Don’t Give Up, It’s a Lie
I’ll tell you a story. Four years ago, I sat at the end of my chair at seven at night. I was tired, no exhausted, desperate, fearful, and as hopeless as I have ever felt in this false world, I built around me and played a make-believe character in, and I knew. I don’t know how I hadn’t known before. Maybe I had. Maybe I had always known. But right then I knew for sure.

It was a lie.

It was clearer to me in that moment than it had ever been before. I knew it without a doubt in my mind. I knew it and nothing and no one could ever change my mind.

It was a lie.

I did all the things you should do in that situation. I bent my head and covered my face and prayed. I prayed and I prayed and then I prayed some more. Tears streamed down my face, dripping on my shoes. The harder I prayed the more I knew.

It was a lie.

I had come to this place, this holy sanctuary three years earlier, searching, pleading for healing. I’d spent twenty-seven months on my knees in earnest prayerful repentance. I’d sat in circles surrounded on both sides by sexual addicts, pedophiles, and the sexually broken searching for healing. I’d listened for the voice of God to speak to me and fix my brokenness. To make me whole, make me straight. I’d sung songs, read verses, prayed endless prayers and nothing. But I tell you that night as my tears ran off the sides of my shoes and dripped to the floor, I knew.

It was a lie.

There was no amount of prayer or repentance that could make me straight. There was no sickness to heal in me. There was no sin to forgive. I was a lesbian not a sexual deviant, a lesbian. Everything they were telling me was false.

It was a lie.

Today I know as I did that night that I am whole just as I am. I’m not broken. I’ve heard a great deal about reparative therapy and trust me when I say it doesn’t work. Whatever else you read, whatever else you hear, remember this, it is not true. You cannot fix a homosexual and make them straight.

Don’t Give Up, It’s a Lie!

Perfectly Equal

Once upon a perfect day
All were equal in every way

Not color nor gender
Did prevent the render

Of kindness and care
Bestowed on everyone everywhere

In fact, all differences at hand
We celebrated in fashion most grand

And an impenetrable sphere
Protecting both straight and queer

And those dark skinned and light
Surrounded our earth, preventing a blight

Which threatened evil and strife
Upon this our most perfect life

For hate may have been the prequel
But equal would be the sequel

On this most perfect day
Conjured and imagined my way

My dear Lorinda, here’s to you
Some words of praise I feel you’re due

Too often quick to criticize
Much less likely to emphasize

The abundance of kindness, love, and grace
You thoughtfully grant those in your space

And opposite your gentle side
You’re a lioness who protects her pride

With fearless strength and fortitude
You don’t back down from any feud

I’m proud of the human you strive to be
And know you’ll continue to work on me

So, just like mom oft says to you
I love you so, Lorindy-Lou

2023

So much happened to me
In this year of twenty, twenty-three.
I got new hips for which to run
Each morning, each day, rain, or sun.
An essay of mine was published in a book.
I’m still quite sure I don’t like to cook.
My father’s progressed illness made me see
How unbelievably fragile this life can be.
Miss Mollie my sweet yorkie-poo
Turned six, in dog years, forty-two.
I ran in many races at varying paces.
And made friends with people from faraway places.
But the absolute best part of twenty, twenty-three
Was celebrating ten years with my wife, Sandy.

Parade participants dance and gyrate.
Snaking down the glittery rainbow street.
While drag queen’s sashay perfectly straight
Atop outrageously high heels, an incredible feat.

My eyes dart wildly from side to side.
Taking in ample amounts of bare skin
Of people unconcerned with a need to hide.
Of strangers marching closer than kin.

I breathe in the thickly weed scented air.
Feel the heat from the scorching asphalt.
I toss back my head without a care.
Unafraid of danger or assault.

On this particular day
There’s no hate for loving my own gender.
Surrounded by all the gay,
Love reigns in abundant splendor.

Five million gather to say thank you
For fifty years of Stonewall’s disquiet.
To honor and attest that which we hold true.
And to remember the first pride was a riot.