Dear little seed, one day she’ll see
That she will become who she is meant to be
This is a letter to whom she once was
This is a letter to all the diamonds in the rough

When she was just a little seed
They asked her what she wanted to be
She sat in silence, she didn’t know what to say
Her life was just starting, she still had such a long way

A moment went by, the other seeds were sown
And she was starting to do things on her own
Among the other seeds, she tried to be
And I watched from afar waiting patiently

People began to marvel at what the others became
While she just stayed in the same place
More time went by, many seeds sprouted
Except for her, she feared she’d been forgotten

They merrily went on their way
Off to greater gardens to find their own space
Some became roses and daisies as beautiful as can be
And then I looked back at our lonely seed

She remained alone in her tiny pot
She became the seed that everyone forgot
She started to sprout, yet no one saw
But I was there to see it all

The sun beat upon her leaves so green
She was the strangest “flower” you’ve ever seen
Months have gone by, there were still no blooms
She won’t be entering the garden with the others anytime soon

She was just a plant, she didn’t know who she was
She knew that she’d never be good enough
She had no beautiful colors, just plain leaves
Maybe she was just a waste of a seed?

A year went by, her leaves remained green
But this mysterious plant finally had a change of scene
Into a beautiful greenhouse where the sun was her guide
It kept her warm, gave her light, and love it provided

She grew and grew, but for my eyes only
A beautiful yellow flower from the seed that was lonely
She welcomed the rain and the morning dew
She welcomed bees and butterflies too

This is the story of the seed who’d never be
This little seed used to be me
Many didn’t understand me, neither did I
I thought I’d never be enough no matter how hard I try

I’ve seen others bloom, and into their own gardens they went
But there was nothing wrong with me, my time had not come yet
My flowers took longer, but my leaves remained green
It was God secretly working behind the scenes

Now that I’ve bloomed, I can finally see
That I am part of a story written just for me
My life looked like nothing worth putting on paper
When in reality, I just haven’t found my way yet

Although I can recognize my own colors now
Sometimes my thoughts still get lost in the crowd
Comparison truly is the thief of joy
But this garden in life is for all of us to enjoy

As flowers, we continue to bloom and grow
We were meant to do more than just go with the flow
There’s a place in the garden made just for you
To be just who you are, and to do what you do

Others may bloom faster than you
But keep watering your soil, God’s not through
Underneath is something made with love
And you, my flower, are more than enough

A feeling too familiar.

To Drift like a ghost in the wind.

Falling for false claims from those who often say.

They love me.

They support me.

They’ll be there for me. (Right)

But leave without a sound or notion of why. (Is it me?)

You blame yourself.

You try to come up with reasons on why people leave as fast as the seasons go by.

Spring, Summer, Fall & Winter.

As we enter the realm of our mind, I eagerly hear the questions.

Will I ever be enough?

Enough to be loved?

Enough to be cherished?

Enough to be heard?

Enough to be seen in a world of obscurity?

Enough to stay for?

Within me, I can see how heartbreaking the mind can be.

The gut punching facts that the mind speaks of tragedies or feelings of hurt.

They remain to remind you of memories that make you doubt yourself.

You think a good thing is a bad thing.

You think you are not good enough to feel joy or to even relish the thought of peace.

You no longer want to feel.

You want to be still.

The breakdowns severe, it feels as our hearts trying to escape your chest.

Questioning my worth, that I have worthy embedded in my skin.

Hear when I say.

Yes, you are ENOUGH.

You will loved & cherished.

The support you receive will be with no question.

The one you truly love the most will see you.

You are enough to stay for.

We are divine beings whom deserve peace, joy and love.

We Are Enough!

Hello Old Self,

You didn’t deserve what happened to you. The pain doesn’t define you. Yes, you are better than how you are being treated. Your emotions are valid. It’s okay to admit our father disrupts our peace. He brings nothing to our life but false hope after 23 years. Tell the woman that brings you peace that you’re falling in with love her. The strength you need is within your soul, heart, and mind. You aren’t worthless. Life gets better for you, even though I know it feels like the world is crashing down. Our new beginning starts with the love within us. We are divine. True love makes us feel like we are not alone. We are light, even through the dark. It’s okay if our light slowly is dim it is not permanent. You’ll finally feel peace once we set our hurt free. You know that great, sunny-day feeling? Where the wind is rustling through the leaves in a tree, or when you see a kid flying his kite as the birds fly above. Everything surrounding you is divinely beautiful. This is what to look forward to. The joy awaits you in the end.

