I’ve awoken
in cars
off a shoulder
overlooking the sea
started my day
with morphine
and coffee
and vomit on the street
I’ve awoken
in deserts
under one single tree
beside strangers
on carpets
slipped away quietly
I’ve driven til shadows
melt into sands
and the stars bleed
into purples and pinks
when cold weather
has dried out my hands
and I’m too hungover
to speak
I’ve awoken
in twin beds
in distant lands
with lillies draping my canopy
with no one around
to marvel at scenery
with me
throughout this wide world
all my wheel’s quick rotations
all the planes
and the trains
and the rides
from London’s Heathrow
to Grand Central Station
every dawn
I’ve awoken
to rise
everyday is impeccable
all the struggles
and pain
so delectable
as the earth
flips through the slides
in my eyes a
projection of beauty
the greatest adventures
the prefect day
is the day
I’m alive
and I live it
and seize it—no matter the risk
perfection is this
what we all
wake up with
this wonderful gift
all scared and excited
to be welcome; invited
to live for the sake of living
to rise and to fall
to feel love and
feel lost
and the awe to awaken—
awaken at all.

I know it hurts sometimes
when things don’t go your way.
But I’ve been thinking about it
and I think its better that way.
Somtimes the best intentions
become the biggest mistakes.
But if you can hold your head up
you’ll make it through another day.

Next time you think you’re down for the count,
keep on fighting.
If you think you can’t go on,
keep on going
I know that it’s easier said than done,
but keep on trying.
Life is what you make it,
so keep on keepin’ on.

Some say hard times are a blessing,
others say they’re a curse.
I’ve been on the other side
and things could always be worse.
Sometimes the tunnel seems so long and you can’t see the light,
don’t let the darkness overwhelm you,
the end is in sight.

Next time you think you’re down for the count,
keep on fighting.
If you think you can’t go on,
keep on going
I know that it’s easier said than done,
but keep on trying.
Life is what you make it,
so keep on keepin’ on.

Now when you’re on the path less traveled,
alone and afraid,
think of those who will follow you –
they are lives you can change.
Your journey is an open book,
and you’re the writer of the page.
So don’t give up hope,
you’ll soon see beter days.

Next time you think you’re down for the count,
keep on fighting.
If you think you can’t go on,
keep on going
I know that it’s easier said than done,
but keep on trying.
Life is what you make it,
so keep on keepin’ on.

Our day starts with coffee. Black, no sugar and two creams. Just how you like it. I would pour myself a cup too, even though I hate coffee, and sit both coffees on the end table by your rocking chair. I can hear your voice now: “Thank you baby.” Your voice hoarse from years of labor. We would pick our cups up and sip at the same time. Well, not quite at the same time. I always forget to blow my drink first and burn my tongue. My face twisted up in pain. Whereas, you always blow your drink first and never take on more than you can bear. Literally and figuratively. Now that I am older, I admire how still you can be. Sitting, day after day, in the comfort of your rocking chair, drinking your coffee and watching Lifetime movies. I relish that stillness. On my perfect day I will definitely have to be still. I wouldn’t want to do anything at all, but put my feet up and drink bitter coffee. To some people the perfect day is a day on the beach but any day spent being still with you would be perfect to me. I would get hungry about halfway through my cup. My stomach growls, which prompts you to rock yourself out of your chair and head to the kitchen. Your walk weary from years of service on your feet. Following behind you, I grab a plate off of the table and hand it to you. You fill it with grits, sausage, eggs, french toast, a waffle and bacon. I could have made my plate, but you always made it for me. “Just sit down at the table, baby. I got your plate.” With an orange juice to match, I sit at the dining table and go to town. With a full belly, I waddle back to the love seat right next to your chair. I look outside and see kids playing, but I don’t feel that pain in my stomach anymore. Growing up without someone to play with and share secrets with has always weighed heavy on me. I carried loneliness with me throughout my adolescent and teenage years. Always an onlooker, a wallflower, the bullied. My perfect day I will not have those feelings or be consumed with looking to something that I don’t have. Even though I didn’t have a friend my age, I had a friend who didn’t mind drinking coffee and watching movies with me on a random Saturday morning. She might have been fifty years older than me, but she was my best friend. She never turned me away and she always made me feel like I belonged. If I can have one more day spent with you, just being still, that will be the perfect day. And I do have a secret to tell you, best friend. I miss you and I still hate coffee.

