She’s not one to follow along in bureaucracies, but
She’s been known to follow along in love

Fiercely independent, and driven while on her own path, but
Easily drained, and lead astray when giving to another

Still… she follows along in love.

Full of fire that feeds off respect and integrity
She’ll defend you as an army of one… yes all on her own
Yet, isolation, loneliness and rejection is all she knows in return

Still… she follows along in love

She’s not one to avoid the storm,
Often portrayed as the shipwreck herself
False narratives, twisted details, made up truths and hidden facts ambush her reputation regularly
Reactions are the focus as she’s pushed to her breaking point

Still… she follows along in love

Broken down little by little made to feel crazy, unworthy, defeated, until she no longer recognizes herself

Still… she follows along in…chaos!

Determination for justice and revenge boil her blood
She convinced herself dishing out their own medicine, was OK
She became the tornado, the volcano, the earthquake, the SHIPWRECK… she became the shipwreck!

Desperation showed itself at rock-bottom
She stood at a crossroads in a ghost town with no map, and no compass

With all her might, one more time, she decided to follow along in love… for herself!

I felt like giving up
I was hanging from a thread
I just wanted to quiet
The thoughts inside my head
I’ve been hanging on for so long
Everything I felt was so wrong
I closed my eyes and took a breath
Letting go of all that caused me stress
I had to release myself
To hold on to something else
In that moment, I found my strength
To face the darkness and go the length
I took a step forward, embracing the unknown
With every stride, my confidence had grown
Though the road was rocky and filled with strife
I knew deep inside, I was reclaiming my life
No longer defined by the shadows of the past
I emerged stronger, ready to make it last

The tryouts were at noon today
and I was up there on display.

The coach said, “show us what you’ve got!”
my knees went weak, my face felt hot.

I tried a cartwheel, hit the wall,
and took a rather nasty fall.

My handstand was a total flop
I landed with a painful plop.

A backflip? I said what the heck,
then fell and almost broke my neck.

A backbend? Well, I really tried
but wrenched my back and nearly cried.

I tried the mini trampoline
but felt like such a klutzy teen.

I asked for other stunts to try.
The coach responded, with a sigh,

“A somersault should be a breeze
but you just bloodied both your knees.

“A roundabout? A running flip?
I fear, my dear, that you would trip.”

This cheering stuff is crazy hard
so I went home to my back yard.

My arms are sore and so’s my rear.
Can’t WAIT to try again next year!

p.s. I tried my best to become a cheerleader but other candidates had mad skillz, so I concentrated on mastering the trumpet. It worked out well because I became first chair trumpet.

I was proud to be on the football field in high school (with the cheerleaders on the sidelines) marching and cheering on our football team.

I know it hurts sometimes
when things don’t go your way.
But I’ve been thinking about it
and I think its better that way.
Somtimes the best intentions
become the biggest mistakes.
But if you can hold your head up
you’ll make it through another day.

Next time you think you’re down for the count,
keep on fighting.
If you think you can’t go on,
keep on going
I know that it’s easier said than done,
but keep on trying.
Life is what you make it,
so keep on keepin’ on.

Some say hard times are a blessing,
others say they’re a curse.
I’ve been on the other side
and things could always be worse.
Sometimes the tunnel seems so long and you can’t see the light,
don’t let the darkness overwhelm you,
the end is in sight.

Next time you think you’re down for the count,
keep on fighting.
If you think you can’t go on,
keep on going
I know that it’s easier said than done,
but keep on trying.
Life is what you make it,
so keep on keepin’ on.

Now when you’re on the path less traveled,
alone and afraid,
think of those who will follow you –
they are lives you can change.
Your journey is an open book,
and you’re the writer of the page.
So don’t give up hope,
you’ll soon see beter days.

Next time you think you’re down for the count,
keep on fighting.
If you think you can’t go on,
keep on going
I know that it’s easier said than done,
but keep on trying.
Life is what you make it,
so keep on keepin’ on.

