@writerjordanohalloran @oneturbobenz @algonzalez @jordanwalker @jordynjacobson @ciarapray @emdissocool @lulli101 @elizalila123 @dburtz @janetbanks @janettesegura @japarker1962
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To The Unsealed Community ,

I usually say my childhood dream was to be a sportscaster, and while that’s true, it was only part of the dream. The vision, the goal, has always been much bigger.

Since I was a little- four or five years old, I would tell my parents, “One day, I am going to change the world.”

It’s cheesy and cliche, I know. But it’s also true. I had so much ambition. At eight years old, I would stay up all night worrying and thinking about my career.

When I would tell my mom, she would respond, “What career? You’re eight!”

She totally didn’t get it, and both my parents did what they could to try and convince me to take some pressure off myself, which I never did.

I have no idea where this desire to succeed on a monumental scale came from, but it’s always been there for as long as I can remember. The drive. The hunger. The desire. And, unfortunately, the constant worrying about how or if I could make this happen.

While I have checked off a few boxes regarding my goals, including attending an ivy league college and becoming a sportscaster, there is still so much more I want to do. And I certainly thought by my 30’s, I’d have this whole changing-the-world career path all figured out. While I have made progress, I am still trying to piece it all together.

In pursuit of my goal, I started The Unsealed, a platform for people to share their truth in the form of open letters. Through these letters, I hope to amplify voices and inspire people around the globe but I have made so many mistakes. Every day, I am still learning about entrepreneurship, marketing, and online communities.

Every second I am scared. I’m afraid I won’t figure this out. I am scared I will make a wrong decision, making what feels like this Jinga tower I am building come crashing down. I know that applying for a job with a designated set of tasks, “normal” hours, and a consistent paycheck would be much easier. But that’s not my dream.

So,I keep pushing and do my best to lean away from my fears and into my confidence. And with each challenge that arises (and there are many), I draw motivation from several different places.

Many of you have shared with me that The Unsealed has changed your life. It’s made some of you feel seen. It’s made some of you feel heard. It’s influenced at least one of you not to take your own life. On the days I am tired, and in the moments I am scared, I think of all of you.

Then, there are my parents. They have poured their time, their heart, their soul, and their money into my dream and my happiness without ever asking me for so much as a penny in return. They read all of our stories. They come to every single zoom. They share all of my posts. My mom has spent hours helping me email schools and writing programs. I so desperately want my parents to see my company take over the world because I know their wishes are for mine to come true. On the days I am tired, and in the moments I am scared, I think of my parents.

Lastly, I have worked so hard. I have sacrificed relationships, time with my friends, the opportunity to make more money faster, and who knows what else to pursue this crazy dream. I want this. I work every day – seven days a week, often typing away until I fall asleep fully dressed with my computer by my side. I love what I do. I love my mission. I love what we have already accomplished and what I hope my company will one day achieve. I owe it to myself to keep going – to not give up on the days I am tired, and in the moments I am scared.

Dreams don’t come true quickly or easily for most people. And that’s why for most people, their dreams will always be just a dream. But every day, I am glad that I haven’t given up on you, my parents, or myself because even if I don’t change the whole damn world, my work, my heart, my passion, and my resilience is already changing many lives, including mine.

Thanks for being here on this scary but beautiful journey. This is just the beginning.

