It took your body
Twelve years to climb
Four feet and eleven inches.
Although you have plateaued in figure,
I hope your soul can continue to grow.
I hope your heart expands;
I hope your spirit strengthens;
I hope you can fortify your mind
And feed your passions
A balanced diet.
This is the year
You search beyond:
Beyond yourself,
Beyond the limits you’ve come to know,
Beyond the 4 ft 11 in at
The top of your head.
I hope you pray deeper;
I hope you love longer;
I hope you work harder;
I hope you play better;
I hope you learn so much
Life starts learning from you.
And while that one
May be just out of reach,
Hopefully,
In 352 days
You’ll be used to
Reaching for things
People say are untouchable.

Last year, going into the year of 2023, like everyone did when it was trendy, I made a vision board. On that vision board, I said I wanted to make it pink and aesthetically pleasing! With pink being my favorite color and the trendy “aesthetic look” social media is going for nowadays, it was obvious I had to go this route for the look of my board! I continued to search on Pinterest for things I wish to have moving forward in 2023 and made sure to end the search with the phrase “pink aesthetic.”
So I pasted my pink aesthetically pleasing Tesla picture to my vision board, my pink aesthetically pleasing image of business packages, and can’t forget those pink aesthetically pleasing quotes that I needed on the board or it wouldn’t have looked right. The focus of my vision board was centered around looks. It was more important to me how pretty and appealing to the eye I can get it. It did not obtain any depth and there was no vision in the vision. Needless to say, I did not get anything done on that board.
Last year working on my vision board I really was going about it in, not only a general sense, but also very surface level, very superficial. I’m certain this is the reason I didn’t achieve anything on that board. This year, I’m going about it in a different way, more of a logical approach. I have a clear vision and that vision is to be realistic, that vision is to go deeper and strive to achieve to be that ideal version of myself, not to have the prettiest looking project filled with other people’s goals and aspirations that I see on Pinterest. I looked at goals in the sense of what I can reach RIGHT NOW, instead of a step by step journey of achievements, opening up new chapters to start and focus on continuously. No more aesthetics, this one is personal!
The way my story was written, my starting point in life didn’t give me much leverage. So at times it may seem like all odds are against me, it may seem like what I am reaching for is unrealistic and quite impossible. I read somewhere that, “Holding limiting beliefs become self fulfilling prophecies.” Meaning, if I tell myself a dream is too big for me to achieve and I can’t do it, then guess what? I won’t be able to do it because I made that decision for my life already before I can even start. My starter line does not affect where I will finish, so I believe any dream I dream to be obtainable. Goals should be realistic not limited. I do not limit my goals because I find it to be unrealistic. It’s actually quite the opposite. I come up with limitless goals and seek realistic ways to go about them.
The vision for my vision board, or in other words, my goals for the 2024 new year is quite simple. I will attract wealth abundantly from multiple different streams of income. I will pass any upcoming tests with a perfect score of 100! This year I am going to start to build credit so that by the end of the year I have a credit score of 750 or higher. That new apartment I’ve been eyeing? I now reside there, and I get to and from my place of residence with my new car. By the end of 2024, the new skill(s) I’ve been working on, I am now very knowledgeable about and I work on my projects efficiently. I will seek a better relationship with God because without Him, hard work and determination, and a little bit of manifestation, I will not obtain that ideal version of myself that I know I am capable of being. In 2024 I will be motivated to complete every goal I have for myself and more. I will achieve every goal I set forth with intention.

Broken Up Sunlight

In the era of my second decade,
Entering my most confusing time yet.
Who to be, where to go,
What to do,
Who knows?
I slithered around in fear
Most of 2023.
I crave new skin, I crave brighter days.
I long to give my thoughts action
Instead of letting them
Prance around, dressed in “what ifs”.
Chills strike my body at the thought
Of my life being my own.
My palate has become stale
From being stagnant,
Yet I’m afraid of the sours of change.
My feet don’t know what direction
To step in but
It’s become exhausting
Stepping in fear.
I want this letter, this poem,
To be my step forward.
Still a step in fear
But a step forward.
Refreshed, I am in my era of exposure.
I am in my era of doing.
No longer sitting and wallowing
in anxiety,
Standing up when I feel disrespected.
There is so much more to see, to experience,
to do, to be.
I’ve grown tired of being the reason
of my own downfall.
Tired of shading
my vision and tainting
My talents,
In fear.
I crave confidence,
I crave a self I’ve never known.
I crave new skin, I crave brighter days.

