Addiction

I’m an addict
And I know it!

I revere two of the three Cs:
Coffee, candy, and cigarettes.

I love my coffee alone with my contemplation
Of life, likes, posts, news, like a great commotion,

Flitting from one to the next trying to see
What’s best before I rest to be free.

Posts galore and replies of mine
Make my day, as the taste of Coffee

Feels like a sinful pleasure.
With my dark drink, I bite into chocolate,

And drift into a coma at heaven’s gate.
I savor the sweetness along the strength

Of body of the coffee and it’s bitterness.

Life with the morning rituals
Cake, candy, chocolate, coffee and sweets

Is like life without a hero like Ferrero,
Or Cadbury, Mars, KitKat, and Aero!

Raising the bar in a day filled
With noise, poised to litter the mind

With fear, worry, and being drear!
So my habitual start is set in stone:

Coffee, contemplation, quiet that have
A lead to social media, news, where I refuse

To succumb to its dadarkness
That needs to twist your morning addictions

Into a depressive, foggy darkness.
Let your coffee’s wisdom fill
Your empty cup with hope that will

Reject solidifying into despair,
But reaches in your depths to repair.
©️ Malak kalmoni chehab ©️

FEAR
Fear: fast heart beats feasting feverishly
Every time fear ramps serotonin quickly,
Amply avid in avoiding pain, fastidious in
Remaining alive to tell the tale of FEAR.
FEAR

BREATHE …
Barely breathing, the brain astoundingly
Reveals its respiratory ease, by reviewing
Every fear, entering the data, waiting
Another moment for analysis, wading,
Through the morass of a lack of logic,
Hearing only haloed heartbeats, heaving.
Eternally aware of time flowing: BREATHE.
BREATHE ..

THINK …
Through and push through thinking
Halves my reasoning, homing only on survival
Instead of clarity of thought,
Never receiving the memo of
Knowing that ‘fight or flight’ is all in a knot. THINK.
THINK …

ACT …
Actively, arduously permitting action that
Covers slippery seconds of being frozen, while
Time reveals your success, failure, and your missing fervor.
ACT …

©️Malak kalmoni chehab ©️

My children have met someone
That might become their
Partner, a life partner,
Whose aim is to keep both, never alone,

To start a family of their own.
Dealing with advice, first disagreement,
First time meeting anxiety lent
Some insight into meetings flown

Off their trajectory into a NO
While others have progressed
For months, weeks, days, dressed
In meeting spaces trying to leave NO

Leaf, question unanswered before
Coming face to face, as they brace
For acceptance, liking, passion, in a pace
That drives me insane for the core

Is to build a family within ours.
How do I proceed, as the mother?
How do I let go without a bother?
How do I progress when theirs

Is a meeting of minds and hearts?
How do I accept not spoiling
Them whenever I want, coiling
My fear into a bow that never rests

For you never know if their
Choice will truly be happy or queer.

©️ Malak kalmoni chehab ©️

First day!
What to expect?
Exited, nervous, undefinable?
Confused, turned around,
Don’t know where to go,
Or how to study?

Well you’re not alone,
My first time at university
I was eighteen, unsure
Of what career to persue,
And what to study for me to succeed.

A new chapter in lives
New expectations, responsibilities,
That weigh heavily, as duties
To self and society’s demands
On your ability to make moneys,

Live alone,
Pay rent,
Have a relationship,
That’s heaven sent,
Have 1.75 children and pant
As you pay bills that pile, always spent.

Firsts are always flustering, lone,
As none other than expectations, gone, gone
Down the tubes as reality is a forgone
Hindrance to cheer that has none
Of the tools for survival except a will made of bone.

©️ Malak kalmoni chehab ©️

My innocent smile of childhood
Is what I miss most from long gone
Days where naivety, fun fumbles, were good
For a laugh with family, friends, undone

By the simplicity of the life of a child
As you went about cheerfully hopping
From one daydream to another, a hidden bard, flipping,
Hiding in plain sight, forgiven for being a child.

Never let your smile drift into the sky,
Let it balance your mood, don’t brood.
As you smile, cheer will surround
Your every move as you inspire joy that’ll fly,

Flinging your dreams into reality
As your positivity you embraced,
Will endow you with being graced
By happiness, a comforting embrace.

©️Malak Kalmoni Chehab ©️

After the loss of my mother-in-law, my youngest daughter brought up the topic of starting to wear the hijab (a scarf that covers the hair, denoting our humbled nature towards God, and empowering our rights to protect our modesty in a world filled with immodesty). As a mother, who wanted to give my daughter a better chance at a larger pool of the ‘marriage mart’, my husband and I convinced her to wait. However, she brought up my inner need to wear the hijab myself and be a better practicing Muslim, because the hijab is a constant reminder of my connection to God. By wearing it, I’m reminded to always be grateful for what I have, not to envy what others do, work harder to achieve my desires within the dictates, rules and regulations given to Muslims through the Quoraan. I’ve also found that the acceptance I’ve received in this Western Country, Canada, was overwhelmingly positive and empowered me to stay the course of my beliefs. Now, I’m proud to say that my struggle to strengthen my belief is a daily occurrence, that I do my best not fall under its depressing weight. Struggling to unite people through the hijab is an uplifting experience, as one shares their experiences and problems, which in turn help others find solutions for their own set of issues.
My favorite comment when people meet me, is that I have a certain glow to my face that comes from the power of my faith.

