To start at the top from the beginning
My plan was to drop myself from this living
Moving over to the left you’ll see
The pot I grew and smoked at need
Moving down will sum up the whole page
Cuz this life sux so I found rage
Up to the left is 3 empty bottles of Jack
And with one left to go you know trouble will attack
And if you drink all of this bourbon
A migraine I think is what you’ll be burning
Up in the corner with the Marlboro cigarettes
Is a tipped bottle of vodka I’ll never forget
Cuz every morning on the way to school
With coffee and vodka I’d try to be cool
Manson up there to sing about the drugs
With heroin to share my two-timed love
And a Zippo I always collected
To cook on a spoon what I injected
AC/DC is music to my ears
And Budweiser is the king of beers
And if these beers are in your fridge
Then there is a killer in the kitchen in which you live
The cigarette butt shows the most
Of how the cigarettes I smoke are gross
With Rolling Rock beer and kinky games to play
And a bottle of crown Royal I’m King of the day
The long line of beautiful Fame
Are women goddesses who make me want to change
The colorful square of cartoons down there
Is it made up fantasy so life ain’t so bear
The clown is me the poem is mine
Jail is my box and life is my time
And the poem says: “Clown in a box”
(This clown broke down cornered in his room
Inside he found no escape from his Doom
He loves his clown inside the box
Let’s shoved back down under pressure and a lock
Cuz he alone is much the same
In his empty home he goes insane
But what’s not the same as the Jack in the box
Is that he feels pain from life’s hard knocks
And we all know when life has him down
Because he won’t show the true face of a real clown
It’s no big deal because life is a joke
But his pain is real and his heart is broke
Now over time his tears are dry
Through all the years he’s had to cry
So no longer can this clown show any pain
From the box he has found only himself to blame.)
The Harley-Davidson will be my next bike
It’s been a dream my entire life
The beautiful cheeks you see from the back
Represents the only good crack
As I saw the beautiful ass
My jaw dropped down and unwinded fast
America is the land of the free
But sex drugs and rock and roll is what it is to me
When you enter the center I’m a monster inside
A suffering rebel poet freak with no place to hide
The Christmas holiday is my worst
And Pantera will always be first
The watch on the side is there to remind
It’s time to change and not rewind
And with an Irish blessing added to the list
Art doesn’t get any more modern than this.

I wrote this at Correctional Treatment Facility in the year 2000, Toledo Ohio

Drawing on top done by: Julia Speedy
http://www.julialovestomakeart.com

See these footsteps? These are the imprints of the precious little feet I created with my DNA. My little son walking, frolicking, and playing in the sand. Living life and enjoying it in the moment. I can now hold on to this picture, the memories attached to it- and now even this letter … forever and ever 🌹❤️

May the strength of my men always carry me through the longest of walks in life.

If you had any shred of decency left in you
You’d stay away from my boo
To that little boy
I’m the only one that’s true
If I could flip it all back
Spin it all around and let you see
Literally the little me…..
Nurturing, loving, carrying him through
When not everyone else was always onboard too
I’m the only thing and woman he’s ever really known

Now he’s sitting here looking at me full grown
What you tried to protect your whole life, sits there looking at you like you’ve just ripped out a knife
What I tried to avoid his whole little life
Will he ever understand that all mommy every wanted was to make a good man?
Can’t he please just understand?
This precious seed turns around and now questions me, how dare he?
I can’t explain it all, I don’t know how I could
If I could lay it all out right here, right now trust me I would
Let it all go for good
Let you see all my choices weren’t always the smartest
But always out of love and always for good

I guess protection is a strange thing
You want to take them under your wing
You don’t realize how much you cling
Well, here we are young man, here I stand
This is all of me, still standing, still fighting
Always will
At least I will try
I hope one day you understand

Love Always,
Your “Teen” Mom

A small shadowy figure of a girl stumbles out of her house, and quickly paces through her backyard. The lawn hasn’t been cut but she still treads through barefoot without a care. To others around her she seems disheveled, even slightly scary. She heads towards the darkest corner and peers over her raggedy fence and caught a nice gaze at the sky. “Ahhhh, no clouds tonight” she happily told herself.

