Pure determination and new promises packed along with
her black t-shirt that boldly said, “Laugh More, Bitch Less.”
She was grit, she was fierce.
She wasn’t afraid to travel in an RV with her new boyfriend,
landing in Montana mountains as a young black beautiful woman -hiking on flat trails where chokecherries partied near creeks , dealing with strong winds that chapped her cheeks, and witnessing how the snow packed and spread over the land, emphasizing the mountain tops.
She was cascading to her new dreams, her first brave trip out of the family nest.
she shimmered, she shined.
if you were lucky enough to see her smile – unforgettable like Natalee and Nat King Cole singing.
that is why WHEN she went missing –
no cellphone life, no social media snapchats, we knew something was wrong .
So, us, her siblings/besties put on the song Fugees –“ Gonna Find You”
We went.

Missing women.
Missing men.
Missing kids.
MISSING YOU.
WE FOUND YOU.
MURDERED.

Pure determination, pure promises.
Shimmer and Shine.

Have you ever had the pleasure of falling in love with someone you’ve never met?

It’s almost as if you have an immediate connection,
Your souls are fused together.
The pull of uncertain, certainty.
You feel everything all at once.
Your soul is content and full.
You’ve become a glutton for the love
It feels so good!
Theres butterflies signifying this spectacular moment in the timeline.

Have you ever had the pleasure of a heartbreak over someone you’ve never met?

They say the worst withdrawal is of a person.
I must say, “I agree.”
It’s almost as if you have lost a real piece of your soul
You have no autonomy over your
heart.
You crave, cry, and hate all within a
minute.
You mourn someone you’ve never even
met.

Have you ever had the pleasure of healing after a heartbreak over someone you’ve you’ve never met?

It’s almost as if you are whole again.
You carefully put each piece of your
shattered heart together
Hand gluing, welding, stitching,
and crafting it into your newest
artistry.
Looking at your newest master piece
You’re feel of all of the happy, joyful
memories you chose to keep
You’re reminded of the pain and
mourning that led to
You, whole,new & ready to love.

I dedicate this poem to Gary and Morgan, loving partners for over 40 beautiful years. This month Gary passed away after a year long struggle with cancer, days before Morgan’s birthday and their anniversary. During his final moments, Gary only had the strength to whisper priceless words of encouragement and love to Morgan. This is a poem of hope that we will all meet again, someday, somewhere beyond this life. But in the meantime, we’ll find each other in…

WHISPERS

You’ll come to me in whispers

And you’ll visit me in dreams

I’ll awaken from your kisses

Softly lit by radiant beams

In the echos of my life

I will catch your sweetest voice

I will hear our love’s pure song

And my heart will then rejoice

I will strain my tired ear

For each whisper that you gift

As I listen most intently

In our memories I will drift

And one day your gentle whispers

Will be louder and quite clear

We’ll be standing face to face

And our love song all will hear

Dear Unsealers,

Today I held the hand of a dying friend. We looked into each other’s eyes and I said the only thing I could say at that moment…”I love you”. Too weak to speak, he closed his eyes, puckered his tired lips, and blew me a kiss. I caught it and will carry it with me for the rest of my life.

*This summer my friend challenged me to write something based off of paint color names. I did it once and liked the result, so I had to do it again. I had my mom choose 5 different paint color swatches at a hardware store and then wrote this. While some details in this letter have been changed (to fit the prompt) I believe this does encapsulate the beautiful spirit of my deceased godmother so I dedicate this to her.
____________________________________________________________________________
I miss you

I miss the way you used to romanticize life

And filled it with special moments

What a blessing it was to watch you relishing in every moment you were here.

With hospitality you would set out fancy china, brew coffee and fill a carafe with heavy cream just for me

The way you would belly laugh when we got caught in a downpour and arrived home sopping wet.

The few sacred moments we spent together in the morning where you would put my hair in a ponytail and smile warmly at me.

The way you would kiss me on the forehead and your cloudberry clad lips would imprint themselves there as a reminder of the deep love you had for me.

The way you would strategically place the tinsel on the Christmas tree so that it would glimmer in the darkness.

Your enthusiasm for life was what made you so beautiful.

And it is a piece of you that shines in the mosaic of pieces that make up me.

