Dear Unsealers:

I start each day with something brewing. Literally.

I rip open the bag of tea and pour the hot water in my cup. As the cup steeps, the aromas reach my nose. Scents of Jasmine, Bergamot and Peppermint take hold. I open the box of tea and see so many options, with bags having a specific color assigned to them. It’s like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, right down to the black and gold embossing on the Harney and Son’s box.

But the cup of tea matters to me more than just simply having something warm in my body on wintry days.

In each cup of tea that I brew, I feel a sense of peace. I do not get started on the litany of reschedule case requests until I finish my cup of tea at my desk. Otherwise, it’s the sign to everyone that I’m taking a moment for myself.

The cup of tea, as is, is enough for me. I don’t add milk, cream or sugar to it. I don’t make it sweet, except for a drop or two of honey.

Having tea as a part of my day goes back a long way.

From my college days, when I would pop into the Starbucks around the corner from John Jay College’s campus to order a cup before class began. To my first taste of my favorite type of tea, Jasmine Green during afternoon tea at the Athenaeum Hotel in London in October 2012. At my previous job, I would go to markets and bodegas to bring in multiple boxes of tea to have a range of options over the course of the work week. This ritual lasted for my eight years of employment there.

The cup of tea has made a comeback in recent days. From spending my birthday last December being with pots of tea at the Warren Street Hotel. To the boxes of tea from Palais des Thés that my friend Umara gifted me for my birthday and Christmas gifts. The Advent Calendar had a bag of tea for every day that led up to Christmas Eve. The green and gold box added a dose of holiday spirit to my desk each morning.

I’m so grateful that I decided to re-introduce this ritual to my morning routine.

I need to find my moments of peace when I can in this hectic world that we live in. Having a cup of tea in the morning helps toward that goal.

I think about my fears when I’m crocheting,
Why is my anxiety here? It is dismaying!
With each breathe my heart beats faster,
What do I do – force fake laughter?
My brain shoots thoughts at lightning speed,
It grows louder and louder. Silence is a need.
I hate to dwell on my losses, but
Here is where my depression and anxiety crosses.
With the hook I stab the yarn,
On my heart, pain carves a scarred tarn.
I don’t know why this moment is full of stress;
I close my eyes and I pray to be blessed.
I no longer want to feel like my crochet hook,
Stuck in a web of knots, lost on what way I should’ve took.
So instead I clear my mind,
There’s a lot up here; so it might take some time.
I throw away my financial worries,
While my self doubt scurries.
I will no longer be prisoner to my thoughts,
I untangle a mind full of knots.
I rebuke every negative thought that come my way,
Because my Lord’s presence is here to stay.
I lift my eyes to the mountains,
Through faith I will possess an endless fountain.
I continue to weave my yarn,
Calmer now, because peace has been borne.

Style Score: 100%

Same principle as-Dear John.
You are not leaving, So-I will!
You tell me so much-untrue,
So I am divorcing and leaving you!
Not married to you, nor addictions few-
You won’t go, won’t budge, So-I will move!

Though I have no idea how,
My learns of Jesus-He makes free,
Giving me rest… And He will best teach me,
How to defeat your homemade nest of Glee.
The one you built for years on end,
A false comfort-false feeling friend…
You was/is/am not who I thought-
You’re lying surviving, dread to me brought.

You can have me no more!
No reason any longer to fear myself,
For I don’t control me anymore -Jesus does!
Under His umbrella of Grace-
I’m found and completely safe!

Fear… whence comest thou?
I know not-though we are parting ways…
No evil to fear for the rest of my days!
No lies beside me-Jesus keeps them away,
Though around the bend you may sit at Bay-
I see thee far off and turn to you deaf ear,
You seek but don’t find… Your voice I cannot hear!

No words to you I have of my own,
Because Jesus true-builds me a new home!
You cannot have my kids, you cannot have my wife-
For you are dead my old cheating friend…
Because Jesus has ended your life!

I’ve already known fear,
Now it’s time to know God-
And fear cannot win because…

2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, of love, and of a sound of mind.

… This promised fact I trust and love!!!

The excuses are old, it is time to be bold,
as the new year makes its debut.

Wipe away your tears, celebrate with cheers,
today we start our goals anew.

Every step of the way, you are going to be okay,
if you truly believe it to be.

Never stop striving, one day you will be thriving,
And the whole world will flock to see.

Today marks the beginning, don’t dream about the ending,
Because the magic is in the journey.

Yesterday is over, the due date is in October,
This book will be my testimony.

