I remember when I first learned of misogyny, racism and pure hate
I had thought long ago it all reached its expiration date

Clearly, I was wrong
As many are still dancing to an old song

As a young girl, they told me playing sports is a microcosm of adult life
But in the real world, the refs try to prevent me from winning at any
role except mother and wife

They do so by attempting to lower my ceiling
While reducing my existence to what I do when I am lying or kneeling

When it comes to civil rights, I may have never seen a noose
But the concept of racial equality is definitely still a ruse

I know I am not black and I can’t understand racism through what I
hear on the news or read in a book
But I am human and I know a young innocent boy should not be shot
because of the way he looks

In love, we still can’t all marry the person who makes our hearts feel
cared for or protected
Instead we must worry and live in fear that our connection won’t be
accepted

In careers, many of us don’t receive opportunity based on ability
Instead, we are held back because of our complexion, sexuality or
femininity

The solution is in our own evolution

We are fighting old battles in a modern form
A new movement where we all stand for each other needs to be born

Men must stand up against rape and be leaders in its elimination
Women need to speak up when different races or sexual orientations
receive any kind of discrimination

Our voices would have so much more power if we sang as a choir
Going against the establishment as separate acts just lead us to tire

Whether you’re black, white, female or LGBT
People need to stand for people if we are all going to be set free

Our past should not still be our reality
It’s time for injustice to be the latest fatality

Our children deserve a world where hate doesn’t consistently rise
above
Instead, I want them to experience the best of life, by living in a place
where they can feel hope and universal love

Dear Dad,

I can’t remember the exact day or even the precise year that this memory took place. At the time, I was working for MSG Varsity, a high school sports network in the New York metropolitan area. I was probably about two years out of college and maybe 23 or 24 years old. That job was a breakthrough. It was my first steady on-air job. Before getting an offer to work for MSG, I must have been rejected by 100 stations. I was pursuing what many thought to be an impossible career as a TV sports reporter. So many naysayers told me I was wasting my time and my education. But not you, Dad. You told me never to give up on a dream. You told me you believed in me and tried to provide any resources possible to help me succeed.

That’s why this moment, which I am about to share, meant so much to me.

See on this day, I walked into work and everybody was buzzing about Emmy nominations. I was a young reporter in the number one market in the country, so my expectations were low. Then, just as I was about to start writing a script, one of my coworkers told me to check the Emmy nominations. They said they were almost sure they saw my name listed. I don’t remember if I read a hard copy or if I looked at the nominations on my computer or someone else’s computer, but I got a hold of the list, and sure enough, my name was printed twice. In my first year as a reporter, I received two Emmy nominations in the number one market in the country. Before saying anything to anyone, I went into the stairwell and started to cry as I called you to tell you the news.

That’s the moment that is etched in my memory forever. That’s the moment I will never forget. I remember how I felt overwhelmed with emotion and how I could barely even get the words out to tell you. I remember how happy you were to hear the news and how you told me to stop crying.

It wasn’t so much the recognition from the industry or that I got to go to the ceremony and wear a pretty dress that made that moment so special. Don’t get me wrong. All that was great too. But at that moment, I felt I had proved that your unwavering support and belief in me were worthwhile. That you didn’t waste your time or money investing in my dreams.

A decade and change later, I have yet to win an Emmy, even though I was nominated five more times after that. But that moment in the stairwell means more to me than any trophy. That five-minute phone call celebrating with you and hearing the pride in your voice were and are the only prizes that ever mattered to me.

I love you, Daddy. Thank you for always believing in me.

Dear Mom,

Growing up, I didn’t always appreciate you as I do now. I didn’t fully understand you as a child because our dreams were so different. At ten years old, I was outspoken and already very career driven. You always liked working and wanted to do well, but you never had a burning desire for a promotion or more responsibilities. For a long time, I thought you were less ambitious than me, but as the years passed, I learned that that’s not exactly correct.

