I’ve always wanted deep connection. Honesty. Unwavering loyalty and unquestionable morals. I whined about the lack of depth in relationships each time my expectations weren’t exceeded. I wallowed in my own disappointment because I believed in a fairytale type of love. I thought, “if someone can dream it up, then they can make it happen.” I pushed myself to be what modeled my fantasy. I thought that if I could put myself in that storybook world then someone would love me like princes love princesses.

And I pushed a relationship for nearly 10 years to be that fairytale love. But no matter how hard I pushed, it just wouldn’t light up how I believed was possible. At first, I tried harder and harder, thinking if I was better, he would love me better. But as time went on, I developed a bit of resentment towards the man that I loved because he wasn’t giving me the relationship I always dreamt of and so patiently ushered him into. After his 28th birthday, he knew he wanted to get a home with me. After his 28th birthday, I knew I couldn’t commit to the absence of my fantasy any longer. I had to stop forcing a fairytale love.

The need to end things was a devastating realization for someone who thinks that people will love each other forever. But also, a liberating realization for someone who knows that real and whole love exists. It took a lot of days of feeling rejected before I acknowledged that I couldn’t push someone to be what they don’t want to be. And it took even more back and forth to truly acknowledge that someone can be a great person but not your person. In releasing the fantasy that I attached to my relationship, I affirmed to myself that fairytale love does exist. Because I saved myself from a future that wasn’t meant for me, just like how the princes save princesses.

Dear Unsealers,
In a world ever changing technologically, it is sometimes difficult to keep up. I know this because I came to the computer late in life.
About 25 years ago I was hired as a pharmaceutical sales representative. My new employer handed me a computer and told me that everything I do in the field needs to be recorded on the computer. That included physician discussions, sampling activity and goals for the next sales interaction. In addition, I was told to set up my whole territory on excel sheets and create pie charts displaying market share. Oh my gosh! I was overwhelmed and terrified. Could I ever master this machine or would it be my great downfall?
I decided I was going to have to learn a new skill. I sought guidance and tutorials from my more knowledgeable peers. I practiced every night following the instructions as to how to do different tasks. Also, the company help desk employees became my good friends.
I discovered in myself that I could actually learn a new skill even when that skill seemed really daunting. Today I am pretty proficient on the computer. It feels like I climbed a tall mountain, got to the top, breathed in some fresh air and then patted myself on the back and screamed I did it!!

Shelley

Dear unsealed community,
When I was 23 years old I was living with my parents and 2 sisters in Nanuet,N. Y. My father, who was a chemical engineer, owned and aerosol factory. One night we got a call from the Haverstraw police. My father’s factory blew up in the middle of the night. My father drove the 20 minutes up to Haverstraw at 3:00am to see his building burnt to the ground. Thank goodness no one was hurt.
Unfortunately this event meant my Dad had to find another place to make a living. He was offered a job working for a company in Lima,Ohio. He was going to merge with this company before the fire. Now he was forced to go work for them. This turn of events led to a very scary time for me personally. My parents had to move away and leave me and my sister in New york where we were both enrolled in college.
For the next year I had so much anxiety and felt so sad. My parents were so far away. I missed them so much. I cried every night.
After a year I met my husband Alan. He was very comforting. He understood how I felt because he was very close with his family.He became my safe space.
Talking about my feelings with Alan, who was a great listener, helped to release my fears and anxieties. He even came with me the first time I went to visit my parents in Ohio. After a couple of years my coping skills became stronger and I mentally began to accept that I would never be able to live with my parents again. Time does tend to heal wounds. Having a safe space and person like my husband to support me is a gift I will appreciate for the rest of my life.

It was 12 months into the covid pandemic. It was a very challenging time for the world. Personally, I was struggling. I hadn’t seen my daughter for a year and only saw my son from a long distance a few times even though he lived close by.
Then we started to be feel bolstered by the fact that a vaccine was coming in April. Could this vaccine really change the trajectory of this virus? Could I see my daughter again who was isolated alone in a building in florida? A year is a very long time to to be separated from your child. I was hopeful but frightened.
What was I frightened about? Actually the exact thing that gave me hope at the same time really scared me as well. I wondered. Is this vaccine safe? How would it effect my health, my husband’s health and my children’s health. What would happen when they injected the virus into my body. I had always worked so hard to live a healthy lifestyle. Now I was putting a new vaccine into my body that did not have many years of research behind it. It was not just scary. It was terrifying.
Well the day came when my
husband and I had to drive to Jersey City Medical Center to get that first vaccine. We both were nervous but I decided to trust the scientists and pharmaceutical industry which I have been a part of for the last 45 years. Since Alan and I are older we were getting the vaccine before our children. This turned into another form of motivation for me. I thought I will take this vaccine to give researchers more information as to how people tolerate the vaccine. So we masked up to the point that Alan and I looked like astronauts going into space. We gave the nurse our information, rolled up our sleeves. I started to sob. I cried for several reasons. Sadness for all the suffering covid had brought to the world, fear I was going to die at that moment but most importantly I cried because I arrived at this moment where I found my bravery. I faced my fear took the shot and thought perhaps our world would turn around and we could reunite with love ones. Perhaps we could all live again. My tears eventually turned to joy and pride that day. Could there be a light at the end of this dark tunnel? Well I am here and thank goodness my family is too.