There were troubling times, and halted strides,
That came between my goals and I.

When my name is stamped, my success can set up camp,
And I can burn my mark in the sky.

Encouragement is needed, to prevent becoming defeated,
I pray all self-doubt away.

New opportunities close, your writing exposed,
If you keep the depression at bay.

Try every single day, like it’s your last card to play,
And the provisions will be plenty.

You already know, that once you go,
You are going to be the rawest in the city.

Fire photography, stunning cinematography,
Beyond the horizon your success looms.

I believe in you, damn who thinks it’s true,
Your business WILL boom.

Visions will turn reality, all due to your originality,
My dreams will make my name a brand.

End of twenty-twenty five, my dreams will be alive,
And it will be time to expand.

The year is slowly approaching its end
And I have so many great memories
It’s hard to choose only one
But I do notice one commonality
All my favorite memories of 2024
Start and end with you
My Bae and I
Did vision boards to start the year
I surprised her with a Valentine’s Day date
To see B. Simone
Later in February
We ended up going to see
Elevation Worship and Steven Furtick
We laughed a lot
At We Them One’s Comedy Tour
Hosted by Mike Epps
We missed each other for days
That turned to months
Until we were reunited for my birthday trip
To Phoenix, Arizona
That started off a little rough
But ended up with plenty of sun
Rest, relaxation and quality time
Then in September
We ended in Houston, Texas
For a much needed escape
Great food and the Waterfall Park
Were just a few highlights
Until you drove countless hours to Atlanta, Georgia
For One Music Fest 2 day music festival
Sexxy Red was a no show
But GloRilla did her thing
We had a blast
Until the trip had to come to an end
Now it’s December
You are here at my side
As the holidays aren’t the same
I’m thankful we get to spend them together
As we both are missing our Moms
This is the best time of year
And the best moment of the year
Is truly you being with me
When all I need is your support
Going to see the tree
At Rockefeller center
Brought back the Christmas spark I’ve missed
So thank you Bae for being a part of making 2024 a blessing!

More goals are ahead
I feel led
To achieve them
One at a time
To reach each finish line
The stars are slowly aligning
I’ve seen the sharp lightning
After years of mixed messages
And confusing paths
Thanks to outdated maps
But the life game is slowing down
No more feeling like I had drown
In a sea of confusion
More books are on the way
After finally finishing my first one this year
I cheer with happy tears
Continuing to pursue my Bachelor’s Degree
At UMGC
Will be another goal that I strive to work on
Getting more involved in The Unsealed again,
is a goal I hope to work on through baby steps
If more goals come along
I welcome them with a big hug
May we all
Stand tall
To end 2024
On a high note

As we dance around the sun once again
I will demonstrate my love for you
And I will listen
Every sign
Every metaphor
Body
You are wise
I will learn more from you
Things I cannot see with my eyes
Feel with my hands
You talk to me
And I’ll stay curious
A sore stomach
And ache in my head
Sweaty palms
The fast paced beating of my heart
The signals that you send to me
I will slow down
And I will be listening
For your wisdom
This is the year
Body and soul
Dance together in time

I learned that pain turns into shame and shame turns into secrets,
So I found my purpose to turn my pain into poetry
By feeling all of my feelings because on the other side of them is freedom, hope, and healing.
The freedom to express vulnerability with every breath I take
because the grace of God reminds me that I’m priceless and the apple of God’s eye.

This kinky, curly-headed brown skin
Adorned in the richness of my Nigerian roots unfurls the saying, “Naija no dey carry last.”
With every strand of my hair has a story to be told
lies in my DNA with wisdom, to carry light in the midst of darkness.
So you see, I’m freer than I’ve ever been to paint not some but all the colors of me
like blue that whispers peace, like the calm waters and the skies.
Red to represent my love, passion, and fearless spirit that shines so bright.
Purple to remind me that I’m kin to His royal blood that runs through my veins,
And gold to represent the beautifully broken pottery that was nursed back to life,
looking more exquisite than ever before.

I heard that without revelation, there is no transformation,
Like the transformation that has eyes glued to the mirror, looking past me, at the past me.
Since I discovered that the best art comes by embracing the pain,
So it’s why I write these poems to prove that my trauma didn’t bury me; it planted me to thrive,
Like a tree planted by the rivers of living water, which captures not some but all of the beauty of my brokenness.
Since I learned that pain, just like secrets, can only control you if you hold them within.

