Well, to put it simply, “nothing,” said Jake for 25 years of his life. Now, in the middle of his 26th year around the Sun, it’s SOMETHING: more than SOMETHING, add an S after that G!
Bear with me, as I invite you to think about a time you could not help but compare: for me, that is every day! Every day, I think of someone who is better than me, whether it be getting to the top of a physical mountain or the mountain that is my mind, telling me to not write this story because I’m not going to win the contest for $350.
“I don’t want to fail, someone’s going to have a better story… this is to much! Oh Jake, you went to Hofstra University for a graduate degree in Sports Journalism, and you make a mistake that is equivalent to forgetting to breathe! Have you heard of google? You know, it’s only your life preserver when it comes to knowing anything in this world; you are not Bill Gates! After all, your initials do indicate that you’re “just average”. You will never be Bill gates! That is the old Jake April aka “Just Average.”
Don’t worry, I did not call myself that, but I do know how to dramatize… I guest the award I should win is: Best Actor because the way I dramatize is not “Just Average”, it’s better!
Better is what I want to focus on here: better is a word I would use all the time. Quite frankly, I still do!
Now though, I’m not going to say I’m better than any of you. I’m not going to lie, do I think I should win the contest because mine is not better compared to all of you? Heck yes… you should think yours is better, too. What it comes down to is: not winning the money, but how did I do? Not how did YOU do; I ALREADY WON! WHY? Doing my BEST is the MONEY; I did NOT leave any lose change for me to look down to!
As I wrap this up, the climax of this story is: did I lift the Strongest Weight I Could Today, And Not Compare It to You.
So, what is my strongest suit; it is not to compare my cards to you. As the famous Randy Pausch said, “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” In life we are all dealt different hands!
Jake!!! You are so right! You should always compare yourself only to yourself and never anyone else. Keep getting better. Keep growing. I love Randy Pausch. Funny you quoted him, I was just talking about him. You are strong because you show up. You keep trying and working and growing! And that’s amazing!!!!! Keep being you Your time will come. <3…
It is because of you and The Unsealed that I have realized my value in life. I hope EVERYONE understands that you ALL have value UNSEALED POTENTIAL! PUN INTENDED!!
Jake, this message is so good. Your strength is being yourself and not letting comparisons affect others around you and yourself. In this world, a lot of people compare and contrast and that doesn’t help them get stronger but weaker. Great letter.
Yes!! You should never compare yourself to anyone else. Life is way to short to live in the image of someone else. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Dear world,
From a young age, I knew you would be challenging. When my mother decided that a fun life was the better life for her and left me alone at age 2, I knew I had to be strong. The fears, the tears, the pain of crying alone at night I waited, I waited for someone to come show me that you were a safe place again. At 3, I got to “begin again.” My grandmother’s gentle and loving hugs and comforting arms held me at night, and she sang to me. The tears over the years began to cleanse my heart and I learned that love was safe. Untill I became an adult and made a terrible, life changing mistake. Altering my belief of what true love was.
I became weak when his words slashed my soul to pieces and his powerful hands marked my face and body with imprints from his rage. I lived in a cage. I was locked up in the darkness and had to dig myself out of his prison. The night everything went black, after his final attack, I had 3 children to live for.
With the first blow to my head, I begged him to let me live, and he laughed at me. I fought. I had to be strong. His angry hands took me down, I didn’t think that I could fight any longer, harder, yet I did, and I survived his powerful blow to my head. Because I was strong. My will to survive became my power and when I woke up I knew it was the beginning of the end. I was determined to live that night. That night my grandmothers car and my grandmother became my safe place once again. My babies were safe. We were safe in her arms once again. I looked in the mirror and saw the patchwork bruising that he left all over my face. I cried and I cussed. I looked up for the first time in years, and said to myself “I’m strong enough to survive this” I didn’t give up, when I wanted to give in. My life has not been beautiful, but I am still here, and thanks to my strength, every morning when I wake up, I get to begin again.
