Each year’s a fresh collage of memories,
most blurry, insignificant, and pale—
but some recur as vivid reveries.

Please.

Of those, I cannot choose a favorite tale.

How could I rank a moment as the one
I’d save to an impenetrable drive
if suddenly my brain became corrupt,
deleting every snippet of my life?

No love is more important than the next.

I’d sadly watch each pixel fade away
from Betamax home movies in my head,
all color leached, my screen a snowy gray,
still hanging tight to this year’s bonus speck—
the extra day of Mason loves Mammay.

Hello my Dear,
There are some things I have been wanting to say.
Things that I need to express from my heart
about the hopes and dreams,
and the other big things you had planned for me from the start.
Thank you.

The tough times
The rough times
The enough times
All those times that you stood alongside,
helping me to gather myself from the inside.
Deep down where no one could see or hear
not wanting to face what even I feared.
Thank you.

This is about giving thanks.
Thanks to you, My Dear.
Thank you for helping me to grow over 5 decades and 5 years.
Again, I say thank you.

From a shy little girl to a woman with a voice,
using my words to express how I really feel,
while learning to set boundaries has been the biggest deal.
Thank you.

Understanding that I am worthy to be in someone’s space and feel safe.
I am worthy of another’s time.
Their prime time, not to be mistaken for their spare time.
Thank you.

Showing that I have a heart of gold,
and that I care deeply for those I hold close.
While also knowing that if love and friendship are not reciprocated,
it is okay for me to let go as a way of protecting my core,
the most valuable thing I have….that would be me of course.
Letting go does not mean not loving or caring anymore,
it’s just a way of preserving one’s soul.
Thank you.

I Love hard and I work hard.
I have accomplished many things because of you,
with the understanding that we are never through.
Highly educated while making it my life’s work to educate others.
An entrepreneur and a published author,
these are just a few things that I’ve brought to fruition because of you.
So I will continue to Thank you.

I could say Thank You a million times over and it would never be enough.
Without you believing in me this road would be tough.
So I salute you My Dear for showing me how to be free
and opening my eyes to see.
It is you My Dear who is me.
Thank you.

Dear Pretty Dee,

I want to give you your flowers.

It’s so amazing how you were once so unaware but still walking in your power. You thought you were never worthy of anything good because of your past. You thought you had ran out of time, until you learned that you have the power to turn the hour glass.

I see you shedding new skin and you being free at last. You carried so much pain and now you’re finally shedding your past. Like a beautiful butterfly, you are freed from your cocoon at last.

I just want to thank you for rocking and rolling with life’s punches. You know how to transmute your strife and allow beautiful things to grow. You are a hero not just to your kids but to me. Even on the hard days you rise. I should call you and Phoenix; with how you burn in the fire just to ride from the ashes each time. Baby, you are a star who shines. And you never let it go out. Even when you were in darkness and filled with doubt you were still shining ever so bright. No matter how hard you used to self-sabotage, you couldn’t even dim your own light. I am so grateful to know you and to see you in every single season. You lived to tell the tales of why you had a 13th reason and how you beat it. You are more than a conqueror and patting yourself on the back doesn’t make you conceited. You thought you took some losses but really it’s a flawless victory. Because the things you release and let go of catapult you into your destiny. The better you are the best me. You ooze authenticity even when you try to hide in the shadows. Baby you are a sunflower and you will never be a rose. You really keep people on their toes. I am glad that you have learned to love being hated. Because now love grows in the places where you were jaded. I might be biased but I think you are the greatest thing that God could have ever created.

You learned to stop over-giving and watering others. And pour into you. I love the peace you have because you are more into your self-care. I love how you are so aware. I am thankful that you started implementing boundaries and you let them stay there. I thank you for allowing me in your space. I know i haven’t seen anything but your are giving me a taste. The endless love and gratitude that I have for you is unconditional and cannot be counted. I love that you over came the mountain that was you. I thank you for staying true even when you were lost. I’m so grateful that you realized that you are the boss. I can give you thanks and gratitude for ages but I might run out of pages. Because I am not worshipping just you but the Holy Spirit of God within. I am thankful to know that in you I will always have a friend and you got me where I lack.
DeAndrea, I honestly just want you to know that I am grateful for you and I love you to the next universe and back! You finally love yourself and stop waiting for people to water you back and get their approval. It’s the best thing you could have done. Taking care of you. So no matter what always stay true because your kids are becoming better people because of you.

