I remember the smell of Charlie perfume and peppermint candy, the sound of her strong voice and the feel of her warm, calloused hands. Grandma Lee Lee, as she was fondly called, loved to cook, dance and play the piano at church. Often when GaGa had political engagements and mommy was busy living her life, I spent immeasurable time with Grandma Lee Lee. I just had my sixth birthday party and although Grandma Lee Lee wasn’t feeling well, I remember her being the fun hostess everyone adored because she always loved a good party. I remember going home and a few days later waking up to everyone crying in my house. When GaGa told me Grandma Lee Lee had died, my little mind couldn’t comprehend it. I told my grandmother that Grandma Lee Lee had just come to me that night, beautiful and not sick. She told me that she was better, that she loved me and I was to be a good girl because she’ll be watching me. How could Grandma Lee Lee come see me if she was dead? My grandmother looked at me, the tears streaming from her eyes and held me close without saying a word.
That was my first memory and experience with death and a couple of years later a childhood friend, Karla Campbell, was kidnapped and murdered. We were just eight years old and all I was thinking about was that I was never going to see her again because a bad man hurt her. My biggest heartbreak came in 2000 when we had to make the most difficult decision to take my grandmother off life support on Easter Sunday at noon. GaGa had been my world and I had been her caregiver since a senior in high school. I never fully recovered from that decision or day and over the years, I would replay and relive the moment to my mental and spiritual detriment.
Since then, death has often paralyzed me each time; with the last decade experiencing multiple losses, seemingly back to back with little time or rest to process the last transition of a loved one. For example late 2011-2013, I had lost thirteen loved ones; among them my god child, the suicide of a cousin, the murder of another cousin, my uncle who was my father figure and finally ending with the sudden death of my grief counselor herself. I had started going to therapy in 2012 to deal with my compounded grief and she was a great inspiration for my healing. Imagine someone giving you coping tools for grief processing and ultimately you have to deal with losing them as well. It was the first time I had heard about complicated and compounded grief:

“Complicated grief is like being in an ongoing, heightened state of mourning that keeps you from healing. Signs and symptoms of complicated grief may include: Intense sorrow, pain and rumination over the loss of your loved one. Focus on little else but your loved one’s death.”

“Compounded grief, also known as cumulative grief, is a pile-on effect of grief or “grief overload.” It may mean losing several loved ones in a short period of time. It may mean losing a loved one, then a relationship, then a job, then a pet, then a natural disaster hits and damages your home, etc. The losses can come from various sectors, but put together, it’s a big pile of grief and loss to deal with”

I thought I would never see a season of so much loss like 2011-2013 but unfortunately, I was wrong. And although my perception of death matured with my spirituality, my constant and prolonged grieving has often prevented me from healing as much as I could. 2017 I lost my mother to breast cancer after an estrangement. Being at her bedside, despite it all, I was allowed to care for her the last two weeks of her life and by the Lord’s grace, we found our closure before she transitioned but the mourning of our relationship and time lost continues until this day. I would experience more loss soon after, a village mother and two pets, which only compounded my grief. Then the pandemic hit and of course like many, Covid-19 took some loved ones I thought I’d never be without and I found myself drowning in depression even as I facilitated grief and bereavement support groups for Project WINGS.
Last year I lost my big brother Sean and a childhood friend back to back. The holidays are hard to endure and haven’t been the same for years but I push through for others sake and not my own. It can be daunting to have to smile when inside you are drained and emotional from grieving.
Even as I write this, I’ve experienced the loss of five loved ones since June 2023. A dear cousin that was like a brother, a best friend since seventh grade, a nephew to murder, a father figure/mentor and a young man that had become my earth son the last few years. As much as I try, the world seems so hard and feels so cold dealing with loss. However I heard a saying recently “Grief is the price you pay for loving that person” and Dr. Joseph Smedley tells us that after each loss, you have to reinvent yourself because you are not the same person who was before the loss of a loved one. Having cumulative grief means constantly reinventing myself almost to the point of not recognizing who I am sometimes. I’ve found some solace in therapy, family and friends as my life lines yet sometimes I struggle with feeling like a burden or downer to them, so I tend to isolate which isn’t good for my mental health. Though I still struggle and will continue to fight myself, I offer these tidbits for someone who is dealing with complicated or compounded grief:

Therapy
I can’t stress enough the importance of counseling to help with your mental health! You can have theology/religion and therapy too, in fact, I strongly suggest you do both to help heal your overall being. Because grief is also a mental health crisis, it is important to get the tools and resources you need to survive it.