I used to fantasize
about the life I used to want –
well, always wanted.
Yet, I could never visualize with my own eyes.

I was the thoroughbred.
Satin panties with a bedazzled asscrack.
The day I ate that holy bread —
in my mouth, Jesus’ sack.

Marriage.
–
But they forgot to build the carriage.
Self-love and confidence — never taught,
but to be on the prowl to be bought.
Young and dumb — my husband, the savage.
… just like my dad.

You taught me that my worth would one day sag.
Old and decrepit, who would look at this hag?
Without a will to learn new skills,
off I go to drink a bottle of pills.

For one day, he would divorce me.
He’d start fucking under forty!
You’d find me at the drive-thru line
all because my dreams — I never gave time.

With the flip of a switch
(and that dildo purchase)
Oxytocin — has my family’s words dismissed.
Thirty-three. Single. Orgasms. Bliss —
not cleaning up shit or piss.

The disconnect from what I had.
The connection to what I need.
The universe planted the seed.
The will to grow watered — pain needed to bleed.

Dear Unsealers…
I can’t tell you enough of how important it is to remain motivated and focused on your dreams, passions and the love of whatever gifts you may have. Never give up on them, no matter what. Let me tell you about my most recent lesson about not giving up.
So, I have always loved to sing, I found out really early on like age 5 that I not only really loved music, but that I also have a nice voice as well. My mother knew of this but, to her it was more just something that I would do around the house but it was soo much more than just that. I really have a passion and love for music, how it sounds,how it make you feel, how it makes others feel. The enjoyment of hearing/seeing someone else who have the same love and passion for it as you do, seeing them express themselves using their experiences by creating art. Thats what music is to me. It’s art. It is apart of me, but my mom just wanted me to focus on school, which I did but still felt like something was missing. But what??
So, as the years went by, I kind of subpressed my love for music to focus on school for awhile. I never really sang at church because eventhough my love for music was there, so was the fear of singing in front of others.
Unltil around my middle school years. Preteen years. I had been blessed to have found other girls like myself that also loved to sing at school. We were all in the same class and for me, it was a releif to finally find people who love music just as much as I do. We had decided to form an all girl group. There were 4 of us, 3 singers and we 1 female rapper . Our group was called GWA (girls with attitude) crazy right lol. We would all hang out singing all the time in the classroom, and always did mini concerts at lunch which was cool, because eveyone would gather around us and it also really helped me to get over fear of public speaking/singing. We all even joined the school choir together. But still, I wanted more.I though ,okay now may be that time try. But when I would try to get us to be more serious about our muisc, no one really cared but me. I wasnt trying to become famous but I did want to do more with my musical talent because it’s more than just a hobby it’s something I’m passionate about.
After no one wanting to take their music seriously, of course we all went our seprate ways, but we also all ended up going to different high-schools and lives too. Which is where I met my music muse. My now late husband. He not only loved music just as much as I did, but he knew how to do engineering side as well and he even taught me a few things. My husband was very hands-on when it came to music, which was one of the things that I loved most about him. But, when it came to me and my music and not having support that I needed, I gave up breifley. I guess the real reason why I stopped working on my craft/music after the group broke up was because to me it was like another let down. Which felt like another failure. Not being able to understand what exactly am I supposed to do with this gift and passion if the things I’m trying aren’t getting me anywhere.
But throughout our 15years together, my husband of course pushed me to challenge myself and help me to see that I shouldn’t give up something that makes me who I am. My huband was a rapper as well, so he had his way with words and putting them together. I did too, but my lane was just singing, so I thought. One day he challeged me to see if I can do it, (rap) and lets just say I have been rapping and singing ever since lol. I had no idea that I could, wasn’t event thinking to do it, but my husband help me challenge myself and not limit myself expecially when it comes to my musical gifts. My husband and I even made music together, which I’m so grateful that we did because no
matter what, I will always have the music we made together and the love of music that we always shared together.
After his passing 4 years ago, it was really hard on me. So hard that once again, I had almost given up, but not just on music on everything. I did fall into a deep depression because, to me, I lost my muse, my inspiration, the person who help me see so much within myself that I had no idea was there, my soulmate. For awhile it was extremely hard for me to keep going not only with my music but in life.
But after much prayer, fasting, soul searching and alot of self-love and self-care, I have found my way back to my first love……music. I am now writting, recording, and making video content for my music. I even perform my music every week at certain events for local artists. I had to remember first of who our creator is, and knowing that everything he does is for a reason. It’s up to us on finding out what it is, and what we choose to do with it. I believe that The Most High brought my husband and I together for many reasons. One being to help me do what I was trying to do all along…..find what was missing. Which was not only to support me and my passion, but to help give me that little push that I needed to know how and when to use it. My husband and I made music that not only was relative, but uplifting and powerful, so I made a promise to keep that going, to use my voice for the greater good and to help bring forth change whithin our communities.That’s how I keep his memory alive, and that’s why I call him my Music Muse.
So, to all my fellow kings and queens, I know life may get you down sometimes and that’s okay, but what’s not okay is you staying down. No matter what dreams you have, whatever your passion is, go for it. Never give up. We were all blessed with all kinds of talent, wisdom, understanding, we shoud all use them to make the world a better place. I am not looking for fame from my music, I do it because I love music, it’s who I am, and I want to share not only my talent and my story, but I also want to create change with my music. I owe it all to my husband. So, thank you husband, I love and miss you dearly……………My Music Muse

