Dear Unsealers,

I wasn’t initially planning to participate in this prompt because I haven’t felt that my life has blossomed in any significant way.

You see, I’m twenty-eight, and I don’t drive, work, or have children. I often face judgment for that, but I remind myself that my path is just different from most people’s. Recently, I started reflecting on my life outside the conventional goals I haven’t achieved, and I realized that I have blossomed immensely over the past year alone. Approximately five years ago, I withdrew from life. I stopped going out, dressing the way I liked, and doing the things I enjoyed. I felt like nothing more than a shell of a person—a complete stranger to me. Anxiety had taken hold of me, and at one point, I was okay with that. But then I wasn’t okay anymore.

A year ago, I felt a renewed desire to live, which terrified me. By that time, I couldn’t even sit on my porch without having a major panic attack. Whenever I heard a car or saw someone walking by, I would run back inside. My embarrassment and confusion were overwhelming. How could a girl who once independently explored a foreign country be so afraid of sitting on her porch? When I was avoiding going out, I would still make it to the doctor’s office. I thought to myself, “If I can be out for an hour at the doctor’s, I can be out for an hour doing whatever activity I need to do.” That realization became a turning point for me.

I also started therapy, where my therapist introduced me to various exercises to help manage my panic, many of which I still use today. At first, I could only visit familiar places like stores and my parents’ house. I was improving and getting out more, which felt great, but I eventually hit another plateau. Although I was comfortable in my routine, I still panicked at the thought of going somewhere new or further than I was used to.

In September 2024, my favorite artist, Bob Dylan, was performing less than two hours away on my birthday weekend. I had never wanted to do anything so badly. Given my recent improvements, I thought I could go, but I panicked instead and didn’t push myself. I regretted not going and beat myself up about it. I resolved to keep working on my progress and take baby steps, hoping that if he performed again, I would be ready.

By February 2025, I was getting out more and had even traveled an hour away without experiencing a major panic attack. I was attending all family events and feeling so much better that I could take my first-weekend vacation in over a decade with my sister! I had an absolute blast until bedtime, when the panic set in. I cried, felt sick, and wanted to find a way home. My husband was ready to drive two hours to pick me up, but I worked through it. Eventually, I fell asleep and could enjoy the last day of my trip. Although I was upset that I couldn’t fully handle a night away yet, I reflected on how far I had come since my starting point and realized it was okay to experience setbacks. With the support of my family, I got through it.

I am still blossoming, but I’ve made incredible progress this past year. I’m enjoying the little things that used to make me happy, learning new hobbies, going on small adventures, and dressing for myself again. When I look in the mirror, I no longer see a stranger or a shell of a person. The best news? I’m finally going to see my favorite artist, Bob Dylan, perform this September! I admit I’m anxious, but I know I can do this, and it will be an experience I’ll never forget.

I’m twenty-eight years old; I thought I was supposed to have everything in my life figured out, but I don’t. I am still growing, and there’s nothing wrong with going at my pace.

Style score 90

Oh, how I love to daydream

Because you sleep when the sun is out

That’s the only way to see you

Until the bright beams have gone down

But

When you wake

What a sight for the stars in the evening sky

You captivate me with your beauty

I have confessed my deepest fears to you

So serene and complex

There is no doubt

My exquisite moon

In every phase of your life

I adore you

How do I write a letter to my fear when I fear everything? I’m not sure when I became this way. I used to be so untamed, but now I’m scared of living life. I miss the person I was—the fearless one, except for when it came to roller coasters and snakes. How can I find her again? She seems so far away now, but I remember her clearly. She didn’t just stare out the window dreaming of a bigger world; she lived it. When she encountered something new, she didn’t panic; she embraced it. She turned the unknown into something familiar, living a story she loved to tell. An old friend once asked me how New York was. The truth is, I never made it there. My mind doesn’t play fair. I dream too big for my brain to handle, and instead of confronting the fear, I’ve always backpedaled.

Thank you for not giving up when everything was trying to tear you down
You fight unspoken battles every day
I’m so proud of you for not letting it become your new face
You are still finding your place

Thank you for searching for the smallest glimmer of hope to keep yourself around
You have learned to love what is often overlooked
Doing everything you can to find a more positive outlook

Thank you for being the light in others’ lives when you often struggle to be a spark in your own
You thrive when creating their sunshine
You’ll find yours in time

Thank you for focusing on your inner peace when it would be much easier to let your demons roam
How uncomplicated would it be to give in to the chaos
Let your soul turn to stone as your golden heart is squashed
But that wouldn’t be you
You are the gentle sound of an old record being played on a Sunday afternoon
Brightening someone’s day in such a simple way

I’m grateful that you’ve never let your warm heart turn cold
No matter what challenges unfold
In the darkest of skies, you are the moon
Always giving away your light hoping to help anyone who is feeling gloom