You’re so social they say. But little do they know my skin crawls and I feel like I’m going to ball every time I’m in front of you all. The panic and manic start to settle in , where do I even begin. I worry if I’m worthy or if they’ll all look at me and scurry. It all starts to get blurry and my mind starts to scatter like if everything I’ve accomplished never even mattered. My heart beats fast, and I can’t look past my old self I thought I laid on the shelf. But here she is, with all her might ready to fight. I’ve learned to fight back, despite the pain I feel of my old self, that was never healed which I’ve kept so concealed. She keeps me from going out and makes me miss out. Some say it’s all in my mind but I can’t seem to unbind, we’re the same person even if she was a different version. Some times I win and some times I lose, either way, my old self always seems to loom.

Style score 100%

Smile more they say
Why does she look mad
Is she okay
As they try to whisper walking past me
Unapproachable yet, I’m never approached
Oh face how you are perceived
Oh my face how you are mistaken as upset
Maybe I’m sad
Maybe I’m broken
Maybe I have a lot on my mind
Maybe I’m stressed
Maybe I’m none of the above & I am genuinely filled with Joy
You judge, but don’t ask me what is wrong
You assume I’m everything, but happy
Here’s the kicker I am okay
I am loved
I am in love with whom I am spending the rest of my life with
I am filled with joy
My facial expressions will tell you many things, but you won’t know till you ask
Get to know me before you mistakenly identify me as angry

I accept you vs I’m compliant towards you. These two words are often confused, confused like me. Acceptance ; when someone agrees with a group and internalizes their beliefs. 
Compliance ; when someone publicly agrees with a group, but doesn’t change their own beliefs.
You date acceptance but are married to compliance. You dip your toes in the ocean but never fully submerge yourself, then go tell stories about how you swam for hours. If you actually swam for hours you’d know what lives in the deep ocean , what pains , what heals , what I actually am. But you just dip your toes. Maybe you’re scared of what you might find in the depths of the ocean. Am I selfish for wanting you to swim or should it be a natural instinct to want to learn ?
I don’t know. You say I make you proud, but are you proud of parts of me or all of me ? Which one is it ? Do you gloat about parts of me or all of me ? Which one is it ? Are you only accepting of the dreams you envisioned for me or all the things that actually happened while awake ? Which one is it ? Is it okay to hold my girlfriend’s hand while you’re around or do I need to hide so no one sees ? Which one is it ? Can I love fully and loudly without you praying for my lost soul or do I need to only love in the confines of what love means to you ? Which one is it ? Do you accept me or are you compliant towards me ? Which. One. Is. It.

Dear Writing,

When you came into my life in a new way seven years ago, I didn’t know then that it would be the love I wanted and needed. We became acquainted again thanks to a mother figure who showed me how glorious and attractive you are; inside and out.

My eyes became new when I saw you through her testimonies and words. Sadly, she would stop showing you around because her life became busy. Months passed by, and I kept hoping that she would show you around again, but there was something about you that kept calling me.

After wrestling with these new feelings, a lightbulb finally went off in my head to speak to you myself. When I started talking, you talked back with emphasis and enthusiasm. You allowed me to be a part of your home. You even introduced me to many people who would enrich my life in ways I couldn’t imagine.

Even though I would quickly become addicted to you, even over text you, it didn’t scare you off. If anything, you encouraged me to speak to you more, even at midnight. I’m terrible at saying the L word, but I hope I show my love for you and all you’ve done for me during our run together.

Your presence has given me the vitamins needed to thrive every day. Because of you, I have a much clearer vision of my creativity inside me. Without you, my life would be dramatically different in the last several years. I wish I had seen you in this light many years ago, but I guess I needed to do some discovering to find you.

I could thank you a billion times and it still wouldn’t be enough. When I read pieces from other writers who share their love for you, I truly get it. So, thank you, writing. I salute you, and I’ll keep honoring you for eternity.

Sincerely,

Gerald