Sleeping in until my heart is content
My kids, my kids, not throwing fits
No arguments please, it’s what I need
Breakfast being brought to me in bed
The food is cooked perfectly
A coffee cup the size of my head
Carmel and hazelnut hits my nose
As I eat, I read my Bible
Soaking in His Holy fire
I climb out of bed
Brush my teeth
Take a long shower, soaking in the heat
Getting dress and going to an hair appointment
She does my hair exactly how I want
My feet and nails are next
Feeling relaxed from my head, hands and feet

We Pack up the car to go have some fun
Heading to the beach to meet up with family
It’s not just my kids and husband who’s there
It’s my family from my youth and His as well
We stay there all day, enjoying each other’s presence
Time is flying by as we soak in the sunshine

Last minute plans are made
Deciding to go out to eat
Laughter and smiles and happy vibes
Hit our hearts as the day ticks by
We all embrace one another with a hug
Going home, the kids fall asleep in the car
Carrying them inside, tucking them in one by one

Now it’s time for Mom and Dad
Alone time in our bed
Loving on one another in the present
Staying up as long as we can
Just cracking jokes, cuddling and watching our show
Until we fall asleep in one another arms and hopes
Sealed with a kiss we end the day
With sweet dreams in peace

Unmasked

I have been creating perfect days my entire life
They weren’t perfect for me
But what I thought perfect should be

I’ve been creating a life
One I thought I wanted
One I thought I was supposed to have

My perfect day would look like it does on tv
I have lived those days
Those days are not me

So many times I have had the perfect day
Shopping with the girls, brunch at a nice restaurant, tanning by the pool
These things have left me drained, exhausted, confused

So many times I have created the perfect experience
To be let down
To not feel the way they seem

I’ve had my days
In comfy clothes, dim lights, friends each doing their favorite thing
Cooking safe foods together, napping, making sure were hydrated
Watching things we’ve seen a million times; doing things we’ve done a million and one
Laughing and giggling and crying and sitting in silence

I have left those days feeling so at peace
So rejuvenated
So myself

I have also left those days feeling wrong
It is not what being social is meant to look like
It doesn’t match the script that is in my head

I am learning to live life
The one I didn’t know that I wanted
The one that I am supposed to have

I will continue to create perfect days, for the rest of my life.
perfect for me.
I define what perfect should be.

Growing up on Sailor Moon
And looney toons
Slip and slides
Always with soapy eyes.
Carefree summers
We were Beach bummers
Adulthood far from our minds
Ice cream of many kinds
Man hunt and freeze tag
Always up for a good fart bomb gag.
Childhood was a bliss
Something you’ll always miss.

A Perfect Day –

Is it something grand, that glistens in your eyes
Towering over the land
Or is it more miniscule

A moment that glimmers and refreshes your mind
A tiny tangent in the timeline that brings a surprise

They’re all as grand or as granular as you’d like

At the end of the day, it’s about how the passing of time defines your mind
It’s not repeatable in production –
But rather, something that is well worth casting

It’s the small glances that you keep near
Let them shimmer
Let them steer.

That’s my perfect day.

I used to fantasize
about the life I used to want –
well, always wanted.
Yet, I could never visualize with my own eyes.

I was the thoroughbred.
Satin panties with a bedazzled asscrack.
The day I ate that holy bread —
in my mouth, Jesus’ sack.

Marriage.
–
But they forgot to build the carriage.
Self-love and confidence — never taught,
but to be on the prowl to be bought.
Young and dumb — my husband, the savage.
… just like my dad.

You taught me that my worth would one day sag.
Old and decrepit, who would look at this hag?
Without a will to learn new skills,
off I go to drink a bottle of pills.

For one day, he would divorce me.
He’d start fucking under forty!
You’d find me at the drive-thru line
all because my dreams — I never gave time.

With the flip of a switch
(and that dildo purchase)
Oxytocin — has my family’s words dismissed.
Thirty-three. Single. Orgasms. Bliss —
not cleaning up shit or piss.

The disconnect from what I had.
The connection to what I need.
The universe planted the seed.
The will to grow watered — pain needed to bleed.

My love and I wake in a new city.
Maybe a new country.

Either continental or café,
We enjoy a breakfast with good coffee
and pastries.
The chocolatiest of croissants,
The softest of scones,
and the warmest of waffles.

Then, we go for a walk.
We take our time to inhale the fresh air and
absorb the new city’s noises and
admire its unique architecture.

