He started to mimic the cries of a child
The birds started their clicking sounds
Warnings in another language
Gun shots in the far distance
Still not home

So last year my mom was diagnosed with AML and immediately our lives changed instantly, we quit looking at 6 months from now and were thankful for the moment, we still planned ahead but new anything could happen, well Thanksgiving came and noticed my mom wasn’t acting like MY MOM, we had planned a Special Thanksgiving with homemade egg rolls and she was sleeping a lot, well we were praying and Trusting God and on Dec 15th we would take her to the hospital.The doctor told us her instines were twisted and asked if the cancer was being treated our hearts sank, We were planning on spending Christmas with my mom, but the 17th of December I had to sign a DNC for my mom, Everyday I spent with my mom was short.Dec 22nd she would pass away.I spend Christmas eve getting her grave site ready, Im STUNNED at what happened.We now cherish EVERY DAY and WILL MAKE HER PROUD.

The couch. I bought the big leather couch, chair, and ottoman back in 1999 or 2000 I think. I was working on the boats at the time. Had a few boatguy friends that would come right before or right after season to hang out… some pretty big guys. I bought the big furniture in a time when you could get that set for $1500 I think. And it was built to last. I still can’t believe how well it was made compared to what you get now for the same price.

A crush and my brother helped me get it into the house..and it wasn’t easy.
When my ex and I bought this house it wasn’t any easier getting it in here.

Last Spring I tried to get it out of here by myself and quickly realized I might die trying. While it was still standing on end from my attempt at finagling it out the door, I cut out the material on the bottom and saw the bones of it… it was beautiful.. real wood, lots of it… straps were as high quality as the best ratchet straps of today. The springs across the bottom were thick and solid. I cut open the one cushion that had finally broke down, and those springs too, were heavy duty. I ordered a replacement spring pack, which was much lighter built than the original I found, not the old, solid, barely squash support of 25 years ago. I took an awl and sewed the leather back together. I bought a slip cover (pretty nice one) thinking, I could rescue this couch, build it back better and not just toss it away.

As time went by, I just couldn’t sit on it. It sat empty. It looked better on the outside, but it sat like a big ass sad emblem of itself. And it had been ruined from the inside, of another who defiled it.

Gone were the multiple big asses that sat on it, at times slept on it. Gone were the dogs that had curled up on it, scratching it ever so slightly with their paws. Gone were the times I could curl my feet under me, or lay across it with my head in another’s lap watching yet another hunting show…or even better, Walking Dead.

I had hinted to others that I wanted it out, for the past 9 or so months. No one took the hint. I think some things are just meant to be done on your own. So the other night….

I cut it’s coverings off… razor to leather… the leather on couches from back then was much better, thicker, more like hide. Cut out enough foam to get to those nice big chunks of wood that were it’s frame with the skillsaw. Cut it into two manageable pieces… scooted it out the door (still had to get the right angle to make it happen).. pushed it down the stairs, and dragged it to the the far end of the yard.

As I poured some expired peanut oil on it, and put a couple of dry pieces of wood in a cardboard box in the middle of it to get it started…. a sadness engulfed me… as the fire would soon engulf the couch. I had started this with anger, but it ended with grief. Like for real grief.

As I watched that fire (I couldnt believe how fast it went up), the last 24 years of time with this couch went through me.. along with the 21 years with him….it still took a couple of hours to realize that it was just time for it to go, and for me to let go of the idea that I had made it better, built it back better, and to let go of the idea that I could ever sit on it in comfort again.

It was grief.

Then, today someone mentioned to me that I had burnt a couch on the evening of the Super Moon. So there’s that.

Mirror Mirror on the wall,
Can I ask a few questions?
From different angles,
Different times &
Different spaces,
As my mind processes
This energy I’m emitting.
Looking for my reflection, perception
Always looking different, the
Human I’m becoming is
Constantly growing.While Looking
Through different angles,
Different times & different spaces.
Acknowledgement of growth
So I ask my mirrored self,
Where else can we go?
With the space & time.
What are we gonna do
With them both?
To create a better brighter image.
Mirror mirror on the wall
Why and how do
We reflect these images.

Dear, Unsealers:

I know, I’m a day behind as it’s the second day of February.