In this golden age of technology and social media, there are many things I am grateful for, and others that I could go without. I love sending people funny videos, but I despise the hateful comments underneath some. I love being able to recline the seats on a Costco leather couch, but when the seats get stuck, you’re left with an incredibly awkward positioned chair that requires a skillful maneuver to sit in it. No fun. But one thing I am incredibly grateful for is the feature on my phone that will send me “1 year ago, today” memories throughout the week. I scroll through and giggle at my antics or mourn the loss of my once long hair that nearly touched my bum less than a year ago. But those little slide shows and still moments invite me to reflect.
In those pictures, I see a girl who has no idea what is in store for her yet. She likes herself but isn’t ready to spend a night out alone with herself yet, or even 10 minutes in still silence for that matter.
In meditation, I visualize myself sitting down with her. We sit on my bed in the same places I always sit in with my friends when they come over. I tell her about my favorite moment I’ve had this past year, and she starts to look worried. She’s in disbelief that she would ever be able to muster up the courage to play out this memory I’ve described. But we did it, and there is no doubt in my mind that we’d do it again.
I used to say I had horrible social anxiety. Then my explanation turned into I am an introvert. Then it changed into “but those people are probably going to be there so I can’t go”, then it turned into, “I don’t have it in me to go,”. And those are the self-fulfilling bullshit prophecies I told myself for years every time there was something that I wanted to attend. But one night I saw a flyer for a concert that was going on. I liked the bands that were going to be playing, I had been to the venue before (a small little club with blue lighting and a Neapolitan style pizza by the slice Walk-up-Window right next door), and it was a themed concert. I adore any function that has a costume mandatory dress code. I looked at the date on the flyer to see if I was free. To no avail, the concert was that evening. I instantly jumped to “Well that’s a bummer, I guess I can’t go,” and went on with my day. But I couldn’t stop thinking about how fun it sounded. So, I texted my friends one by one asking if anyone wanted to go with me. But no one was free to go since it was so last minute and on a random weeknight. So once again, I excepted my defeat and tried to get excited for another mundane night in. But something in me just wouldn’t let the idea go.
I looked at the flyer once again and read that the theme was Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Like, come on. How could I pass up the opportunity to dress like a whimsical being and dance my little butt off to some punk music. The idea of going alone made me want to throw up. This was an incredibly social scene. It’s a college town so that means everyone usually came to these things in groups of four to five people. A duo was even a little rare let alone someone standing all by themselves. The fear of perception began to wrap it hands around my throat, and I nearly muttered another pathetic, “I don’t have it in me”, but I just wasn’t buying what that prophecy was trying to sell me. So, I put together a costume with approximately an hour before I had to leave, did my makeup, ate a quick snack, and said a prayer asking for courage and safety as I left my house and made my way to the venue. My stomach churned the whole way there. I couldn’t tell if it was excitement or nerves. But as cheesy as it was, one powerful and annoyingly catchy Chaka Khan song revealed to me that what I was feeling was excitement and equal parts empowerment. “I’m Every Women”, came on and I danced in my Subaru like I had tinted windows and an MTV music video appearance. I realized that it didn’t matter what people thought about me when they saw me standing alone in the club, I was going to have fun, and I was going to grow while doing so.
It was probably the most fun concert I had ever been too. I danced so hard my skirt nearly fell down and I was 99% sure I had whiplash. I had also talked to a lot of new people that were super fun and nice. I guess when you’re alone, people are way more likely to come up and talk to you. A lot of people even admired that I had come alone, saying things like “Wow, I’d never have the guts to do that,” or “My social anxiety could never,”. It made my entire night knowing that I got a taste of true confidence, but I also inspired other girls to give it a shot. Life is too darn short to not do what you want to do, and I am way to incredible to not become my own best friend. I think that is why this was my favorite moment of the year. I was there alone and there wasn’t a minute where I felt lonely. I whole heartedly enjoyed spending that night out with myself and letting go of anyone’s perceptions or judgements.
So, I learned I don’t have social anxiety. I am just on a journey of finding my confidence. I also learned I am not an introvert. But it’s also totally okay to honor when I need a break, and my social battery has run low. And yes, the world is small. Sometimes people who don’t like you are going to be somewhere you are. But as hard as it is, I am learning to release the fear of their judgement and hate. But most importantly, my “I don’t have it in me to go,” prophesy has now turned into a conversation that goes a little something like this. “Hey body. How are you feeling. Do you feel healthy and strong enough to go to this? Do you want to go to this? Is there anything stopping you? How can I support you through that?”, and I don’t think that would’ve been the case if I hadn’t shown up for myself and took myself out dancing on that random weeknight in October.