Our walk ends at a bookstore.
As we wander the shop’s aisles,
the bookstack we carry grows and grows and grows!
My love says, “Yes, of course we can buy them all.”
(We are not worried about the logistics of getting the books home.)
Once the stack is so high that
we can’t see over it,
we buy them all.

On our walk back to wherever-we’re-staying,
we make a pit-stop for takeout.
Most likely Chinese food, but
could be Korean or Indian or poke, too.

Next, but before dinner, is a warm shower.
Rich instrumental music with dissonant harmonies
and bubbly shampoo.
Fragrance-free body lotion and French skincare,
Followed by the baggiest of sweatpants and
an oversized tee.

Now all squeaky clean, my love and I eat dinner
over a grand adventure on a screen.
All snuggled,
we fall asleep before the credits roll.

what’s my idea of a perfect day? Well, that’s easy. I’m kind of more of a simple girl these days, now that I’m older. Actually, come to think of it, I never had the chance to really sit and think of what a perfect day would mean/look like for me from start to finish. Wow. I guess there really is a first time for everything……so here we go.
My Perfect &Peaceful Day.

As soon as I open my eyes. First thing I would do to get my day started, I will first start with prayer of the morning. Thanking our creator for another day, is always a must do to reinsure a great start to a great day. I follow prayer with meditation routine. That for me includes, deep breaths while sitting in silence, journaling, reading, anything to help prepare me for the day. This centers my mind so that it’s easier for me to be able to go out into the world and be able to deal with those around me.
After maybe an hour or two, make me a nice snack or breakfast. Which usually ends up being just a healthy quick snack because I don’t really like breakfast. Then, I do what I like to call “self-care repair” routine. It’s when I either take a nice bubble bath or a nice shower with my favorite candles, music, book. More time to relax and enjoy my own company before heading out for the day. After bathing/showering, I have a face-wash/skin routine as well. Then after that I put on my cloths and head out. If I’m not heading out then I would either read, write a bit beacuse I love writting (if you can’t already tell lol), listen to music and maybe watch movies for the remainder of the day.
But if it’s one of those days where I want to get some fresh air, I can always count on one of my favorite places….downtown at the lakefront or beach. Basically, anywhere with big body of water. I love water. A nice walk on a trail is always a great way to get fresh air and become one with nature too.
But it’s just something about being near water, in water or just even being around water that sooths me. Calms me, gives me clarity, gives me peace and I love it. I have been this way for as long as I can remember. Sometimes while sitting near the lake, I read, or just sit and think, sometimes I may even cry every once in awhile. But whenever I’m done, something about it always gets my creative juices flowing and song lyrics start coming to mind or idea to do a certain project may come to mind. So, nature and I work very well with one another. I stop to appreciate her (nature) , and she does what she does…..inspire.

Afterwards, I would go home, get started on those ideas and plans rigth away and start working towards accomplishing them. I always end my day with more mediation and prayer, being thankful for what that day has given me in prepration for a better tomorrow. Then, take another bubble bath/hot shower, more self-care repair and relaxation to finish off the day before a night of great sleep.

I know, may seem pretty boring to some, and that’s okay. See, what I learned as I got older, the more I value peace of mind and a peace of quite. Expecially in today’s world where peace seems hard to come by. So, you sometimes have to create your own peace. Prayer, Meditation, Fresh-Air, Nature and A Postive Mind-set all brings forth peace and creativity. And all of these things are 100% free.

