Little one don’t you worry
Time will scurry
And sometimes you’ll feel in such a hurry
Just try to listen to the songs of the canary
I know it feels heavy
But think of the strength you’ll gain
Shh Listen to the wind blow
Little one you should know
As you grow
Some people will go
But remember how you collect everything that shines and glows
You’ll do that with everyone you know
Gifting everyone you meet with a piece of you to collect
As we’re all just mosaics of everyone we’ve met
Honey don’t worry you’ll find the way just get up and seize the day
And remember life is art in every way

Atop a hill that bears my family’s name
Overlooking the special little town to which our ancestors came.
I sit and swing as the sky gets painted with brilliant strokes of red, orange, and gold.
As I bask in the stillness and silence of nature I am consoled
As I think how this place has been the venue of many a family gathering
I hear the sound of my relatives laughing and chattering
I hear the bells ringing from the Church where I attend Mass
I see my little cousins running and frolicking in the grass
I smell the scent and hear the sizzle of red hot dogs cooking on the grill.
A Northern Maine delicacy that is sure to give your tastebuds a thrill
I taste fresh cucumbers that were grown from the ground
And my mom’s Chinese macaroni salad; the best one around
I feel the wind in my hair as I continue to swing
As I watch two feathers fall from a bird’s wing—
A sign that the matriarch and patriarch of our family are near. 
In this place all is peace—there is an absence of fear. 
This is my safe place, my sanctuary, a humble abode
But for me, it is more than that with the memories that it holds
It is the place where my ancestors landed
It is where business and brothers banded
For that one day it is where family gathered.
Even though the other three-hundred-sixty-four we are greatly scattered.
 As I look at the stars in the sky as they continue to glow
I breathe a sigh of relief and know that I am HOME. 

Minds quiet,
Comrades at my side,
Breathing deep — I’ve never felt so alive.

Beneath my cleats,
The earth greets,
“Balls out!” echoes, as my heart beats.

Rising, falling, our rhythm like a drum,
Together we advance,
The oval ball snug.

Ahead, a wall—
Formidable, true,
Yet to the earth I’m flung, feeling anew.

Cheers swell from the sidelines, ringing,
Vibrations through the field, singing,
We surge as one, our spirits linking.

Here on this pitch,
Where triumph tastes sweet,
In the sweat of defeat, our memories meet.

Below the surface of fear,
Underneath the competitive cheer,
Amid the tumult, clarity draws near:

In the push and pull, of this day,
The beautiful chaos sway,
I find peace in this crazy game I play.

Dear Little Me,

There has always been so much going on in that little mind of yours. It never seems to be quiet. I know you spend your time daydreaming, telling stories in your head. It brings you comfort to dream about your life. I also know you spend entirely too much time worrying.

All the time that you spend in fear of what could happen, is useless. To tell you the truth, all your deepest fears will come true. Scary things are going to happen to you, and you will still see the sun the next morning. You will still feel gentle and kind toward the world. You will learn both how brutal and beautiful life can be.

Terrible things will happen that you haven’t even considered. There will be heartbreak, grief, and failure in your future, I promise you. But this is not anything to fear or dread. Life is going to knock you to your knees time and time again, and what you have not considered, is that you will get back up time and time again.

You have not considered that maybe you are capable of handling whatever life has to bring you. You will realize your strength and your inner wisdom, and you will hold those virtues near and dear. You will persevere through every hardship, and you will learn gratitude for life and shed what is not meant for you.

Worrying right now will not prevent what is to come nor will it solve the future’s problems. That is much easier said than done, I know. If hearing that statement was enough for you to stop worrying about anything and everything, you would have stopped by now.

Right now, you are so worried about your grades, your parents, your social life, if you are likable, your appearance, not being good enough, not doing good enough, and if you will ever discover your life’s purpose. Such harsh pressures to put on yourself as a young girl.

It will take time for you to realize that the only person there is to impress, compete with, and value the opinion of is yourself. Right now, you do not know the value of letting go. You dig your claws into everything and everyone you love, and you are terrified of losing or being left. In time, you will get rid of this desperation. You will see how freeing it can be to let go of the need to control everything that happens in your life.

I know that you have always been a worrier. A mental planner for when that other shoe drops. But what if I gave you permission to let go of your worries and your need to control everything around you? Does it seem impossible to do? Is it justifiable enough coming from me?

Well firstly, turn on your stereo and dance in your bedroom. Bounce on your bed and put on your jewelry. Indulge in what your strange and beautiful little self wants most. Honor her everyday for me. Swing on swing sets at the playground, hug your mom, ride your bike until the sun goes down, write stories, eat grandma’s chocolate chip cookies, swim in the lake until your fingers turn to prunes, talk to the trees, play your music loud and embrace the not knowing what is to come next.

You will get to this place soon enough. You will find your harmony with the world amidst all the terrible things that are going to happen. They will come, and they will go, and you will still see the sun and hear the birds sing in the morning.

I can’t wait for you to see.

Your Future Self

This poem is inspired by God and the Solar Eclipse of April 2024

In the beginning you are a glowing circle surrounded by God’s light.

There will be times in life this circle starts to fill with dark spaces.

You begin to feel like there is no way out of this valley you are stuck in. Finding a way to the top of the mountain seems virtually impossible. Now the feelings of complete hopelessness and despair have set in.
The spark you once had has now faded into complete cold and darkness.

You are now at rock bottom.

Once at rock bottom your circle is now completely dark even though now you are still surrounded by God’s light.

With the passing of time the darkness only seems to worsen. All hope is now completely diminished.