Coping Skills
Whatever your healthy coping skill is, use it!
I know people who walk or jog, I know others who are creatives using their talents and some who volunteer for organizations. I’m grateful to be an artist that can utilize some of my gifts to help relieve stress, anxiety and depression. Laughter is also one of my coping skills I utilize to get me through hard times. Coping skills help us to raise our resilience against life stressors. Just a simple act of sitting in the sun, watching a movie, listening to music or helping someone can make you feel better. Find a way to celebrate or honor their lives in some way. Being grateful for their lives, the impact they have in yours and cherishing fond memories.

Life lines
Have a circle of family/friends that you can lean on during this time. There is power in reaching out to those who love you and empathize with you. Having a trusted circle that you can go to in times of need is essential to your wellbeing and self-care.

Griever’s Rights
You have griever’s rights, use them! I find it necessary to remind myself to be kind and gracious to myself while grieving. That everyone grieves differently and that grief is not a straight line. Look up mental and spiritual health resources that can help you during your grief process. Know that grieving is a unique journey for every individual. Know your grievers rights and honor your grief processing.

Prayer and Praise
Pray, Pray and Pray! We are social, biological, psychological and spiritual beings. The journey of healing entails addressing each aspect of our beings and I personally have found that praying daily, listening to mediation and/or praise music helps to stabilize my moods and helps to raise my vibrations against depression. It’s not easy but there are times when I have to literally stay in prayer all day to stay focused, encouraged and to keep my mood up.

Self-care
Take care of yourself!
All of the above is self-care and self-care is imperative to the grief process as well as the journey of healing. Sometimes self-care is hard to do when you can’t get out of bed, or just taking a shower seems so overwhelming. In therapy and living through cumulative grief, I’ve discovered that small steps, coping skills and grace for myself aids in my self-care.

Loves and Lights, grief is something you don’t get over but live through. For those of us who are experiencing cumulative grief, the journey can often feel endless but after every storm is a rainbow. Sometimes you have to fight extra hard to see or find it, but the rainbow is always there, a promise from The Most High that this too shall pass and that we are not alone. There is help and hope for us if we choose to seek it. As I live out my grieving process, my prayer for myself and for anyone struggling is that you have comfort, grace and strength on your healing journey. That you celebrate Life’s about moments so please don’t give up; stay encouraged and find your joy in every moment and everywhere that you can, while you can.

I love you

Why is Grief alive when the person I love is dead?

Why does Grief taunt and speak when my relationship is quiet, nothing more said?

Grief keeps coming to over power me, over take me, overcome me-

Leave me Grief!
No! You’re all I have left.

Stay I Guess

Have you ever wanted something so deeply, prayed for it for years, and finally had it within your grasp—only for it to be taken away? That kind of loss is indescribable, a pain that shakes your very soul. I’ve seen people in moments like this lose their faith, turn their backs on God, and cry out, “Why me?” But I’ve also learned that the real question is often, “Why not?” What if the denial isn’t punishment, but protection? What if it’s God’s way of preparing us for something far greater than we can see in the moment?

Sometimes, we carry unhealed wounds—trauma buried so deeply it shapes our lives without us even realizing it. Instead of confronting it, we move forward, adding layer upon layer to a foundation that isn’t stable. We pray for blessings, but how can God build something beautiful on ground that’s fractured? Before He gives us what we’re asking for, He often calls us to heal, to prepare for the weight of the blessing. That’s what I’ve come to understand through my own journey.

In 2020, my world was turned upside down. I lost my dad, a man whose presence was a constant in my life. That same year, I ended an eight-year relationship with my fiancé. At the same time, I received a promotion at work—a bittersweet high in the midst of so many lows. Life felt like a chaotic mix of gains and losses, but I buried my pain under work, pretending everything was fine. I kept smiling, kept pushing forward, even though my heart was heavy and my spirit was weary.

Then came 2021, and instead of taking the time to heal, I jumped into a new relationship. At first, it felt like the escape I needed, the fresh start that could make everything better. But I wasn’t okay—I hadn’t dealt with the grief of losing my dad or the pain of my broken engagement. I was running from myself, hoping a new love could fix what was broken inside me.

When I found out I was pregnant, it felt like a sign, like God was finally giving me the joy I had been praying for. My kids were so excited, especially my son with autism, who joyfully spoke about baby clothes and all the things we would do. For a brief moment, it felt like everything was coming together. But that joy was short-lived. The dream was shattered when I was told my baby had passed away.

