The Ordeal

Call it what you want but I’m being straightforward,

I’m trying my hardest to focus on myself but there is always that part of me that has to vent my good vibes of love even though too much of a good thing can easily go bad.

Some can call it selfish I don’t care anymore,

I’m looking for someone I can always feel comfortable and proud showering with care and inviting to places and events two friends can’t just go to.

I’m not saying it ever has to be more than a beautiful friendship, neither am I saying we can’t have other friends or interests.

I’m saying that I prefer to work on myself and have that one person to escape with whom I can rely on to be considerate and honest with me.

Well aware of circumstances I wouldn’t have to be more than a friend emotionally I would only suffer in moments of weakness where I confuse what I want with how I think I feel.

In my best headspace, I know that I will forever crave bonding on a personal level with this one person we focus on only each other in that sense. I know the reality that life happens things and people change and so do the things we want and how we feel.

But all of that is just an attempt to be safe and cautious about the passion that burns within my soul.

At heart I want to ignite a connection with someone that will change our lives forever I want to fail and lose in front of someone who won’t see it as weak until I win but see it as the strength in my character to keep walking in the rain until I reach the other side of the storm.

Truthfully I don’t know who I’m wishing for or when I will find them but I’m at a place where I know how much having someone right there in that place will mean to me I know that I’ve so far with people who weren’t capable of holding up and sometimes nobody there at all.

I’ve messed up good things before,
I’ve fumbled many bags,
I’ve sold many wins,
I still haven’t quit,

This is more than sexual desire,
This is more than craving intimacy,
This is more than needing a partner,
This is more than trying to fill voids,
This is more than a me thing,
I’m not sure what this feeling is but I know for a fact that I will never stop feeling this until that one is found.

All I’m saying is,
For now, let’s dance,
For now, let’s Sing,
For now, Let’s Party,
For now, let’s dress up and go out,
For now, Let’s Eat,
For now, let’s just enjoy the moments in life we might miss focusing too far down the road,
For now, let’s just be right here where we are and go from there,
Forget what all these success gurus and mentors are saying and whatever all these successful and famous people said they did before they got to where they are.

We have our own stories to write let’s not plagiarize anyone’s life of success and live right where we are.

All I’m saying is for now let’s focus on one foot in front of the other and see where we go.

Dear, Unsealers:

It’s the first day of the month of May.

April seemed to go by quickly. As one does when they participated in National Poetry Writing Month.

The calendar resets for the next thirty-one days. Spring is in full bloom.

With the opening day of the month being a Wednesday, I welcome the month by way of haiku, an imperfect one…

As the fifth month begins
Thirty one new days arrive
A welcome, to May!

When you feel caught in a vacuum
Because people didn’t see the value,
You brought to the kitchen table,
Won’t change the fact that,
You are more than capable.
Your worth is immeasurable.
You are very valuable.

In a world that may seem unstable,
Don’t let doubt make you retract,
You have the power to impact.
You are stronger than you think,
And you are more than enough.
You are loved even on the days you feel worse. 


Keep running.
Always believe in yourself, don’t hesitate,
You have the potential to create.
I know you can do it!
See, you’re already doing it!
 
Give yourself grace
To run your own race.
If you keep the faith alive,
I know you will survive.

-From Reflections of a Hopeful Romantic by Stephanie Anyaoha

The maze of life, we wander, we strive,
Through twists and turns, where paths collide,
Each step a dance of pain and joy,
As we chase dreams that hope employ.
Through valleys deep and mountains high,
We journey on, beneath the sky,
With hearts that ache and souls that yearn,
For the lessons learned at every turn.
In the darkest of times,
We stumble, we fall,
Sometimes we even lose our sight,
But from the shadows, once more we emerge,
With newfound strength,
After every storm, comes a surge.
For in the depths of despair we find, The resilience of humankind.
We rise from ashes, refusing to fold,
A testament to faith and resilience—cheers to the courageous and bold
For growth is not a straight-lined path,
It’s up and downs, twists, and turns
But we find our way, becoming free at last
So let us cherish the journey we choose,
For they remind us who we are and what happens if you refuse to lose,
A testament to our strength and grace
Yes, we rise and fall, yet rise again and again…
Knowing that trouble won’t last always and if you don’t give up, you will win.
So ride life’s wave, in God’s embrace.
Trust your path—you’ve got what it takes.

