This time
I am
Clawing my way
Out of
The grave
I laid in
The grave
I prayed in
Waiting
For a change
An extracating hand
With a shovel
To come
And dig
Looking for me
Somehow
Knowing I was
In there
The dirt
Never lifted
No matter
How many
Times
I shifted
I would scream
Sometimes
I would even
Sing
Nobody came
I decided
I would
Die in
Darkness
Blind to the power
I could harness
Then I realized
I was awake
Nowhere near
Death
I may have
Felt defeated
But I still
Had some
Strength left
My hands began
To move freely
My legs too
I was never
Stuck
I just accepted
Too many lies
As my truth
Leaving me
Confused
The years
Before
Were heavy
Filled with turmoil
This year is
Brand new
I am no
Longer
Beneath the soil

Dear me,
Yes you,
You are a capable woman. Strong, intelligent, and resilient is your name. You put fires out that are aimlessly burning, and in the same breath have the ability to ignite the most powerful flames.
You are a capable woman. A dog mom, a cheerful wife, and a spiritual pillar to many. You work hard in everything you do even when it’s not ideal.
You are a capable woman. Allow yourself the time you need – to heal, to laugh, to cry, and to sigh. Life will always be busy, but you deserve some rest. Remember, you are capable but you are also human.

Oh, capable woman. Please dive into yourself. Make your 30s your best. Let go of the void and shake off the excess stress. Who are we mentally, physically, emotionally & spiritually? Let’s find that out. Can we buy out the time to do what we love? Can we live by our rules?

My dear capable woman. This time is yours to spend. Follow your heart and find peace within. Build up yourself the way you desire to be. I believe you can do it. I believe in me.

Love always,

An aspiring capable woman

It took your body
Twelve years to climb
Four feet and eleven inches.
Although you have plateaued in figure,
I hope your soul can continue to grow.
I hope your heart expands;
I hope your spirit strengthens;
I hope you can fortify your mind
And feed your passions
A balanced diet.
This is the year
You search beyond:
Beyond yourself,
Beyond the limits you’ve come to know,
Beyond the 4 ft 11 in at
The top of your head.
I hope you pray deeper;
I hope you love longer;
I hope you work harder;
I hope you play better;
I hope you learn so much
Life starts learning from you.
And while that one
May be just out of reach,
Hopefully,
In 352 days
You’ll be used to
Reaching for things
People say are untouchable.

Last year, going into the year of 2023, like everyone did when it was trendy, I made a vision board. On that vision board, I said I wanted to make it pink and aesthetically pleasing! With pink being my favorite color and the trendy “aesthetic look” social media is going for nowadays, it was obvious I had to go this route for the look of my board! I continued to search on Pinterest for things I wish to have moving forward in 2023 and made sure to end the search with the phrase “pink aesthetic.”
So I pasted my pink aesthetically pleasing Tesla picture to my vision board, my pink aesthetically pleasing image of business packages, and can’t forget those pink aesthetically pleasing quotes that I needed on the board or it wouldn’t have looked right. The focus of my vision board was centered around looks. It was more important to me how pretty and appealing to the eye I can get it. It did not obtain any depth and there was no vision in the vision. Needless to say, I did not get anything done on that board.
Last year working on my vision board I really was going about it in, not only a general sense, but also very surface level, very superficial. I’m certain this is the reason I didn’t achieve anything on that board. This year, I’m going about it in a different way, more of a logical approach. I have a clear vision and that vision is to be realistic, that vision is to go deeper and strive to achieve to be that ideal version of myself, not to have the prettiest looking project filled with other people’s goals and aspirations that I see on Pinterest. I looked at goals in the sense of what I can reach RIGHT NOW, instead of a step by step journey of achievements, opening up new chapters to start and focus on continuously. No more aesthetics, this one is personal!
The way my story was written, my starting point in life didn’t give me much leverage. So at times it may seem like all odds are against me, it may seem like what I am reaching for is unrealistic and quite impossible. I read somewhere that, “Holding limiting beliefs become self fulfilling prophecies.” Meaning, if I tell myself a dream is too big for me to achieve and I can’t do it, then guess what? I won’t be able to do it because I made that decision for my life already before I can even start. My starter line does not affect where I will finish, so I believe any dream I dream to be obtainable. Goals should be realistic not limited. I do not limit my goals because I find it to be unrealistic. It’s actually quite the opposite. I come up with limitless goals and seek realistic ways to go about them.
The vision for my vision board, or in other words, my goals for the 2024 new year is quite simple. I will attract wealth abundantly from multiple different streams of income. I will pass any upcoming tests with a perfect score of 100! This year I am going to start to build credit so that by the end of the year I have a credit score of 750 or higher. That new apartment I’ve been eyeing? I now reside there, and I get to and from my place of residence with my new car. By the end of 2024, the new skill(s) I’ve been working on, I am now very knowledgeable about and I work on my projects efficiently. I will seek a better relationship with God because without Him, hard work and determination, and a little bit of manifestation, I will not obtain that ideal version of myself that I know I am capable of being. In 2024 I will be motivated to complete every goal I have for myself and more. I will achieve every goal I set forth with intention.

