Narrator: Let me tell you a fable of three brothers, sitting and having a feast around a table:

Brother 1: Who is this God compared us three? Are we, His image, not better than He? Is not our greatness exposed for all of the world to see?

Brother 2: Yes my brother, I am inclined to agree. For I am an axe who is capable of felling any tree. Be it cedar, maple, or oak. No matter how tall or how small. All I need is a mighty hand to swing me, and I shall lower them all

Brother 3: Ah my foolish brother, you are nothing more than a brute, where as I myself am a beautiful flute. I’m the one people desire as they feast and they dine. The one they enjoy as they sip on their wine. All I need is someone to breathe through me, and I shall make a sound most divine.

Brother 1: Silly brother, who are you to try and pretend? For you know that to the heights of my glory you shall never ascend. For great as you are, of us three you are least. You shall not rise, as bread lacking yeast. Where as I am a well of knowledge, for I am a book. People have travelled far and wide just so upon me they may look. The information I contain has built kingdoms from dust, and left empires shook. I record all of that which I see, just so long I have an author to write within me.

Brother 2: Brothers now is not the time to argue about who is greatest and who is least, but let us sit together and enjoy our feast.

Brother 3: My brother you are right. This is not the time to argue, let us not fight, but rather let us lift up our glasses as I propose a toast. For we three brothers are the pinnacle for most.

Narrator: Fools! Who are you to arrogantly boast?
For You are but mere tools, who are useless unless you are used by your Master
And the works of your hands are doomed to collapse, as a wall built without mortar or plaster.
For you trust in knowledge, strength, and fame, looking to them for your power
But their power is fleeting, and they shall depart from you in your final hour
The works of your hands shall crumble to dust at times passing
But as for God, His work shall be everlasting
How can man hope to compare to the almighty God?
For He is the One who spoke forth the heavens and created the earth
He was the One who formed man from the dust, and was there when woman first gave birth.
He is the judge who shall pass forth our sentence
And the only One with the power to bring forth works of repentance.
You think that your glory shines so valiant, so bright
But in the wake of His glory, it shall appear as day, even in the darkest of night.
So raise up your glasses, and make ye your toast,
But as for me, it is in the Lord God I shall boast

to listen in order to speak,
to speak in order to be heard-
a human flaw we’ve come to
adopt
robbing us of the beauty of
what it means to be
human
to connect-
fully.

we live in a world where your response
matters more
than the proposal,
where the aftermath, the outcome,
is better than the journey-
we’ve lost the beauty in the becoming
too busy rushing to be.

we’ve adopted the butterfly
as the mascot of freedom,
her beautiful wings spreading wide,
ready to take on the world-
we neglect
what it took to get there
the caterpillar who lurks,
stuck in the before.

we celebrate our 18th birthday
then our 21st
then the 25th
and our 30th.
glossing over the others-
because, somehow
they’re unimportant.

and at 30,
you’ll wonder where your 20s went-
as if you didn’t
only celebrate them twice.

at 30, you’ll wonder where time went,
feeling like you lost your ‘prime’
as if,
during this time,
you weren’t just waiting for the next best thing:
turn 30, get married, own a home,
start a family.

now what?

you’ll wait to turn 40.
maybe gather family for celebrations
as you realize you are just a
watered down version of yourself-
the dreamer of your 20s slowly
slipped through the drains of a city
that used to inspire you-

you’ll wonder what happened to your zest,
when you stopped writing,
when you stopped looking up,
and looking down instead.

maybe-
you got too used to it
to enjoy it-
the architecture used to wow you,
now
you casually pass it by on your weekly Sunday walk to trader joe’s,
you don’t look up at it anymore,
or stop in the middle of the street
to capture the perfect photo,
one that will humble you-
and will live on,
or so you thought.

but it didn’t stop there,
you stopped smiling at strangers
you stopped losing your breath every time you saw the Manhattan skyline at night
your inspirations became too comfortable
and the appreciation swept away.

so what’s next?

you’ll turn 40 and realize half a life has gone by
since you last had a
lust for life,
half a life has gone by
since you last got your breath taken away
by the beauty of your new home.

so, you’ll spend the next 20 years
begging for your youth back
as the wrinkles multiply-
you’ll celebrate every
single
birthday
between 40 and 60,
because there is 20 birthdays inbetween
40 and 60-
not just four.

you’ll teach yourself the in-betweens
are worth celebrating too,
that turning 42 is somehow,
just as special as turning 21-

you’ll teach yourself that while
it feels like you have already lived so
many lives,
it’s still your first- and only- life.

you’ll teach your kids that you’re still growing up too-
that youthfulness and adulthood can coexist,
that 60 is the new 21
and to listen is
just as important
as to speak.