Dear Lauren,
Ever since you were a small child you were always extremely chatty. I was lucky to be the recipient of your words of wisdom. When you were a teenager I was working in New York City working with some really amazing physicians. I was intimidated by these colleagues that I actually had to teach. I had to give them very detailed information about very strong drugs that were actually controlled substances. I was challenged and questioned a lot by these doctors. I came home worried that I was an inadequate source of information for these thought leaders.
Well those evenings when I came home feeling less worthy of my position, I would tell you how I felt. You were always so supportive and complimentary. Every night you would tell me I was much smarter then I thought and yes you always told me how beautiful I was. You were so insistent that I accept the fact that I was very smart. Growing up I struggled in elementary school. I reversed my letters, had trouble in math and had terrible handwriting. My report card usually had C’s. Nothing to be proud of compared to my 2 very gifted children and my attorney husband. I would tell you all this quite often at night and you would not hear it. That was in the past. You told me I gave really good advice, that I was articulate, a good listener, and was much smarter then I gave myself credit for.
Lauren, I think I have finally found the confidence in myself that you saw in me all along. We all need a cheerleader in our life and you have been mine. I am so lucky to have you and Andrew and Dad in my life to raise me up. So I really always had 3 cheerleaders, but you my dear, with your outgoing personality, had the loudest megaphone. Your positive words are always there in my head swirling around telling me “Mom you can do it” Thank you my dear beautiful daughter Lauren.

Mom

Dear Margaret Sanger,
Many years ago I was hired as a pharmaceutical representative to sell birth control. At the time, I did not give much thought as to how fortunate women are when it comes to deciding when they will birth a baby. But at some point I got curious. When did contraception become available to women in this country? To my surprise, I learned that up until the 1900’s any mention or dissemination of literature or actual birth control options was illegal. So what did I do? Well of course first I googled, which lead me to read the very interesting biography of the amazing advocate for the reproductive freedom movement, Margaret Sanger.
Margaret, you were so brave to publish the first articles on women’s sexuality in a very candid way. You stirred up a-lot of controversy but at the same time many women also supported your writings. You worked as a visiting nurse in NYC and met women who were performing dangerous life threatening abortions on themselves out of desperation. When one very desperate woman, who already had many children, asked her doctor if there was anything she could to prevent pregnancy he just suggested abstinence. These types of insensitive and unrealistic attitudes motivated you to begin educating women in a public forum about birth control. For this, you were arrested. You were forced to flee the country and live abroad until the American society was ready to be enlightened on this subject. You were so passionate and dedicated to the well being of women.
Margaret, many people do not know you were the founder of Planned Parenthood, an organization that has treated thousands of women, offering a wide array of gynecological services at a very affordable level. You impacted my life because you inspired me and impassioned me to be a voice for those who cannot advocate for themselves. Reading about your challenging journey to provide women with reproductive freedom, I became a better sales representative. You put my heart into every word I expressed to my customers. Those doctors I spoke to went on to provide more viable, safe birth control choices for their patients. You gave me a purpose to my career and a great pride in my work. Thank you, my hero, Margaret Sanger, a liberator for all women.

Shelley Brill
Mother of 2 amazing children Lauren and Andrew Brill

Dear Unsealers,
I may have grown up in the fifties and sixties when women were relegated to domestic roles but I was
very lucky. I had a Dad and Mom who always made me feel that I could do more in life. They believed in me and encouraged me to get a good education and choose a career that would make me happy. I was lucky to find fulfillment in a career and as a mother. I have learned that giving children love and attention strengthens their self-esteem. Look for people in your life who support you with positivity and always know that as a woman your opportunities in life are limitless. Just be strong and never let anyone get in your way. But there might be times when you have to stand up to people who want to put you down or dismiss you simply because you are a threat to them or they are jealous of you or afraid of your potential. These situations will challenge you but not defeat you. You will keep your head down, ignore the noise and continue to excel. Do not give the naysayers your power. Eventually you will rise above and show the world what a determined woman can do.
Women have power!
Best of luck to my sister community,
Shelley Brill