Dear beautiful woman,

You ever wake up most days, and you’re all smiles? Yeah, that’s a great feeling! The way I see it is, If you can get through 245 of the 365 days in a year being happy, then that’s a pretty good year to me. That possibly leaves you with 120 days of uncertainty.

How do you feel on a day-to-day basis? What are you thankful for when you wake up? Do you ever think for one second that you may not be here the next day? Scary thought, huh?

I woke up one morning in November of 2021, not feeling great. It was during the pandemic and I had a bad cough. I thought the Rona had taken hostage over me. It was just a miserable feeling. My body didn’t feel well. I knew something was wrong.

The doctor visit was a little bizarre to me. The doctor was prescribing medication to me without checking my lungs out with an x-ray. I asked the doctor “can I have an x-ray?” She replied” sure”. The X-ray results were in and it showed a shadow in my lungs. My body with a shadow didn’t make sense. What does that even mean? I tested negative for corona, strep, and flu. I could not figure out what was going on.

The insurance didn’t approve me yet for a CAT scan of my lungs. I felt a tug on my lungs, as if someone tapped me and said “we need a further examination”

Weeks later, I still didn’t feel well. I was at work feeling like I was having an anxiety attack. I never had one before so I couldn’t compare this feeling to anything else. My body was definitely speaking to me. I called an Uber and went straight to the hospital. My body was still tapping me and saying “get a CAT scan”. Sometimes your body can turn in t a Bully to make sure you understand it’s language.

“I can’t breathe, ma’am”, is what I stated to the doctor. To be honest, physically I could breathe fine but mentally, I could not. I decided to exaggerate just a little so I can get the answers that I was looking for. I was rushed into the machine and received a CAT scan of my lungs.

“FINALLY, let’s do this”, I said to my body. I could feel my heart beating in my chest. My body was still talking to me. After the scan, I was placed in the waiting room. Scans showed a mass that was near my heart since 2011, has become too big and I will need surgery to remove it.

I thought to myself “is this woman talking to me, because ain’t no way I had a mass since 2011 and I was never informed”. It’s 2020 now. I asked myself “could that be a mistake?”.

I continued to do further testing and was able to be seen by a surgeon. The surgeon stated that the cat scans show a mass near my heart and it needs to me removed.

I was alone in the doctors office trying not to cry. “I have two sons and I need to see them grow into the great young men that they are becoming”. I learned a true lesson of “when your body speaks, you need to listen”

My surgery was scheduled at another hospital. I couldn’t dare have surgery in a hospital that never informed me of my mass in the first place. My body rejected that surgeon and his theories.

With the help of my attorney that I worked for, I scheduled my surgery in the City for March 2022. I had an MRI on January 25th. That was my dads birthday. My body knew that I was going to be ok, just for the simple fact that I would get clear answers from a test that I am taking on my dads birthday. He passed in 2018 from colon cancer.

March 2021 came and I was cut open to hand my mass removed from around my heart. Once I was opened,unbox revealed that it was not near my heart, it was wrapped around my lung. It was huge. My body had a score of “3”and these hospitals scored “0”.
A thoracic surgeon was on board and he saved the day. I thought to myself “thank god I listened to my body. I would have never known”.

It was not a speedy recovery. I went from not knowing anything that was going on in my body to having a tumor that was non cancerous out of my body.

Healing was not easy. I had to go back to work while I was trying to heal. The people I worked for asked me “what’s taking you so long to heal?” A woman being cut down her breast, asking her what’s taking long to heal? Imagine that shit! I quit and didn’t look back.

I didn’t know that I had the strength to build myself back up. My body has been through plenty of other surgeries but not like this one. My lungs were collapsed during this surgery and that’s not easy. I didn’t know that it takes mental, emotional and physical strength to get yourself back together.

I have a scar down the middle of my breast and I felt that I would be embarrassed to show my body. It’s a scar of resilience, courage and fight. I fought for my body and I’m glad I did. I am not going to be embarrassed of what happened to my body ever. I’m here and I’m alive.

Listen to your body at all times. It speaks to you, because you simply wouldn’t know.

Feet grounded to the shore as ocean bubbles wash over your toes
The tide pulls away and the sand beneath you sinks
Gold flickers of sunset warm your shoulders
Your gaze follows the endless sea of blue
Who is on the other side of that sea?
What waves must you endure to meet them?
Or is the someone on the other side of the sea
Who you will become along the way

Adventurous thinking can inspire you to chart a course
But imagine if a message in a bottle floated to your feet
Embellished with your name and a plan
And the words read:

Hello old friend,

I’m happy to know you are thinking of me. This affirms that you are still on your journey to me! I know that life has been a constant flux of certainty and uncertainty, but I want you to understand that this is because you are consistently pushing yourself towards growth. I remember the struggles that you are going through right now clear as day, I still carry them with me. Not because they are heavy, but because they are meaningful. They hold weight in your existence and give you a sense of momentum. I know you see the destination; you make sense of the mess and connect moments to give purpose. This is one of the greatest skills you can develop: to work with the flow of life and give it meaning. Your continual cultivation of working with that flow, meaning making, and growing is why I am writing to you now.

You’ll be delighted to know that life here is beyond anything we ever imagined together. There are more adventures, connections, and peaceful moments than we believed possible. As much as I want to detail every little bit of joy, I don’t want you to get distracted by the wrong things. I can assure you in the clichest of ways that everything will work out. This is exactly why I am so excited for your arrival, but also in no rush to see you. I’m exercising patience as you continue your journey because I have accepted that there are many endeavors you must undertake before we meet. I can wait confidently knowing that each of these undertakings brings you one step closer on your journey to me.

During your journey, take breaks when you need them, but please remember I am anticipating our union. I expect you to keep a steady and focused pace because we still have a lot to do, and I can’t get started until you arrive. Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts, and I can’t tell you what to do next, however the list of items you will need for your journey are as follows:

a strong mind
a creative essence
a loving heart
a persevering soul
a sense of humor
a load of gratitude
and a purpose

Wishing you the safest of travels

Love,
Future You

Emboldened by an inspiring familiar
Guided by a gentle proposal
Will you take that journey to the other side of the sea?
To the other side of yourself?