You took advantage of a vulnerable situation
Gave me your hand that led me to lies
I just wanted you to stay
Now I need you to stay away

Empty promises of passion and adventure
Sounded so great until you took it away
I wish I could hate you but I have too much empathy
Still, I hope you stay a million miles away

Stay with me
Stay away
Stop playing this little game
I wish you could take all the blame
We’re both guilty of the sky turning grey

In ten years you will be ready for something more
When you come I won’t answer the door
Permanently closed to the idea of reconciliation
I threw away the key to our ultimate fantasy
Stay where you are
Don’t come back to me

I look around and see so much loss. Be careful in life; it comes at a cost.

There’s no avoiding death; it’s a scary fate. Live life to the fullest before it’s your day.

It’s excruciatingly painful, but it’s a part of life. Grief is an emotion that cuts deep like a knife.

Cherish every second, minute, and hour with the people you love. Always be prepared to relive memories with your loved ones up above.

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve when someone leaves our lives unexpectedly. But we can keep their memory alive by living out our lives intentionally.

Of course, they wouldn’t want us to be sad, yet they’re no longer here. It’s hard to be happy when life takes away someone we hold dear.

There’s no time like the present when tomorrow may not be promised. It’s okay to be sad and to cry. Embrace your feelings and keep it honest.

I don’t handle loss well, so I write my feelings down. It’s hard to stay strong when there’s loss all around.

Don’t take loved ones for granted; appreciate them while you can. Everything happens for a reason; it’s all part of God’s plan!

Down the Rabbit Hole

I tumble through shadows, stars in my eyes,
A velvet night sky, where silence sighs.
The walls of the tunnel, alive with my past,
Moments like whispers, they flicker and flash.

Sad times drip slowly, like tears from a stone,
Anger erupts where I stood all alone.
Laughter ignites like a flame in the dark,
Joy paints the void with a radiant spark.

I see myself giving, my heart stretched thin,
Smilin’ for others while breakin’ within.
Each frame a story, each ache, each flight,
A kaleidoscope spinning in endless night.

At the end of the tunnel, the cosmos unfolds,
Planets and universes, their mysteries untold.
A breathless horizon, a shimmering start,
A whisper that maybe, this time’s a new part.

I land in the glow, a world vast and free,
A rabbit hole journey to rediscover me.

High-quality, high times, feeling,
Optimistic about this moment. It’s
Untitled, put together like a puzzle.
Reality framed beneath the boarder
Serendipity, with the hours. With no (H) is
…………………..Ours

Grandmother Willow, Grandmother Willow, I come to you for your advice.

Can You Hear Me Through the breeze that sways within the trees? Like the leaves, I cling to you for life within your glorious crown. 

Young Seedling, I am here for you. I heard your prayers through my roots. I learned of your struggle from the birds that land upon my branches. 

Grand Mother Willow, Grand Mother Willow? 

What will become of me? I want to be tall and beautiful. Someone the World can look up to. What Will Become of Me if the Woodsman Chops Me Down. Down to the Ground, I would fall, laying waste at his feet as he stepped over me like I was nothing. Grandmother Willow What Will Become of Me?

Dear Sapling, the squirrels tell me tales of your Love towards them, feeding them before the Winter Frost and granting praise to them. Dear Sapling, the rabbits tell me the poems of their Trust in you. As you lead them to safe havens so they can create their dens for their families. Oh sweet Sapling, the deer trot with Joy through the Woods, singing an old song of your Survival and Strength that You have Honored them with. 

So, My Child Think Not of Tomorrow Because Your Presence is a Present to All those Young and Old, for the Owl of Wisdom Watches over You. She will Guide You to Become a Queen Worthy of Crowns of Adornment. And I, Your Grandmother Willow; will always shield you from the Storm of Self Doubt.

Dear Unsealed,

I wrote a little poem based on the fable of the Scorpion and the Frog. It reflects on our inherent nature and how it doesn’t necessarily dictate our fate. We all still have a choice, in the end.

SCORPION and the FROG

Let’s cross water together

I don’t want to cross alone

Like a dog without a bone

Or a bird in stormy weather

Climb upon my back

So we can take the journey

Cautiously and without hurry

Leaving ripples as our track

If you get the urge to sting

In the middle of the deep

Just put yourself to sleep

With the lullaby I sing

Sting me later if you must

I don’t mind the sacrifice

My heart will not turn to ice

Though your nature I don’t trust

Soon we’ll make it to the shore

Landing safely on dry ground

Where our nature can be found

In the way just as before

Do we part our separate ways

Or do we make the compromise

Not to live our separate lives

As our dark hairs turn to greys

And though love can turn to hate

If we don’t learn compromise

Pledge forgiveness in our eyes

So that nature’s not our fate

Alone but not lonely
Some just loan me their time, while
The sum adds up.
Im taking out loans,until,
I make enough to maintain alone.
Then I’ll invest it for my preference.
A loan, to be “alone” I’m just a loner.
Yet, far from lonely. Sometimes…
The question comes, Are you alone?
And the response in the mind is, if only.
Thinking about….
The outcomes & possibilities.

