MISadventurous this journey has been, an UNDERcurrent at its best, up STOOD obstacles, truly a mess!

MISaddressing me proves UNDER appreciation, but still your side I’ve STOOD by.

MIShandled and ransacked, I held in my screams, feelings of scUNDER, I STOOD mute clenching lips and fists, only daring to breathe.

MISprinted fingers UNDERStand I have the right to remain, I STOOD charged with a crime no man could name!

MIStrust kept me UNDER investigation, overSTOOD fingers always pointing!

MISlead, false impressions had me UNDER, by my side thought you’d fight, you said you STOOD for what was right!

MISs raise your right hand, swear to tell the truth, UNDER oath you are to be and before the jury you’ll have STOOD.

MIScounted votes omit recognition, UNDER high pressured capacities I perform, only to be withSTOOD.

MIScalculated assertions UNDERbid my value, nevertheless my worth STOOD out.

MIStrial this is sure be, UNDERwhelming evidence in place of truth STOOD against me!

MISdeeds you performed, you deceivingly sUNDERed the friendship, I had STOOD on tip toes to reach.

MISused my vulnerability, gazUNDERed my strength, this bully I’ve out STOOD though it hurt when you hit!!!

MISinterpreted words time and time again, hurled insults and accusations, I just don’t UNDERstand, shield raised I STOOD hoping one day this will end.

MISrepresented by your counsel, UNDERpeopled in my defense, distraught I STOOD feeling most certainly helpless…

MISconstrued my abilities, a blUNDER you proudly STOOD with.

MISjudging me, you UNDERhandedly sentenced me to be STOOD lonely, humiliated for all to see!!!

MYSterious is this UNDERtaking, I STOOD confused; was I really wrong for loving you?

But here it is, the real, the truth revealed.
This has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with you…
The reason I am, “Mrs. Here’s a tissue, Mrs. Why are you so blue?”,
Mrs. Unaccompanied, Mrs. Un Withstood, but almost always mostly know as Mrs. Under Stood

Briskly shuffling my feet, brushing off the chill of the morning air. Everyone piling into the car which had been packed the night before. Sun hasn’t even risen, and we must remain on schedule. Arriving late, we cannot do, our flight will not delay. An hour’s drive to arrive, finally we made it. Finding a parking space, easy, but why am breezing by the loading dock for the second time? Check in bags, boarding pass, on to the next line. TSA, put that away, no water bottles getting by.

Done and done, now we await our plane to arrive. I’ve never flown before and for my children, bravery will I perform. Another line, but this time onto the plane we’ll ascend. Down the small hallway, I see the small entry, leading into a compact space. The engines rave and the tires roar. Into the sky, we lift, up, up, we soar, turn, then we shift. Below my feet there is no surface only streams of influx, keeping this tin can afloat. Turbulent tumults rattle my seat, but the fear I thought I’d have, was nowhere to be seen. This challenge I carried all my life must now proclaim its defeat.

The first descent lays over in Orlando; sunshine and a warm breeze. Our second descent brings us to paradise, our long-awaited event. A roar of applause washes over the passengers, and beautiful song over the intercom. A song that rings out in my heart and from my mind the words have never departed, “Yo te quiero Puerto Rico, yo te quiero Puerto Rico.” Departing at a fast pace, I make my way to the baggage carousel. I break into a Sprint eager to make your acquaintance. When I finally laid eyes on you, my contentment I did not hide. “Bienvenido a Puerto Rico,” your words dressed as fancy invitations. Bystanders stare as our affections overflow proven by shrieks and squeals.

Finally, we made it, can’t believe we’re all here. I’m standing in the place I thought I’d never see. The climate is a major change. The air warm, thick, and heavy. It sticks to me as if I’ve just been layered in sweet candy. The night sky and the beautiful landscape dazzle as my eyes dance from one side to the other. So many things to see and everything I want to discover. The homes sprinkle the mountain sides as colorful as the rainbow. Each neighbor a different flavor, though our dwelling was my favorite one of all. La Casita Amarilla, even more beautiful than the pictures told. Your face is bright and not ashamed. You’re small but very bold. Luscious green grass surrounds your exterior, beautiful mountain ranges paint the background. In the dark, it is to me, that the Coqui sings, while in the hammock to and frow I softly swing. The sun shines bright, rising early to give light, like a kiss, it also offers its warmth generously, just like an embrace. The rain comes down with the beautiful sound shhhhhhhhhhhh, it calls me from my sleep. This extravagant curtain on every side, glistening, it surrounds me, from heaven to the earth coming down, bowing at my feet.