What this means for Jaria, is she can do her thing now finally. No obstructions tonight. She closes her eyes and throws a nice calming frequency tone on in the background. Takes a deep breath and then asks for guidance from within. She realizes that way too much suffering has been occurring for far too long. Past, present, and future if nothing changes. Her focus starts tuning in and here come all her higher thoughts. She calmly reaches for her blue selenite crystal because she remembers the moon will recharge it. A special friend from the Unkechaug Tribe told her this tip many years ago. She keeps paying attention to her breathing, and the breaths get longer, fuller and somehow even more fulfilling. She stretches out every part of her body, then says ok “RELEASE”!

Nothing major or dramatic seems to have occurred. Atleast not instantly that is….Jaria lightly starts humming and moving her legs around. She remembers stories as a little girl, and now senses the whispers of her ancestors telling her to dance. See, dancing for her was not just for what you see on television. Dancing was not only part of her culture, it was used for it’s healing properties as well.

We all have energy, and movement causes vibration. Vibration can in turn heal us. Jaria didn’t have many words to speak anymore. She has seen a lot here on Earth. So this is what she must do to remain calm and strong if there is to be any future hope left in humanity.

Dancing somehow holds the key which is put into a doorknob and when she turns it-she’s granted access to somehow release all of her hidden emotions. She can somehow feel a sense of control by the mastery of her movements the older she gets.

All of a sudden Jaria isn’t so disheveled and uncharged. Swiftly she notices more, then she has enough self awareness to pick up on her own bad mood and decide to change it. She has no care for the conception of time, monetary items or toxicity. She walks to the beat of her own drum… literally.

Two hours has gone by, and it’s going to take a full nights rest now. This was a lot on Jaria’s soul. But in a good way. She breezes past her neighbors, now seeming light as a feather. Even her neighbors figure she must have gotten some good news or something.

Unfortunately this is a common pattern for our little moon child here. This is what Jaria must keep doing not only for herself, but for all future spiritual creatures alike. May we all find our place in the Universe.

She wanders silently through the night,
Fighting off demons and spite,
She looks to the moon for guidance and strength,
For she knows these earthly gifts talk to her like Saints.
Please keep me balanced and pure,
For there is nothing on this earth that is sure,
Walk me and guide me to the Heavens above,
As if I were your child, that your taking care of
Lift me up and get me through, and I promise I will devote my life to you.

Sink your eye into my beautiful butterfly
Twirling around my purple bush, I spotted it
The prettiest one ever. I knew I had to have it
I paused, and gazed. I caught an up-close glimpse of its unique coloring. Blue and purple.
Didn’t think that was possible, but there it was- right in my face. It had the largest wings I’d ever seen on such a small creature. It fluttered around so gracefully, getting love drunk off the nectar. Bobbing around, minding its business and helping my garden.
Drifted off and started to wonder, are all the things that they say about butterflies true? Can this thing see me, sense me? It must. Look how delicate and beautiful it is. It trusts me to sit still and gaze at it.
Kept thinking about the transformation from birth till now, the little head with actual eyes, floaty looking wings and vibrant enchanting blue and purple eyespots like an encryption code to the butterfly heavens.
Fetching a small net, a jar or even a photo will do. I must share this with this world
Ran off to not miss my chance, came running back full speed, with excitement still in my heart- but it had already flown away.
~Inspired by Mindfulness Meditation

Hugs from Heaven, they feel so sweet
A warm energetic connection that will knock you off your feet
Tune in and listen, look around you’ll be surprised
Your heart bleeds love, passion & desire from the skies
All this love can be seen right in your eyes 🤍🦋

