Dear Fear,

You don’t win. You can not win. You tried to make me feel small. You tried to make me feel unimportant. I feel like the default, but you lied! Fear you tried to control my life and defeat me. I feel like the last, the go to,the one to settle for .
I feel like the one you have when it is now or never. I feel like the default is what I am, but I realize that is not true, I can not let that happen. Fear, you don’t win! You have talked to me, too much and too long. I am tired of listening to you. You are a liar and have no power. Fear, I face you straight on with God holding my hand. I am strong because you fought me so hard, you helped build my muscles. You “DON’T WIN”!!!

With (my) Strongest Goodbyes,

God’s Child.

Movable joints, as if freshly greased.
My elbows and knees will move easily while I watch Sunsets in the East.
Silver shafts peak through honey brown, as if touched by a wand.
My hair will be healthy and shine even if I once was blonde.
Adrenaline shifts down to lower gears, even grinding to a halt.
My anxiety will melt away as I drink a strawberry malt.
Numbers steadily climb as they reach heights never dreamt of.
My bank account balance will stay full like the belly of a content dove.
Floating high into the clouds, light as a feather.
My heart will pitter patter as I read countless love letters.
Gravity bends light, and one can see for miles from atop the tallest mountain.
My pride will exude for my child from every cell as if it’s a perpetual fountain.
Spears, bullets and missiles soar through the atmosphere yet are deflected.
My armor will hold steady, and my inner peace will be protected.
Wood, stone, and concrete form a cocoon around a soft and warm oasis.
My heart will be content, as I learn to be satisfied with life’s basics.
Bombs diffuse as ancient frequencies encompass all that exists.
My ultimate wish comes true as I learn to surrender to life and simply no longer resist

When I ask the most intricate parts of myself what is the goal, they respond in the most sweetest and saddest way. “Lauryn you can either expand, be complacent or smaller”. Will this year be better the same or worse? I would most certainly love for the goal to be me expanding so wide there’s only room for the things that will benefit me. Expanding the uncomfortableness so much it pops into extraordinary memories that’s so vivid I can truly see. Doing things only the childhood Lauryn imagined. Don’t die Lauryn stay alive. That has always been the ultimate goal. When the pain is overwhelming me with doubts and fears of abandonment, confusion, control your emotions so they don’t swallow you whole. Let that be the goal. Being certain in my uncertainties has allowed me to envision the worst and best at times. Thinking 100 miles per hour, but moving so damn slow. Lauryn go. Don’t slip into the what if category. Dont get caught and arrested by the imposter police because it’s hard to get out and simply be free and believe you can do things. I must let myself know to go. Let that be my ultimate goal.

71% Style Score

As this year closes and yet another one opens
Not sure where to place all this wishin and hopin
Been through the wringer – stuck on survivin and copin
My therapy is written words and those spoken:
All the trauma leaking through my paper plate
Weakening from the all this added weight
Decaying matter past expiration date
Molding, polishing it to verse and bemoan my fate
Freestyle poems to make my flow first rate
Songs of strength, social justice and challenging hate
Lofty ideals and platitudes are great…
But, I witness multitudes of micro and macro aggressions
Many met with uncomfortable silence and hesitations
Past scenarios flash in my front of my eyes
And I try to forgive myself all the botched tries
All the times I thought to speak was unwise
Considering my job threatened and other reprisals
When I could challenge rivals and facilitate soul revivals
Next year, I must develop this skill
holding others accountable cause no one else will
Gotta live the truth that I wanna create
And find something to bolster my paper plate

Dear 2025,

Hello, there! It’s me, Heather. A woman who each year has so many dreams and goals to accomplish for the new year ahead. A woman that always walks with her head held high and mind set to open. The woman who each year makes a personal goal to better herself. Intellectually and sentimentally. This year though, it’s more about health and taking care of the body in a physical matter.

This year, I want happiness. Not just for my outer layer, but for my internal layer as well.
I want laughter. Not just from social media or television, but from reality. From sincere places.
I want clarity. Not just from words from others that are relatable, but from my mind and soul.
I want adventure. Not just with familiar faces, but with just mine and the open road.

2025, it’s you vs. me.
Your experiences vs. my courage.
Those reminders you send out vs. my achievements.
It’s your arms with the fastballs vs. my open arms, ready to catch those throws.

2025, I’m ready for your experiences.
Ready for your daily reminders.
I’m ready for your fastballs.

I. Am. Ready!

Writing style: 100%

I made a pact with the mirror one day,
To stop hiding my dreams, to clear the way.
Pen to paper, my soul I’d bare,
Not just for me, but for others out there.

For the foster youth who feel unheard, I’ll give them a voice, I’ll honor their word.
A guide, a light, to show what’s due, to teach them the power of “I deserve too.”

This blog, this space-it’s more than a goal,
It’s the healing of hearts, the mending of souls.
A place where stories rise and thrive,
Proof that every struggle means we’re alive.

I write my truths, I ink my fears,
Short stories, poems-through blood, through tears.
I signed a contract, sealed with resolve,
to grow through creation, to steadily evolve.

They say I’m late, but I know my pace,
Dreams ain’t a race, it’s a journey to grace.
Even blooms in winter can break through the frost,
No time is wasted, no dream is lost.

So here I stand, a see reborn,
A life once frayed, now no longer torn.
For those who need hope, I’ll always scream:
Even the late bloomer can chase their dream!

What is a book?
Is it just a collection of letters,
Sorted into words,
Arranged into sentences,
Grouped into paragraphs,
Bundled into chapters,
Bound together by a central theme?
If that’s the case,
Then I’ve written a book.
A couple, actually.
But it doesn’t feel like it.
My books are digital only.
That’s the way to go these days,
Isn’t it?
Print is dead, right?
Then why do I feel as if
I have NOT written a book?
Maybe I’m just being foolish,
But I want more.
I want my book to occupy space
On my bookshelf
Next to the fireplace.
I want to be able to read the title and my name
On the spine of the book as it is
Nestled in the bookshelf,
Uncomfortably squeezed literally and literarily
Between classics like Ulysses and Moby Dick.
I want to physically hold the book
And curl up in a comfy chair with it.
I want to riffle through the pages,
Creating a breeze I can feel on my face.
I want the tactile experience of the printed word,
As I rub a page between my thumb and forefinger.
I want a book that can be ruined
Should a page be torn from it.
I want a book that has some staying power,
Whether on a shelf or in a storage box gathering dust,
While the owners forget what’s inside.
I no longer want my book to be only a digital file
That can be deleted with a click on a trash bin icon
Or lost forever at the next hard drive crash.
I want a sense of permanence for my book.
At least I want it to outlast me.
Perhaps this may be a flight of vanity.
I prefer to think of it more as a legacy
That proves I was here,
That I had thoughts,
And that I recorded them for posterity.
For those reasons and others,
I will publish a book in print this year.
I will riffle the pages
And breathe in the smell of the newly printed paper.
Then I will place my book on my bookshelf.

He said!!! She said!

He said my will be done!
She said New Edition of a Magazine.
He said my will be done!

He said my will be done.
She said Relaunch podcast!
He said my will be done.

He said my will be done!
She said Release my Memoir.
He said my will be done!

He said my will be done.
She said go on Empowerment Tours!
He said my will be done.

He said my will be done!
She said record my audio books.
He said my will be done!

She said I want to do my best!!!
She said I will be Obedient!!!
She said I will walk in my Purpose!!!

He said my will be done, 2025!!!
He said my will be done, Charmaine!!!
He said my will be done Forever!!!