Mom, you are the backbone of our family. When a crisis hits, you are the one we all turn to for comfort, support, and wisdom. You have this incredible ability to calm us all down while providing logical advice. When I got rejected by my crush in elementary school, you were the one who sat in my bed and told me I was beautiful. When I decided to go to private school 40 minutes from our house and then play for a travel soccer team 40 minutes away in the opposite direction, you (and dad) spent hours in the car, driving me back and forth. When I was worried about getting into college, you were the one who told me you were proud of me regardless of which school accepted me. When I opened up about my assault, you were the one who told me my response was normal and OK. When my ex-boyfriend passed away, you were the one who held my hand at the funeral. And when I started my business, you spent days on end sending out emails for me.

Mom, I have come to realize that you were and are very ambitious. You wanted, more than anything, to foster a loving family and you did whatever it took to make that happen. As a family, we have endured difficult situations together, and you have handled each with strength, grace, selflessness, and love. Every day, you have made our family a priority. To this day, you help us persevere through the most challenging moments of our lives, while also supporting us as we chase our wildest dreams.

Mom, you may not have wanted to be a boss in a boardroom, but you were/are one heck of a CEO in our household.

I am proud to be your daughter, as I admire and love you more than you’ll ever know.

With love,

To Those Who Doubt Themselves,

Most people never discover how far their talents can take them.

Instead, it is so easy to let doubt hold you back. It’s so easy to ponder if you are smart enough, good enough, or have the stamina to climb the mountain you see ahead. And, of course, it doesn’t make it any less daunting when you have naysayers – people who say you can’t do it. But what I want you to know and what my journey thus far has taught me is that you’re in control of your destiny.

There are so many instances in life where I was scared to pursue a challenge. When I got accepted to an Ivy League school, I didn’t think I was smart enough to attend. When I decided to start a business, I didn’t know if I had the experience or resources to pull it off effectively. And when recently, I decided to start learning how to code websites, I honestly didn’t know if my brain could absorb a computer language.

As I questioned my abilities in those circumstances, other people also doubted me. Here are just a few comments I heard from people:

“You’re not as smart as the other kids who go to Columbia. You won’t do well there.”

“Do you know how many people fail at starting a business? You’re wasting your time.”

“How are you going to learn to code on your own? There are so many levels to it. You’ll never be able to be proficient in it.”

Despite my doubts, and the doubts of others, I pursued each challenge anyway.

I repeatedly told myself, almost like a religious mantra, “If someone else can do this, I can do it too. If someone else can do this, I can do it too.”

I made the dean’s list every semester during my last two years at Columbia(I think). My very first post, when I started my business, went viral. And with computer code, I found a cheap course online, and I am enjoying learning to code. It’s actually coming to me pretty easily so far.

So, don’t listen to any of your doubters. They are projecting their fears onto you. Always have confidence in yourself because right now, you have no idea what you can accomplish in your life. But I promise you, if you take a chance, if you have a little faith in yourself, and never give up, you just might be one of the lucky ones to find out.

With Love,

Dear Sports,

Sometimes love comes into our lives early and easily. That’s the case with you. I remember meeting you around age four or five, but it could have been even younger. I lived on a cul-de-sac, and all the kids on our street would regularly play kickball in the circle. We’d play for hours, sometimes mixing in tag or hide and seek. Without much effort, I could always keep up with the older kids. And every time I tried a new sport, it took me no time to figure it out. But it wasn’t until my parents signed me up for organized soccer with kids my age that I realized I was athletic. I was faster than everyone else. And scoring goals was easy. Immediately, I was hooked. I loved competition. And quite frankly, I loved winning.

While I played many sports throughout my childhood, soccer became my primary sport. I played on club, school, and select teams. Soccer allowed me to see the world, as I was chosen to play on a team that competed as far as Italy when I was 15 years old. Besides competition, sports introduced me to my best friends – many of whom I am still close with now.

I am forever grateful that you, sports, came into my life.

As an adult, I no longer play on competitive sports teams. And I probably don’t work out as much as I should. But you are still an essential part of my life. You shaped me into the person I am today. You, sports, taught me how to push through adversity. You showed me the power of a good and consistent work ethic. Through you, I developed tremendous confidence and mental toughness, which serves me well every single day of my life. And when I have a long week or am frustrated or scared, I can still turn to you for peace. I’ll rollerblade along the water for miles or lift at the gym.

While many loves in our life come and go, there are some rare ones that not only come early and easily but also last a lifetime.

I love you always.

