fbpx

Activity

  • Transformed by Time: How the Last Five Years Have Readied Me for 2024

    I don’t particularly focus on making resolutions at this point in life. Instead, I aim to surpass my “best self” if I am blessed enough to experience another day, let alone another year.

    Lord willing, I’ll be 45 later this month, and life has life-ed enough for me to know not to take a day for granted — especially after receiving, at least, 16,425 such blessings.

    As we head into 2024, I wanted to reflect on the first five years into my 40s.

    Everything has changed in that time, particularly in society, but even more so in my personal experience. It’s not something I’d naturally talk about, but I think getting things out of my head and being vulnerable is good these days. It could be helpful to someone else.

    For my part, 2019 marked the beginning of a transformative journey. Entering that year, I sought and anticipated more, personally and professionally, sketching a vision board to plot the future. Things I could envision, but really couldn’t control.

    A mentor in a leadership program suggested adding a therapist to my personal executive board — my core group of life advisers — to strive for work-life balance, something I’m not sure we ever truly attain. Initially, I believed it would assist me in managing work-related stress, but it offered a different perspective, especially regarding self-awareness. But that would be a process.

    I moved to Washington D.C. for a dream job at CNN, only to have the world disrupted by a global pandemic. This led to an unforeseen return to Chicago for lockdown, which provided me with unfettered time with my kids, a divorce, and an abrupt return home to Ohio, which seemed like an extension of isolation.

    During this return, I witnessed firsthand the cruel and indifferent nature of Alzheimer’s dementia, afflicting my biggest supporter: My mother. That put things into perspective like nothing else. I helped my parents and thought it meant a career change that would keep me home, but I would have to figure that out.

    Obligations increased. Expectations changed, personally and professionally. The stakes got higher, and a lot got harder. And it turns out our parents do age; they are human.

    Despite managing to produce some of my most significant work during this time, from pandemic coverage to racial unrest and a consequential election that was followed by an insurrection in the Capital, I found myself burned out and just barely getting by. Life was life-ing harder than ever. My head was bloody, but unbowed.

    What’s clear is this: Change is unstoppable and inevitable. In the words of Thanos, “Dread it, run from it, destiny arrives all the same.”

    I wrestled with all of that, the imperfections of myself and my life. What became “my normal.” But I’ve since learned my normal doesn’t have to mirror anyone else’s. It’s not supposed to. It never has and never will. I’m not that person and never have been. I embrace that even when others don’t understand, but also know that their opinions can’t matter as much.

    Therapy helped me be more vulnerable and rediscover myself. My family caught me. Friends — old and new — began asking more about, well, me. My definition of family contracted, evolved, and expanded. Some people came. Others went. I changed jobs. Things stabilized a bit and I moved to Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love, toward the end of 2022.

    I’ve had it. Lost it. Got it again. Lost it and had to rebuild. I’m resilient if nothing else; even if I need a minute, that will never change.

    Learning to take the bitter with the sweet is more than a notion. It’s a bittersweet serum for growth, a rite of passage into adulting, and a necessity to move forward.

    I’ve sometimes felt like I’ve been spinning plates while walking on a tightrope. I’ve probably dropped a few plates trying to look back or walk too quickly, but was fortunate enough to get another plate to spin again. I am learning to move at my own pace, being present and enjoying the walk to the destination ahead. That’s all you can control.

    My partner shows up for me and she loves me for all of me, including my imperfections. My chosen family — a collection of friends — does, too. I want to be a better partner for everyone who shows up for me in business and life. I’ve learned to let go of those who aren’t a part of those conversations. There’s a reason they aren’t there, even when it’s not readily apparent, it eventually will be. Their absence was needed and later welcomed.

    At 45, my life looks nothing like I thought it would. I’ve racked up more miles than I imagined on planes, trains, and automobiles, traveling on this continent and venturing into two others. It adds to the list of blessings and experiences that have shaped me.

    And, in many ways, I am doing the things I set out to do.

    When I was editor-in-chief of The Buchtelite, the University of Akron’s student-run newspaper, I always aspired to be an executive running a newsroom. It was clear to me that I wanted to ascend the ranks of leadership and be able to make coverage decisions that benefited the larger community. In my role as the managing editor of Axios Local, I’m helping lead a newsroom across 30 markets. I graduate from Poynter’s executive training program next week.

    However, the course of my life and career has necessitated eight relocations over the past two decades, primarily in the Midwest and now on the East Coast. This diverse journey has provided me with a unique perspective, shaped not only by my experiences in the newsroom but also by the lessons learned outside of it.

    The reality is this: There aren’t too many individuals at this level who look like me, and even fewer who could replicate the unique experiences I’ve encountered as both a journalist and a Black man—embracing both successes and failures. My aspiration to continually improve is my superpower.

    All of these experiences have broadened my perspective on life, shifting from a microscope, which hones in and fixates on one item, to a kaleidoscope, which allows more light and vibrant colors to come into focus.

    I’m embracing an even longer list of things to learn, which involves scaling back on certain obligations, empowering others, and acknowledging my self-worth. There are still things I need to release, but that’s why therapy matters.

    As each day unfolds, I increasingly appreciate the worth of time, our most precious commodity. In 2024, I intend to cherish every day I’m given, surrounding myself with the love of those who share this journey with me.

    There’s still work ahead, and I aim to contribute each day in ways that make a positive impact, whether through a conversation, a thought, or a piece of content that assists others in navigating their journeys.

    ———

    What I’ve learned over the past five years:

    * Trust God’s plan
    * Waking up is the bare minimum; what you do with the rest of the day matters most.
    * Life never stops doling out lessons — so be a more attentive student.
    * Know that sometimes it just … is.
    * It’s OK to not be OK. Take a minute to care for yourself.
    * Being alone gives you time to think, but avoid rabbit holes.
    * Remember that sometimes the right abbit holes lead to creativity; just know which one you’re diving into.
    * Everyone is right from their vantage point and, sometimes, it just has to be that.
    * Think about what it’s like on the other side of me.
    * What obstacles might they be facing that are contributing to an issue?
    * Not everyone is for you, and you’re not for everyone. And some people who say they’re for you are more concerned with what you can do for them.
    * To embrace those who consistently show up for you — those who pour into you when you need them. And do the same for them.
    * It’s OK to grieve the loss of people, even when they’re still walking this earth. They depart for their journey, and you must go on yours.
    * Write more
    * Don’t ever stop dreaming. I am doing what I said I would do over 20 years ago.

    Delano Massey

    Voting is open!

    Voting ends April 15, 2024 11:59pm

    Subscribe  or  log in to reply

    • I love how you were very vulnerable in your writing. Discussing therapy and open about it is huge for minority men. God bless you got that! Watching a loved one go through Alzheimer’s is heartbreaking. Yes, trust Gods plan and being alone gives you time to think. Great story!

      Write me back 

      Subscribe  or  log in to reply

    • Ditto what @jjoshua said. This piece is amazing and I love how honest and vulnerable you are. I love this line “My aspiration to continually improve is my superpower.” 🙂 But this whole piece is so real, insightful and inspiring (and obviously well-written). Thank you for your willingness to share your heart and mind with others. I admire all you…read more

      Write me back 

      Subscribe  or  log in to reply

Mange push notifications