My poem has read, last in line…
“I have no worth in mine own eye”.
Weather burned me-early age to start,
Cannot I see the lie of this part?
…And even think to give love a try
Before bitter I sink to death and die?
For if I have not to respect myself,
How can I ever comfort anyone else?
No matter the cause-No matter the reason
I need not to know-Just believe new season!
Have not I to grow 45 years old?
For that is what turned me 2 days ago…
If 40 years old I was at age 12,
Then where now alive am I on the shelf?
Need not to know that either-Rather good to exist…
Regardless of child-hood lost and missed.
Feelings of mine-I think matter not,
When I can still find a caring/sharing spot.
Nor how, I don’t know-But feel love in the air,
Though I’ll not steal it-belonging to someone fair.
For if this gift I ever can find,
I’ll no longer be pissed-When good is mine!
Forgetting the past-a job easily not done
When 40 years masked-this hatred was dumb!
Good people say I matter, every life there is
Can no longer get sadder-Because Optimism lives!
Many lessons learned, to build my neighbor up,
As when I care for mine own self…
Love overflows-and clean is the cup!

Thank You The Unsealed!!!

9-4-24

My nephew messed up
On his “Chrome Book”…
So it was given to me.
Now it is mine to look and see,
Only the things that are clean.
A great opportunity to prove,
That worldly lust will loose!
An opportunity to share with all
Of the One able-to stop every fall!
A possible chance to be promoted
By the One to Whom-my life is devoted!
A very great way to get in touch
Of the ones in time past-
Of whom I may not have said enough!

A great time to learn and grow
Improving more on things I ought to know.
May I even be going back to school,
With this little computer-that’s pretty cool!

Greatest of all, a way to overcome
The traps set up for me-I’ve fallen through some.
But I trust in the Great Grace of God…
That I’m an Overcomer-through His Word I trod!
By that same sweet Grace-
He always lets me know,
He is my heart-monitor…
Wherever I go!!!

A burning fire so pure in heart
Of passion missing from fishing a lot.
Grandma always said “Plenty of fish in the sea”,
But my thought no trap from a hook of deceit.

A desire wholly changed by looks so bright
Can be turned off and on-like a switch light.
Also taken in is so much again
Of being a boy or a girlfriend.

Yes taking the bad along with the good
Being understood is not to change what could…
Become of love and excepting the thoughts
Me thinks with a feeling-unexplainable when sought.

Seeking/finding love outside of lust
Seems uncomprehensive when affection is a must.
Not as a fairy tale-ending in perfect story
But rather would be true in a mutual glory!

For such fake tales-brainwash society
While love is deliberate action-as a growing key.
Yes love makes to climb the mountains true,
And never lose sacrifices for both of you.

Age is not just a number-off the wall no matter
When it is so far away-one takes advantage rather.
Then the other missed-deprived of spirit sure
That the love hoped by one-could not strength endure.

Let a close age sparkle remain-for to learn together
And to increase the same…Yes-the likeness of,
The simple 23 as completely forever…
Not otherwise fooled by love-
let this not be mistaken
For could be a heart so breaking.

And if love is missed-you can still fly,
With mended wings that still exist-
As eagles in the sky!

6-4-24

I need you, I’m scared
The man who I thought was my father
Was only my Dad.
I knew too-right from wrong
But God is my Father,
And He is strong!
He’s not like my Dad though,
Yet, some similarities you know?
How is your Mom?
Is she still alive?
I wish to your place again
I could run and hide.
As kids and friends
Billy I was never perverted
Some scary stranger…
Wrecked my life.
And then he laughed about it
40 years later
How’s that a joke?
I don’t know.
But I’m better now,
I’m a child of the King!
And in 4 trillion more years…
I’ll still be!
Like prejudiced people used to say in school,
Calling some a wanna’ be
Except my wants changed.
I want to be a man of God,
I want to be good
I sure wish I could.
But I’m gonna try to learn how!
I miss you so bad
You were the first best friend I had.
My best friend now-since “1996”
Is the coolest!
His name is Mike
He’s from Cleveland
I’ve even prayed and cried over him.
I want him to go to heaven!
You better be there when I get home,
I want you to meet him.
I wish I had not
Brought you smoke.
I want to be buried under it.
You were like an exception
Dad would let me out.
He must had liked you too.
Sometimes I think
I haven’t changed much inside…
But I have! Hey,
I know you remember Scoot,
He told me what happened, at the bar
When he cried. Billy, I wish you never died!