Your old friend,

To someone who is too hard on themselves,

You must be so anxious and stressed. You never seem to be where you want to be in life. I know how you feel because I have felt this way, too. My older sibling was always smarter than me. As a child, he did better in school than me, and as an adult, he certainly makes more money than me. It is as though I have had this bar way above my head my whole life. And no matter how hard I work or how many times I try, I never seem to jump high enough to graze that bar with my fingertips. And yet, I never stop trying.

Throughout my adult life, I have worked weekends and nights. I have lost sleep as thoughts of work ruminate in my head, and I have pulled all-nighters just because I have felt like I needed to get more done. All too often, I find myself exhausted, stressed, and frustrated. And I have come to realize that those emotions are not helpful. I started my company, The Unsealed, 3.5 years ago, and until this past weekend, I hadn’t taken one vacation.

An opportunity to go to Disney World arose. And seriously, who can say no to Disney World? I attended shows, tried out new rides, and ate at new restaurants for three days. It was so much fun. I gave my mind a break – a moment to live in the present and enjoy the people in my life and the blessings surrounding me. I drove home on Sunday. Now, it’s Monday, and I feel refreshed and motivated. The weekend made me realize how important it is to come up for air sometimes.

For so long, I put pressure on myself and never took my foot off the gas. But that’s not healthy or productive. So, if you’re like me and push yourself very hard, I hope you learn to be kind to yourself, take breaks, and live in the moment. When you take days off, don’t think about work or whatever you are pushing yourself to do. Give your mind and your soul time to refresh, recharge and recalibrate.

Your ambition probably won’t ever go away. But what I have come to realize is that if you want to do your best in life, it’s vital that you feel your best.

Don’t measure your success with someone else’s bar. Prioritize your health and your happiness. And always appreciate where you are, where you’ve been, and where you’re going.

Dear Kris,

Last year, I stumbled upon a CNN article entitled, “I have got terminal cancer. Here is why I am prioritizing travel.” The article shared how you were diagnosed at 48 years old with late stage four colon cancer. Despite the diagnosis, you remained committed to the activities that bring you joy in life, which include spending time with your family and traveling around the globe. I immediately knew I wanted to share your story with our community. I knew you would represent what The Unsealed is about: resilience, kindness, and strength. However, there was one result of meeting you I didn’t see coming..

While The Unsealed is not nearly as well-known or as prominent as CNN, you immediately responded to me and happily agreed to share your story with me. You sat on zoom with me for more than an hour and shared with me the shock of discovering you had terminal cancer. You had this proud grin on your face as you told me how you captured your wife’s heart. And you told me about the abundance of joy you experience daily by being the father to your sweet, intelligent, curious young son, Braden. But more than just your story, how you approach life’s challenges clearly came across in our interview. And that is with boundless positivity and a pure heart. When you receive a cocktail of intense chemo, you do so with a cheerful disposition and kind words to share with the nurses and doctors who treat you. You don’t approach work or everyday life with a “Why me?” attitude, but instead, you see each day as a gift to enjoy with the people you love most. You are aware of the reality of your situation, but you do not let it take away from the people and places that make you smile, as you continue to travel the world and take walks on the beach with your wife and son.

After interviewing you, we posted your story on The Unsealed in a letter to your wife and son. Then, you spoke to our community on one of our weekly zoom calls. Your zest for life and your pursuit of positivity are contagious. In the following months, I noticed I became more disciplined about staying optimistic about the challenges in my life. While starting a business is not nearly as difficult as battling cancer, it’s the obstacle I currently face. And because of you, instead of dwelling on what is going wrong, I started to look at what is going right and figure out how to lean into those tactics more. When a strategy I implement doesn’t go as planned, instead of feeling frustrated, I look for the lesson and adapt accordingly. When I interact with people, no matter how my day is unfolding, I always try to lead with kindness. The mindset you have helped shape within me has impacted my productivity, patience, and happiness. And as my company has grown, the process has become less stressful and more joyful.

Kris, when I first came across your story, I knew you would inspire so many people, but what I didn’t know was how much you would influence me.

Thank you.

Keep fighting! Keep smiling! Keep being you!

With love,

Dear Vernon,

The odds of us crossing paths were slim, but the domino effect of connecting with you was life-changing.