Give up, never!
The challenges of life give greater
Satisfaction when struggling to overcome them.

Give up, never!
Through war planes, attacker
On our land, as my partner is an army officer.

Give up, never!
Through financial strains, being a mother,
Teacher, student, niece, aunt, cousin, daughter…
With duties and love to give as worries grow stronger.

Give up, never!
Going through bowl obstruction surgeries, recover
From that alone is like moving through quick sand, a surfer
Of intense pain, stilted, limited movements that border
On the robotic before getting better.

Give up, never!
Immigrating at fourty plus is no simple matter,
With two teens and two adults to give succor
As the cultural, geographical, and familial reservoir
Dwindles and altered to an extreme purveyor
Of loss as we embrace newer circumstances in horror.

Give up, never!
Through each trial, the sun does shine brighter
And belief that you’re being tested makes me stronger.

Give up, never!
Give up, never!
Give up, never!

©️ Malak kalmoni chehab ©️

The world runs around and bucks you
Of your trajectory with minutiea that drive you
Up a wall, and down into darkness which blinds
Your senses that either gives adrenaline or freezes
You into a statue that’s blind, deaf, and dumb.

Your vision turns into bright starts that short-
Circuit your mind with blinding light whose sport
Is to suppress your logic, embracing emotions
That turn you deaf to all evidence against your passions.
Those then steal your ability to speak your mind.

As the world moves round and round, like a merry
Go round, so do you try to stave off the shocks that ferry
You into dismay as experiences are disillusioningly
Petrifying, with their obstacles and demands
On your taking a stand outside your comfort zones.

Stay the course.
Stand tall.
Savor each experience.
Strengthen your faith with failure or success.
Sever negative relationships,

And let your self-confidence emerge
A snow white pigeon of peace and verve of life.

©️ Malak kalmoni chehab ©️

I sit up,
Look up,
Firing my appreciation
To God, in whose contemplation,
Veneration, I’m engrossed
In my thanks to all that
I’ve got, that’s on the spot:
Family to love and cherish,
Kin to pray and think of me as I perish,
Friends who’ll miss my presence,
As our discussions cover matters that hence
Ruminate over social changes
Trending through social media’s
Imposing pressure over all genders
And age groups who surrenders
Their freedom to bondage
Of our sovereignty over our charge:
Our immortal soul, whose barred
From its morality, replaced
By being led to sins that destroy
Your connection to the All Mighty. A ploy,
To reduce believers that rebel against sins of immorality.

Advocating for pushing beyond your
Comfort zone is easy, it’s just words.
Applying it to yourself is hard and requires
A dauntless temperament that’s bolder
Than your fear, that binds your actions.

As an introvert who bottles up her
Emotions and fears, confronting
Anyone who’s hurt me has a severe
Strain over me, anxiety flourishing,
Sweating, combing through vocabulary that Never,

Ever seems to fit, and always has
The possibility of being misinterpreted
As my clarity of thought comes
With pen, paper, thoughts processed
Slowly for the least hurt possible attained.

Consequences of words spoken
Can’t easily be taken back, and they happen
To have a lingering effect that’s unspoken!

©️Malak kalmoni chehab ©️

‘Who’s worthy of respect?’ Asks the
Oh so gentle soul. ‘Me, perhaps?’
Replying tentatively, I question whether
The ‘me’ others see is laudable with my
Honesty, diplomatically voiced,
Yet still encases my faith, ethics, and friendship.

Offering an ear, a hug, a friend, a listener
Free of malice and judgment, that’s never a jeer.

Resounding devotion can never
End, as long as your true self reverberates
Soulfully within a frequency received by
Peers and kin who feel the same.
Enter into the ring to battle out the
Captivating desires leading you astray
To a world where your worth is bound by trends.

©️ Malak kalmoni chehab ©️

Believing in yourself is the first
Step to building strength that doesn’t rest.

Then, listening to others, not needing
To participate, unjudgemental, hearing
What others need, interject, harboring
Your doubts and advice so as not harming.

Speak my mind, state my faith,
Being proud of my achievements whose breadth
May seem unimportant to others, but their breath
Is my motivation to stretch abilities in depth.

Faith and belief are the core
Of my power to never bore,
As I know their roots moor
My might within a mind who’s dire.

My scars, those that society frowns
Upon, are my badges of honor, survivals,
Will, and mind over matters
That seem trivial in light of my powers.

©️ Malak K C ©️

Upon reflection on a year gone by,
I notice that life is short and needs to fly.

As time dissipates in the fog of winter
Storms that flog your optimism into a pauper,

I lie back and wonder …
How do I make the following year better?

My goals are set for my self-improvement,
Where I wish to feel no bereavement.

Goals are so arbitrary, that, at times
They pull you down into hades.

As I set my goals: reducing my intrusive
Conversation and being more conservative

In my opinions, but only with certain
Peoples, who lack perception.

Another goal is too write more,
Submit more, and succeed more.

I believe the latter more feasible,
As the first requires me to be more biddable

I hope to achieve a certain censorship
As not to reach hardship.

©️ Malak kalmoni chehab ©️