I love you,

I learned that pain turns into shame and shame turns into secrets,
So I found my purpose to turn my pain into poetry
By feeling all of my feelings because on the other side of them is freedom, hope, and healing.
The freedom to express vulnerability with every breath I take
because the grace of God reminds me that I’m priceless and the apple of God’s eye.

This kinky, curly-headed brown skin
Adorned in the richness of my Nigerian roots unfurls the saying, “Naija no dey carry last.”
With every strand of my hair has a story to be told
lies in my DNA with wisdom, to carry light in the midst of darkness.
So you see, I’m freer than I’ve ever been to paint not some but all the colors of me
like blue that whispers peace, like the calm waters and the skies.
Red to represent my love, passion, and fearless spirit that shines so bright.
Purple to remind me that I’m kin to His royal blood that runs through my veins,
And gold to represent the beautifully broken pottery that was nursed back to life,
looking more exquisite than ever before.

I heard that without revelation, there is no transformation,
Like the transformation that has eyes glued to the mirror, looking past me, at the past me.
Since I discovered that the best art comes by embracing the pain,
So it’s why I write these poems to prove that my trauma didn’t bury me; it planted me to thrive,
Like a tree planted by the rivers of living water, which captures not some but all of the beauty of my brokenness.
Since I learned that pain, just like secrets, can only control you if you hold them within.

In this golden age of technology and social media, there are many things I am grateful for, and others that I could go without. I love sending people funny videos, but I despise the hateful comments underneath some. I love being able to recline the seats on a Costco leather couch, but when the seats get stuck, you’re left with an incredibly awkward positioned chair that requires a skillful maneuver to sit in it. No fun. But one thing I am incredibly grateful for is the feature on my phone that will send me “1 year ago, today” memories throughout the week. I scroll through and giggle at my antics or mourn the loss of my once long hair that nearly touched my bum less than a year ago. But those little slide shows and still moments invite me to reflect.
In those pictures, I see a girl who has no idea what is in store for her yet. She likes herself but isn’t ready to spend a night out alone with herself yet, or even 10 minutes in still silence for that matter.
In meditation, I visualize myself sitting down with her. We sit on my bed in the same places I always sit in with my friends when they come over. I tell her about my favorite moment I’ve had this past year, and she starts to look worried. She’s in disbelief that she would ever be able to muster up the courage to play out this memory I’ve described. But we did it, and there is no doubt in my mind that we’d do it again.
I used to say I had horrible social anxiety. Then my explanation turned into I am an introvert. Then it changed into “but those people are probably going to be there so I can’t go”, then it turned into, “I don’t have it in me to go,”. And those are the self-fulfilling bullshit prophecies I told myself for years every time there was something that I wanted to attend. But one night I saw a flyer for a concert that was going on. I liked the bands that were going to be playing, I had been to the venue before (a small little club with blue lighting and a Neapolitan style pizza by the slice Walk-up-Window right next door), and it was a themed concert. I adore any function that has a costume mandatory dress code. I looked at the date on the flyer to see if I was free. To no avail, the concert was that evening. I instantly jumped to “Well that’s a bummer, I guess I can’t go,” and went on with my day. But I couldn’t stop thinking about how fun it sounded. So, I texted my friends one by one asking if anyone wanted to go with me. But no one was free to go since it was so last minute and on a random weeknight. So once again, I excepted my defeat and tried to get excited for another mundane night in. But something in me just wouldn’t let the idea go.
I looked at the flyer once again and read that the theme was Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Like, come on. How could I pass up the opportunity to dress like a whimsical being and dance my little butt off to some punk music. The idea of going alone made me want to throw up. This was an incredibly social scene. It’s a college town so that means everyone usually came to these things in groups of four to five people. A duo was even a little rare let alone someone standing all by themselves. The fear of perception began to wrap it hands around my throat, and I nearly muttered another pathetic, “I don’t have it in me”, but I just wasn’t buying what that prophecy was trying to sell me. So, I put together a costume with approximately an hour before I had to leave, did my makeup, ate a quick snack, and said a prayer asking for courage and safety as I left my house and made my way to the venue. My stomach churned the whole way there. I couldn’t tell if it was excitement or nerves. But as cheesy as it was, one powerful and annoyingly catchy Chaka Khan song revealed to me that what I was feeling was excitement and equal parts empowerment. “I’m Every Women”, came on and I danced in my Subaru like I had tinted windows and an MTV music video appearance. I realized that it didn’t matter what people thought about me when they saw me standing alone in the club, I was going to have fun, and I was going to grow while doing so.
It was probably the most fun concert I had ever been too. I danced so hard my skirt nearly fell down and I was 99% sure I had whiplash. I had also talked to a lot of new people that were super fun and nice. I guess when you’re alone, people are way more likely to come up and talk to you. A lot of people even admired that I had come alone, saying things like “Wow, I’d never have the guts to do that,” or “My social anxiety could never,”. It made my entire night knowing that I got a taste of true confidence, but I also inspired other girls to give it a shot. Life is too darn short to not do what you want to do, and I am way to incredible to not become my own best friend. I think that is why this was my favorite moment of the year. I was there alone and there wasn’t a minute where I felt lonely. I whole heartedly enjoyed spending that night out with myself and letting go of anyone’s perceptions or judgements.
So, I learned I don’t have social anxiety. I am just on a journey of finding my confidence. I also learned I am not an introvert. But it’s also totally okay to honor when I need a break, and my social battery has run low. And yes, the world is small. Sometimes people who don’t like you are going to be somewhere you are. But as hard as it is, I am learning to release the fear of their judgement and hate. But most importantly, my “I don’t have it in me to go,” prophesy has now turned into a conversation that goes a little something like this. “Hey body. How are you feeling. Do you feel healthy and strong enough to go to this? Do you want to go to this? Is there anything stopping you? How can I support you through that?”, and I don’t think that would’ve been the case if I hadn’t shown up for myself and took myself out dancing on that random weeknight in October.