When I tell people I know you, their first question is often, “How?” You played in the NFL while I was still in elementary school. You live in Texas. I have only visited the Lone Star state a few times. Our friendship came out of nowhere. It was 2017, and I was in bed randomly looking at LinkedIn when I saw a post about someone writing a letter to their younger self. I am unsure what made me read the story, but I clicked. The letter was so well-written and powerful. It was about your life story. You were the product of gang rape, and you shared your complicated relationship with your later mother. You mentioned something in that letter that you didn’t understand your mother’s reaction to her attack, but I could relate to her because I am also a survivor. So, I reached out to you to explain how my mind took time to process what had happened to me. I hoped that sharing my story would give you some clarity and peace.

You responded to me almost immediately, and I think we chatted on the phone the same night. Then, the Super Bowl was in Houston that year, and I was headed down. We met in person, and you told me you were friends with Sheryl Sandberg, the then-COO of Facebook. She had recently written a book about people who persevere and mentioned you in the book. You introduced me to Sheryl, who asked me to share my story on her website publicly. I couldn’t say no to Sheryl, which led me to write an open letter to sexual assault survivors independently. My letter changed my life. Besides freeing me from years of shame and angst, it inspired me to move to Florida and start my company, The Unsealed. The Unsealed is a platform where people can write and share open letters about overcoming adversity.

Through the years, we’ve remained friends, and you have shared your story on The Unsealed’s website and several of our weekly conversations with our community. You encourage me. You inspire me, and you believe in me.

While I know we’ll always be friends, I still think it’s crazy we even met in the first place. I rarely read articles I see on LinkedIn, if ever. And it is even less often that I reach out to its author. I genuinely believe whether it was fate, or maybe your mom up there pulling strings, or one of my late loved ones, that night that I was lying in bed skimming LinkedIn, there was a larger power play – using your story and our newfound friendship – to lead me to my purpose.

Forever grateful that the stars aligned,

Dear Wylie,

In 2012, I moved to Buffalo after receiving an offer to work as a sportscaster at a local station there. While I was excited about the opportunity, I was a little nervous about moving to a new city that I had never been to before my interview and where didn’t know a single soul. While I made friends quickly, within a couple of months of living there, I felt like there was a missing piece to my life in Buffalo. And that missing piece was you.

I had this strong urge to get a puppy. Besides college and a year or two before moving to Buffalo, I have always lived with at least one dog. While I searched far and wide for the perfect puppy, I ended up getting you from the same place my parents purchased your older sister, Cayley.

As soon as we met, we were inseparable. When you were a puppy, you never wanted to leave my side – so much so that you would cry when I was in the bath, and you would often try and hop in the shower with me. You never wanted to sleep alone, and somehow you managed to win the hearts of all my neighbors, so you were rarely ever home alone.

We’ve been together for ten years, and you have been by my side through many ups and downs. You’ve growled at the boys who broke my heart, and you cuddled with me every day during 2020 – a year mostly spent with just you and me because of a global pandemic. While you like to pee everywhere, marking your territory, and you try to make babies with my parents’ Maltese, Mia, I still love you so much.

You have brought so much love, warmth, and companionship to my life. You have been a part of my journey in ways I am sure I don’t even recognize. And while we have moved to three different cities and dealt with so many unexpected challenges, one constant throughout our last ten years is the love we show and have for each other.

Thanks for always having my back and giving me kisses on command.

I love you, WyWy

With lots of hugs and kisses,

To My Family,

When I was a child, kids in school tried to make me feel Christmas envy. We didn’t celebrate Christmas because we are Jewish. But I never felt like I missed out on anything. We got plenty of presents on Hannukah. Also, the holiday season usually meant a fun vacation: Skiing in Vermont, the beach in Aruba, a cruise around the Caribbean, or parties in Miami. Despite not celebrating Christmas, Christmas week was usually one of the most fun weeks of the entire year.

This year, Mom and Dad, you will be with me in Florida, and my brother will be in New York with his wife. We will have Chinese food on Christmas Day and start our shopping adventures on December 26th. That’s when the really good sales kick in. We will eat too much, and I will complain that I cannot get nearly enough work done. We will send many pictures in our group chat of the items we got exceptional deals on and of our little adventures.