Have you ever read the same book but a different story, there’s a saying for that phenomenon
I just finished my Saturday morning coffee and chocolate chip muffin complimented by my current read
It’s that time of the year again Deja Vu
So, I pull out my pen and begin to write about how to become a better version of you
I didn’t fully comprehend what I thought knew
This year I’m going to do something new
Looking in the mirror but only seeing half of me
I lost myself living as person three, instead of the main character
It’s time to take back all of my identity
Completing every goal this year but first let’s focus on the top three

Number 1. I’ll start by losing weight
Burning the off calories procrastination added
It’s easier to run to your goals when you sculpt the weight around your waist
The time is now, why wait
You don’t want to be late to your dreams
So, go ahead and book that first trip you’ve been planning for the last 2 years

Number 2. I want to travel more
Travel to the past so I can better see my future
A frequent flyer because I was too focused on yesterday
Now these miles are just lessons learned
A frequent flyer because growth is my meditation
If you ever want to get somewhere fast it’s better to slow down
Speeding will only get you a $300 ticket you don’t have the money for

Number 3. I want to be better financially
Health is wealth or so they say and last year I was broke
Broken heart, shattered mind, but you can still see yourself in a cracked mirror if you choose to
Today I choose you, reciting my daily affirmations
Self-care is one of the best ways to say I love you
Learn to say I do to the future you
Investing in yourself pays more than your 9-5
You will be tired
But that just makes it easier to sleep with your day dreams

Ignore the world the same way they hit snooze
Wake up early, aim high, then reach higher
My goals are only one page turn away
So, stop judging my cover before you read my book
If you simply read the preface, you might begin to understand the trails I’ve faced
This book is about the evolution of me
You don’t have to read it, but you will respect my art the same way I cover myself with peace
p.s. these are my goals for leaving 2023…

note to self:

stay true to your art
this year. embrace this new month,
january, as

a slab of marble.
you are michelangelo.
use the tools of your

trade to remove its
icy facade: chisel, carve,
sculpt. be relentless

in your pursuit to
create. choose to flip the switch
on your hard hat and

enter the mine of
inspiration daily. dig
for jewels of words, gems

of metaphors, and
pearls of wisdom that others
overlook. it’s all

there waiting for you,
waiting to be found, unearthed,
and brought to daylight.

yours, in every sense of the word,
ali

Eyes open and there’s my smile.
I’m alive and I made it.
Lord, thank you for seeing me through.
12 more months to create internal joy and more self love.
I’m doing that!

Is that the sun shining ?
Sure as hell is, and it’s 2024.
Clap clap because, It’s about to go down.
12 more months to create financial abundance.
Im doing that!

Alexa play Anita Baker, You Bring Me Joy!
Who is that dancing in the window?
It’s me, because I bring me joy.
12 more months to create that solo dance performance.
Im doing that!

Shit!
Your son is getting married in 4months.
You heard me, 4 months!
Weight Watchers app, can I get a clap
Clap?
4 more months to look extra good and 8 more months to feel like I’m Hollywood!
I’m doing that!

The journal is open to create more stories.
Traveling more to see what else is in store.
You wrote a story from the heart in 15 minutes and won that contest.
Shut up! Who did that?
12 more months to dedicate time to writing, reading and expressing.
Yes, you!
I’m doing that!

Don’t you think you’re doing a lot?
What?? One son overcame his panic attacks , stuttering and is 29 , a plumber and getting married.
The other son overcame having seizures and couldn’t talk for almost a year and has graduated music school and has an internship as an audio engineer.
Dam right Im doing a lot, cause im doing all of that!

In the dawn of 2024, a canvas unfurls,
With goals profound, like precious pearls.
Self-love, like a compass, guiding my way,
In the gentle embrace of a brand-new day.

Within, I seek a love so deep,
A promise to myself, a secret to keep.
Mirror reflections, it is a start,
Loving every piece of me, a work of art.

In the tapestry of dreams, a vow I weave,
To embrace imperfections and in them, believe.
Stars in my soul, twinkling bright,
I continue on this journey of self-love’s light.

Acceptance, the bridge, to hearts that care,
In 2024, love is in the air.
No fortress of doubt, no walls to build,
A dance with hearts, the space is filled.

With open arms, I welcome the tides,
Affection and warmth in love’s sweet strides.
In this chapter, I choose to receive,
Love’s symphony, in which to believe.

Nurturing my mind, a garden of thought,
Seeds of wisdom, lessons sought.
Books and knowledge, like rain on soil,
A fertile mind, a lifetime to uncoil.

Learning and growing, expanding my view,
In the vast expanse of the intellectual brew.
A sanctuary of thoughts, a haven of peace,
Nurturing my mind, the quest shall not cease.

2024, a year of growth and bloom,
A tapestry woven with lessons from the gloom.
In self-love’s embrace, I find my might,
Accepting love, like morning light.