The loss was devastating, and the weight of it all overwhelmed me. The day before the procedure to remove the baby, I finally broke down, letting out the tears and sorrow I had been suppressing. It was one of the hardest moments of my life, but in that pain, I began to find clarity. As much as I wanted to hold on to the hope of new life, I couldn’t ignore the reality of my situation.

The relationship I was in wasn’t right. My partner wasn’t ready to be the kind of father I needed for my child, and the foundation wasn’t stable enough to support such a blessing. It became clear that God wasn’t denying me; He was protecting me. He wasn’t going to bring new life into chaos or confusion, and as painful as it was to accept, I knew He was saving me from something I wasn’t ready for.

December 10th, a day I had always celebrated as my parents’ anniversary, became a day of deep reflection. Though it was marked by pain, I never lost my faith. Instead, I began to see the spiritual meaning in the loss. Sometimes, the blessings we pray for require preparation. They demand healing, clarity, and a solid foundation. God’s timing is perfect, even when it doesn’t align with our own. What felt like denial wasn’t punishment—it was protection, a reminder that some blessings aren’t meant to come into chaos.

This experience, as painful as it was, taught me strength and patience. It deepened my trust in God’s plan and reminded me that not all delays are denials. I’m still grieving, still healing, but I hold on to the belief that when the time is right, the blessings meant for me will come. And when they do, they’ll come on a foundation that is whole, healed, and ready to embrace them fully.

I put my thoughts in compartments, your’s labeled,”Pink’s Ribbons.”
Where we were free, no worries or cares. Just you & me- running, falling, barbecuing, writing rhymes, drinking Coronas, smoking, laughing, until we couldn’t breath. Always getting a free pass from jail or VIP stat for just being us. We were wild cards aka “Dueces Wild.” We never gave a shit of what others did or thought. We always lived in our bubble of no hopes or dreams- dirty jeans, boots and a Newport hanging off of our lips while we spoke & drove on a whim of recklessness. Time has been good to us. I’ve grown to live in the moment, as you, even if the moment means picking up a pen & remembering our past in drafts. No one really knew us, for I only showed the club and you the heart- though we freely loved life- never pressured the future or over thought the past. We just lived- and everyday that we do, it’s so worth it. I show traces of white hair, a few lines on the edge of my lips reminding me how I always laughed, even throughout the toughest struggles. Reminding myself that I am a believer of noncoincidence & we come across people & situations in life for reasons unknown at the time until you reflect. Some part of me died throughout the years. The world looks so different today-in a positive light. Where my dimension has excelled to a different place spiritually. Who knew that growing from within meant enlightenment. This is my sweet spot. The place that I wish more of us could find. As we always knew we are the chosen ones. Star children with gifts we hid not to sound crazy to the “norm”. Who could I have possibly wanted shared with most-those/these moments. Only we know how we reached the depth of destruction only to be reborn and rise from our ashes, as you have always been my lucky star. Yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever~11/11💖 We both equal 18- the number of Life & Abundance. The life we continue to decifer & cherish until the depths of the universe-and that’s how much I love you. Deep to the nebulas in the galaxies of the Milkyway, the Andromeda & to the Whirlpool Galaxy~I’m so blessed to have you next to me in our universe~sharing I can’t give you or thank you enough for just being you in my life~
#PinksRibbon #ScorpioSisters

i have been shaken
By: Jim Kellogg
(The Queer Poet)
12-2-24
i have been shaken
by your trembling breath
slumbering in my arms
the melody it makes
when your heart is at ease
our bodies intertwined
our souls harmoniously dancing
the tune of unadulterated love
once in a lifetime magic
tears flow like nature’s uncontrollable fury
as i read this poem
i have been shaken

Rest in Peace Pipita

Like a precious bottle of Malbec~ from the vineyards of Argentina Vintage 1928.
Her hair is stunning red, roots deep brown with traces of white.
The lines on her face emphasized the years of laughter and tears. So many stories of the old Argentine neighborhood she speaks about~ I see these stories in her lines.
Her expressions are truth.

Her hands remind me of an atlas map
Tracing veins like blue rivers with finely detailed “lunars” (known in English as beauty marks) properly positioned.
The jewelry she is adorned in brightly shines
Even after so many years without polish
Her gentle smile reminds me of her youth and vibrancy

“I am not afraid” she recited to me once “When God calls for me, I will answer”

Her spirit makes life worth living.

