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  • The Silent War

    Most of my life, I’ve lived afraid.
    Relapse after relapse I gave in
    Purposely finding ways to hurt me
    So that I can’t feel the pain that I buried deep
    I grew up in a house where I ‘knew better’
    But I became an addict to my own destruction
    I thought myself as this ugly beast unworthy of love
    So I purposely carved scars into my skin to look the part
    I thought myself as a failure
    So I gave up on my dreams and lived the mundane
    Having various intrusive thoughts
    Entertaining the thoughts on strategies to die
    I thought that I would never have a happy ending
    So I hated myself even more.
    Years and years I was lost in this misery
    Nights filled with depression and insomnia
    Sleepless nights that make me drowsy
    Not having the energy to fight the battles within
    The cycle of destruction continues.
    Until one day, I finally had enough.
    I was tired of being broken
    And being a product of my own destruction
    I fought and fought the war in my mind
    Identifying with my worth, learning how to fight
    What once was an uphill battle,
    Turned into a victorious field of honor
    Each slash of my sword is as swift as a bullet
    Slicing through the trials of life
    Feigning in defeat, I trick my enemy
    As I reign in victory as light draws to me
    Coming out of the dark battlefield, without a scar in sight,
    What was curated to kill me
    I used for the Enemies destruction
    I found purpose in my life,
    I fought to be Lies destruction
    It will not let them defeat me
    I am no longer that little insecure girl
    I am now a warrior coming out of the ashes
    A warrior who will fight with all I have for not only me
    But for those around me.
    I will be their advocate
    I won’t let Lies steal their self esteem.
    Like it did with me.
    They tried to steal my joy,
    So I stole it back
    They tried to steal my peace,
    So I stole it back.
    I am claiming what was rightfully mine
    Because I am the Queen of my destiny
    And I follow my King as He guides it
    As I win this silent war that is in my mind.

    Kalianah

    Voting starts May 16, 2024 12:00am

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  • Man, what a day...

    What would a perfect day look like to me?
    What a great question
    I guess it would be to break entirely free,
    From this cursed nightmare called ‘people pleasing’.
    It would be me waking up and not despising the outcome of each day
    Man, that would be euphoric
    I can see it now, painted like this
    A cool, refreshing breeze flowing through my long brown hair
    Whispering inspirational ideas in my ear
    I would actually be me, who I was meant to be.
    And not being scared to be free
    My life to be more than just me
    I want to be a part of something bigger,
    Like setting others free
    Breaking them free from their burdens,
    Their shame, Their guilt… Regret.
    Helping them overcome trials against them
    But in order to do that, I have to break free myself
    So I wouldn’t be fooling anyone with my frauded hypocrisy
    My perfect day would consist of these things,
    Not blinded by favoritism, helping those in need
    Breaking shackles off of peoples burdened feet
    Setting all of Lifes’ captives free
    It starts with me
    I will fight to win this perfect day
    For it catapults me to be the woman I strive to be
    I want to feel victories wind breeze past me
    As I run in this journey of self love
    The day of perfection, I will be
    Bold, I won’t cower to the bullies in life that antagonize me
    Courageous, I won’t hesitate to do what’s right
    Brave, I will do what is needed for my peace
    Loving, I won’t let bitterness ruin my integrity
    Happy, I won’t let others steal my joy
    Kind, I will not stop treating everyone with respect
    Discreet, I will only open up to those I trust
    Discerning, I will know who to trust
    I will be strong.
    So that I won’t let others steam roll over me
    Truly let their remarks, roll of my back
    I will be completely unbothered by the negative words
    Only spewed to hurt me, or to control me
    I am not their puppet, not even my own
    I will be the woman who is dignified and walks in grace,
    But I will be bold and stand my ground unafraid.
    I will make choices that benefit me, and those who love me
    I will no longer make sacrifices to those who only hate me
    Man, what a day
    I will wake up, day in and day out
    Putting on my game face, and my war paint
    Wielding my shield that was meant to protect
    Fearlessly charging with unwavering Faith
    But, something seems off, what is it?
    I can feel it in my bones.
    I look down at my hip, and had a realization
    I have a sheath, what is that I see?
    I dusted off my sword, which waited for me patiently
    I finally use it to combat the things trying to hurt me
    Which each swipe, I break my own shackles free
    So that I can be the me that I was meant to be
    To me, that would be the perfect day,
    The first day of the rest of my life.
    That pining for freedom turning into my reality
    That would catapult me into my destiny
    Each step with liberty
    Pure joy
    Loving myself
    So I can truly love others
    Man, what a day
    What a perfect day.

    Kalianah

    Voting is open!