Nurturing my mind, a scholar’s quest,
In the pages of wisdom, I am truly blessed.
The mind, a garden, thoughts take flight,
In the canvas of dreams, I find my light.

So here’s to my 2024 journey, a story to tell,
In the symphony of life, where dreams swell.
I set my intentions, a heartfelt decree,
For a year of love, growth, and wisdom, to be.

And like that 2023 is over, this year flew by
But isn’t that what we say every year when the end is near?
Still though time does seem to speed up annually
Does that come with age?
I’m only 23, a 2000’s baby is what I be
Last year I finally learned to love me
That along with a lot of other things
Habits are hard to change especially when taught young
Negative habits were all I knew
Being toxic unconsciously, wanting control over everything, vices to “keep” the pain away

Smoking, drinking, eating, sexing
All fake distractions that in the end, made me worse
Trust issues
But I called it individuality
The inability to listen, being stubborn and hardheaded
2024 I realize, accept, and input the facts that help me grow
It’s okay to listen, be silent, intake, and think
Not everyone is out to hurt me

Balance and confidence are needed to not take everything personally
Are you a reflection or a lesson?
I go to my therapist for a session
I need to release and let go
So that way I wont feel so low

2024 is where I meet sober me and face everything inside
The world is proving what’s in the dark must always come to light
But I, by myself choose whether I win that fight
To face and to conquer
Or to ignore and ignore and ignore until I blow up

Physically I must strengthen myself
When I do something I don’t want to do that strengthens my mind
When I strengthen my mind I have the ability to do anything I want
So I wake up early, work out, no eating until noon
At 7 I stop eating, meditate and give thanks to the moon
The moon illuminates my battles

Battles that no one can fight for me
I, by myself must choose my destiny
And I choose to first change my melody
From darkness to light
From anger to forgiveness
From sadness to happiness
From negativity to positivity
From irritability to patience
From assuming to asking
From quiet to loud, confidently and unapologetically

From changing my melody I attract what is meant for me
From changing my melody I can accept and maintain all that is for me

2024 is my year of love, light, success and peace
2024 is the year meant for my best me

2024 – New Year, New Me!

You know the same thing we ALWAYS say!

What makes this year so different?

My levels of Effs to give.

I’m walking into 2024 with full knowledge,

I will became the villain in a lot of peoples reality.

Honestly, that makes me feel content

Because that means I’m becoming the hero I deserve to be in my reality.

Look, it’s a bird, it’s a plane,

Nah – its Antoinette taking her power back.

I’m a mom, daughter, wife, friend and the list goes on

But most importantly – I AM ME!

I have been in a cocoon; realizing I’m embarking on an evolution.

I’m excited to spread my beautifully crafted wings wide and proudly!

My wings will bring boundaries that will lead to a limitless life!

My wings will gift me a little blue book.

My little blue book of adventure and memories!

I will break the chains placed on me from generations past.

Setting my bloodline free –

By betting on me!

I don’t particularly focus on making resolutions at this point in life. Instead, I aim to surpass my “best self” if I am blessed enough to experience another day, let alone another year.

Lord willing, I’ll be 45 later this month, and life has life-ed enough for me to know not to take a day for granted — especially after receiving, at least, 16,425 such blessings.

As we head into 2024, I wanted to reflect on the first five years into my 40s.

Everything has changed in that time, particularly in society, but even more so in my personal experience. It’s not something I’d naturally talk about, but I think getting things out of my head and being vulnerable is good these days. It could be helpful to someone else.

For my part, 2019 marked the beginning of a transformative journey. Entering that year, I sought and anticipated more, personally and professionally, sketching a vision board to plot the future. Things I could envision, but really couldn’t control.

A mentor in a leadership program suggested adding a therapist to my personal executive board — my core group of life advisers — to strive for work-life balance, something I’m not sure we ever truly attain. Initially, I believed it would assist me in managing work-related stress, but it offered a different perspective, especially regarding self-awareness. But that would be a process.

I moved to Washington D.C. for a dream job at CNN, only to have the world disrupted by a global pandemic. This led to an unforeseen return to Chicago for lockdown, which provided me with unfettered time with my kids, a divorce, and an abrupt return home to Ohio, which seemed like an extension of isolation.

During this return, I witnessed firsthand the cruel and indifferent nature of Alzheimer’s dementia, afflicting my biggest supporter: My mother. That put things into perspective like nothing else. I helped my parents and thought it meant a career change that would keep me home, but I would have to figure that out.

Obligations increased. Expectations changed, personally and professionally. The stakes got higher, and a lot got harder. And it turns out our parents do age; they are human.

