My love;
I’m sorry for never seeing you
For constantly gas lighting.
Every time you tried to speak;
I silenced you like suppression.
You cried while I turned my back
I couldn’t even stand to see your reflection.
“LOOK AT ME!”
With salt stained cheeks and blood shot eyes
I finally see that its been you,
Staring back at me.
This beautiful, kind hearted piece of art;
Your strip wrapped breast & thighs, your tattoos
Tell me stories of your journey thus far.
Your mind is magnificently filled with knowledge; to mend the wounded.
I’m excited to finally fall completely in love with you
After all these foolish, wasteful, distasteful years.
Always yours; Forever mine
-Me

Dear Flower Girl,
Love is the warm mud
your ran through
with bare feet.
Love is woven
in the synthetic threads
of lavender silk.
In the weedy bouquets
you would leave
on neighbors doorsteps.
Sticky curls chewed with baby teeth.
How time-out was just more time
to daydream.
And when anger shook the house,
your magic made cupcakes
that shrunk you down
to hide in photographs with safer strangers.
Your tawny flesh could melt into the earth
Disappear inside a circle of mushrooms.
And all the angels and Fae would whisk you away—
the way the dawn exhales over the dewy mist
is the way your innocence wrapped you.
Immune to hatred
Blind to greed
So tender to the saplings and baby-things.
As if all of nature was a mermaid’s mirror
and you wanted to help everyone
with synthetic threads
and warm mud.

Dear Fair Maiden,
Love is the adhesive
that binds the heel
to your platform.
In the body beneath your tube dress.
Skin so fertile
moss could sprout from your pores.
Your flirty laugh
others would glance at;
sensing it
like expensive perfume
Smells wet and hot.
You teased them all
Made them squirm.
Teetered in the twilight
between summer and autumn.
Between playtime and foreboding.
A mysterious temptation
all apex predators grow into
from being wild for too long.
With a fickle, feather-light weight
dancing from
one shade of red
to the next.
Leave a trail of black pepper and rose and
breadcrumbs of lovers
who search for your shadow
under their pillow.
As if trying to catch a clever crow.
Even your evilness is love—
those fearless talons dig into life
squeeze the prey out of everything.
Remind them what life is.
Leave them panting.

Dear Medicine Woman,
Love is the taproot
that spreads and sprawls
below your feet.
The deep network of
your steadfastness.
Down
with all the centipedes and mycelium.
In the heart of the earth
where goddesses are born.
You are one with it all:
daughter, maiden, mother.
How her joy bubbles with
mineral baths and
songbirds in December.
Each is a present
she graces you with.
Every spark celebrates
the brilliance
you’ve become.
I cannot love the earth
without loving you
The womb of the universe
in every breath you draw.
Brave and beautiful
Wise as willow
Bear the harvest full of fruits
Use your mortar to make medicines
Turn little girls to flower girls
Give the mountain to the maiden
and spread the seeds around your home.
Cradling her young
Forgiving her shadow
Delicate as lace and strong as oak.
Sweet lady, I love all of you
Until love is shown in the bones of your hands
and your skin is dust.
All that is forever—
the reminders life is kind,
the lessons love is hard,
the bouquets on the doorstep,
the hearts that churn at night.
From the baby-bud
to the ancient tree—
and all that’s in between is
the gift that is you.

Is it considered taboo to want to research the very parts of me?

A primordial sphinx on the hunt for freedom.
A rainbow warrior with the glow of a fire fly.

I wanted to see the world and be the difference ever since a child. I couldn’t find the words to express but I knew deep down this life was far bigger than you and I.
Society wants to chain our mind and keep us bound, but I reject that notion through the shield of mirrors. There should be A level of quiet respect to the highest form when the ancients make thie face appear in the rising skies above.

Not a heavy soul can grasp the magic of this love for self, it’s a ripple effect to the elect .

“They deem it selfish” Only because boundaries were set after unmasking the strings of lifeless puppets due to Geppettos scheme.