I don’t feel like a visitor, this is the place that I am meant to be. The people are kind, smiling as you pass. A gentle nod, a Buen Dia, along with Buen provecho as you prepare to feast. The streets are full of music. The Bachata a consistent bidding. The food has made me smile. The ocean has captured my tears. My shoes are dusted with sand and seashells have my pockets full. I’ve been allowed to place my hands on family I haven’t seen in a year or more. This island has brought so much joy, enough for me to store.

I couldn’t help but shed a tear and let it wash away with the swell. The thought of leaving you behind, this story I don’t want to tell. Every year we come together sharing our day of birth. Crossing the ocean, for you, I came in honor of our day. May we both live to see it this is something that I pray for. My best friend, the girl with the same face, my lifelong playmate, my twin. Being this far away from you is a challenge proven. The love we have for one another no one can ever ruin.

As I pack my bags, I bid farewell to this Island that has been so kind. The hardest thing to leave here is you girl, my silent communicator, the reader of my mind. I take my seat, and my heart breaks. I couldn’t keep it in. Bye for now, best friend, I can’t wait to see you again. Long layovers finally bring us home to Oklahoma. The cold breeze welcomes as the emptiness makes its grip. The cold night air whips around, whispering in my ear. Already I miss you and there’s no way to make you appear. 2,232 miles away My heart now resides. I swapped it in exchange for the one I now clutch on a key chain. The chill makes me pull my jacket closer. The breeze of blue surrounds, but a warm glow is left in my heart, more than enough to warm me.

Disclaimer:
This is a warm drink, sip slowly.
Appreciate the notes hidden within the ingredients.

Hey, You…or shall I say Me?

In correspondence with Myself, I offer this Memoir.
The singing of an unsung dedication.
Merits to You; I declare to also be Me.

I’d like to open this letter of appreciation, connect various clues,
While Journeying amidst the gratitude.

You accepted a mission, the lively hood of enduring,
As if it were some kind of trend.

Here in this place, I attach my fist pin, on the day the bronco ride of your life began.

Beyond 4lbs. and 11 oz, You prevailed,
Eluding the proclamation to be “the weaker twin.”
From Struggling to live, to living to defend.
You stood up for Her. Your other half from the womb, Your best friend.

CHEERS!
To making laughter the language I deeply comprehend.
A Smile from ear to ear is always a Means to soothe, express delight, and to amend.

Full is my heart!
Melodies escape the chamber guarded by Your lips.
Melodies made to worship, mourn, and to uplift.

“Hear Hear,”
To Your wanting of more each day.
Reaching higher is a gift. Allow Yourself to imagine, to dream, and occasion to drift.

I concur
Desiring discovery, You inquire with persistence, uncovering one thing and another.

Prompted by a basic, “What if?”

I thank You for being the person that those leaning on You can depend.

Standing Ovation, BRAVO!
You offer presentation of Yourself unapologetically. Classy, Brassy, and Tiff.
Shamelessly portraying yourself, unaware of how to be anyone else.

Much oblige
Clinging on to The Most High,
Resting on assurance of a VICTORIOUS WIN He promised to provide!

Now, Concerning the dreams You were unable to apprehend.

I sigh at the thought of you being given unto love.
A devoted characteristic of You;
Even when they treasured it with the underside of their shoe.

PERMISSION GRANTED
Relieve the reservoir.
Release built up pressure,
Allow the dams to overflow.
Rushing down the mural of your face.
Liberate the pain residing deep within.
Mourn those No longer counted to be a friend.

You chose life when poisonous thoughts lusted for an end.
For this I thank you Most of all, you didn’t bend.

I salute Your courage
Being fluid when things got stiff.
You came out swinging. Never considering,
against the wall Your back would be pinned.
deemed unable to recognize the future you had planned.

LOOK AT YOU!
Picking up the pieces and creating a new outlook;
Although the image held up before You had shattered when shook.
You persevered Searching for a line of silver, covered in soot.

CONGRATULATIONS!
No looking back
Once the foot met the pavement, that was that.
Bravery made room for love again this time it fluttered, lingered, and did transcend.
This Love Granted strength,
In turn, advancing Me beyond barriers placed by those who hardly dare to dream.
You have become Immune to the projections of doubt and self-limitations.
Heroically we display our talents
Ever pursuing of The Summit, You were said to ONLY “hope” to reach.

You REFUSED collapse under pressure,
RELUCTANT to buckle,
RELYING firmly on what You believe.

When Deterioration was Determined to Dim my Light.
You were Indestructible, Thank you,
I know you’ve had many rough nights.

I Wish I had the power to step into a memory
Giving appeal to Deja Vu
I’d Place my hand upon your shoulder
Illuminating the illusion that had trapped you

Although adverse,
Possibilities may yet be obtained.
You are a Beacon of inspiration to Me, the future of You.
Thank You for holding Memories as passwords, that unlock the secrets of this constructed identity.