Dear Unsealers:

Dobar dan iz Dubrovnika!

It’s the afternoon of Friday, October 11th, 2024.

I’m walking along the city walls surrounding the old town of Dubrovnik. With each stick tap and every step, I can see more and more of the Adriatic Sea. The old town of the city is on the horizon. Red roofs as far as the eye can see.

This is the last day of a ten-day trip to Croatia. I don’t want to go back to NYC.

I’ve seen a bit of everything as we’ve moved along.

From the urban sprawl of the capital city in Zagreb. Gritty, quirky, and fiercely proud of its place in the Balkans. The shades of gray in the sky didn’t stop the sightseeing. From the Stone Gate to the Zagreb Cathedral, there are still signs of damage from the earthquake in 2020. To the Lotrščak Tower with a canon that fires every day at exactly noon. And the local delicacy, a cheese-filled pastry named Strukli complements all the pivo and lamb on offer.

A mishap happened during our tour of the Plitvice Lakes National Park. I nearly lost one of my hiking sticks in the lake but was able to recover it One step at a time, I was able to navigate the 2.5 mile hike in the rain.

As the trip moved on, the gray skies of the continent gave way to the coastal portions.

From Split and its starring role as the backdrop for Game of Thrones to departing the mainland for the island of Hvar. The moonlit skies in the harbor overlooking our hotel, with the islands of Brac and Korcula on the far horizon.

Here we are in Dubrovnik. It’s every bit as scenic as my mind thought it would be. The city walls surround the old town, tiled streets, and views of boats in the harbor leading excursions out to the other islands off the coast.

Thirty-eight of us are in this group, and I’m the only solo traveler. As in previous trips, I didn’t let that fact deter me from befriending the group. Everyone’s been so kind to me, especially our tour guide Nikoleta.

I released my first poetry book while this trip happened, “A Poetic Journey, Staying At Home” and to my wonder and amazement, everyone took a liking to me and to my poetry. In fact, there’s a bit of a surprise during the farewell dinner later this evening.

I was worried that there would be a letdown after the epic trip to Greece the year before. But thankfully, that didn’t materialize. This was a fast-paced trip, and I enjoyed every minute once I touched down in Zagreb.

I was able to forget the delayed flight to Munich from JFK and the fact that I missed my connection to Zagreb. When you have views of the Adriatic in front of you as I do, all the negativity gets pushed aside and the joy is what remains.

It’ll be tough to say zbogom Hrvatska!
But I leave Croatia in awe of this country and all of its beauty.

I hope to be back again soon, as there’s so much more to explore.

Ninety nine bottles of torture on the fall
I pick one up
Pass another round

Again darkness rides
I twinkle, glow n shine

Delicate soul, fragile heart
Shattered bones, creating art

Chewed up, spat out
Bread crumbs
I find my way about

For no one knows the ache that resides
A beautiful cover as assigned

Sealed with wishes
Thank you for your stitches

The torture of ninety nine bottles
Hello Role Model
Kisses

Dear little me, I’m sorry I hurt you.
But I don’t wish to take it back-
Because God likes taking trash, and recycle/reform…
He Loves you more than ever. I do though wish
I could have told you that-
While you were still…A fine strapping-young lad!
You know what they say, A chip off the ol’ block…
You had no regrets…without even a pair of socks!
You were so happy! Please forgive me,
I’m 45 yrs. old now-but you’re still crying inside of me…
it’s kind of embarrassing sometimes young Timothy.
But it’s also ok, Because you’re facing all this
stuffed down in your past-where high enough couldn’t exist…
You know you can come out of the waiting room now young man.

You now have gone, from beer, TV, and the old lady,
To Beautiful wine, woman, and song-Even though it’s really just grape juice…
On high demand at her command!
It’s ok, I got to get back to work-I’ll speak more when I’m done.
But yet till…Thank you for forgiving me…That’s your Super Powers!
And it’s all A-ok, Please believe me-that Super Power is in you!
You wouldn’t want doubt to steal it away from you, would you?
No way! for you’ve finally found your Savior, Shepherd, and King…
Jesus Christ the Holy Righteous One-never let your bad go to far,
in anything.

Do wish though-I could of told you then,
But you know man…I knew not then myself.

Love-your wife and kids’ hero.

*The glory of children are their fathers*
*And a Virtuous wife is the crown to her husband*
…Holy Bible