As a child it made my insides scream but now I’m back as a Samurai ready to cut the veil as I snatch my voice back !

Cause Regardless I will stay poised. Like wind chimes with a silent sound , a rhythm pumping through my veins harmonizing sweet grace.

I AM urbane.

I will not settle for less than anything I deserve. If I’m honest it’s true to say there were many lessons learned. My heart became open the more I got stabbed in it.
A shock to the sight. An implosion of a madriasis to a gapping Truth . The hurt we experience as a poison we ingest
Most tend to glorified as they justify with that same unchanged behavior. Triggering an unstoppable velocity of the most gruesome Mary go round with acceptance like a token of appreciation to the repetitive cycle.

It’s scary

Those red flags tingle on the inside like a ping pong shaking my electrical receptors alerting every meridian as I raise my fist in deflection.
I’m Sensing your bullshit underneath that trench coat of shadows you wear like the latest fashion coat .

So Mote it Not to be

So yet again I denounce that decree. Cause for so many years I’ve shed many tears for the joy of kissing happiness.
My Celibacy amplifies my potency to having that .
I find it easy to Disarm the ego of the shallow man.

Through every mirror I walk past, when I look into my own eyes I fall deep
No succubus or strays I deserve the real thing.
A beauty that desires the same love as me, the same beauty that when I look at HER, I see me .
The more I say no to the world outside the bigger the battle comes to oblige.

No worries, “Why do you think Arch Angel Michael carries a sword at his side?
I Just close my eyes and quantum leap. As The Angels heal and protect me, while i sleep”.

I’m On a psychic voyage , navigating through intuition. Writing down my dreams that are often a premonition
I’ll cut that cord within the quickness, calling back my energy if it brings me discord, as i recalibrate.

There shouldn’t be a war between two worlds based off my decision to walk away as my will is free.
Its my sanity I’m protecting and my heart I’m cleansing from the past of a treacherous journey .
These years of silence helped me through my mind as I roamed the inside like a tomb raider.

Removing those chains , picking locks. Warring to denounce those words these dark guardians spoke over me to forever be shackled in hurt ignoring Gods knock .
Even though the little girl was Drowning in tears, she was guarding my purity from the start .
-A captor for my love, a wise old wizard at heart.

She knew the struggles and the Abrasions they would cause, but never even to this day would let me die without basking in the ambience of heavens poetry.
it’s a schism

Like A war of the hearts

… “The fire has got to cease”
( I smile as I listen to the beautiful Sade Sing)

There is enough grief in this world as is.
I’m tired of battling THERE schizoid antics through covert tactics that over time made me walk further away from the beautiful parts of me.

After so many years of searching and finding it took 33 years to find me.
My battle scars are these dark circles under my eyes . Saying “ I love you Ashley, it’s about time we found you in I .

Like hidden scrolls I dove deep inside cement walls just to access these very parts of me. Of course there’s more to come for my life in the now is just the beginning of my true self.

(This is why I love myself )

Note to the world of readers and writers:

“There is a series of major lessons that must be learned each life time, one is the walk within. Boldly choosing the shear beauty of seeking the love of self, beyond a stellar dream is the key to your heart,… YOU are the key to your own heart. Once you choose you, everything meant will fall in line too ❤️”

My dear Lorinda, here’s to you
Some words of praise I feel you’re due

Too often quick to criticize
Much less likely to emphasize

The abundance of kindness, love, and grace
You thoughtfully grant those in your space

And opposite your gentle side
You’re a lioness who protects her pride

With fearless strength and fortitude
You don’t back down from any feud

I’m proud of the human you strive to be
And know you’ll continue to work on me

So, just like mom oft says to you
I love you so, Lorindy-Lou

Dearest vibrant, beautiful, magical Sofia, when I first laid eyes on you, I instantly felt and saw the kindness, strength and grace you hold in your being. It would be my greatest honor to be given a chance by you to stand in the divine masculine role of protector and support to you. I long to know you deeply, and to consistently show up for you in a way that fully allows you to be in a state of love. My strong hands eagerly anticipate your he moment our fingers intertwine. I vow to you, my beautiful wise love, that I will be ready for you, and I will bring my authentic self to our divine union. I can feel the love I have for you expanding and I so look forward to helping you o create a healthy and stable family dynamic for your children. I want to be a healed male presence in your and your children’s lives. I can’t wait to take you on romantic dates and magical vacations. I really love your parents, especially since they brought you into this world. I am so glad we connected in the right place and time. I love our life together. My love for you expands infinitely, I look forward to being with you soon my love.