But it’s time to welcome in February all the same. After a whirlwind December and a long, drawn-out January.

This is the shortest month on the calendar. Twenty-eight days. Here’s hoping this month isn’t nearly as eventful as the last one was.

With that being said, it’s time to welcome in the new month…

Welcome, February!

After the longest January imaginable
The shortest month of the year opens the door

Twenty-eight new days ahead
Days of love, kindness, and compassion abound
Honoring the saints, Brigid of Kildare and Valentine

Of reminding ourselves
We’re in this world together
Through all of the twists and turns that come along

Days of finding voices and verses
With the Poetic Summer fast approaching

Even if the weather outside still reminds us of winter
There’s hope of brighter days coming our way

A blank canvas for the month ahead
One that goes by in the blink of an eye

He’s air

Not the air you breathe

He’s the air that gently brushed your cheek on that perfect spring morning

The warm air that feels like it’s been long awaited for on the first day of summer

The air that warms you because of the bonfire in the fall

The sweet air that brings you a step back and makes you realize what life is all about

The air that makes you see all the beauty everywhere

Heart went up in smoke.
Then turned cold,
Watching time unfold
As I inhale & exhale.
Observing the twists & turns
Of my vapors fading.
Just an observation, manipulating
“My space” through
(Time) as i Emit energy.
Particles partially fading
In a particular way.
To capture a picture.
Would be soo… captivating.
“Slow motion” catching a glimpse
Of 《time》 fading.

Time collapsed, reached
That destination.
Time to take it further.
Contemplating and recalculating
With another goal to reach.
Time consuming with
Work, reading & writing
Wonders of where to venture off to next.
Feet firmly planted trying to stay one step Ahead, staying in the moment & mixed past
Times for the “future” in the present.
Tenacious Times fall with a gift.

One day
I’ll have all that I need
And I won’t have to stress
About making it to
Tomorrow
In one piece.

One day
I’ll be on the beach
Sipping on margaritas
And working on that tan
Without it becoming a
Red lobster burn.

One day
Is all I need
To have my day
In the sun,
To finally be
THAT person.

One day
There won’t be
A Climate of Fear
Choking me
Every time I dare
To speak against horror.

One day
We’ll all realize
The preciousness of sharing
This finite world
And finally work for
The sake of preserving
Life great and small.

One day
Is perhaps the
Single worst word pairing
In the English language.
It’s a panacea at best.
A half hearted no at worst.

One day
Hangs loosely in
The future
As I finish this.
I’ll say it less
Someday. One day.

Planting a royal tree,
It blossoms with love
Grown with loyalty.
Sprouted in the darkness.
With the crown loving the light.
Rooted in nature, with water
Becoming bigger & stronger.
Benefits from the Fruits of my labor.
Self love being plucked and enjoyed
New roots & branches being exploited.

Vulnerable with some,
Assertive with respect.
Loud with boundaries,
Insecure with experience
Determined with patience.

As I lay to sleep crowded of fear.
Full of sadness.
Jammed with uncertainty.
I wake loaded with courage.
Bursting of bravery.
Packed with vulnerability.

My phone is filled with notes
A continuation of fragmented phrases pieced together with intention
Folding neatly within each other
Yet so scattered
As I continue on this journey to clarification
Love
I bring up the word love
The feeling of the word love
four letters depicting emotion
Viewing the world differently because of it
I know my love is near
Arms reached out in eye range
Filled with the feeling
Overflowing with thought
Joy fills my notes
Although these fragmented phrases run across my phone
In due time it will all make sense and all the pieces will be where they need to be.

i lie on my back staring at the ceiling,
waiting for the numbness to crawl in,
but the world fades instead,
the air thins, and i hear it breathing.

from the corner she unfurls,
a shadow too wide for the room,
her hollow face sinks beside me,
her gaze pins me to the mattress.
i do not move.

the walls buckle as he arrives,
his limbs bending to fit,
grinning like he knows how small i am here.

his fingers scrape down the plaster,
the sound breaks into me,
a weight settles in my ribs.
every inhale feels stolen,
the room shrinks and i cannot scream.

i escape to reality,
my gaze jolts from corner to corner,
there’s nothing left and no one here,
yet my skin stills stings from the burn of eyesight; i will not be sleeping tonight.