Broken Up Sunlight

In the era of my second decade,
Entering my most confusing time yet.
Who to be, where to go,
What to do,
Who knows?
I slithered around in fear
Most of 2023.
I crave new skin, I crave brighter days.
I long to give my thoughts action
Instead of letting them
Prance around, dressed in “what ifs”.
Chills strike my body at the thought
Of my life being my own.
My palate has become stale
From being stagnant,
Yet I’m afraid of the sours of change.
My feet don’t know what direction
To step in but
It’s become exhausting
Stepping in fear.
I want this letter, this poem,
To be my step forward.
Still a step in fear
But a step forward.
Refreshed, I am in my era of exposure.
I am in my era of doing.
No longer sitting and wallowing
in anxiety,
Standing up when I feel disrespected.
There is so much more to see, to experience,
to do, to be.
I’ve grown tired of being the reason
of my own downfall.
Tired of shading
my vision and tainting
My talents,
In fear.
I crave confidence,
I crave a self I’ve never known.
I crave new skin, I crave brighter days.

Have you ever read the same book but a different story, there’s a saying for that phenomenon
I just finished my Saturday morning coffee and chocolate chip muffin complimented by my current read
It’s that time of the year again Deja Vu
So, I pull out my pen and begin to write about how to become a better version of you
I didn’t fully comprehend what I thought knew
This year I’m going to do something new
Looking in the mirror but only seeing half of me
I lost myself living as person three, instead of the main character
It’s time to take back all of my identity
Completing every goal this year but first let’s focus on the top three

Number 1. I’ll start by losing weight
Burning the off calories procrastination added
It’s easier to run to your goals when you sculpt the weight around your waist
The time is now, why wait
You don’t want to be late to your dreams
So, go ahead and book that first trip you’ve been planning for the last 2 years

Number 2. I want to travel more
Travel to the past so I can better see my future
A frequent flyer because I was too focused on yesterday
Now these miles are just lessons learned
A frequent flyer because growth is my meditation
If you ever want to get somewhere fast it’s better to slow down
Speeding will only get you a $300 ticket you don’t have the money for

Number 3. I want to be better financially
Health is wealth or so they say and last year I was broke
Broken heart, shattered mind, but you can still see yourself in a cracked mirror if you choose to
Today I choose you, reciting my daily affirmations
Self-care is one of the best ways to say I love you
Learn to say I do to the future you
Investing in yourself pays more than your 9-5
You will be tired
But that just makes it easier to sleep with your day dreams

Ignore the world the same way they hit snooze
Wake up early, aim high, then reach higher
My goals are only one page turn away
So, stop judging my cover before you read my book
If you simply read the preface, you might begin to understand the trails I’ve faced
This book is about the evolution of me
You don’t have to read it, but you will respect my art the same way I cover myself with peace
p.s. these are my goals for leaving 2023…

note to self:

stay true to your art
this year. embrace this new month,
january, as

a slab of marble.
you are michelangelo.
use the tools of your

trade to remove its
icy facade: chisel, carve,
sculpt. be relentless

in your pursuit to
create. choose to flip the switch
on your hard hat and

enter the mine of
inspiration daily. dig
for jewels of words, gems

of metaphors, and
pearls of wisdom that others
overlook. it’s all

there waiting for you,
waiting to be found, unearthed,
and brought to daylight.

yours, in every sense of the word,
ali