Dear Gerald,

Loving yourself
is like putting a warm blanket
to shield me from the brutal cold
that’s eager to enter my place
and take over my space

but my increased self-love
from above
inside my mind
reminds me
to protect the warmth
I have inside my vessel
and keep my heart alive
from those who wish harm and hate
to crush my mental state
and conquer me

like a conqueror wanting new land
to bring his/her band
to rule in sinister ways
and cause darker days
for the conquered

self-love
is a must for us all
to stand tall
in the face of adversity 
that will persist to threaten our peace
and try to cease
the love 
that we worked hard to keep
for ourselves 
and show others the way
to love themselves all-day

self-love is a non-stop process
that we must maintain to have success
in loving ourselves 
 On your self-love journey
I wish you well
so that you can have a self-love story to tell

This may come as a shock to some,
Maybe not to all but,
I’m just now learning to love myself.
Was never taught so
I am just now,
almost 21 years on this earth
Learning to love & appreciate
Me.
This past year has taught me
So much about myself.
About what I’ve let slide,
Underappreciated, taken for granted.
Even up until the very night
The clock struck 12.
I don’t know what has come over me
These past couple months
But
I yearn to know more about me.
Instead of looking at my life
Through a 3rd person lens,
Puppeting around with no mind,
No control.
Epiphany after epiphany
I step more and more into the position
Of living my life as I please.
Doing things that I’ve convinced myself not to.
Leaving when I’ve had enough,
Saying how I feel as soon as I feel it.
These are the things
That say “I love you”
In many different ways.
I am still learning what it is to
Prioritize
Me.
But it feels too good not to.
I’m becoming comfortable with the fact
That
Not everyone is going to be happy with me
All the time.
That
The sky doesn’t fall forever.
That I am the one living my life
All I have is me,
Why put myself through things
That I don’t see for myself?
Why struggle?
What more can I get?
What more can I have?
I have always craved more,
I’ve just always been too afraid
Of the pain
Of shedding skin.
Of change.
I love that I’m learning to hear my intuition
More clear.
I love that I’m doing the things that make me anxious,
In a healthy way.
I love that I am learning to speak my mind,
Regardless of what the other person may
Think or feel.
I love it all.
A retired people pleaser in the making.
I still have long to go,
But the journey feels too good already
Not to finish.
I have all my life to learn
More
Different ways
to love me.

Dear Unsealed,

Why do i love myself begins with why do I need to accept myself as the first step in why we are all here as human beings on Earth.

Growing up in a patriarchal society there were many times I hated myself. I grew up fast and looked like a woman at 11 years old. So, let us see that it was then 1961.

Now I am 74 years old and not sure if I would go so far to say I love myself, but I do like myself. So, I will engage in why I am my own best friend. I am learning to love myself.

The spirit of learning to accept oneself as themselves is tricky. As human beings we are always comparing ourselves to other people. We want their body shape, or their wardrobe or face and body characteristics. The first process in learning to accept oneself is to not compare oneself to another human. We are all unique in body form, speech, clothes style, food tastes and how our brains reflect upon everyday activities and our personality styles.

I like myself because I like my DNA of worldly all over the globe style. I like myself because I do not live in a boxy world of thinking. I live outside the box. I like myself because I love to wear boho flower child clothes as well as my décor must be boho. I like myself because I have a well-rounded education in different professions. I am a multi-tasker. I love music, art, writing, movies, computers, photography, and life.