Our holiday season may not have a Christmas tree, reindeer, or stocking stuffer, but like many people, the end of the year is a time for food, family, and fun. And that’s no different for us. Mom, Dad and the rest of our crazy family, I have always loved the holiday season, and that’s because of how much I love all of you.

Cheers to another year of many moments of love, laughter, and a little bickering.

With love,

Dear 2022,

When the clock struck midnight on January 1st, 2022, I had high hopes for you – the upcoming year. I planned to build a new feature on The Unsealed – a pen pal system allowing users to post their content and write to each other. I was hopeful that this would be the “it” factor that would take my company to the next level. I thought I would sit back and enjoy the show once it launched.

Personally, with COVID seemingly becoming less severe, I was excited about going out more and meeting new people. Maybe date someone new – or meet some new friends in Miami.

Per usual, the year didn’t go exactly as planned. Just like every other year, there were some challenges I didn’t foresee. My mother had a cancer scare, and I lost a friend at 40 years old to brain cancer.

It was tough, but I continued to march forward as I always do.

When I launched our Pen Pal network, I quickly realized that we were helping people and had something special. However, I also realized that we laid the foundation but still needed to build the house. There are elements we need to add. We still need to figure out a flow and a clearer user-generated experience.

Outside of work, I have met new people – some were lessons, while others have been a whole lot of laughter.

While 2022 didn’t lead to everything I wanted, I feel closer to all that I desire. I evolved personally and professionally. I have a better idea of who I want in my life and what I need to do to realize my dreams.

While my hopes for next year are similar to those from last year, I am thankful for a journey filled with amazing people, passion, and purpose.

It’s been real. Thanks for the memories, 2022.

With gratitude,

Dear Unsealed Community,

When I was 19 years old, I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted to chase my dream as a sportscaster. In pursuit of that dream,  I started working at the NBA. I commuted two hours from Columbia University to New Jersey, three days a week, because I was committed. I wanted to network with people who worked in sports. I wanted to hone my writing skills and learn more about the broadcasting industry. This job was supposed to be the first step to the rest of my life. But it nearly took me off course, and everyone, except me, thought I should be thrilled.

While working at the NBA, I met someone. He was my co-worker. We had the same schedule – or so I thought. I found out later that he was coming to work when he wasn’t scheduled to spend more time with me. We got along so well. We could talk for hours and hours about anything and everything. Soon after meeting, we started dating, and our relationship escalated quickly. Within a year, he left the NBA and began working in finance. We moved in together in an apartment in New York City and got engaged. I was only 21 years old – still a senior in college. He treated me well. We had no drama – no lying, no cheating, no bullshit—just two young people who genuinely enjoyed each other’s company.

He checked every box.

My parents were happy. My friends thought I was so lucky. And in society’s eyes, my life was going very well.

The only problem was that I was miserable. I was not ready to be someone’s wife. I didn’t want to sacrifice opportunities for my career for a relationship. My ring felt like a handcuff, chaining me to a life I didn’t yet want.

I stayed in the relationship for four years because, logically, we made sense. According to society, this relationship is what I should want. But I was so unhappy which led me to question myself more times than I could count.

“Why don’t I want this relationship?”

“How come I am not on cloud nine?”

“Isn’t this is what I should want?”

“Is there something wrong with me?”

Ultimately, it took every ounce of strength I had to end the relationship. It was one the most difficult decisions I have ever made, as I had to hurt someone I loved – someone who never would have hurt me.

However, I knew, long term, it wasn’t fair to either one of us if I stayed in a relationship that I didn’t genuinely want. In the days, weeks and months following our breakup, I felt a sense of relief and freedom. I pursued my career, moved out of New York, and I have since chased every single dream or goal I’ve ever had.

To this day, people still think I was crazy to end the relationship – especially since I am now 36 and single. But I have never had any regrets.

Looking back, I learned that sometimes we doubt ourselves when our desires differ from the expectations the world sets for us. But deep down, each of us know what we want, and all we need is the courage to pursue it relentlessly.

Be who you are – not who others expect you to be.

Dear Mom,

You once told me that you don’t worry about me because you know no matter what, I will always be OK. You said to me that throughout my life, whatever challenges I faced, I somehow always managed to persevere. You told me you know me better than anyone else. After all, you’re not only my mother but also my best friend.