Looking forward to old age.
With my heart and soul, I am a reflection of her.

She is my GRAND-Mother.

Bendicion~ 🙏

Dear Unsealed,
Do we know of tomorrow?
What is our fate
Before it is too late?
We step into the sorrow
Of tomorrow
From today
From yesterday
You look at me.
You look at the sea,
The ocean,
The mountains so high,
I ask why,
Why are we being forced to hate?
Stop the hate,
Before it’s too late!
Redundancy of words
As we slip into the absurd
Emotions run wild
Into streams of confusion of a style
Of rhetoric that bleeds
Society, all the while
The rich smile
Laughing at us as we walk a mile
To nowhere.
I swear,
We all will see the truth.
We will be uncouth.
We all need to look inside our heart
To make a fresh start
We will crowd into hiding places
Without traces
To drink our coffee,
Our weed,
Our liquor,
Our drinks of illusion
Within illusions
Of whom we are as coffers
And seeds
Of destruction of time and space
As we know it to be.
We see the sea.
We see the ocean.
We see the notion
Of the weaker
Rich souls of dark liquor
Of weaker not thicker
Illusions created by the rich
To throw the poor in a ditch
Is not what you believe
Cause you all were deceived.
Until the rocket launches,
Until the seeds we sowed,
In the soil of Earth
As human beings of birth
Life and death.
Wealth is an illusion too,
As I do intend to make them blue
As we all learn lessons of life
As our souls will strive
To feel the light,
To feel alive,
As we travel through time and space
Of life of advice,
To live again,
To love again.
We will win the game,
Of chess
In the mess
Of change of the rich
Ditch
The poor
As prices soar.
I personally will have faith to pray
To the universe of omnipotent love and sunshine days
To come
Under the sun.
I write as my thoughts flow
With my brain spewing thoughts into word
To flow
To sow seeds
Of high not low
Concepts of truth,
We will sigh,
How did we fall for the lie?
The sun shines beyond the rainbow
Of clouds and space.
The time rhymes
With love, joy, and peace,
After the dark clouds go away
As we release
The dark to greet the light
Of the day
Along the way
Of life’s highway
Lights shine through darkness.
What is,
What was,
Is now what is,
Cause
Life goes on.
Peace to carry on!
Carry a torch to spread our light,
So bright,
Into the night
Breathe!

never take love lightly

remember that
the world you know today
could, and will shift in an instant

be courageous enough
to love so deeply
that you’ll go the extra mile
to create beautiful memories
with the people you cherish
and involve all of your senses
in being present with them

tell them that you love them
but don’t stop there
learn what to do for the ones
who’s lives matter most to you
seek what makes them feel loved
listen to what touches their hearts
and see them shine brighter
as you learn to speak
their language

start with giving yourself
all of that care
because if anyone deserves it
so do you
then spread that love around you

The storm had finally arrived after brewing in a silent sea of delusion for far too long. The wind of truth blew fiercely against us all and the rain that fell endlessly were indeed our tears. The clouds drifted across an amber sky of clustered thoughts that hid the sunlight that day.
Yet still I held her to me.
I spoke of angels and good Soul food, whispered love and affirmations in her ear, and kissed her lips. Memories like morning dew covered and saturated my heart.
Yet still I held her to me.
Not knowing that she felt me or even knew who I was any longer because the time was at hand. Her breathing was shallow and yet the life she had lived spoke volumes throughout her transitioning. There was no more time for abandonment issues or thoughts of past transgressions; no space for generational strongholds to reinforce trauma bonding. For soon she would be gone, embraced by the light and Angels she adored. “Thank you” she had told me a mere few days ago as I cared for her, cleaning her and playing her favorite music. “I love you” she had said words that I thought I would never hear her say again after our estrangement.
Yet still I held her to me.
The embrace gave us both the closure that we needed and sought from each other. This day the hospice nurse comes to pull us out of the dark room “Give her space to transition” she said, “often loved ones won’t transition when being watched.” At the time, and in my grief, I thought that was odd of her to say. However when we went back into the room, I touched my mommy’s cooling skin and her stillness almost frightens me, yet it was then that I knew she was gone.
Yet still I held her to me.
Emotions too deep to express escaped us as we gathered around the shell that once housed her spirit. She had joined the ancestors that now danced in the wind beyond this realm. And as the years and time attempt to comfort us all in her absence, as she comes to visit us in dreams to hold dear with our memories, when moments too big for explanation are captured – my thoughts are of our last hug, when still I held her to me.

