-Who do you love?

-My partner, my family, my friends.

The list goes on, and even mere strangers make the cut.
And sadly enough, you forget the greatest love of all:
Self-Love.

If only they taught it to us in school.
Just as important as Math and Science,
Language Arts and yes, Health 101.

“When I get married…”
Those words echo through the school’s halls.
Young girls and women engraved to believe,
That we are not complete on our own.
To even the most romantic phrases like
“mi media naranja,” or “haf-orange” if you know what I mean.

Loving yourself is a life skill.
In searching for another’s acceptance and so-called love,
risk of losing your self-worth.
Is it worth it?

You deserve better.
Just love yourself first.
Sounds easy to me,
Until I remember the hardships endured by the women in my family.
Their sacrifice, my lessons.

Loving myself took some years.
I was single for a very long while.
First kiss, I think I was 21.
Some dates, complicated -ships, and even one night stands.
Nothing serious
because truth be told,
I was always happy by myself.

How did I do it?
Not even I know, but I suspect I was forced to learn to love myself
when my mom passed away.
Patience with my healing, setting boundaries, surviving.
Gradually wanting more for myself.
A love of my own: Self-love.
Then, a love of life.
Everything else
they say, falling into place.
First relationship and love at 29.
Shocking in this society.

Was it perfect timing?
What about fate?
Soulmates?
I will never know.
I adore my love and even then he knows my code.

Grief has shown me,
Whispered in my ear,
“Don’t base your life on another human being.”
I lost my mom and for a second believing,
I no longer wanted to live.
Insisting it’s different from wanting to die,
It IS different but still terrifying.
The journey taught me to be content
With just me.
Solitude, my beautiful companion.
Everything else,
a huge blessing.

My alone time,
so dear to me.
Just as important as family time, date nights, and work.
It’s something that my soul so desperately needs.
Practicing self-love,
the most important lesson to be learned.

I love myself.
These words replace the others before.
I love myself for believing in me.
For choosing happiness despite the mishappenings.
For ignoring the negativity, the people calling me naive.
I love just that,
the optimist in me.