Then without notice one day this tiny glimmer of hope shines through.

Just enough hope that sparks feelings of happiness, strength, and even determination.

Each passing day you continue to feel like smiling again. The light continues to take away the darkness.

Once again you find you are a glowing circle surrounded by the light of God.

IT’S A WONDERFUL RIDE

What if you fall on the sidewalk and your knee’s really bleeding
What if you can’t find a grown up to help with what you are needing
What if mommy forgets you in the classroom one day
What if you can’t hit the ball and kids won’t let you play
What if you fail the math test that you studied for last night
What if that loud mouthed bully is just itching to fight
What if the guy you love this week doesn’t like you at all
What if you think that you’re ugly- Too fat, short, thin or tall
What if someone says “Smoke this- And you’ll be super cool”
What if you can’t tell the truth when they call your parents to school
What if you have to drink beer to fit in with your friends
What if you have to have sex- Or the relationship ends
You’re scared and you’re sad- Sometimes stressed and depressed
And wonder if this world without you might just be for the best
Yet before you do anything drastic or strange
Or make an impulsive decision which you never can change
These feelings are valid and I don’t mean to diminish
But I’ve seen this whole movie from the start to the finish
And here’s a spoiler alert which you just shouldn’t ignore
What’s coming is magnificent and magic and more
And these day to day issues that now seem so traumatic
You’ll see were just trivial and for the most part- dramatic
Please believe this old lady and take the small stuff in stride
Because what if someday you realize- Your life’s been one amazing ride

Each accidental splotch of paint
creates a living masterpiece
discreetly layered in pain and joy–
choice contrasts for arousing art.

The darker strokes of greens and blues
stress hues of gold and bubblegum;
they sculpt perspective, hone your mind,
and prime you for the perfect life.

Deprive the whole of any piece,
you’ll cease to recognize its form–
unborn I’d be in every way,
betrayed by needless worrying

so fling your colors, live it up
rub bristles through the newest parts,
regard today with certainty–
you’re free to paint this masterpiece.

Whenever feelings overwhelm my breath,
I seek the strength of flannel’s stalwart plush
to drink up overflow that runs unchecked
down cheeks afire with life’s enduring flush,
reviving smoky tiparillo tang
as giant, blue-roped hands skim chestnut hair
to baritonal mumblings that hang
like sanctuary sigils in the air.

His everlasting warmth embraces me
with patience and a gentle iron will
as echos swirling on an astral breeze
until my inner turbulence is still–
for thirty years I’ve felt Dad’s quiet peace
upon this verdant cemetery hill.

You will get off the school bus
After an hour-long ride
You will feel like an alien
Accidentally dropped earth side

Abandoned houses will surround you
The windows, covered with bars
All of the yards will be overgrown
And riddled with broken down cars

Your eyes will dart
From one side to the other
Making sure the coast is clear
Before you run home to mother

You will run and run harder
Through one last alley
Your home is the tower motel
It will feel like an uncanny valley

You won’t care about the crack pipes
Or the eviction notice taped to the door
Your only worry in the world?
Will be someone seeing you for what you think you are

A walking embarrassment
With tarnished old shoes
Living in a motel
Clinging to her smoky ruse

You will live this double life
As the gifted girl without a home
But please know, you will get out of here soon
You do not have to endure this all alone

What if someone see’s you?
What will you do if you get caught?
You will be wrapped up in one worry
But there is one thing you forgot

If you run so well
You will never get to see
What happens if they catch you
Is almost always nothing, fortunately

All that running in order to survive
It will teach you to be fast and to be sly
It will train you but maim you
It will teach you too well how to say goodbye

You are almost 30 now
Two decades since those days
You have nothing more to hide
The only thing left to rid is the shame

My dear, don’t worry if they catch you
Don’t let this be your only thought
Let your tired legs give out
You will know peace when you are caught

For when you are caught
Your legs get to rest and heal
Trust that they will see you
For what’s right, what’s good and what’s real

A resilient daughter
A fearless friend
Living in a house built from truth
With walls that no longer pretend

In the warm embrace of my mother and hers before her…
I am swaddled in a sense of tranquility as I reflect on the embrace of my mother; the ancestors who nurtured me in the womb and guided me into this world. Their trust in my potential; the gift of life fills me with gratitude.

The sweet embrace of my children…
my little loves, they bring me profound peace. When I hold them close, one nestled under each arm, their tiny arms encircling my waist, the world seems to stand still. In those moments, the love that we share becomes the focal point of my existence, offering me comfort and peace.

In his sweet embrace…
Finding solace in the warm, loving embrace of my partner, I can be my true self. Curled up in his arms, my face pressed against his chest, I find a sense of peace that takes me elsewhere. Amidst the chaos of negative voices in my mind, he remains a calm and steady presence, offering unwavering support and love. His confidence in my strength and the reminder of how far I have come bring me a deep sense of peace and comfort.

I find peace… here, within me.
Becoming at peace within myself is a journey I am beginning to embrace. As I wrap my arms around my shoulders and lean into my embrace, I take a moment to release the burdens of guilt, shame, and resentment that have held me back. Though I acknowledge that I am still a work in progress, I celebrate the strides I have made. While I may be petite in stature, I have grown in resilience and strength. With a gentle squeeze, I offer myself a gesture of self-compassion and allow a smile to grace my lips. I will continue to commit to nurturing myself, always exploring new paths for personal growth, knowing that I am worthy of my care and attention.

“I love you, I tell all of my past selves”

As I continue on this journey, I see myself becoming a source of peace and comfort for my children, a mother they can turn to, in times of need and find solace with, just as I have found within myself.