You are a man who:
wears his beard fully,
not because he’s handsome but because uncle sam, doesn’t have a say anymore

A man who embraces that hint of wild man that he is

A man in the woods, only answering to the birds call

A man who knows not the name of every tree but all of their essence

A man who isn’t afraid of alarms anymore

A man whose son’s friends all want to meet

A man no longer confined by garmets who tried to garnish Vietnamese farmers

A man who travels the word sharing his love for poetry, enticing others to write their own story

He doesn’t care how sad or boring,
this man wants to illuminate a safe space for your allegory,

Because on any given day, your words may save someone’s life

A man grounded in the Earth
A man who doesnt fidget and twitch because his back doesn’t hurt

A man who doesn’t get anxiety between 5 and 6 PM anymore

A man that doesn’t lash out when he’s challenged by a loved one

A man who takes a deep belly breath each time

A man who’s presence alone makes people feel better about themselves

A man who’s wife always feel safe in his arms

A man that takes those wanting to fly, under his wing

A man….
that I think I’m
Pretty close to actualizing

Beloved Ideal Self,

As I write this, I find myself in the midst of my chemotherapy treatments. It’s the fifth one out of a total of eighteen. Sitting here in seat eleven, with its lucky view of the beautiful Burbank mountains, I can’t help but think of you. I envision you as someone who is healed, happy, and radiantly beautiful. You possess a deep wisdom that I have yet to discover. The kind of wisdom earned by a warrior.

There are still thirteen more infusion treatments to undergo, along with two major surgeries and radiation treatments, before I can reach the point where I become a cancer-free survivor like you. As a Stage 3 Triple Negative Breast Cancer patient, the distance between us feels vast. However, these past ten weeks of living with cancer have taught me a profound lesson in forgiveness. A lesson I wouldn’t trade for anything.

None of us are guaranteed a long and healthy life, and yet we often take it for granted. For so long, I held onto anger towards the people I love. Now, I understand that our purpose on this earth is simply to love and forgive one another. And so, I have forgiven them all – those who have caused us pain. I have even forgiven myself for the actions I took to survive. I now realize that it was these burdens that gave rise to this cancer. I have released them all, not just for my own healing, but also so that one day, I can become you. So that you never have to go through this again.

From this vantage point on the fourth floor infusion center, I can see a greater perspective. I see the struggles and pain that each person, even those who have hurt me, go through. It fills me with compassion and empathy. I send them love from here and believe that our world needs more care and understanding for each other’s pain. We place unrealistic standards upon ourselves and others, which can never truly be met.

I can see you now. You are wise, strong and beautiful. You help other people find their way toward forgiveness. You help them find the way to put their burdens down. You show them how beautiful forgiveness is so they can feel the peace it brings wash over them without having to pay in suffering.

In my journey towards becoming you, I have learned the importance of forgiveness and the power of love. I hold nothing but gratitude for the lessons cancer brought me. They were lessons I desperately needed to learn. I stand with my arms open wide, welcoming the lessons that have yet to come. I hope to continue growing closer to you, my Ideal Self, with each passing day.

With all the love in the world,

Katie C’etta

I look forward to not being vulnerable anymore.
As a licensed therapist, I transform lives, that’s my role.
Life’s trials and tribulations have made me somewhat bold.
On some days I am strong and fearless.
On others, I feel small and fruitless.
BUT I find that in attaining success I’m on a roll.
When I wake up each day, there is hope not despair.
I would like to also come out of my miserable and dark lair.
Being the best of the best is not my ultimate goal.
I pray and pray to become whole.
I should look at what the Creator has bestowed upon me.
Blessings upon blessings with many reasons to find glee.
The rain has its purpose.
It does great service.
The drops of fresh water give me a chance to start over.
Not pause, not hesitate but to look across and ponder.
I have so much to offer and much to gain.
Eventually, I will find a way to not make my efforts go in vain.
I will take it step by step and day by day to not become another unfortunate lore.
I look forward to not being vulnerable anymore.

I’ve prayed for a cure to this horrid disease

Of loving someone without loving me

Is this a choice or a mental disorder?

My pain is a chasm, I’ve stood on its border

If I can’t love freely, then why love at all?

Is there a cure or an ultimate fall?

Society speaks, but where is my voice?

Why would I suffer if given a choice?

It’s how I was born, it’s not my fault

A wound that is raw and covered in salt

I’m imperfectly perfect with nothing to fix

Why not accept me and love me as is?

Some say it’s wrong and abhorred by nature

But can love be wrong, and is that my wager?

What are the stakes of swimming upstream?

Not choosing convention and living my dream?

Giving up peace, a love, happiness?

Living a life of turmoil and mess?

So examine yourself, don’t diagnose me

Do you think you are normal, perfect and free?

I pick to be “sick, distorted, and ill”

For that is my choice which comes from free will

The sickness is yours and not mine at all

I’m perfectly splendid, I’ll fly and not fall