Michelle – I am so very sorry for the hurt and the trauma you had to endure both as a baby and as an adult. Your grandmother sounds like a beautiful and wonderful woman, who passed her strength down to you. I love this line, “I’m strong enough to survive this.” You are incredibly strong and I am so glad you were able to remove yourself from…read more
Michelle, I’m so sorry that you had to go through all those things. No one deserves to treat such a precious human being or any human being like that in general. You are so strong to continue to hold yourself up high. I’m sure going through that was so hard. Your life will get better and I’m glad that you were strong enough to share your story.
There is a grieving process that comes with healing that isn’t often talked about, but I think it should be. Coming to a place where you can see yourself without judgement, even if it is for a fleeting moment, is something magical; but stepping into that space when you never thought you’d get there is an entirely different experience. Although I am happy to be at a place where I feel present and grateful in my life, when I look back on that young girl whose nervous system was in such a hyperactive state that she was never present to create many memories, my heart aches for her. I can’t help but grieve the loss of that time and those memories.
I lost years of my life to anxiety, to a constant state of trying to protect myself from everything in the world, while trying to appear as perfect as possible to avoid any conflict or hate, as I already had enough of that going on internally. I lived my life for other people, whether it was me constantly saying “yes” when I truly meant “no,” or over-extending myself to make sure I was liked by everyone. I always thought that I was too annoying or too anxious and crazy for anyone to want to deal with. I also felt like my anger was uncontrollable sometimes and I had no idea how to deal with it, and since I had zero understanding about my brain or mental health, I just internalized all of my problems and my self-esteem continued to diminish.
I’d have constant breakdowns and my boyfriend would be there to pick me up off the floor…I felt so helpless. I remembered looking at up at him with tears streaming down my cheeks and blurting out: “I just don’t know why I’m not happy! I have you, I have my cats, our apartment, my job… why don’t I feel happy?” I even tear up now as I write this, because I can almost feel that same emptiness in my chest in this moment of remembering it. I didn’t understand why I felt this way, and why I was treating the person I loved the most in unloving ways. After years of being completely against anti-depressants, I started my google search for psychiatrists who were in-network with my insurance and proceeded made my appointment. I honestly was under the impression that they were like psychologists who could prescribe medication if they felt it was necessary, but this one talked to me for about fifteen minutes and prescribed me Zoloft.
I want to say that I truly believe medication saved my life, and I don’t think I could have done the healing I did without it, but Zoloft was not the one for me. To be fair, I did say I wanted to turn off the overwhelming flares of emotion that took me over so often, but once I actually felt like I had no emotions, I quickly changed my mind about that. This was only the start of a long journey of being on and off medications until I finally decided to get back on a new medication and truly dedicated time to working on my mental health. I knew the medications were just a “Band-Aid”, and if I ever wanted to be able to feel regulated without them, I would need to get to the root cause of the issue.
That dedication took a lot of courage, and I can truly say that I my strength today comes from the fact that in my absolute lowest time in life, I was able to see a hopeful future where I could live with my anxiety, and I decided to take steps to work towards it. Not only that, but as I continue to progress through life, I am actively working on practicing “non-judgement” with myself and learning to love all of me as I continue to grow and evolve. I also find strength in my openness about my mental health, as I know how horrible it felt to be alone in my chaotic mind. Being open and vulnerable with the world is to show everyone that it is nothing to be ashamed of. I know that everyone goes through their own traumas and has their own healing to do, and I feel that we all need to give ourselves a little more grace as we navigate through this unpredictable life.
Today I feel strong as I am able to share my story publicly, and I am a lot more confident as I work towards being my best self. I feel strong that I have learned how to take criticism and understand not to take things personally. I feel strong in the fact that I am aware that I do not have all the answers and that I only know what is best for me and my life. I feel strong knowing that I will forever be growing and evolving and it is okay to change my mind and/or perspective. Overall, I feel strong knowing that I can truly do anything that I put my effort into, and I believe that is true for all of us.