The stars, my brothers & sisters,
How much I miss all thee
To see you, shiny, bright optimists –
Such a deep positivity to guide.

So many of you all, those stars –
The houses, cities, industries, beings
Dull you now, and so, so few
of you shine as bright, barely gleaning.
Now, not as many of you
Illuminate and shining to inspire
Amongst the rest of mankind.
I miss seeing you as I did back there . . .

I lay there in the vast school valley
No major lights, here third world style.
Cast myself away from the US, I fled,
practically now an exile.
I came to understand more of the world
Wanting to see if I can do any good.
Lying, wishing to be in the space purl,
There in the dark of the African continent.
I smile with peace and such ease
While looking up at those grand stars,
Milky Way, galaxies, while a scant breeze
waves across my skirt and the tall grass.

My Earthly Family, those stars
mine, yours, our representative.
This view, this experience,
I rushed over, not so tentative/
To learn so much, but the stars
Illuminated the sky and world
So much brightness and loveliness,
and so much did unfurl.
I’ll never feel like this again.

Those days over in Tanzania
will forever last in memory
That life, those stars, now as unglistened
In this sky so uncomplimentary

Sharing now that life is short.
I’ll enjoy it as best as I did under
The Tanzania stars and sky.

Following down a path
that was out of the ordinary.
Discovering herself threw all the wrath
Bouncing around such as a fairy.
The harmfulness inside
can consume her on the daily
She is no longer trying to hide
Realizing she probably was never gaily.
The spark of who she is becoming
Is bright within
Hearing the constant humming
Without all of the sin.
This girl is giving it her all
never worried on if she will fall.

Looking into the mirror
I see the smile from her.
The find feels clearer
I finally found where you were.
Noticing the smile
That follows around.
Anyone could spot it from a mile
Finding what startled her from the ground.
Did I mention the bliss
From you walking through that door.
It’s safe you will not be a dismiss
We are ready to explore.
The possibilities that are within
Not that I no wear you thin.

The spirit takes my soul back
to a day that was not long ago.
Sitting on a rack
as if there’s something that needed a show.
Remembering key phrases
that I would say.
The body raises
to realize it was my favorite day.
Twos flooded the room
as I would turn to you.
Watching our love start to bloom
then it was my cue.
Waking to the realization
there’s no need for any hesitation.

Why can’t we all get along
We act like this or that person don’t belong
Making others feel out of place
Never seeing the hurt behind the smile on their face
Why do we spread more hate then love
Thinking there are others we’re above
We forget we all are human with our own flaws
Wasting more energy spreading hate like it’s in our laws
We just need to love and care for one another
Treat all like they are your sister or brother.
See that’s the key to world peace
Only if hatred would seem to forever cease.

Please know that I am here,
Right by your side,
Even though you don’t see me near,
I promise I’m not that far behind.
Your love follows me everywhere,
As it will for years,
Were the perfect pair,
The couple everyone fears.
Some wish they were us,
But they don’t know what we’ve been through,
Even though they think they do when they discuss,
If they only had a clue.
That does not matter my love,
As you were the one who came and saved me from above.