With love, hope, and faith,

As babies we are programed with nursery rhythms, “1st comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage.” Then as children we go to school and are given unrealistic goals to meet with minimal help. Told that we need to get it all done in preparation for college and the work field. If you want to have children, as your programmed too, then you must go to college. However, in order to go to college, you have to work yourself to the bone studying to guarantee a scholarship, have loaded parents or work and take out loans. Don’t worry once you’ve gotten your degree in your desired field you will have enough debt to owe the government until you die. Good luck staying afloat with all that debt, plus your responsibility to be a spouse and parent. You see in my hometown, the hood if you will, we weren’t the richest and our community had very little funding. So you learn how to survive in school like you do in the outside world.
Where I come from, mental health was “all in your head,” so people didn’t know how to cope. We just learned how to survive, alone and as a community. I’m grateful for my home community, for without them I wouldn’t be where I am today. This action, learning to survive, in the mental health world is a coping mechanism; this helps us adapt to our circumstances, just to go through the motions in life and do what we need to do. To the outside world, this may look like a older sibling stealing food to feed their family, or impulsive behaviors, and it is 100%, adaptability.
As I stated before, I learned how to survive in school. This started after a very traumatizing event happened in second grade. We were instructed to read aloud during reading group time, and I was the 6th student out of 6 students to read. While, my 5 classmates read ahead of me, I focused on ensuring my sentence was perfect, because I wasn’t at a 2nd grade reading level yet. My time came, I read my line and there was a single line left. What I didn’t take into account was that Ms. Grossi was going to demand I read the next sentence too. I began to have, what I now know to be a, panic attack. I slowly and extremely softly began to read the words, sounding them out one by one. I could hear my classmates now making fun of the fact that I couldn’t read. My teacher is standing over me, tapping her foot on the ground, all I can do is try to block out everything and continue. I can feel Ms. Grossi’s impatience growing large enough to fill the room. “Louder please!,” Ms. Grossi shouts just as I get myself out of my own head. I begin reading louder and I’m actually really proud of myself. Until, boom, I’ve hit a word I must sound out.The immense amount of self embarrassment hits me like a 10 foot high wave crashes down on a surfer. Funny thing is, still to this day my brain wont reveal that word to me.
The amount of embarrassment in this moment, makes sounding the word out, out loud, debilitating. Here I am, back under the pressure, trying to get it together; sounding out in my head, over and over and just not getting it. Just then, Ms. Grossi, throws her hands in the air slamming one on the desk as she screams, “Come on Antoinette! My hair isn’t gunna get any grayer!,” it was then that I completely shattered. Even though my mom stood up for me when I told her, it just wasn’t enough. That incident severed a nerve and the damage was unrepairable. This triggered my survival mode in the school world. I managed to even get into all honors classes in 7th grade, by surviving. Do not get me wrong, I had some phenomenal teachers along the way that truly loved and poured into me. They’re apart of that community I expressed gratitude for earlier.
As so many people know, academics are not the only thing children have to survive in the school world. You also have people to survive, and I wasn’t very good at fitting in. I don’t see things like the rest of the world. I see the good in even the most evil. I think the world would be a happier, healthier place if we all loved everything and everybody. I absolutely despise cliques, and everyone whose been to high school knows that is clique central. I was the biggest social butterfly you would have known, I was friends with at least 1 person in every “clique” in high school. But with this care free nature comes an abundance of negative energy or evil eye. I was always bullied in school, someone convinced me to go to a soccer game after school when I was in 6th grade. I went and had a blast but had to be home by a certain time, so I left before the game was even over. As I was leaving, I was jumped by 4 girls and 2 boys. Pinned on the floor, face down being kicked a punched. I ended up with a concussion, a restraining order against the main girl and short a few friends, since they set me up.
In high school, a girl use to follow me home. One day she found out where I worked and showed up to fight me. Of course, I was in uniform and I needed my job to eat and provide for myself, so I couldn’t do anything to her. Then she walked up to me and hit me, if it was not for my manager that may have ended very differently. So you see, between surviving academics, I was on a 1st grade reading level in 9th grade, and surviving bullies, I was done. At 16, after completing my 9th grade year, I decided I was an adult and didn’t have to deal with school anymore. I enrolled and very quickly dropped out of GED classes. However, I did enroll and complete my certification for nail technician and I even got licensed. Didn’t matter though, I didn’t like it and didn’t pursue it. I managed to do all of this before I even turning 17, ha.
At 17, I found out I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. This was everything I ever wanted, to be a mom. I was about 6 months pregnant, on my lunch break, when my hormone enraged brain had an “Oh, crap!,” moment. I dropped out at 16 years old, after completing my 9th grade year, leaving school at a 1st grade reading level. My daughters father whose about 6 years older than myself, dropped out at 15 years old after retaining 7th grade 3 times. I knew for an absolute fact my daughters father couldn’t read, plus I could not read. We are bringing a child into this world, and our job is to teach and guide her. How can we do this if neither of us are even literate enough to read a report card? My neighbor was having a yard sale, she had a box of children’s books. I asked the priced and she said that I could have them for my daughter. Little does this woman know, I bought them to teach myself how to read. Every single night, from that day forward I read. I read out loud, I stumbled and had to search the internet and dictionary for meanings and pronunciations of words, but I read. And every night and even during the day my daughter heard her mommy read to her. My daughter will forever be the blessing of teaching me my strength and endurance to want something. I had never wanted to read nor learn to read, let alone self learn, but I knew she deserved better than that!
In the end, it has really been an essential tool for my life, my growth and my family. Learning to read has been an absolute blessing. I know this was my journey and how it was supposed to play out. Realistically, if I didn’t experience where I came from I wouldn’t know how to be better for the future. And if I didn’t have my experience with this world and my own struggles I wouldn’t be well equip to fight the same system, for my children, that let me slip through the cracks. I can say proudly because I experienced what I experienced in life, I was well over equip for the battles my children have and will continue to face.
I’ve always wanted to be a change, what I didn’t realize is the change would be in me. I didn’t realize 14 years ago, when I became a mother, that what I am here to do is break generational curses within my family. Maybe even help a few people along the way. Don’t let anybody, including yourself, dim the light of your dreams. And always remember; our dreams aren’t always what we expect them to be, rather they are what we are meant to be.