Jena – You DEFINITELY can do anything you put your mind to. As I have mentioned before, I too struggled with anxiety growing up. Starting at five years old, I would get horrible stomachaches and throw up. I think back on my childhood and get sad on how many days I wasted feeling sick when that didn’t have to be the case. But I do my best to learn…read more
Jena, I understand everything that you went through and you are so strong for that. I myself had anxiety and the feeling wasn’t pleasant. I would have series of depression that would lead into anxiety and then I would get severe panic attacks I was prescribed with medication but I didn’t really trust it. I felt like my body would get used to it…read more
We are living through soooo many social revolutions.
So I felt it was time to share…
I am In a Throuple.
Mediation, Prayer, and me are getting prettyyyy serious.
Meditation, prayer, and I?
I are prettty serious? I am pretty serious?
Okay I think you get the point.
I needed to share my thoughts.
That’s what this message is going to be about… sharing my thoughts with spirit that is. The energy that makes strong. My sine qua non, without which there is nothing.
I’m currently at level 8,766 in this video game I call life and I found the cheat code of the century.
Polygamy! Well spiritual polygamy. The active relationship between me, meditation. And prayer!
A while back, I was reading the newspaper, and there is a quote in the print that says “you cannot only love America when you win”
And I apply this sentiment to our relationship. Meditation , prayer, and… myself.
I can’t only be okay with life when things are going well.
I can’t ONLY pray and meditate when I’m at extreme highs or lows.
The same way I can’t just give up on my most serious relationships when things get tough. This is when I feel the strongest. When I let vulnerability shine through.
Remembering this gets easier as I practice to live with Intent. The bad stuff keeps happening but I am a lot more equipped to approach each moment with kindness and understanding.
So I guess, what I’m tryng to say is:
Date around with spirituality.
If your faith does not wake you up and make you feel full of gratitude and understanding for others, then maybe it’s not right for you!!
I’ve found that my relationship with Spirit has only become stronger since I stopped going to church. I’d even say I’m a better person now that I’m finding ways to walk in my divine light as ME.
Namasté.( The Spirit in Me Sees The Spirit in You)
Dauphine, This is so creative. A healthy relationship should be supportive and consistent and make your life better. It sounds like meditation and prayer do just that. I hope the three of you live happily ever after together :). Thank you for sharing, and thank you for being a part of our community. <3 Lauren
Dauphine, the title and the picture to this letter threw me off. I was shocked to see if you were in a throuple. This letter is really creative and an attention grabber because you definitely fooled me. Meditation and prayer and you developing a relationship with it is a good trait to have. You don’t look at the physical side but the spiritual s…read more
she’s naturally the girl that people talk to.
people see her
and open up with a little joke
or anecdote.
they feel her
and know that she is peace.
she is safety
she is a temporary home
for the fleeting feels
and thoughts
that are bursting to escape from their heads
they know she’ll politely smile
and keep them safe
allowing a tidbit of advice to come through
if they are willing to pay the price
a small fee
in the form of
identifying and accepting
what it is that she sees in them
because she connects to them so deeply
her eye is trained
to see right through their exterior
and the initial few layers guarding their interior
all the way to what lies deeper inside
they see her and open up
Because for once in their life
They know, they don’t have to hide.
there’s no need for the disguise
or to fight the urge
of the people pleaser who lives in all of us.
for once, she makes them feel ok
to not think about “us”.
her vibrational pull
and gentle nature
make them gravitate toward her
because they know she did nothing to lure.
she seeks nothing from them
but has the capacity to give everything,
yet very few ever give in to greed
because just a few seconds in her presence
given them all that they need.
to answer the question.
the thing that makes me strong is
Alacia, True Empathy is such a beautiful quality have and it requires so much strength because it requires you to live life with an open heart. Thank you for sharing this sweet poem. Thank you for adding so much goodness to the world and for being a part of The Unsealed family. <3 Lauren
Empathy is the super power we need for collective healing. The world is in a lot of pain right now, but I’m hopeful. Thank you for your kind words, Lauren! <3
Alacia, empathy is a strong trait to have because you’ll be able to help someone and let them rely on you for the ability to understand their feelings. That’s truly such a great trait to have because it shows how much you care about others. Keep showing empathy.