One day I will have my own goddaughter and I hope my wonder and enthusiasm for life

Will shine as deeply in her as yours does in me.

With Love,

*Disclaimer- There is reference to suicidal ideation- if you’re suffering please seek out help or call the suicide prevention hotline emergency number, 988.

Dear Angus,

I’m sorry this letter couldn’t make it to you. I know for certain that it does not find you well. If this letter could reach Heaven- I’d say “Sorry dude- I’ve never watched Euphoria.” I’d assume you’d think “fake fan.” LOL.

Your personal friends and family can attest to your attributes far better than me. So, I’ll just say this. When you took your life- it didn’t just hurt you. It hurt everyone who knew you, knew your name, and loved you. This letter is not to condemn your actions but to anyone who feels the same as you.

I don’t know the details surrounding your death (& don’t care to quite frankly) but I imagine you were quite scared, upset, and angry. The mind can play tricks on us in our low moments. Like saying that nothing even matters, what is there to live for now? For me, I try to counsel myself by saying this is all temporary. As in, “this too shall pass” (2 Corinthians 4:17).

My heart goes out to your Mom and close friends. May God rest your soul. You are gone but never forgotten! 🕊️

Sincerely,

Victoria

Dear Mikaela LAUREN tick.

Today is the 10-year anniversary of which you PHYSICALLY passed.

Whenever I talk about you it’s ALWAYS in the PRESENT TENSE because I KNOW that you are ALWAYS guiding me down the hill , “looking down” on me, BUT that is the EXACT OPPOSITE. You look UP to me because of the thing that I fear people look down on me for.

As I go into the work force, I worry that no matter how sharply I dress, my Wobble will force me to immediately turn around – hey that rhymes😂

I know that you are there with me, telling me,“You are the one that needs to walk that frame of mind out the door!” I slowly have by writing about my disability.

Losing you physically will never become clear to me; it is clear as day that you are with me by this telling story.

Several months ago – maybe a year, I went out with Aunt Debbie and started telling her my struggles to feed myself the confidence I needed. On her suggest, I started following this on Instagram.

One day, while waiting for the bus to go skiing, a favorite activity of ours, I scrolled through my account and saw she was being interviewed on this platform, The Unsealed.

The platform turned out to be run by a woman named LAUREN, a former Sports Journalist, who created it to allow people such as myself, to tell their stories.

I JOINED and every since, I’ve been UNSEALING stories about my disability and life AND you bet THIS is GOING UP THEIR!

Please consider donating ANY AMOUNT of $$ to help Mikaela’s mission and the reason she IS an OT, SEEING the ABILITY in people!
The link is on my Instagram and Facebook bio!

LOVE YOU,🐘

JAKEY💜

Dear Daddy,
My earliest memory of you was getting a goodbye kiss in the morning before you would go off to work. I would have my head on the pillow and you leaned down, gave me a kiss on the cheek and say I will see you tonight. I was the oldest of 3 girls so I had some special alone time with you. For example, when I was about 8 years old you took me to work with you. It was very exciting to spend a whole day with you and have you all to myself.
I have so many beautiful memories because I was blessed to have you for 66 years. Not many people live to that age and can say they still have their Dad. Well I am older now and I have lost you and it now there is a void in my life.You were always my sweet daddy. The man I looked to with love and admiration. I am so glad I was always able to express to you these feelings. You are the reason I am, what I consider, a good person.
Well life goes on. My children are older and are very good people. They are both hard workers and have good hearts. I have a grandson now. Thank you for giving me so many opportunities in life. You worked hard for your family and your sacrifices are appreciated every day. I was given a great blessing to have you as my father. My loving daddy Calvin David Kalstein, my WW2 navy hero.
Love, Your forever adoring daughter,

Dear Grandpa,

It’s been nearly 25 years since I last saw you, and what I remember most about you is how you made me feel. Whether at dinner on the holidays, playing cards, or sitting in your living room telling stories, you lived with a joy and zest for life that was so effortless, natural, and contagious.

Growing up, you were very athletic, just like me. So when I would tell you about the plays I made or the goals I scored, you’d say, “That’s my little athlete,” knowing I got my athletic prowess from you. I was very outgoing as a child, telling a stranger my whole life story within the first five minutes of meeting them. Since you were not short of personality at any point in your life, you’d always say, with a grin, “We know where that one came from.”