XOXO

Dear Mrs.Shumsky,
When I entered your 4th grade class way back in the fall of 1960 I was the most quiet, shy and insecure little girl. So shy, I never spoke to any adults ever except my parents and grandparents.My teachers leading up to 4th grade were cold and distant and probably did not like me because I was a weak student with very sloppy handwriting. I probably required more attention then other students and that meant more work for prior teachers. But you, Mrs. Shumsky, saw something sweet and vulnerable in me. I think you saw some actual potential because while other children were reading at their desk, you brought me to your desk and quietly tutored me. You helped me write my cursive letters correctly. You helped me improve in math. All this attention made me feel special and hopeful that I could succeed in school. The piece de resistance was being handed the lead role in our class play. I was to be a weeping willow for Arbor Day. This simple gesture made me incredibly happy and gave me the most valuable gift, a hint of confidence. I still had a long way to go but Mrs.Shumsky, you put me on the right road to a more fulfilling, “step out of your comfort zone”, life. Thank you my dear sweet teacher.

Shelley Ann Kalstein
Memories from 1960
P.S.165
Kew Gardens, NYC

Dear Anxiety,

You have been in my life for a very long time. I first met you when I was five or six years old. Even at that age, I thought I needed to be the best athlete, dancer, and student to stand out in the world and reach my larger-than-life dreams. My parents never pushed me, so I am unsure why you entered my life or why I felt so much pressure. But because of you, I had sleepless nights and daily body aches. You had way too much power for a very long time.

Through the years, we have had our ups and downs. Sometimes, you consume me, and other times I have been able to keep you in check. The worst of you appeared in my late teens when a sexual assault led to paralyzing fear and endless stomachaches. I lost 30 pounds all because of you. Terrified about my health, I started to fight back against you. That’s when it hit me. I cause you.

I discovered that you, Anxiety, are the result of my thought process, habits, and attitude. Once I realized I was in control, I started to pay attention to the activities and behaviors that made you less present. Exercise, writing, and conversations with family and friends all helped to stop you from overwhelming my life. The more I engaged in behaviors that helped me, the less you hurt me.

In my 30s now, I recognize that you will probably never entirely disappear from my life. You are probably a part of life. But whether it’s stress from building my company or disappointment from a relationship, I now know how to take power from you. And that’s important because the less power you possess, the more happiness I can feel.

