make it to you. I know for certain that it does not find you well. If this letter could reach Heaven- I’d say “Sorry dude- I’ve never watched Euphoria.” I’d assume you’d think “fake fan.” LOL.

Your personal friends and family can attest to your attributes far better than me. So, I’ll just say this. When you took your life- it didn’t just hurt you. It hurt everyone who knew you, knew your name, and loved you. This letter is not to condemn your actions but to anyone who feels the same as you.

I don’t know the details surrounding your death (& don’t care to quite frankly) but I imagine you were quite scared, upset, and angry. The mind can play tricks on us in our low moments. Like saying that nothing even matters, what is there to live for now? For me, I try to counsel myself by saying this is all temporary. As in, “this too shall pass” (2 Corinthians 4:17).

My heart goes out to your Mom and close friends. May God rest your soul. You are gone but never forgotten! 🕊️

Sincerely,

Victoria

Dear Mikaela LAUREN tick.

Today is the 10-year anniversary of which you PHYSICALLY passed.

Whenever I talk about you it’s ALWAYS in the PRESENT TENSE because I KNOW that you are ALWAYS guiding me down the hill , “looking down” on me, BUT that is the EXACT OPPOSITE. You look UP to me because of the thing that I fear people look down on me for.

As I go into the work force, I worry that no matter how sharply I dress, my Wobble will force me to immediately turn around – hey that rhymes😂

I know that you are there with me, telling me,“You are the one that needs to walk that frame of mind out the door!” I slowly have by writing about my disability.

Losing you physically will never become clear to me; it is clear as day that you are with me by this telling story.

Several months ago – maybe a year, I went out with Aunt Debbie and started telling her my struggles to feed myself the confidence I needed. On her suggest, I started following this on Instagram.

One day, while waiting for the bus to go skiing, a favorite activity of ours, I scrolled through my account and saw she was being interviewed on this platform, The Unsealed.

The platform turned out to be run by a woman named LAUREN, a former Sports Journalist, who created it to allow people such as myself, to tell their stories.

I JOINED and every since, I’ve been UNSEALING stories about my disability and life AND you bet THIS is GOING UP THEIR!

Please consider donating ANY AMOUNT of $$ to help Mikaela’s mission and the reason she IS an OT, SEEING the ABILITY in people!
The link is on my Instagram and Facebook bio!

LOVE YOU,🐘

JAKEY💜