    Voting ends April 7, 2024 12:00am

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  • Kalianah shared a letter in the Group logo of Mental HealthMental Health group 1 month ago

    A Lioness Arises

    I don’t mean to sound conceited
    But now I’m focused on respecting me
    I’ve lived my life trying to people please,
    Finally done with it, I broke free
    I need to respect me
    By setting boundaries
    Boundaries stronger than Titanium
    I need to practice saying no
    Saying no to compromise
    And stand firm in my beliefs, feelings and healing
    I need to practice discernment
    Keeping my vulnerabilities away from those
    Those who only know how to hurt me
    I need to practice patience
    That word used to scare me
    I used to be so hard on myself for not
    Not progressing as fast as others
    I need to stop comparing myself
    I have my own pace and they have theirs
    I need to practice confidence
    I need to walk in boldness and grace
    Like a Lioness with pride in her prowess
    Stomping on the skulls of what used to haunt me
    Terrorizing my sleep, making me drowsy
    So I can’t live to my full potential with this chronic fatigue
    Afraid to sleep because the girl I saw
    Seemed to be impossible to be,
    So I shut her out to have depression keep me company
    I thank my Father for pushing me and encouraged to fight
    So i take my sword paired with my shield
    Decimating the lies that the demons wield
    Their voices no longer linger in my brain
    All because I fought without restrain
    I wont tolerate what I don’t deserve.
    I need to take care of me
    So I have the capability to be a blessing to others
    I need to put my healing first,
    So I don’t bleed on the ones who didn’t cut me.
    I need to trust myself,
    So I can discern who I can or cannot trust.
    I need to respect myself,
    So I can respect those I love that surround me.
    So that way I’m not plagued by hypocrisy.

    Kalianah

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  • Awe! I Asǐa! I’m so glad that I was able to encourage you! 🫶🏼 Thank you for the kind words! Blessings! 😁🙏

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  • Awe! Thank you Lauren! I believe that I’m finding my tribe, day by day. Thank you for this community to where I can write freely.

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  • Words Of Gratuity

    What am I grateful for?
    Theres a lot you see
    I’m not the same girl in the mirror that I see
    I’m grateful that my past doesn’t define me
    Rather, I’m grateful that it has certainly shaped me
    I’m so grateful that I’m not as gullible as I used to be
    I can read people now, like I can with a book
    So that I can finally be free
    Free from the toxicity that used to capture me
    I am grateful for those around me now
    I am surrounded by love thats so loud that it resounds
    I no longer worry of what they think of me
    I am no longer bound by people pleasing
    One of the things I am grateful for,
    Is the realization that my life is mine to live and to adore
    I can finally be myself without a care in the world
    Having that freedom is literally a dream come true
    I feel like Boo in the factory of doors,
    All of these opportunities that are flying around me
    Like they have wings that are so majestic when they soar
    I never experienced anything like this
    This makes me to free
    My mind is finally clear
    I can focus on bettering me
    I am grateful that I still have my drive
    No longer procrastinating tasks because of fear
    Fear of failure giving people opprotunity abandon me
    I have no fear now because I have real ones beside me.
    I am really grateful for my job,
    Although its not where I want to be
    I work hard and earn the money that I need to be free
    I can buy simple luxuries that make me feel like a queen
    I am grateful for the little things like being able to eat and a warm bed.
    But as you can see, I wanted to go a little deep
    I will leave you with this
    My sincerest words
    My Words Of Gratuity

    Kalianah

    Voting is open!

    Voting ends March 15, 2024 11:59pm

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    • Hi there, Kalianah. Thank you for sharing your words of gratuity with us.

      “Although its not where I want to be
      I work hard and earn the money that I need to be free”

      I can’t express how especially relatable these words were to me.

      P.S. Happy new year!
      May it be the most freeing year yet 🙂

      Write me back 

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    • Wow @kalianah This is so well written. I love this line, “I can finally be myself without a care in the world.” I hope to see you at more of our weekly events. I think you’d really like the vibe and people. I can tell you have had your fair share of disappointment with people, as have I. I hope you know you are a beautiful soul and the people that…read more

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  • The Ideal Me

    I know I haven’t been the kindest to you,
    But it’s hard to be nice when everyone leaves, it’s true.
    The ones who stick around often use and abuse,
    And there’s no one around to believe your own cues.

    I’ve heard you cry alone, serenading your pain,
    In the solitude of night, tears falling like rain.
    I know your kind heart’s been played and tossed away,
    Scared to get close, fearing they won’t stay.

    You’ve longed for friends, been afraid to be alone,
    Reaching out to figures, only to hear “Give it to God” thrown.
    You have dreams, beautiful and grand,
    But thought they were out of reach, hard to understand.

    Questions echo in your mind as you lay in your bed,
    You try to fit in, be ‘normal,’ but that’s not where you’re led.
    You know you’re not meant to fit in a box or conform,
    You understand this truth better than I do, I’m informed.