C.S. Lewis wrote “to love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.” When I think about the question what makes me strong it is the ability to be vulnerable yourself and others even when your heart has been broken. To choose to be seen and known, even when it is hard. As I look at my own heart I see the bruises and blood oozing from it indicating the hurt that others have inflicted on me. However I also how it glimmers with hope, how it is still malleable, how it is still vulnerable despite what it has endured.
Friends have chosen to cut ties me for reasons I do not know or understand. While not having an explanation or a chance to defend myself still stings, I have become more appreciative of the small tribe of people who surround me with love, support, and encouragement. I do everything I can to let them know how much they mean to me and how much I value our friendship. Instead of choosing to self-isolate, I choose community.
I try to be 100% honest and real about the grief that I face. I do not hide away my tears even if it may make others uncomfortable. These tears are borne out of love for the one I have lost—a mix of wonderful memories and bittersweet emotions. The grief has made me more aware. I unite my grief with that of others who are grieving. I also work to comfort them and help them find hope and healing, even as I myself work to find comfort, hope, and healing after loss.
I have been bullied for most of my life. Despite this fact I do not seek revenge on those who have wronged me, in fact it’s not even an option. Instead I use those experiences to help bring awareness to the bullying that goes on in schools and other places and in doing so make you, world, a better and safer place to live. Even so I humbly admit that I am not perfect and that I do need God’s help to forgive the people who have broken my heart. Being able to see the ways that you need to grow and improve shows true strength.
In the past year or so I have had to learn how to ask for help when I need it. I have had to delve deeper into my own story, and my own emotions. I’ve had to become my own protector when no one will come to my defense. And though I know I still have work to do I think it is the process of becoming a more confident, whole, and healed version of myself shows strength.
My refusal to sit in the shadows and let life make me bitter, but to instead choose to blossom and become a better version of myself is my greatest strength.
For so long world you have told me that strength is how much weight you can lift. Your definition of strength made me think of superheroes who could lift more than their own body weight and carry out heroic feats, therefore I never considered myself as strong. But as I have gotten older I have found freedom in refuting your definition of strength and letting my own definition evolve. I have discovered that there is strength in vulnerability. And I am learning to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable has been the greatest risk, but it will be the greatest reward.
Hannah – I am so sorry you were bullied. My best friend , who I have known since I am 14, just told me last weekend that she was badly bullied in middle school and I never knew. When someone is mean to you it says everything about them and NOTHING about you. I have also had friends come and go – sometimes that’s just life. The people who matter…read more
So sorry for a delayed response. I am just catching up on posting and commenting. Work has been busy. Bullying can be really overt or it can be very subtle, or it can be a mix of both. In high school there was a boy who was making trouble in class so the teacher sat him next to me. He started making comments that didn’t come across…read more
Hannah, you are a very strong person. A lot of people may look at being vulnerable as a weakness but it is a strong suit. No one can stop you from being vulnerable because a vulnerable person carries the trait of sympathy and empathy towards others. Even when others hurt them they may be heartbroken but they still stand strong and care for others.
I totally agree Kayjah that vulnerability requires empathy towards others. I always try to be empathetic towards anyone I meet cause I know that everyone is fighting a battle I know nothing about. I also try to be compassionate towards others. I want to help mend hearts that I did not break.
Jake!!! You are so right! You should always compare yourself only to yourself and never anyone else. Keep getting better. Keep growing. I love Randy Pausch. Funny you quoted him, I was just talking about him. You are strong because you show up. You keep trying and working and growing! And that’s amazing!!!!! Keep being you Your time will come. <3…
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Thanks, Lauren!
It is because of you and The Unsealed that I have realized my value in life. I hope EVERYONE understands that you ALL have value UNSEALED POTENTIAL! PUN INTENDED!!
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Jake, this message is so good. Your strength is being yourself and not letting comparisons affect others around you and yourself. In this world, a lot of people compare and contrast and that doesn’t help them get stronger but weaker. Great letter.
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Yes!! You should never compare yourself to anyone else. Life is way to short to live in the image of someone else. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
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