All of my deep fears
The monsters in my closet
Stem from this small thing

Procrastination
I say I’ll do this later
But the time is now

I don’t want to yet
This is all so very hard
To take in right now

I’d really rather
Scroll on social media
Than deal with this

Pesky task at hand
Veritable kryptonite
Anything but this

I’ll do this later
Let me crawl into a hole
And never come out

Then I tried this app
To beat procrastination
I was skeptical

Ten minutes a day
That I will try out this app
For my life to change

I figured, why not?
Only a small chunk of time
That’s all it would take

So I used the app
It seemed insignificant
Just a few modules

Immediately
It was life changing for me
I started on tasks

Not putting them off
I actually finished them
I felt accomplished

Overcoming fears
I did not know I harbored
Now I’m the victor

Instead of victim
I could actually do things
I felt empowered

No longer I’d wait
The absolute last minute
To get all things done

Heart skipping beats on narrow attic stairs,
           making hasty a getaway over thin air.
Chased by hazy visions from dreamy hells
            and the devils, too close at my heel.

Running down sharp walled halls
               too afraid to stop or fall.
Terrified of the sounds, lost hidden howls,
             all the fear my imagination’s found.

Fearing missteps with clumsy, unpopular opinions,
             always dreaming of lofty, aimless ambitions.
Climbing past the highest clouds, too afraid to leap,
       then falling over lazy hills, too anxious to sleep.

Agonizing and pointless routines when life in the light
and old obscurities mingle, and nothing feels right.
Reading and rereading, searching for a newer spark,
to illuminate glimmers lost in the endless dark.
 
Slowly wandering through and throughout  
            the deep twilights, me and my doubt.
Shutting off lights, walking without the fright,
           strolling with stars guiding in the night.

Seeing with clarity the emptiness
            hidden in shaded oblivions.
Dreading only the darkness
           that still lingers in me.

I remember the smell of Charlie perfume and peppermint candy, the sound of her strong voice and the feel of her warm, calloused hands. Grandma Lee Lee, as she was fondly called, loved to cook, dance and play the piano at church. Often when GaGa had political engagements and mommy was busy living her life, I spent immeasurable time with Grandma Lee Lee. I just had my sixth birthday party and although Grandma Lee Lee wasn’t feeling well, I remember her being the fun hostess everyone adored because she always loved a good party. I remember going home and a few days later waking up to everyone crying in my house. When GaGa told me Grandma Lee Lee had died, my little mind couldn’t comprehend it. I told my grandmother that Grandma Lee Lee had just come to me that night, beautiful and not sick. She told me that she was better, that she loved me and I was to be a good girl because she’ll be watching me. How could Grandma Lee Lee come see me if she was dead? My grandmother looked at me, the tears streaming from her eyes and held me close without saying a word.
That was my first memory and experience with death and a couple of years later a childhood friend, Karla Campbell, was kidnapped and murdered. We were just eight years old and all I was thinking about was that I was never going to see her again because a bad man hurt her. My biggest heartbreak came in 2000 when we had to make the most difficult decision to take my grandmother off life support on Easter Sunday at noon. GaGa had been my world and I had been her caregiver since a senior in high school. I never fully recovered from that decision or day and over the years, I would replay and relive the moment to my mental and spiritual detriment.
Since then, death has often paralyzed me each time; with the last decade experiencing multiple losses, seemingly back to back with little time or rest to process the last transition of a loved one. For example late 2011-2013, I had lost thirteen loved ones; among them my god child, the suicide of a cousin, the murder of another cousin, my uncle who was my father figure and finally ending with the sudden death of my grief counselor herself. I had started going to therapy in 2012 to deal with my compounded grief and she was a great inspiration for my healing. Imagine someone giving you coping tools for grief processing and ultimately you have to deal with losing them as well. It was the first time I had heard about complicated and compounded grief:

“Complicated grief is like being in an ongoing, heightened state of mourning that keeps you from healing. Signs and symptoms of complicated grief may include: Intense sorrow, pain and rumination over the loss of your loved one. Focus on little else but your loved one’s death.”