The year is almost over,
And another will soon start.
This year, however,
I’ll begin with a broken heart.

I’m missing my loved ones,
My friends who’ve recently passed.
I miss their sweet voices,
Their smiles and their laughs.

It was supposed to be a Merry Christmas!
Another photo in the album!
Then suddenly that changed,
to the first Christmas without ’em…

I screamed up at God,
“CAN YOU JUST TELL ME WHY?”
“ARE YOU EVEN UP THERE?!”
“AM I JUST YELLING AT THE SKY?!?!”

I fell to my knees,
and started punching at the ground.
When suddenly I realized…
My loved one’s are all around…

They’re right here with me,
Feeling all this pain.
Does that mean they feel the sunshine?
Does it mean they feel the rain?

Maybe they’re not as gone,
As the world seems to say.
Maybe they’re right beside me…
Every night and every day!

If they’re here with me,
Guiding my every move…
Then I know that I can make it!
Because there’s nothing they can’t do!

This poem is dedicated in loving memory to my friends Alex Wisniewski, Joe Ewer, and Tammy Pouliot, but it goes out to anyone who has lost a loved one.

You are not alone. ❤️❤️❤️

When a human dies, the world stands still for a quiet moment and no one on earth can breathe. Then each individual except for you takes their next inhale and I realize that the world was never still at all.

People say that they would die for you, but do people ever say that they would live for you?
I would live for you; I will live the life that you never got to experience fully and I will take you with me.

The sorts of things that people live for; I will chase exhilaration as a hungry ghost praying for its bones and flesh.
I will collect my insides begging to love them. I will watch fireflies and wonder what they mean.

I will curse the day that you had to leave this blip of mine.
I will dance until I cry, then I will cry until I laugh. I will throw myself into the depths of an ice bath just to miss the heat.

I will find joy in the little things because it’s what you would have wanted. And I will stop smoking cigarettes out of spite. I will celebrate the person that you were and the people that you healed and forgive you for letting yourself be so out of reach.

Since you disappeared, I’ve seen you everywhere! At the sight of tea, the sound of a sad guitar, in the eyes of those who loved you.
Those who knew the gift of knowing you and wanted you so badly to stay.

When a human dies, the soul searches the universe for a body to be held; what I would do to feel your warm tears wet my goose-bumped shoulder and squeeze your hand saying that we’re not that different from each other instead of this.

When a human dies, their friends and blood carry their body across the fields of a lonesome cemetery and place flowers to keep them company.
And for some people the world keeps spinning. But for some of us, the world is just as still.

It was Diwali eve.
Walking about on the crowded streets of a busy bazaar, with a handful of unnecessarily full shopping bags, I attempted to absorb the capitalistic madness and the sensory overload all around me. Evidently, I had spent too much time away from home, and had clearly lost the knack of smart street side shopping. A skill over which, I had unwittingly relinquished my mastery.
Looking to purchase those lovely bangles from the street stall, I found myself shamelessly bargaining with the vendor to reduce the ticket price by 200 rupees(2 dollars) . Not because I did’not want to pay the extra couple of bucks but because it felt like a gratifying activity to engage in .There was something ego boosting about seeing someone succumb to my whimsical wishes.
It was then I felt a gentle pat on my back.
In front of me , well below eye level stood a little boy who if had to guess, was no older than possibly 8 years. A boy whose smile matched the smiles on the colorful balloons he carried and intended to sell. I was smitten and felt an instant liking. Right away, I experienced a fondness for his face, his untainted innocence, his purity, his aura.But I had no logical need for his giant balloons, then or ever at all. Sadly realizing this, I gently shooed him away. His face fell but he didn’t move. It was clear he wasn’t just about ready to give up on me yet.Mustering up courage , he begged me for help stating he had’nt eaten in a while and any money I could hand out would go a long way in feeding him and his sister.I wanted to help him but I had no local currency. As I rummaged through my purse I kept glancing at him, half expecting him to grab my purse any minute and run away. But he waited patiently. “I am sorry but I don’t have any local money” , I informed him sadly.Although he was disappointed , at some level I believe he could sense my genuine intent to help.Sheepishly he folded his hands behind his back and stuttered” Aunty, it’s ok. But can I walk you to a store near by? They have firecrackers and accept credit cards”
I found myself smiling involuntarily.
Clearly, it wasn’t a very thought out request . He was hungry and needed food. He has no need for frivolous fireworks. He just wanted them.
In front of me , I saw just a child. A child searching for joy in unsuspecting ways. A child who had no plan about his next meal. A child who had his priorities all wrong.
He was a child and that was all there was to him.
And that fact , justified all aspects irrational about the “please” he said to me that day .As I accompanied him to the store and got him the fireworks he desired, he walked away elated while I walked away with an awakening.
Sometimes, it is ok to just not foresee a future.
Sometimes, It is ok to be frivolous.
It is ok to look for instant gratification.
It is ok to not have a plan at all for some tomorrows.
Vetrivel and many such kids continue to live their lives by the day.
All they have is this today
A today that can never guarantee that a tomorrow shall even be.
All they have is this today
A today to tide through
In hope, joy and wishful childlike glee.

