Your first attempt
Shot down.
He implied
Success not possible.
Your life-sustaining health constraints
The weak point.
Alternative for you suggested.
Disregarded.
Dream denied.
Your tenacity at play,
Second chance requested.
Humanitarian assigned,
Acceptance granted.
Ultimate goal
Shining.
Despite tough and demanding roads,
Obstacles of academia,
Dates with the machine three times a week,
Your grit and perseverance
Enhanced the drive
Uphill to victory.
The glory of adversity deflected.
Strength of the heart
Reigned supreme.

Sady Lady, reporting to you live from 2024 and I came back to 2012 to give you the official tour,
of your life as we advance with some spoilers. I heard you’re the big 1 8 and in good fashion, I’ve come to report that you have found your passion.

Is it a designer? No, that’s too flashy. Perhaps a biased journalist? No that’s a little too sassy.
You went for a more reserved path but you enjoyed the process, you take your overthinking and put your non-verbal skills to the test.

While pursuing a Central Pennsylvania secondary education, you went through one big obstacle that left you wondering if this is really your station.
It was your first “failure” to start your freshman year, you even started to wonder “damn should I even be here?”

However, through the grace of Jehovah, you found another avenue to explore. You were still a tech head, but you learned the origins of the first motherboard and it wasn’t a bore.

Even though you weren’t ready to program yet, majoring in the technology adjacent “computer forensics” was your best bet.

Since you were a kid, you loved puzzles and electronics, who knew in your adult age you’d end up learning the “phonics.”

Binary, hexadecimal, Encase, and FTK, are some of the software that helped you along the way.

For four years, you learned the ins and outs of the ever-growing advances technology yields . Alas! Your senior year came around and you had the opportunity to show how skilled you were in your field.

Dr. Barrett gave you an independent study to do research of your choice. It was like she read your mind, and your dream of studying the inner-workings of the famous SONY PLAYSTATION 4 allowed you to share your voice.

10 weeks of research, reporting, trial and error, you produced the final result and became the bearer of all your efforts in front of a crowd. While it was nerve racking, you had to give yourself a bow.

Fast forward to 2024, you are still present to write about your dream, and I hope this poem gives you some gleam.

What you learn is that success isn’t always a likely occurrence
However, the knowledge you gain should give you reassurance.

You even took up a new hobby writing about your inner interests and thoughts. Even found some cool recipes to put in your pots.

All this to say to the younger self, achieving your goals won’t always be available on a book shelf. Never look back and your future looks bright. Always remember to say a prayer a night. Even when the journey looks dim or blue, you have a great future ahead of you.

Sincerely,
Cece circa 2024

Dear Unsealers, (poem entry, not a letter)

when it should have been the beating, red vessel sandwiched between my outside eyes

if it were for the before days when society was feeling abandoned

where the imposter we saw in the shadows were terrified news hosts and burnt out brethren retiring from their zoom calls

i would have have fallen further beneath the undertow

but the continued dance of shaking hands and friendly smiles made the chain of events commence

and i began to embrace it:

my lips exhale the affirmed words of safety

the stares of the narrow-minded turn into LED bulbs-

hang on… there might be something here

open-mindedness is taking off its apron, rushing to greet me at the door,
i used to get nervous having company

but i have become my own best friend

i can snuggle in safety, buckle in my seatbelt as my brain indicates to me i have permission to slow down and pump the breaks – once i have learned to drive

i can touch my 8 x 11, knowing every jagged line is a mountain, ripple, pique and valley of a memory burned through trial and error-

my oddly favorite smell, a worked-out body

the feeling of ecstasy after nailing an impromptu choreography routine, loving the expressions i feed the mirror

i can now ignore the lights getting brighter, signaling my ending is near

and sure, i am only but a human. i have always seen where i’ve faltered, lacked, detracted. but i can feel myself become something grander – like a human version of a wind-up toy

i’ve accepted my body as a vessel, an input output machine like gradeschool homework, correcting my body when i set my skin on fire-

*takes a breath*

i have eczema

i’m slowly conquering the line between conceit and self-awareness

discovered obsessive sorries are empty pockets of exoneration

i replaced apprehension for curiosity, my pulse now beating within reason as the flicker of answered questions make way

“what’s that?” is now celebrated, not mocked with disgust by the random grump on the street

i recognize myself. really.

i’ve changed “i’m so pretty” to “there you are… i’ve been looking everywhere for you.

wow. you are magnified.

here’s your handle.

now hold on tight. you’re only going up.”