“I’m not concerned with your liking or disliking me… All I ask is that you respect me as a human being”- Jackie Robinson. So, you want to be a human or citizen don’t let the hurt they have caused define your worth, rise above. I will not let their words push me down before I am taking advantage of my love. Don’t let them make you unhappy and give away your affection. Life lessons taught me, seek respect not perfection. You think this is the world and you are just a product of their environment, and you cannot make it. It will be inevitable that God just allows you to enjoy the moment. Stop being always available to people who are just there for you when it’s convenient for them. et me be clear, my love is unconditional but your presence in my life is not. The moment you prove that the value of me does not measure up to yourself worth, I’ll have no problem unconditionally loving the memory of you and moving on. If they walk away, let them go. If they don’t value you
enough to work through the hard times, they don’t deserve all the good times. And you gotta read between the lines I’m searching for a way to heal all the last rhymes.

“You don’t ‘make’ someone stop treating you badly. You walk out of their lives and stay out of their lives, and viola…the bad treatment stops. “I can’t control your behavior, nor do I want that burden… but I will not apologize for to be disrespected or to be mistreated I have standards, step
up or step out.” -Steve Maraboli.

A person doesn’t have to only drain you with arguments and fights. they can drain you with lack of communication, lack of trust, lack of respect, lack of empathy, lack of apologizing, lack of acknowledgement and lack of fulfilling your love language know the truth. And I’m caught in a circle of footprints and misfits. By your mistakes no matter how hard you try to fix. Rise up from the hurt, find strength to eclipse. Don’t let the conflict break you that’s a common enemy. Make sure you respect your partner more than you love them, because you can cause a lot of damage to them while still loving them: When you respect them, you’ll think about them before you make any move, and you’ll think about the impact it will have on them. That’s why you have to make a choice don’t let their toxicity condemn. You’re afraid to make amends. What’s the point of being friends? When all you do is pretend. But be certain to make your mind up and get up and bite your tongue. If you want to give up, I don’t want to say goodbye. And you have something your mind tells you otherwise why. If you don’t make the same mistakes you did, that you feel you are lying when you don’t have the time to be lucky. Whenever you’re in doubt and make up just believe that things will work out.
It doesn’t matter what you’ve been through and how much you’ve been doused.
I’ll break free from the hurt and find bliss.
Only the broken can be fixed.
It’s never too late to realize there’s more to life than this.
There’s a whole world out there to explore, don’t miss. You are just stranded and stopped and blinked. I know it’s hard to believe but, follow your own instinct.
I’ll make my own path and never be extinct.
Take a chance and let your true colors link.
You’re a diamond in disguise, show your inner aspect.
Just like a poetic gift we will make it. When you look in the mirror, everything will be cleansed.
In this life, strive for love and respect and have no regrets.

Growing up I never got the talk about the birds and the bees
Are those the people that find happiness sexually?
Living in a single parent household
I had nothing but love that surrounded me
The joy of spending time with my family
Always brought pure happiness to me
Even though I lacked my father’s presence
I appreciated each and every thing my mom did for me
The variations of what makes me happy
Truly varies from day to day
But most importantly I am happy that God saw fit to wake me up today
The opportunity to make the world a better place
By spreading positivity and living in my purpose
Makes me feel blessed to say the least
Finding love and being loved
Allows me to be prosperous with spreading love daily
I used to say my smile doesn’t often dictate my happiness
These days I add to people’s happiness
By providing great customer service to them adding a smile goes a long way
It makes a huge difference in people’s day
My happiness isn’t always contingent on others
But it sure feels great when I’m happy
And I spread happiness endlessly to those around me
How did I forget to mention that poetry and music also brings me happiness
Being able to write and share my story with people near and far
Is a dream come true
A journey worthy of praise
‘Cause people sometimes tear you down
When they don’t support your vision
Lacking happiness hinders their judgement
Or they don’t understand how to clap
Even if they aren’t the one winning at the moment
Without question music has always been
A vital part of me
Whether it was inspiring me to write poetry
Or my calm when I needed reassurance
It has got me through good days and sad days
Whether it was the melody, beat, lyrics or artist
I always admired how I could relate it to me
Finding happiness in all that I do and the people that surround me
Makes me know that I embody happiness just by being me
So let me ask you:
What does happiness mean to you?