Dear Unsealers…
I can’t tell you enough of how important it is to remain motivated and focused on your dreams, passions and the love of whatever gifts you may have. Never give up on them, no matter what. Let me tell you about my most recent lesson about not giving up.
So, I have always loved to sing, I found out really early on like age 5 that I not only really loved music, but that I also have a nice voice as well. My mother knew of this but, to her it was more just something that I would do around the house but it was soo much more than just that. I really have a passion and love for music, how it sounds,how it make you feel, how it makes others feel. The enjoyment of hearing/seeing someone else who have the same love and passion for it as you do, seeing them express themselves using their experiences by creating art. Thats what music is to me. It’s art. It is apart of me, but my mom just wanted me to focus on school, which I did but still felt like something was missing. But what??
So, as the years went by, I kind of subpressed my love for music to focus on school for awhile. I never really sang at church because eventhough my love for music was there, so was the fear of singing in front of others.
Unltil around my middle school years. Preteen years. I had been blessed to have found other girls like myself that also loved to sing at school. We were all in the same class and for me, it was a releif to finally find people who love music just as much as I do. We had decided to form an all girl group. There were 4 of us, 3 singers and we 1 female rapper . Our group was called GWA (girls with attitude) crazy right lol. We would all hang out singing all the time in the classroom, and always did mini concerts at lunch which was cool, because eveyone would gather around us and it also really helped me to get over fear of public speaking/singing. We all even joined the school choir together. But still, I wanted more.I though ,okay now may be that time try. But when I would try to get us to be more serious about our muisc, no one really cared but me. I wasnt trying to become famous but I did want to do more with my musical talent because it’s more than just a hobby it’s something I’m passionate about.
After no one wanting to take their music seriously, of course we all went our seprate ways, but we also all ended up going to different high-schools and lives too. Which is where I met my music muse. My now late husband. He not only loved music just as much as I did, but he knew how to do engineering side as well and he even taught me a few things. My husband was very hands-on when it came to music, which was one of the things that I loved most about him. But, when it came to me and my music and not having support that I needed, I gave up breifley. I guess the real reason why I stopped working on my craft/music after the group broke up was because to me it was like another let down. Which felt like another failure. Not being able to understand what exactly am I supposed to do with this gift and passion if the things I’m trying aren’t getting me anywhere.
But throughout our 15years together, my husband of course pushed me to challenge myself and help me to see that I shouldn’t give up something that makes me who I am. My huband was a rapper as well, so he had his way with words and putting them together. I did too, but my lane was just singing, so I thought. One day he challeged me to see if I can do it, (rap) and lets just say I have been rapping and singing ever since lol. I had no idea that I could, wasn’t event thinking to do it, but my husband help me challenge myself and not limit myself expecially when it comes to my musical gifts. My husband and I even made music together, which I’m so grateful that we did because no
matter what, I will always have the music we made together and the love of music that we always shared together.
After his passing 4 years ago, it was really hard on me. So hard that once again, I had almost given up, but not just on music on everything. I did fall into a deep depression because, to me, I lost my muse, my inspiration, the person who help me see so much within myself that I had no idea was there, my soulmate. For awhile it was extremely hard for me to keep going not only with my music but in life.
But after much prayer, fasting, soul searching and alot of self-love and self-care, I have found my way back to my first love……music. I am now writting, recording, and making video content for my music. I even perform my music every week at certain events for local artists. I had to remember first of who our creator is, and knowing that everything he does is for a reason. It’s up to us on finding out what it is, and what we choose to do with it. I believe that The Most High brought my husband and I together for many reasons. One being to help me do what I was trying to do all along…..find what was missing. Which was not only to support me and my passion, but to help give me that little push that I needed to know how and when to use it. My husband and I made music that not only was relative, but uplifting and powerful, so I made a promise to keep that going, to use my voice for the greater good and to help bring forth change whithin our communities.That’s how I keep his memory alive, and that’s why I call him my Music Muse.
So, to all my fellow kings and queens, I know life may get you down sometimes and that’s okay, but what’s not okay is you staying down. No matter what dreams you have, whatever your passion is, go for it. Never give up. We were all blessed with all kinds of talent, wisdom, understanding, we shoud all use them to make the world a better place. I am not looking for fame from my music, I do it because I love music, it’s who I am, and I want to share not only my talent and my story, but I also want to create change with my music. I owe it all to my husband. So, thank you husband, I love and miss you dearly……………My Music Muse

The sun kissed my cheeks as I opened the blinds.
The silence echoed through the home,
Telling the tale of a good morning.

Warm on the inside and cold on the outside,
That’s just how I like it.
It’s the Earths way of telling me to rest.
Although, this coffee is telling me not to be still,
I sat down, on my emerald green couch and focused on my breath.

The comfort of my space is refreshing.
To know that I am my home has been nothing short of a blessing.

How wonderful it is, to dance in this love that has filled my apartment.
Gratitude poured out of my mouth and onto my possessions.
This solitude allows me to exhale without stressing.

Self has made this place her home and she is here to stay.
Sitting in my sanctuary is what keeps me sane.
As the sun kissed my cheeks, it heard me say,
“This, my love, is a perfect day.”