“Compounded grief, also known as cumulative grief, is a pile-on effect of grief or “grief overload.” It may mean losing several loved ones in a short period of time. It may mean losing a loved one, then a relationship, then a job, then a pet, then a natural disaster hits and damages your home, etc. The losses can come from various sectors, but put together, it’s a big pile of grief and loss to deal with”

I thought I would never see a season of so much loss like 2011-2013 but unfortunately, I was wrong. And although my perception of death matured with my spirituality, my constant and prolonged grieving has often prevented me from healing as much as I could. 2017 I lost my mother to breast cancer after an estrangement. Being at her bedside, despite it all, I was allowed to care for her the last two weeks of her life and by the Lord’s grace, we found our closure before she transitioned but the mourning of our relationship and time lost continues until this day. I would experience more loss soon after, a village mother and two pets, which only compounded my grief. Then the pandemic hit and of course like many, Covid-19 took some loved ones I thought I’d never be without and I found myself drowning in depression even as I facilitated grief and bereavement support groups for Project WINGS.
Last year I lost my big brother Sean and a childhood friend back to back. The holidays are hard to endure and haven’t been the same for years but I push through for others sake and not my own. It can be daunting to have to smile when inside you are drained and emotional from grieving.
Even as I write this, I’ve experienced the loss of five loved ones since June 2023. A dear cousin that was like a brother, a best friend since seventh grade, a nephew to murder, a father figure/mentor and a young man that had become my earth son the last few years. As much as I try, the world seems so hard and feels so cold dealing with loss. However I heard a saying recently “Grief is the price you pay for loving that person” and Dr. Joseph Smedley tells us that after each loss, you have to reinvent yourself because you are not the same person who was before the loss of a loved one. Having cumulative grief means constantly reinventing myself almost to the point of not recognizing who I am sometimes. I’ve found some solace in therapy, family and friends as my life lines yet sometimes I struggle with feeling like a burden or downer to them, so I tend to isolate which isn’t good for my mental health. Though I still struggle and will continue to fight myself, I offer these tidbits for someone who is dealing with complicated or compounded grief:

Therapy
I can’t stress enough the importance of counseling to help with your mental health! You can have theology/religion and therapy too, in fact, I strongly suggest you do both to help heal your overall being. Because grief is also a mental health crisis, it is important to get the tools and resources you need to survive it.

Coping Skills
Whatever your healthy coping skill is, use it!
I know people who walk or jog, I know others who are creatives using their talents and some who volunteer for organizations. I’m grateful to be an artist that can utilize some of my gifts to help relieve stress, anxiety and depression. Laughter is also one of my coping skills I utilize to get me through hard times. Coping skills help us to raise our resilience against life stressors. Just a simple act of sitting in the sun, watching a movie, listening to music or helping someone can make you feel better. Find a way to celebrate or honor their lives in some way. Being grateful for their lives, the impact they have in yours and cherishing fond memories.

Life lines
Have a circle of family/friends that you can lean on during this time. There is power in reaching out to those who love you and empathize with you. Having a trusted circle that you can go to in times of need is essential to your wellbeing and self-care.

Griever’s Rights
You have griever’s rights, use them! I find it necessary to remind myself to be kind and gracious to myself while grieving. That everyone grieves differently and that grief is not a straight line. Look up mental and spiritual health resources that can help you during your grief process. Know that grieving is a unique journey for every individual. Know your grievers rights and honor your grief processing.

Prayer and Praise
Pray, Pray and Pray! We are social, biological, psychological and spiritual beings. The journey of healing entails addressing each aspect of our beings and I personally have found that praying daily, listening to mediation and/or praise music helps to stabilize my moods and helps to raise my vibrations against depression. It’s not easy but there are times when I have to literally stay in prayer all day to stay focused, encouraged and to keep my mood up.

Self-care
Take care of yourself!
All of the above is self-care and self-care is imperative to the grief process as well as the journey of healing. Sometimes self-care is hard to do when you can’t get out of bed, or just taking a shower seems so overwhelming. In therapy and living through cumulative grief, I’ve discovered that small steps, coping skills and grace for myself aids in my self-care.

Loves and Lights, grief is something you don’t get over but live through. For those of us who are experiencing cumulative grief, the journey can often feel endless but after every storm is a rainbow. Sometimes you have to fight extra hard to see or find it, but the rainbow is always there, a promise from The Most High that this too shall pass and that we are not alone. There is help and hope for us if we choose to seek it. As I live out my grieving process, my prayer for myself and for anyone struggling is that you have comfort, grace and strength on your healing journey. That you celebrate Life’s about moments so please don’t give up; stay encouraged and find your joy in every moment and everywhere that you can, while you can.

I love you

Why is Grief alive when the person I love is dead?

Why does Grief taunt and speak when my relationship is quiet, nothing more said?

Grief keeps coming to over power me, over take me, overcome me-

Leave me Grief!
No! You’re all I have left.

Stay I Guess