Art, visual art, phography, AI creations
Are all being used to show support
For the massacres of a peoples
Whose homes destruct
Under the sieges
Of bombs,
Drones,
Death,
At,
At the
Hand of
Oppressors,
Colonizers, thieves,
Manipulators, power hungry
For what’s not theirs to have,
But their backing, support permits
Them what no other’s assent mobilizes.
Out of the ruins
An angel rises,
Soars freely,
Peacefully seeking
The innocent souls
Whose lives were
Violently stripped
Cries of injustice
Surge with each
Blast, that’s a death
Knell on family trees.
How do we explain
This terror to babes?
Whose losses are
Insurmountable in oscillation between extremes:
Trauma, loss, violence they’ve
Experienced sooo young.
Do we brush it off?
Do we succumb?
Do we survive?
Do we live
Happily?
Sadly?
No
No
No

There were 72,647,690 people who voted for a candidate that has worked to divide us. There were 67,961,962 who voted for change. Who despite the fear of the unknown chose to do their part and try and make change. It’s easy to focus on those that chose hate. I can’t believe that that many people in this country hate others so much. I am choosing to believe they are scared. They chose fear. Fear of things they don’t understand. They chose ignorance. They chose not to try to understand.

They chose something I don’t understand.

67,961,962 chose a minority female to be their leader. I’m going to choose to focus on that. There is 67,961,962 who tried to make a change. We don’t know if it would have been beneficial. We don’t know if it would have truly kept us safe and moving towards the future. That alone is scary. Change is scary. Sometimes even when the known is bad it’s easier to stay than to risk the change.

It’s why people stay in bad relationships. It’s why people keep relationships with friends and family members who’s morales don’t really align. The fear of what making a change might bring. What if it’s worse? What if the change is wrong? What if I end up alone?

As someone who has made a lot of change and has struggled through it. I think change is always good, even when it’s not. The thing about making changes is you can just keep doing it.

You need to separate your ego from your choices. It’s okay to admit you were wrong. It’s okay to say you can’t do something you thought you could or that it didn’t work out the way you thought it would. It’s okay to reevaluate and change over and over again.

I’d rather admit I was wrong and keep trying to figure out what is right over and over again then try and fool myself and everyone around me that it’s right.

There’s so much strength in quitting, in failing, in starting over. You learn. You change. You grow.

You can’t ever get back up if you don’t fall.

I left a really secure job in June trying to pursue working for myself. I wanted to have more control over my schedule, work less hours, have more time to focus on my health and other creative opportunities. I spent months planning and finally took the jump. Things were harder than I thought they would be and that’s partially because I started to doubt myself.

All the doubt that others had put in my head started to take over. I started to see everything from a scared mindset. I ended up going against my original boundaries and goals and made my life harder. My body reacted really poorly. I barely slept, could barely eat, threw up every morning. All of this made it even harder. I then felt a lot of shame. So much shame for failing. Felt stupid for changing and trying something.
I reached out for help. I relied on my community and I made a plan. I changed. I keep changing over and over again. I fall back and doubt. I go into bits of shame but I’m quicker at coming up from it. I’m quicker at accepting that change is good. Change is important. Change is part of life.

Nothing is permanent and you can always make a difference

So to the 67,961,962 who voted for change. Who weren’t afraid of our differences. Thank you. We’re not alone. We can still make change and we can stand together again.
To the 72,647,690 who didn’t please don’t be afraid to change your mind. If you don’t agree with the things that this presidency does don’t hold onto your ego. Reevaluate. Make change. Make our government work for us.