I RAISE A GLASS!!!
Even though the experience tasted sour, I applaud You for making the attempt.
I must say we aren’t half bad considering the story we have lived.
So Here’s to learning from the past, mistakes are the Alma Mater.

Imagine this…You are a newly married couple and are told “You can’t have children. Everything we have tried has failed. There is one more option.” The young couple chooses the last option and it is adoption. They foster to adopt several children before being told in December of 1997, “There is a 4 day old baby that needs you.” They foster this baby and then, about a year later, are told “Hey, that baby has 2 older sisters you are bringing home too.”
Now imagine this. you are a 2 year old child who has endured more than a 2 year old should and you don’t trust anyone or anything.
That was me. It took me a very long time to earn my foster mom’s trust because of the physical and mental abuse and neglect I sustained before being removed from the home. I am so glad I earned my foster mom’s trust because she and her husband went on to become our adoptive parents and this past September, we celebrated 25 years of our adoption. Two of us kids have families of our own and me…well, let’s just say I am taking my time and spending as much time as I can with my parents. Just remember, trust is hard to earn, easy to lose, and easy to love.

Picture this. An 18 year old, high school senior being tasked to come up with a senior quote before they graduate. Seems pretty easy, right? Well, imagine you are an 18 year old senior in high school whose mind never stops creating stories, poems, and letters. My senior quote literally popped into my head on the way to school one morning. And I live by it every single day.

“Live Your Dreams and Never Give Up.”

What did you want to be when you grew up? A doctor? An astronaut? Maybe a police officer? When I was little, I always said I wanted to be a “typer girl” or a pediatric nurse. But, as I grew older, I realized that I really just wanted to be myself. I was always bullied and gossiped about in school whenever I stuttered during prayer before lunch or when my best friend and I had a secret handshake or when I said I love the Titanic (1997) film. From the music I love to sing to the company I keep, someone always had something to say about it. But, after so long, I learned to ignore those who didn’t like the real me and just focused on those who loved me for me. My advice to is: JUST BE YOU! I always introduce myself as a proudly weird person because I would rather just be myself than someone I’m not. So just remember, always be yourself and don’t ever let anyone tell you any different!

Dear Pappy,
It has been 10.5 years since you left us for greener pastures and those golden, pearly gates were taught as children. You only knew me for about 6 years of the 15 years you knew your oldest child had adopted three little girls. By the time I knew your name, you had forgotten mine. Oh, how we miss you. We miss your laughs, your candy jar in your milk house, your coffee cups sitting in your truck and how you loved to play with the youngest children. I miss your stories back when you were younger. I miss you scaring us kids with your false teeth and I miss hearing you say “Now, I love you guys but, I don’t want you fighting.” I miss your kisses on my cheek every time I left your house and mostly, I just miss you. I hope you are taking care of your border collies up there and I hope you are proud of your kids, grandkids, great grandkids and the unborn great-great grandkids that are bound to come into our lives at some point. I wish I could have told you goodbye on your last night but, I know you are no longer in pain and you now know all of us, even those you never got to meet.
-Shay

Dearest readers,
Mozart once said “The music is not in the notes, but in the silence between.” And in the world we live in today, music is everywhere! It’s in the trees, when the birds sing, when the wind blows and even in big cities like NYC! I feel most at peace when I can hear music in my everyday life. I love trying to figure out the melodies in nature and I love trying to hear every day songs in those melodies also. Music has always been a huge part of my life and I hope it never goes away!!

Dear Younger Me,
Why did we worry so much? We were always told not to worry about things we can’t control and yet, we did. Is it because worrying gives a sense of control? Maybe it helps us feel better if we try and figure out why we are worrying about something? Does worrying calm our mind like stimming does for someone on the autism spectrum? Mamaw always told us “you’ll get wrinkles in your forehead if you keep worrying!” and although we have a baby face, she was right. There is no use in worrying over things we can’t control. So, take a deep breath, sit back, listen to some music and just let go.

Dearest Readers,
Have you ever wondered what life would be like without family? I haven’t because I have lived it. Picture this: One Christmas morning, a young teenage girl goes into labor and has a little girl 3 months early. Some time later, she takes that little girl without a thought on how to raise her. After a few, not so nice years, that little girl and her younger sibling was taken away to what was supposed to be a nice home only to find out, this home wasn’t much better than the last. A few months go by and they are placed with a loving couple who are already raising their youngest sibling. Less than a year later, all three children are adopted and taken to their forever home. 25 years later, that place is still home and that loving couple is still their parents. It has been the best life anyone could ask for. Farming, animals, good schooling, sports, etc…That day in September of 1999, was the day the music came alive for the first time and it has never faltered.