Love,
Me (Meghan Dhawan)

Dear Miss Evans,
How is that natural remedy working out for you? As per our last self-reflection, you seem to be in great spirits. I wanted to touch base and let you know that your efforts are always showing. I remember when you first got into your 20’s, self-sufficiency became second nature to you. I have a question for you, how did you beat Miss Jazmine Sullivan to picking up your feelings? Are you sure you didn’t co-write that song with her? Just kidding, but honestly though, it used to be only you and Jehovah who knew how you felt. I wanted to give you your flowers and let you know that I am PROUD that you’ve gotten better at being more emotional. Girl, I thought I would only see that side during “that time of the month”. It must be that fiancée of yours always making you smile. I see that he ALWAYS brings the best out in you and loves you dearly. Every time you talk about him you light up like a firefly. I love how much y’all make each other better. I love that he encourages you to be yourself even when you try to hide it. I remember when it was like pulling teeth to get you to express your feelings. A few times I wanted to box you because of your stubbornness. However, I love that you are honest about your apprehension of emotional expression with your soulmate. Thank you for letting him in and getting to know you.
I love your empathy for other people. I remember back in your high school days when you just got along with everybody. Cheerleaders, jocks, art lovers, nerds, heck even the quiet kids, you just seemed to have a knack for being well-rounded. I see how much you consider other people’s situations and feelings. I know it comes from a good place within yourself however, you still must remember you have feelings too. I see that you have gotten better at taking mental breaks. I’m glad that you even took up a new hobby of creative writing.
Despite not always being able to express yourself emotionally growing up, I am proud that you have found a better outlet than your comfort snacks. You know that love-hate relationship you have with bread. I see you started to lighten up on your food choices and it’s showing in your skin. You got your skin-care regimen intact and that is awesome. Plus, your natural glow suits you.
After five years of this remedy, it has shown positive results in your whole aura. I love that your relationship with Jehovah has strengthened in the past couple of years. I see you studying your bible now and again. I’ve always loved your thirst for knowledge in all aspects of life. Spiritually, it seems like you have a better understanding of the human interaction with God. I pray that you continue your journey to understanding yourself and others.
Overall, the natural remedy of self-reflection, empathy, and understanding have been the greatest part of your journey. Keep up the great work and remember to pray.
Sincerely,
Your Inner Child

I dont tell myself no anymore.
I dont fear the devil at the door
Cuz I asked the world for bread and got a stone
& I refuse to be alone
See, this is the love I show to me
The greatest form of bravery
To shine so bright that everything grows
A fountain that never ceases flow
This sunflower spirit reaches for light
An inextinguishable will to fight
& when shadows come
my face still turns for sun
Who needs many roots when your held by the sky
With energy that’s riding high
I’ve learned the art of balancing
There’s equal peace and passion inside of me
No matter how high I’ll never fall
There’s clarity in standing tall
So I don’t say no to me
I radiate self loyalty
That kind of faith is kinetic
I’ll watch it ignite you in ways that are prophetic
See now I love stones
I move through them so others can grow
Holding all the shades of me
All the shadows casting free
Groundwork- this is fuel
Soil to reach & feel through
See I’m in love with the sun
& the sun is me
& I can follow that heat with longevity
Extend that heat with loyalty
Wrap myself in shadows & shine
Cuz I don’t need more light
I dont tell myself no
I love the depths of shadow.