I have learned to accept my empathic abilities. This was not an overnight decision, due to being an empath with high sensitivity is seen as a weakness by bullies and other controlling personalities. I love my vivid dreams that I have nightly. I dream of faraway places, new people, and environments. That is strange to many people. It is a gift from my ancestors. I love that gift that was passed down from ancestors and the Universe. I sometimes see spirits and I also have learned to relish this gift.

I love my crazy curly long hair. I just love to try new color gels on my hair. To some people it is a crazy thing to do. To me it has been normal since I was a teenager. To others it is a shame I do not act my age. Since I was told that as a young teenager, I figured out what they meant to say is do not do anything that irritates them. If we as one human being listened to every negative comment mentioned to us, we would sit in a corner just staring at nothing because that is where the haters and narcissists want everyone to be that does not think like them. However, I focus on positive critique not negative opinions. I like myself because of faith and concentration on healing and light.

I love to talk about healing, love, and light to everyone. I was told by a person who scolded me for loving the light and healing, “Oh you always want to love everyone. You will soon learn not to do that.” I did not listen to that remark. I remember that remark but considered it to be nothing.

I love myself now as I think about my resilience to bounce out of depression and illness. At 74 years old I survived long Covid and major surgery and almost dying. My philosophy of love, light, healing, and peace was expanded after the illness into another realm of living with empathic gifts.

If we as human beings learn to have a good relationship with each other instead of forcing others to walk and talk like the hater, then humanity would be at peace not war. However, that is a fairytale of sorts that we as empaths and healers must take with a grain of salt.

I have also learned that the more one listens to haters the more one will hate themselves just as much as the haters hate themselves. So, now I love myself as I complete this letter to explain why I love myself. I cannot be anyone else nor can anyone else be me.

I believe learning to love oneself can be difficult especially if one is depressed. I have a wonderful therapist who gets me.

May we as a human being species learn to love one another as we are unique, eccentric individuals who were created by the Universe to live and breathe on Earth.

I remember a song I used to sing to myself in the 70s as I marched for equal rights, “I am Woman, Watch me Roar.”

Sincerely,

Dear Ideal Rachel,

I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing this to you in a tough time. It is October 29, 2023. It is a cold, sunny Sunday. The whole weekend I have been upset; I do not know why. I think it is because I am in a perpetual state of loneliness that I cannot seem to escape. In my ideal world I would not feel this pain, this loneliness, this urge to scream and yell at everyone that has ever wronged me, but without this urge and pain, I would not be alive.

My ideal self is someone who has improved. Someone who has gotten better every day. I hope that I am ideal in the future. I hope that everyday makes you smile, I hope you are happy and proud of your life, proud of me.

I do not know why life is this hard and I wish you could write back to me and tell me what is going to happen or tell me what to do with my life, or at least tell me if anything I am doing will pay off. I know you cannot, and it hurts to know that there is a possibility that I will end up sad and alone, living a miserable life. On the other hand, it inspires me that every day is a new chance. I have hundreds of days left to love, to live, to get better.

Someday, I hope to be in your shoes right now and write a letter to my even more ideal self. Maybe your ideal self is someone completely different, and I love to think about that. I also would love to be that person. I hope that you are living by yourself, something I have dreamed of for years. Hopefully, we will still have a cat, preferably the one I have now. I want to stay in Washington, we have always lived here, everything we have ever loved is here.

Usually, people send these letters to get advice, or to ask for something. I am sending this to you to let you know that I am struggling. The world seems to hate me, and it often is kicking me down. I often break down crying because I do not know where I am, what to do, or wonder why people cannot love me the way I love them. It is heartbreaking to live like this. Even so, I have never felt so alive. I have never been this content in my life. Something about crying, realizing my mistake and what I can do to fix it, and moving on, is so rewarding. Hard days or not, I am proud of me. I am proud of me for not ending my life two years ago. I am proud that I saved myself. I am proud to be alive for you. I am proud to be alive for me.

Have a wonderful life, I will see you.

Best wishes,