Dear Unsealers:

Dobar dan iz Dubrovnika!

It’s the afternoon of Friday, October 11th, 2024.

I’m walking along the city walls surrounding the old town of Dubrovnik. With each stick tap and every step, I can see more and more of the Adriatic Sea. The old town of the city is on the horizon. Red roofs as far as the eye can see.

This is the last day of a ten-day trip to Croatia. I don’t want to go back to NYC.

I’ve seen a bit of everything as we’ve moved along.

From the urban sprawl of the capital city in Zagreb. Gritty, quirky, and fiercely proud of its place in the Balkans. The shades of gray in the sky didn’t stop the sightseeing. From the Stone Gate to the Zagreb Cathedral, there are still signs of damage from the earthquake in 2020. To the Lotrščak Tower with a canon that fires every day at exactly noon. And the local delicacy, a cheese-filled pastry named Strukli complements all the pivo and lamb on offer.

A mishap happened during our tour of the Plitvice Lakes National Park. I nearly lost one of my hiking sticks in the lake but was able to recover it One step at a time, I was able to navigate the 2.5 mile hike in the rain.

As the trip moved on, the gray skies of the continent gave way to the coastal portions.

From Split and its starring role as the backdrop for Game of Thrones to departing the mainland for the island of Hvar. The moonlit skies in the harbor overlooking our hotel, with the islands of Brac and Korcula on the far horizon.

Here we are in Dubrovnik. It’s every bit as scenic as my mind thought it would be. The city walls surround the old town, tiled streets, and views of boats in the harbor leading excursions out to the other islands off the coast.

Thirty-eight of us are in this group, and I’m the only solo traveler. As in previous trips, I didn’t let that fact deter me from befriending the group. Everyone’s been so kind to me, especially our tour guide Nikoleta.

I released my first poetry book while this trip happened, “A Poetic Journey, Staying At Home” and to my wonder and amazement, everyone took a liking to me and to my poetry. In fact, there’s a bit of a surprise during the farewell dinner later this evening.

I was worried that there would be a letdown after the epic trip to Greece the year before. But thankfully, that didn’t materialize. This was a fast-paced trip, and I enjoyed every minute once I touched down in Zagreb.

I was able to forget the delayed flight to Munich from JFK and the fact that I missed my connection to Zagreb. When you have views of the Adriatic in front of you as I do, all the negativity gets pushed aside and the joy is what remains.

It’ll be tough to say zbogom Hrvatska!
But I leave Croatia in awe of this country and all of its beauty.

I hope to be back again soon, as there’s so much more to explore.

Ninety nine bottles of torture on the fall
I pick one up
Pass another round

Again darkness rides
I twinkle, glow n shine

Delicate soul, fragile heart
Shattered bones, creating art

Chewed up, spat out
Bread crumbs
I find my way about

For no one knows the ache that resides
A beautiful cover as assigned

Sealed with wishes
Thank you for your stitches

The torture of ninety nine bottles
Hello Role Model
Kisses

Dear Lyndsey,

I know it hasn’t been easy for you! Life has been far from simple—a rollercoaster that began when you turned 18. You were a child having a child, and your emotions were all over the place. Do you remember your senior year at a private Catholic high school? People would walk down the hall, whispering, staring, and spreading hateful rumors. You shed so many tears as you laid your lonely head down at night.