You know everything about me.

Mom, through all my life’s challenges, you have been by my side.

When my fourth-grade crush pretended to throw up when he found out I liked him, you told me, “Don’t worry, you’re beautiful, and there will be plenty of boys that will like you.”

When my first love broke my heart, “You told me to let it go – not to give him the power to make me sad or ruin my day.

When I did poorly on a test in school, you would spend hours studying with me.

When my boyfriend died, “You cried with me at the funeral.”

When I started The Unsealed, “You told me to go for it.”

And each day, when I share my fears and worries as an entrepreneur, you tell me to keep going. You tell me you believe in me. You give me ideas, and you help me to keep pushing.

Mom, you have seen me bounce back from a broken heart, disappointment in my career, and loss. And while, yes, I have always been OK, I believe it is because I have always had you.

I love you so much. Your support, love, and constant presence are the secret to my strength.

Thank you,

To The Unsealed Community,

When I graduated high school, I honestly didn’t know what to expect from myself.

After getting waitlisted, I got accepted to Columbia in mid-June of my senior year of high school. At the time, Columbia ranked top five in the nation. And while I was thrilled to be accepted, there was a part of me that was unsure if I was worthy of the admission.

I told my family I wasn’t sure if I wasn’t smart enough to go, and I was considering going elsewhere.

My brother, who had just graduated from Columbia, responded, “If you don’t take this opportunity, you will regret it for the rest of your life. I promise you will be able to do the work.”

I trusted my brother and decided to attend, even though I was scared and uncertain if I would measure up to my peers.

My first year at Columbia was by far the hardest. My grades depended on papers, and I wasn’t the best writer. Not to mention, we had to take many required classes – some of which I found pretty boring. But I muscled through it, and I was determined to thrive.

Thankfully, Columbia had a writing center where tutors looked through your paper sentence by sentence and provided feedback. I spent hours each week at the writing center, and after a year or so, my writing significantly improved. So much so that in the last two years of college, I received an A on every single paper I submitted.

It’s hard to believe that I almost passed down an incredible opportunity because I didn’t believe in myself.

Now, whatever challenge I face in life, I still don’t know what to expect from myself. But my experience at Columbia taught me that if I push myself and work hard, I should always expect to surprise myself.

We are all capable of way more than we even know.

Always believe in your greatness,

To The Unsealed Community,

When I was ten years old, I was in love.

I grew up in the 1990s, and like most other girls in my generation, I thought Jonathan Taylor Thomas, aka JTT, was my future husband. He played Randy on Tim Allen’s Home Improvement. I had posters of him in my room, and I listened to love songs imagining the two of us on long walks in the park.

Ahead of my eleventh birthday, my father asked what I wanted as a gift.

I told my Dad, “I would like to meet JTT.”

My Dad chuckled and said, “What’s your second choice?”

I said, “Dad, there is no second choice. That is what I want.”

He told me he didn’t have that kind of power. So, I said fine and told him I would figure it out myself.

Later that week, I went on the internet and started searching. I knew there had to be a way to meet my crush. It wasn’t long before I stumbled across a charity event for Audrey Hepburn’s charity for children. The event hosted movie premiers, fashion shows, and after-parties with child stars in New York City, forty minutes away from my home. The list of child actors had to be one hundred deep: Mara Wilson, Michelle Trachtenberg, Rider Strong, Devon Sawa, and, sure enough, Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

Tickets for events were cheap – $10 -$40 per event, per person. So, for my birthday, my mother and I got a hotel room in the city, and I attended JTT’s premiere of the movie Wild America. I manipulated my way to the front of the crowd and befriended JTT’s security, who arrived at the theater a half hour before JTT did. As luck would have it, like every other man in the world, the security guard had a crush on my mother. I ended up in the elevator with JTT and got a picture and a kiss on the cheek. And then, he sat right behind me in the theater. I swear there were moments when he leaned forward, and I could feel him breathing on my neck. The next day at the fashion show, the security guard snuck us backstage. I met nearly every star there, and my 11-year-old self was in heaven.

One of the qualities I love most about myself is I go after what I want. I don’t take no for an answer. I believe I was born with this relentless and determined spirit.