“A TIME WHEN I DID NOT GIVE UP ON MY WRITING, MUSIC, AND ART”
DEAR UNSEALED,

I have many times,
In my life of 74 years of rhyme
And reason roadblocks
of people have said to me, “What?”
I struggled as a woman, born in 1949,
Of the boomer generation of time.
I was told I could not do this and that,
Tit for tat,
I proved them wrong,
As I write my songs
Of life’s journey
To eternity
And beyond the box thinking of patterns of life
As I continue my strife
At 74 years old
I have been told.
I survived many love relationships,
Time after time sailing the ships,
Across the clouds, the sea, the mountains of earth
As I tread on a new birth
Of still writing and creating art of sorts
Of time and space, of course.
I worked two or three jobs to go to college,
To obtain knowledge.
I attended a Microsoft coding class at 51.
That was my finale with that one.
Being told as a young woman I could not do that,
By certain people who did not know squat about that.
I struggled all my life with a positive attitude,
Of a subdue,
Nature of hiding my tears and feeling blue
As I walked on upon life’s path so true.
Despite my broken relationships with narcissistic pigs
I kept on walking to all my gigs.
Life moves forward along the journey,
Of many miles of this wild child.
Still eccentric, eclectic, boho hippie style
Of peace and love despite the tactics of so many trials
Of work, play, study, and broken narcissistic relationships in my life.
I still believe in me.
Let it be.
Me as a woman in the last decades of my life
And all the strife
I believe in rainbows, angels, and light,
Not to fright
The weary of treading through the jungle of the night,
But to look around at music, art, writing, and light.
I will not give up on my new goals,
Of this old soul
As I tread on with my writing, music, and art,
To make a new start
At 74
And as before
I tread through the desert, the storm,
Of life after so close to death as I was warned
After Long Covid attacked my organs and whatever it could
I survived major abdominal surgery at 72 in 2022.
I still want to live in a paint bucket of words and colors, as I should,
not give up,
Even when finances are low,
And still with health issues of dietary needs
I still drink from the cup of the mustard seed,
As my late Grandma Carrie Soleta implied,
“You are my baby girl, and you will survive.”
My faith is still strong,
As I sing life’s songs
Of blues, laughter, and survival
Of the known and unknown
Of life’s songs upon the sand to the beach
And along
It is faith in my creator and that mustard seed parable,
Teaching from my late Grandma Carrie Soleta.