Anxiety, you’re tough, but I am way tougher.

I remember when I was a little girl, about 8 years old I watched a movie with Marilyn Monroe. I thought she was so beautiful and glamorous. I decided I wanted to be an actress. This was the very last career suited for an extremely shy child who never spoke to any adults except her parents. But something about being on stage or in front of a camera excited me. My child’s mind told me I could be someone else on stage and be liberated from my timid personality.

In 4th grade, I tried out for the class play and to my surprise, I got the lead. In high school, I was in chorus and performed in two plays. Amazingly, this shy 17 year old was chosen to play the role of a stripper in the play Gypsy. At first I was terrified to go on stage in a bikini costume in front of 1,000 people, but my high school drama coach insisted it would all be ok and I would be a big hit. When opening night came, I went out on stage as Electra, the stripper. I shook the light bulbs on my body. Well, this was definitely my glass ceiling and I shattered it. I was never shy after that night.

I did not go on to be a great actress, but I did have a 40-year career in pharmaceutical sales, which required me to be very outgoing and confident. Sometimes life prepares you for your future without you even realizing it.

Your life’s events are so pivotal and amazing.

Dear Unsealers,

I remember the exact day I started to dream about my future. It was 1995, a year after the New York Rangers won the Stanley Cup. My dad took me to Game 4 of the second round of the postseason. The Rangers were playing the Philadelphia Flyers. New York was down 3-0 in the series, and we went to the game hoping we’d witness the beginning of New York’s comeback. While that didn’t happen, I still had an incredible night. Before the game, my father and I started walking toward our seats in the nosebleeds section when a woman approached us. She was a VP at ABC sports and told us she had an extra ticket in the first row. Then, she asked if I wanted it. Of course, I accepted. Luckily we found another seat nearby for my dad. As I asked this woman about her career, a light bulb went off. I could one day get paid to go to sporting events. My ten-year-old self was sold. That was the moment I decided I wanted to be a sportscaster. From that moment on, I was determined to make my dream happen.

In college, I interned at CBS and ABC in their sports departments. During my junior year, I began working in the NBA’’s broadcasting department before accepting a job as a full-time writer. A year after graduating college, I got my first on-air job, working for MSG Varsity, a high school sports network in New York. Then, I worked as a reporter and anchor for local news stations in Buffalo, NY, and Cleveland, Ohio. From a World Series to the NBA Championship, I had the opportunity to cover some pretty incredible moments as I truly lived my childhood dream.

However, after ten years, I realized I had developed new interests. As a sportscaster, I conducted a lot of interviews and fell in love with the art of storytelling. Meeting people from all walks of life made me more interested in social issues. I wanted to be an advocate and journalist, and after flying all over the country for interviews and meetings, I realized the job I wanted didn’t exist. So, I created it. I started my own company called The Unsealed, a platform that helps us amplify the stories and voices of people with various perspectives. I am genuinely thankful that I achieved my childhood dream because it was my dream that helped me discover my purpose.

With love and hope,

Dear someone who is about to give up,
I have just finished my freshman year of college. I have made many good friends and achieved good grades, and even joined a few clubs. However last summer if you told me that was going to be my freshman year experience I probably would not have believed you. My whole life I have had a speech impediment and for as long as I can remember my biggest fear was speaking to or meeting new people. It terrified me to have to put myself out there because I never knew how people were going to respond. And up until my freshman year of college, I was always able to hide behind my twin sister. Me and her are so close and do everything with each other because of this we had the same friends and I always let her take the lead on making them. When this happened I was always there by association or friends by the association at least I felt like I was. It was not until I was literally forced to go out at and make friends at school without having my sister by my side(we went to different colleges) that I realized I was even capable of this. So trust me I understand firsthand how scary things can be especially if they do not go the way you thought at first. However, I also understand how fear can hold you back and keep you from achieving your goals and dreams. Please do not wait as long as I did to let fear stop me from reaching my accomplishments