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Lauren Brill shared a letter in the
Mental Health group 1 year, 9 months ago Dear Anxiety, You are my Achilles heel
LaurenDear Anxiety,
You have been in my life for a very long time. I first met you when I was five or six years old. Even at that age, I thought I needed to be the best athlete, dancer, and student to stand out in the world and reach my larger-than-life dreams. My parents never pushed me, so I am unsure why you entered my life or why I felt so much pressure. But because of you, I had sleepless nights and daily body aches. You had way too much power for a very long time.
Through the years, we have had our ups and downs. Sometimes, you consume me, and other times I have been able to keep you in check. The worst of you appeared in my late teens when a sexual assault led to paralyzing fear and endless stomachaches. I lost 30 pounds all because of you. Terrified about my health, I started to fight back against you. That’s when it hit me. I cause you.
I discovered that you, Anxiety, are the result of my thought process, habits, and attitude. Once I realized I was in control, I started to pay attention to the activities and behaviors that made you less present. Exercise, writing, and conversations with family and friends all helped to stop you from overwhelming my life. The more I engaged in behaviors that helped me, the less you hurt me.
In my 30s now, I recognize that you will probably never entirely disappear from my life. You are probably a part of life. But whether it’s stress from building my company or disappointment from a relationship, I now know how to take power from you. And that’s important because the less power you possess, the more happiness I can feel.
Anxiety, you’re tough, but I am way tougher.
Anxiety holds a grip in my life as well. I used to have almost crippling anxiety and took medication to combat it. I ended up getting addicted to Ativan because of anxiety. It was only after my first experience with counseling that I started to fight back against it. Without that I would never have started to win that battle. Overcoming the addiction to Ativan while in therapy was crucial. I know for a fact that I wouldn’t have been able to beat it otherwise. I learned that my best weapon against anxiety turned out to be humor. I discovered that if I’m laughing that my brain doesn’t process anxiety.
I’m glad that you’ve found the things that help you in the battle. You are also so right when you said that you create your anxiety. That was a lesson I learned on my journey as well.
Having anxiety when you’re a salesperson is really bad. I had to force myself to block the thoughts in my head “They’re not going to buy anything from you!” I eventually learned that most of my potential customers were enduring as much anxiety as I was about buying something that I was selling.
Anxiety is part of each of us in life. Some of us have to work harder than others to work through it and understand it. I’m glad that we both have found those answers.
Thanks for sharing.
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Anxiety is such a tricky and confusing thing. In one way it keeps us on our toes, but too much of it can lead to such physical and emotional turmoil that you feel you can barely get out of bed. When anxiety starts at such a young age as 5 or 6 years old, it makes you wonder if you were hard wired that way at birth…. I mean who suffers from anxiety at such a young age without any precipitating events? ( slowly raises hand…), but all I know is that to keep from being completely consumed by it, we must continue to fight…. Continue putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations, keep practicing positive self talk, and continuing to keep going!
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I agree completely. I think it definitely can be a part of our personalities. I am so hyper aware of it now, that I have learned different things I can do to keep it in check. But it definitely takes a lot of self-awareness and still creeps up at times. Deep breaths, exercises and lots and lots of hugs go a very long way :).
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