Whether it was meeting JTT at eleven years old, becoming a sportscaster in my 20s, or starting a business in my 30’s, I have never taken “No” for an answer. No has always just meant, “Find another way.”

Through the years, the stakes have increased, and the challenges are sometimes even more unrealistic. But without looking back, I have continued after whatever I have wanted in life.

Even if some days are hard, I live life with no regrets, no what ifs or would have, could have, should haves.

And while I may not have married JTT, like I once planned. Going after him, along with all the other things I love in life, has made me love myself and all that I am even more.

To The Unsealed Community,

Typically, I am not someone who visibly shows the world how I feel. Whether it was a big loss in sports as a teenager or in fourth grade when a boy pretended to throw up when he found out I liked him, I have often, without even trying, kept a poker face.

But how I look doesn’t always reflect how I feel.

During my first year of college, I was having the time of my life: a new school, a new romance, a new city, and lots of new friends.

I looked like a happy, typical college student exploring an exciting new world. And in many ways, I was just that. However, amid this incredible adventure and privilege, there were moments I was overwhelmed and nearly debilitated by fear.

When the sun went down, I was terrified to walk on campus alone. It was only a year and a half since I had been drugged and sexually assaulted by two strangers. I felt so vulnerable that someone could hurt me again at any moment. Whether walking back from dinner, a party, or my boyfriend’s dorm, whenever I was by myself at night, my heart would race, and I would feel this aching pit in my stomach.

Sometimes, when I made it safely, I would go to a bathroom stall or somewhere private and let out a few tears, just as a sigh of relief. Walking at night on what was a beautiful and, statistically speaking, safe campus was a horrible, unsettling feeling – one that I had no idea if it would ever go away.

There are many ways I could have responded. I could have gone home – quit school, and simply remained in the confines of my parents’ home. I could have stopped going out and stayed in my room after dark. I could have withdrawn entirely and hidden from all my fears.

But I didn’t. Instead, my 17-year-old self, consciously or subconsciously, chose to be brave.

I dared to ask for what I needed and took advantage of those offering to help. I told my boyfriend I was scared and asked him to walk me home from parties or back to my dorm room. If he wasn’t available, there were five other 6’5 football players who told me to call or text whenever I needed someone to walk me home.

I had the courage to keep showing up, to keep walking, and to ask for what I needed, knowing deep down I didn’t want this fear to hold me back. No matter how often my heart raced or I got that pain in my stomach, I kept going out. I kept meeting friends, and  attending parties and clubs. Daily, I left my comfort zone, which allowed me to fully enjoy the college experience.

While I still don’t love walking alone at night, my anxiety doesn’t reach the level it once did. And because I didn’t let my fear stop me then, I certainly won’t let my fear stop me now.

Dear Mom and Dad,

When I was a child, we went on trips to Disney World, Aruba, California, and Vermont. We went to zoos and parks and all sorts of places. I played soccer worldwide, as we traveled as far as Italy to compete. While each of those memories is special, one of my favorite memories growing up is a bit simpler.

Every day from first grade until my senior year, one of you drove me to school – sometimes a half hour away. I played soccer for teams all over the state, and you drove me to practice and games several times a week. In addition, you also took me to girl scouts, Hebrew school, tennis lessons, dance, acting classes, and who knows what else. With all these activities, it was often just one of you in the car and me. If it were dad and me, we’d often talk about soccer or school. Dad, you’d pump me up and build my confidence. It was in those car rides you told me I could do anything I wanted in life.

Mom, if I were in the car with you, we’d blast music like NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys and talk about life. On one of those car rides, while cruising down the New York State Thruway, we decided the song “This is My Promise to You” by NSYNC would be OUR song.

Those car rides are some of my most cherished memories from my childhood. It was moments I had your full attention – while me and the road, of course. I could talk to you about anything, and we weren’t distracted by other people or the noise of the rest of the world. It was just us. The attention made me feel loved and important. In those car rides, I found a safe space to share my fears and doubts and tell you about whatever was on my mind. Dad told me stories that included life lessons, while mom always was positive and reassuring.

It was in those car rides I learned to believe in myself.

While sometimes, we as human beings try to create great memories – planning big trips or throwing huge parties – for me, the best memories have always been the ones we didn’t even realize we were creating.

I Love you both.

P.S. I owe you some gas money