Sweet meek mouse
You refuse to let out a peep
Afraid of what will reap
Your mind shouts
You won’t let it out
Kept hidden beneath your silent weeps
The chaos in your mind begins to creep
Finding the need to express yourself
You awaken from your cocoon
A withered violet finally in bloom
Rising with the morning sun
A magical soul with a story to tell
Your words will be heard
You’re no longer stuck in your shell

We often live our lives with expectations someone else set for us.
“Do you have children?”
“What do you do for work?”
“Are you married?”
Overly asked common questions.
When responded with “no,” it’s met with judgment as those tools are what we use to commonly measure the success of a person.
“Are you happy?”
A question that is rare but important.
I found joy within myself when I stopped following what was expected of me and began living for what made my soul shine.
Expressing my creative side
That’s why I exist
I don’t believe in guilty pleasures
Why should I feel ashamed for what brings me a glimmer of glee?
When I die I don’t want to be remembered as an individual who was stuck in a pattern of endless misery
I want to be remembered as the peculiar girl who lived life blissfully
I get one life and I don’t plan to waste it by living it in a way that isn’t true to who I am

“People seldom do what they believe in. They do what is convenient, then repent.”- Bob Dylan

Six years. That’s how long it took to be properly diagnosed and taken seriously. Six years of unexplainable pain and feeling like I’ve gone insane. Women are often dismissed and ignored by medical professionals, and as a woman whose health wasn’t taken seriously for many years, the most important message I could share is to advocate for yourself no matter how exhausted you are and how long it takes. It’s 2013, and I have extreme symptoms when it’s time for my cycle to come around; other women in my life don’t seem to feel this way. Am I just weak? I go to get seen and they assume I’m being intimate. I’m only sixteen and sex is the last thing I want. I’m saving myself for marriage. I’m put on the pill for pain.
2014, they suggested more exercise, dieting, and flossing more. I’m healthy and have good dental hygiene this doesn’t make sense. 2015, a new form of contraception and the diagnosis of a thyroid condition called Hashimoto’s disease finally explained what I’ve been feeling. I start to let out a breath of relief but it’s not complete. My virginity is stolen from me, and I’m now at an all-time low, and I give up on finding out what’s wrong. In 2019, I experienced a chemical pregnancy, and my symptoms and pain have increased tremendously. The pain is constant and debilitating. I enter a fight or flight mode. After several years of pain and feeling like I’m being listened to but not heard I’m ready to give up and take my own life when I discover my last glimmer of hope.
My aunt. My hero. The one I owe so much to had taken me out to dinner and listened to me vent. I was finally being heard and given the courage to try just one final time before I let any negativity win. I make an appointment with someone new. I explain how I haven’t felt seen, what I was experiencing, how it makes me feel, and what I thought it was. I was practically diagnosed on the spot, but this is something that can only be diagnosed through exploratory surgery. December 16th, 2019, the day my life was changed, and I was finally heard. I was diagnosed with one of the most painful diseases most commonly found in women. Endometriosis is an often misunderstood chronic inflammatory disease where scar tissue grows on your organs. There is no cure and few treatment options but I found hope knowing I wasn’t weak and my pain wasn’t made up. It was real. I was finally able to let out that breath I was holding in for so long. I often wonder how much longer it would have taken to discover I was dealing with such an awful disease if I had given up and listened to the medical professionals who told me the pain was in my head. I have known of a few women who weren’t taken seriously and died of this disease. I hope sharing my journey encourages people to listen to their bodies and fight for themselves when they know something is wrong. If we don’t advocate for ourselves who will?

I close my eyes and blow on a dandelion, making a wish to have you here for one more year. I open my eyes and watch as the seeds fly around. You are not here but I feel you are near, watching over me when I cry or feel fear. You will never know when that one more embrace, dance, or moment will be the last. If I had known when I woke you would be gone I would not have let go so fast. You sparkled brighter than any star in the sky, I would give them all to hear you sing one more lullaby. My guardian angel, you are so dear. I am still wishing for you to appear, one final moment to have you right here. One day I will join you for a dance in the sky, until then I will never be the first to let go again or deny a kiss goodbye.

Nights full of laughter and conversations of nonsense, I’m falling for you there’s no stopping it. In every dimension our souls intertwine. I’m drowning in your ocean blue eyes. In your arms I lay at night. You are my home. You are my light. Let’s fall in love in every life.

Dear younger self,
I know you are sitting in that yellow chair wondering why mom never showed up. You’re feeling like you’re not worthy of love and wondering if there will ever be anyone in your life who won’t run away. You blame yourself for the adults that have failed you. I know it seems impossible but with time it will get better. You will find people who not only love you but make you feel safe. You find a husband who gives you the Cinderella story you dream of having. You no longer dream of running away and finding a better place. You’re in a space that’s full of peace and warmth. I know it’s not easy but it will all be worth it so, hang in there sweet girl all of your dreams will become a reality.
Sincerely,
Your future self.