I don’t think I believe in heaven or hell much anymore . My beliefs are iffy . Why do I have to choose one thing , I won’t .. I don’t know where you are but the place I imagine is in a beautiful place with no pain no hurt . You have a big drum set & you’re playing and smiling and happy and okay . It’s been almost 10 months since I lost my brother , the closest person in my life . I’m starting to feel it more , I hope to feel your presence one of these days , I don’t know if you’re with me . I don’t know if you’ve thought about me , I barely know what to say half of the time . I try to order a margarita everytime I go out but it hasn’t been much . I’ve been alone since you left , I am alone . I wish you would’ve tried again . The day after you killed yourself do you wake up and watch me cry , watched your mom not be able to breathe , watch the dog be confused where you went . It’s crazy how life can continue to move on without you here . I love you forever . Grief is finally sneaking up on me , I can’t even speak about you with my eyes tearing up . I could 9 months ago . I could say it all , now I can’t . I don’t know why : I hope there’s a beautiful drumline in the sky . I hope you’re in paradise D .