When I was around you, I always felt like you loved and believed in me and were proud that I was your granddaughter. Grandpa, you always made me happy, and you always made me smile.

For many years, you had health problems: diabetes, cancer, and heart problems. During the fall of my first year of high school, you had what felt like your 10th heart attack and passed away the Friday after Thanksgiving. I was devastated. Your death was the first time I lost someone close to me. But I pressed on.

For years, you told me the rain was good luck. So, to cope, I looked for rain to stay connected to you – a way to know you were still there. Sure enough, it rained on the day I graduated from high school. On August 15th, 2012, which would have been your 85th birthday, I was offered my first full-time on-air sports anchor/reporter job. It was pouring outside. And more recently, when I met my boyfriend, who treats me so well and makes me laugh, I asked what his name meant. When he said he didn’t know, I looked it up. His name means the God of Rain.

With all my heart, Grandpa, I believe you are watching over me. You know I became a sportscaster, and you love that I started a business that advocates for kindness, courage, and equality. You are so overjoyed about the quality of my new boyfriend’s character, and you think it’s funny how my dog doesn’t let anyone within three feet of me. In fact, I think you may have something to do with that.

So more than telling you that I miss you or even that I love you, what I want you to know is how you made me feel when I was a little girl is how you make me feel now.

Thank you for still making me smile. Thank you for still making me happy.

Love your little athlete,

When I moved here, I didn’t know myself. I certainly didn’t love myself. I don’t like to think that it took losing you for those things to happen, but I know that for a long, long time, you were my only trans friend— or you and your husband were, until you both died, the same night, in one another’s arms, nine years ago. I know that when you died my own trans baby was only five and still becoming an idea of a person. I wasn’t ready to face my grief over you or any grief over the trauma of my past. I felt like motherhood was the only way I could survive being trans and alone in the world. And then, their little hand tendrilled into mine like a vine and they came out when they were seven. When I fought for resources for them, I found a way to get a little of what I needed, too. Mateo, my friend, my confidante, my comrade, my dreamer, my laughter, my spark, I feel like you would understand these dark times we are facing right now and how much I miss you. You gave me permission to find warmth in the sunshine, roots in the earth, solace in the water, and breath in the air. I took this winter to grieve you and your husband, and so many other people and moments I have lost. I am planning now on how to take the rest of my life to thrive. I feel at peace in this way, this moment before the bloom. I feel so much gratitude for how your life gave me life, always. You did not fight for any of us in vain. I still wear gold shoes and black eyeliner, for you. Always love, always the trans flag and the chin up. We do not have the luxury of shame. I believe in us.

MIKAELA LAUREN TICK!

I WRITE A DAY LATE. YOUR BIRTHDAY was yesterday: LITERALLY, I AM a DAY LATE.

On July 27, 2014, you passed, PHYSICALLY; it was a rare HEART CONDITION. YOU HAVE A RARE HEART. A golden HEART. Check that, a 💜! (your FAV COLOR) and an attitude akin to an 🐘 with its tusks ⬆️. You had those up EVERYWHERE

EVERY SINGLE PERSON feels a DAY LATE, A DOLLAR SHORT occasionally and it was those moments that you INFUSED YOUR SMILE to LIFT THEIRS UP!

That SMILE FEELS PRICELESS to EVERYONE; it IS PRICELESS EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY SINGLE DAY, FLOWING WITH GENUINE and PURE LOVE no MATTER WHAT, BUT, LIFTING people’s TUSKS up is YOUR SUPERPOWER!

YOU LITERALLY took the OCCUPATION out of OCCUPATIONal therapy: VOLUNTEERING at St. Mary’s, and ALWAYS HOLDING HANDS with EVERYONE!

KALS LOVES HOLDING HANDS -especially for people with DIFFERENT ABILITIES: Camp HELPING HANDS is where it started!!

So PLEASE put YOUR “HAND IN THE JAR and give ANY AMOUNT of MONEY AND/ OR TIME

LY, ALWAYS!!

Until we meet again,

🐘 ⬆️

Jakey!

Credit: Picture from MLT’s Instagram Page