Despite managing to produce some of my most significant work during this time, from pandemic coverage to racial unrest and a consequential election that was followed by an insurrection in the Capital, I found myself burned out and just barely getting by. Life was life-ing harder than ever. My head was bloody, but unbowed.

What’s clear is this: Change is unstoppable and inevitable. In the words of Thanos, “Dread it, run from it, destiny arrives all the same.”

I wrestled with all of that, the imperfections of myself and my life. What became “my normal.” But I’ve since learned my normal doesn’t have to mirror anyone else’s. It’s not supposed to. It never has and never will. I’m not that person and never have been. I embrace that even when others don’t understand, but also know that their opinions can’t matter as much.

Therapy helped me be more vulnerable and rediscover myself. My family caught me. Friends — old and new — began asking more about, well, me. My definition of family contracted, evolved, and expanded. Some people came. Others went. I changed jobs. Things stabilized a bit and I moved to Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love, toward the end of 2022.

I’ve had it. Lost it. Got it again. Lost it and had to rebuild. I’m resilient if nothing else; even if I need a minute, that will never change.

Learning to take the bitter with the sweet is more than a notion. It’s a bittersweet serum for growth, a rite of passage into adulting, and a necessity to move forward.

I’ve sometimes felt like I’ve been spinning plates while walking on a tightrope. I’ve probably dropped a few plates trying to look back or walk too quickly, but was fortunate enough to get another plate to spin again. I am learning to move at my own pace, being present and enjoying the walk to the destination ahead. That’s all you can control.

My partner shows up for me and she loves me for all of me, including my imperfections. My chosen family — a collection of friends — does, too. I want to be a better partner for everyone who shows up for me in business and life. I’ve learned to let go of those who aren’t a part of those conversations. There’s a reason they aren’t there, even when it’s not readily apparent, it eventually will be. Their absence was needed and later welcomed.

At 45, my life looks nothing like I thought it would. I’ve racked up more miles than I imagined on planes, trains, and automobiles, traveling on this continent and venturing into two others. It adds to the list of blessings and experiences that have shaped me.

And, in many ways, I am doing the things I set out to do.

When I was editor-in-chief of The Buchtelite, the University of Akron’s student-run newspaper, I always aspired to be an executive running a newsroom. It was clear to me that I wanted to ascend the ranks of leadership and be able to make coverage decisions that benefited the larger community. In my role as the managing editor of Axios Local, I’m helping lead a newsroom across 30 markets. I graduate from Poynter’s executive training program next week.

However, the course of my life and career has necessitated eight relocations over the past two decades, primarily in the Midwest and now on the East Coast. This diverse journey has provided me with a unique perspective, shaped not only by my experiences in the newsroom but also by the lessons learned outside of it.

The reality is this: There aren’t too many individuals at this level who look like me, and even fewer who could replicate the unique experiences I’ve encountered as both a journalist and a Black man—embracing both successes and failures. My aspiration to continually improve is my superpower.

All of these experiences have broadened my perspective on life, shifting from a microscope, which hones in and fixates on one item, to a kaleidoscope, which allows more light and vibrant colors to come into focus.

I’m embracing an even longer list of things to learn, which involves scaling back on certain obligations, empowering others, and acknowledging my self-worth. There are still things I need to release, but that’s why therapy matters.

As each day unfolds, I increasingly appreciate the worth of time, our most precious commodity. In 2024, I intend to cherish every day I’m given, surrounding myself with the love of those who share this journey with me.

There’s still work ahead, and I aim to contribute each day in ways that make a positive impact, whether through a conversation, a thought, or a piece of content that assists others in navigating their journeys.

———

What I’ve learned over the past five years:

* Trust God’s plan
* Waking up is the bare minimum; what you do with the rest of the day matters most.
* Life never stops doling out lessons — so be a more attentive student.
* Know that sometimes it just … is.
* It’s OK to not be OK. Take a minute to care for yourself.
* Being alone gives you time to think, but avoid rabbit holes.
* Remember that sometimes the right abbit holes lead to creativity; just know which one you’re diving into.
* Everyone is right from their vantage point and, sometimes, it just has to be that.
* Think about what it’s like on the other side of me.
* What obstacles might they be facing that are contributing to an issue?
* Not everyone is for you, and you’re not for everyone. And some people who say they’re for you are more concerned with what you can do for them.
* To embrace those who consistently show up for you — those who pour into you when you need them. And do the same for them.
* It’s OK to grieve the loss of people, even when they’re still walking this earth. They depart for their journey, and you must go on yours.
* Write more
* Don’t ever stop dreaming. I am doing what I said I would do over 20 years ago.