    I know your pain because I am you, you see,
    How did you reach the point where dreams become reality?
    How did you conquer trauma and give it to God’s care?
    Do you still fake smiles, or is happiness your daily fare?

    I have countless questions on how we turned out to be,
    In the entertainment industry, living our dream so free.
    How did you make connections and break the stuck slump?
    Did you hit rock bottom again, to rise and jump?

    How did you become that beautiful, confident queen,
    Running the world, living life with a sheen?
    I’ll follow your path, working on my own trauma’s release,
    Striving for success, following your footsteps with peace.

    What’s it like to be in a movie, to fulfill that dream?
    To captivate the audience, make your scenes gleam.
    You walk onto the set, nerves brushed aside,
    Lines memorized, emerging in character with pride.

    I can picture you watching the screen with delight,
    Seeing yourself in character, a stunning sight.
    Feeling alive, the rush I remember from the stage,
    On the theater’s boards, where we found solace in our age.

    How does it feel to write a song, as we’ve always wished?
    Are the lyrics healing, just as we envisioned and commenced?
    Creating melodies and raw, emotional lyrics with grace,
    Helping those who listen find solace in the chase.

    In the studio with a notebook, melodies flowing free,
    Crafting lyrics that heal and set hearts wild and free.
    When the song’s released, it touches those in need,
    Healing their hurt, fulfilling our musical creed.

    How does it feel to write a script, a story to tell?
    Are the cues, set design, costumes, all working well?
    The characters, casting, do they fit the role just right?
    Are they committed, taking their roles to new heights?

    You’ve written a script, brainstorming with your crew,
    Perfectly, it flows, all thanks to the creative few.
    Casting and crew, a harmonious, well-oiled machine,
    Creating magic on screen, a masterpiece, it’s seen.

    How does it feel to direct a movie, to see it all through?
    Are cast and crew taking you seriously, as they should do?
    Does everything come together, better than you imagined?
    Seeing your vision on the screen, so skillfully aligned.

    And your first book, how does it feel to have it published?
    Is it as we dreamed, the dream we’ve always cherished?
    Do our books help people, leaving a lasting mark?
    How do we come up with plots, making them spark?

    The final draft finished, nervous and anxious in your seat,
    Hoping it succeeds and sells, making your dream complete.
    Impacting lives, touching hearts as we’ve always yearned,
    With each word, each page, a story beautifully learned.

    Helping small businesses take off, are we mastering that?
    Getting more confident, less tongue-tied as you chat?
    Are we helping them thrive with the resources in our hand?
    Is the studio a success, as grand as we had planned?

    You save small businesses, bringing in the big bucks,
    Gratitude in their faces, their relief, it struck.
    Moving on to bigger and better things, oh so bright,
    Becoming a better businesswoman, reaching new heights.

    How’s our ministry going, and the blogs we create?
    Are they bringing people closer to God, their faith to elevate?
    Are they healing from traumas, learning to love themselves?
    Equipping them with tools, and wisdom that compels.

    Blogs filled with love, merchandise to match the theme,
    Devotional booklets on life issues, like a sunbeam.
    Exposing trauma, turning lives around for the best,
    Blessing people’s lives, helping them find rest.

    Lastly, how’s our mental health, the battle we’ve faced?
    Do low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression still interlaced?
    Is self-hate and suicidal thoughts still in the fight?
    Or have we conquered them, emerging into the light?

    Is fear of rejection, abandonment, and loneliness still near?
    Or have we conquered those too, dispelling the fear?
    Are we the fearless queen we fantasize in our mind?
    Taking each step with confidence, leaving the past behind?

    Are we actually happy, surrounded by solid friends,
    No longer used and tossed aside in the end?
    Do we still enjoy the things we love right now,
    And have we finally sought therapy, learning how?

    I can picture it like this, a future that’s so bright,
    Moving out, finding a side job to pay bills, a temporary light.
    The studio flourishing, marketing, graphic design in the flow,
    Climbing the ladder of success, your career’s grand show.

    Landing roles in shows, gaining popularity with grace,
    Writing scripts, directing, creating in your creative space.
    A future so promising, fulfilling dreams with glee,
    I’m excited for you, for me, for what’s to be.

    Man, what dream
    No, that’s my destined reality
    That is the ideal me.

    Kalianah Wogoman

    Voting is closed

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    • Wow! Kalianah, this is so brilliant and vulnerable at the exact same time. Ya know, I feel like with each day passing, you will find your tribe. You will make those solid friends. And that self-doubt will shed. Your greatness is already inside of you, and I believe if you keep leaning into it, all your dreams will come true, I believe in you!

      Lauren

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