Rise and shine you beautiful soul!
We have work to do today.
Roll that delicate body out of bed and awaken to the day of wonders ahead.
Today, feels like a good day. I Declare it, embrace it and give thanks.
It’s the perfect day to live.
I am embracing the relaxation and peace that has been gifted to me on such a beautiful morning.
I stretch, and sit up, wiggling my my toes as my legs hang down from my bed. A giggle escapes my lips followed by a smile as my dog mimics me. She nudges me and lets me know that it is time to officially wake up.
I step off of my bed and stand tall. There’s no pain at all. No tingling, no burning, no stiffness at all.
I am at peace. I playfully ask my kitty Nirvana -“Do I choose coffee, or green tea?” She meows back at me. I dance around the the kitchen and I embrace being pain free. There is no stress or struggle as I start my daily chores. You may think this sounds silly, the happiness that bending down brings me as I slide on my shoes. I did it absolutely pain free and that is perfect. It’s perfect for me.
The sun is shining so bright, and I put the leash on my dog. Bieng pain free, has blessed me with a morning walk.
I have energy!
Enough energy to conquer the world, well, that is, enough energy to conquer “My world” or, at least to conquer the tasks that most days I am unable to. Today, I am pain free, and it is absolutely perfect.
I think it’s a good day to go to the gym. Perfect day, that is.
I grab my bag, my book, headphones and my water bottle.
I’m a little bit nervous that this may not last, but quickly push the thoughts away. As today, this moment I am pain free, and today is the perfect day.
My body moves freely, and with each breath that I take I am breathing in love and gratitude. These days are few and far between. Today, I woke up pain free.
I am able to grocery shop without any fears or anxiety. There is no looking over my shoulder I am in the moment. I am safe, and I am living life peacefully. Today, I give thanks for walking up pain free.
I am able to walk the three flights of stairs to visit my grandmother. We’re going to have lunch and play some games. Her company and her smile bring me so much comfort. I’m giving thanks, for such a perfect day.
I woke up pain free. I woke up with the chance to show the world the actual me. With a smile on my face, and my posture upright. I am filled with gratitude and peace. I am grateful for my life.
The perfect day for me, means living without pain.
Without tears, and strain. Oh how I am grateful when I am blessed with a perfect pain free day.
🙏

“A TIME WHEN I DID NOT GIVE UP ON MY WRITING, MUSIC, AND ART”
DEAR UNSEALED,

I have many times,
In my life of 74 years of rhyme
And reason roadblocks
of people have said to me, “What?”
I struggled as a woman, born in 1949,
Of the boomer generation of time.
I was told I could not do this and that,
Tit for tat,
I proved them wrong,
As I write my songs
Of life’s journey
To eternity
And beyond the box thinking of patterns of life
As I continue my strife
At 74 years old
I have been told.
I survived many love relationships,
Time after time sailing the ships,
Across the clouds, the sea, the mountains of earth
As I tread on a new birth
Of still writing and creating art of sorts
Of time and space, of course.
I worked two or three jobs to go to college,
To obtain knowledge.
I attended a Microsoft coding class at 51.
That was my finale with that one.
Being told as a young woman I could not do that,
By certain people who did not know squat about that.
I struggled all my life with a positive attitude,
Of a subdue,
Nature of hiding my tears and feeling blue
As I walked on upon life’s path so true.
Despite my broken relationships with narcissistic pigs
I kept on walking to all my gigs.
Life moves forward along the journey,
Of many miles of this wild child.
Still eccentric, eclectic, boho hippie style
Of peace and love despite the tactics of so many trials
Of work, play, study, and broken narcissistic relationships in my life.
I still believe in me.
Let it be.
Me as a woman in the last decades of my life
And all the strife
I believe in rainbows, angels, and light,
Not to fright
The weary of treading through the jungle of the night,
But to look around at music, art, writing, and light.
I will not give up on my new goals,
Of this old soul
As I tread on with my writing, music, and art,
To make a new start
At 74
And as before
I tread through the desert, the storm,
Of life after so close to death as I was warned
After Long Covid attacked my organs and whatever it could
I survived major abdominal surgery at 72 in 2022.
I still want to live in a paint bucket of words and colors, as I should,
not give up,
Even when finances are low,
And still with health issues of dietary needs
I still drink from the cup of the mustard seed,
As my late Grandma Carrie Soleta implied,
“You are my baby girl, and you will survive.”
My faith is still strong,
As I sing life’s songs
Of blues, laughter, and survival
Of the known and unknown
Of life’s songs upon the sand to the beach
And along
It is faith in my creator and that mustard seed parable,
Teaching from my late Grandma Carrie Soleta.