The father of your unborn child was in the Navy, stationed four hours away in Virginia Beach. You felt so alone in Laurel, Maryland, going through this life-changing pregnancy by yourself. Yes, you had your parents, but it wasn’t the same. You could see the disappointment in their eyes. You understood their feelings, but you still felt like an isolated planet in the sky. The future looked different for you; you had to give up your dreams of attending college in North Carolina or Virginia.

Then, something wonderful happened in the middle of your pregnancy: you fell in love with the idea of being a mom. Despite your fears, that love only grew. When you had your baby girl, the gleam in your eyes shone bright, and your smile lit up the room. I was so proud of you. At just eighteen, you were taking on the world of motherhood, and you were so brave.

This would not be the only time in your life that you showed bravery. You loved being a mom and a wife. You married your child’s father, but sadly, he ended up cheating on you and hurting you both physically and emotionally. You endured that for two years, but then you found the courage to leave.

For many years, you struggled with love. Through failed marriages, heartbreaks, and financial challenges, your inner strength emerged. What did you do with the lessons from those heartbreaks? Let me remind you! You wrote a poem about domestic violence and launched it on a domestic violence resource help page, where other women shared their stories and where resources were available for help. This powerful poem was read at many open mics, published, and spread around colleges to raise awareness for domestic violence.

Amid all the chaos in your life, you brought three beautiful children into the world, and they are successful in both academics and life! Even when faced with instability in your romantic life, being a mother always came first. You built a strong career in education, tirelessly giving back as an educator for special needs students. You are driven by faith, perseverance, strength, and courage.

You never stopped believing in love and the goodness of humanity. Now, at 45 years old, you own your own home, providing a safe space for you and your kids. You are facing yet another battle on your own, but guess what? The world can’t knock you down. You prioritized your mental health by seeking therapy, rediscovered who you are, and became your biggest advocate. You are stronger than ever.

Also, congratulations on your second book! You are an amazing warrior, and I can’t wait to see how this new chapter in your life unfolds!

With admiration,

Imagine this…You are a newly married couple and are told “You can’t have children. Everything we have tried has failed. There is one more option.” The young couple chooses the last option and it is adoption. They foster to adopt several children before being told in December of 1997, “There is a 4 day old baby that needs you.” They foster this baby and then, about a year later, are told “Hey, that baby has 2 older sisters you are bringing home too.”
Now imagine this. you are a 2 year old child who has endured more than a 2 year old should and you don’t trust anyone or anything.
That was me. It took me a very long time to earn my foster mom’s trust because of the physical and mental abuse and neglect I sustained before being removed from the home. I am so glad I earned my foster mom’s trust because she and her husband went on to become our adoptive parents and this past September, we celebrated 25 years of our adoption. Two of us kids have families of our own and me…well, let’s just say I am taking my time and spending as much time as I can with my parents. Just remember, trust is hard to earn, easy to lose, and easy to love.

Dear little me, I’m sorry I hurt you.
But I don’t wish to take it back-
Because God likes taking trash, and recycle/reform…
He Loves you more than ever. I do though wish
I could have told you that-
While you were still…A fine strapping-young lad!
You know what they say, A chip off the ol’ block…
You had no regrets…without even a pair of socks!
You were so happy! Please forgive me,
I’m 45 yrs. old now-but you’re still crying inside of me…
it’s kind of embarrassing sometimes young Timothy.
But it’s also ok, Because you’re facing all this
stuffed down in your past-where high enough couldn’t exist…
You know you can come out of the waiting room now young man.

You now have gone, from beer, TV, and the old lady,
To Beautiful wine, woman, and song-Even though it’s really just grape juice…
On high demand at her command!
It’s ok, I got to get back to work-I’ll speak more when I’m done.
But yet till…Thank you for forgiving me…That’s your Super Powers!
And it’s all A-ok, Please believe me-that Super Power is in you!
You wouldn’t want doubt to steal it away from you, would you?
No way! for you’ve finally found your Savior, Shepherd, and King…
Jesus Christ the Holy Righteous One-never let your bad go to far,
in anything.

Do wish though-I could of told you then,
But you know man…I knew not then myself.

Love-your wife and kids’ hero.

*The glory of children are their fathers*
*And a Virtuous wife is the crown to her husband*
…Holy Bible