Dear younger me,
Baby girl, life is beautiful, and tomorrow is never promised. Go out and experience the world and all the beauty that it holds.
If you get a chance to try something new, do it! If you get to go somewhere you’ve never been, go for it!! If you get a chance to see a Broadway show, watch it! Just try new things. You never know what you might like until you try. Because one day you’ll wake up and wish you had done all of these things.
You only live once and you won’t be young forever. It goes by so fast. The best things in life are making memories, starting a family, and holding on to great friends. This is your story. It’s your book. You are the author. What do you want others to read? How do you want to leave a mark on the world? Some people come into your life for a reason or a season. Pay attention and know the difference. There will be some people who come into your life that don’t have the best intentions for you. Let them be part of a short chapter, not the whole book. Keep pushing forward. Don’t just sit and wait for life to happen for you, because you will wait forever, and life will just pass you by.
There isn’t a trial run on life. You only get one shot. Make the best of it! Have no regrets. Have exciting stories to tell your children. Take a picture a day and start a memory wall. You’ll be happy you did. It will capture the moments that are so easily forgotten.

Try to have a close relationship with your parents. You might not be close now, but they will be your best friend later. Visit your grandparents often. That’s the best wisdom that money can’t buy. Give back to the ones less fortunate. Adopt from a shelter. Show them what love feels like before it’s too late.
Find a special place that makes you happy. And a special person who makes you smile. Start a career. Start a family. Just start living. Don’t wait till it’s too late to do all of these things. Tell your kids about Jesus. Raise your family to be strong in their faith, respect their elders, and have good manners. Be on time. You are just as important as anyone else. So treat everyone the way you want to be treated. Say you’re sorry if you make a mistake. Say, thank you often. Say hello to someone with a smile. They may need to hear It. Always show love, even when it may not be easy. In everything you do, do it with love.
Don’t worry about the little dramas. They’re not important. Just be happy and stay true to yourself. Never change who you are just to fit in someone else’s life. Don’t put up with being disrespected. Don’t build walls to keep everyone out. Just build a picket fence so that others can still pass by and see your beauty. And know your worth. You are so smart, but you still have so much to learn. Stay focused on your goals. Stay happy! Stay humble! Stay you!
Don’t worry !!!
You got this!
Your older self.

Dear little one,

I know it’s been hard for you. All this time has passed, and you do not know what has happened. I smile, caressing your soft cheek and wiping the tears from your lonely eyes. Let me tell you what happened and what we should have done in certain cases. Most of the time, Ma was right, and we needed to listen to her. Oh, but that stubborn little head of ours, we think we know what’s best. We don’t. I pick you up and place you on my lap, and then I already know the first question you will ask. “What happened to our eye?” I sigh and pat your head. It was our own self-loathing and self-sabotage ways. We were supposed to keep track of it, to always put our drops on. “Put your drops on,” Ma always says, and when I moved out with Mama, I stopped doing it.

I know what you’re going to say, “Why?” and frankly, I cannot for the life of me figure out what happened. I’m scared of not being able to see, not being able to draw or write anymore, and then I do this? We could have had our eyes fine until we were old, but no, my self-sabotaging ways had to get in the way. I started fine, driving everywhere, and going to work, and then gradually the darkness overwhelmed me. Then I went blind in my left eye. They would have left it in if it wasn’t for the glaucoma making it throb and hurt because, you know, insult to injury. A surgery to stop the pain only for it to get worse to the point they just decided to take my eye. As I sit here and look at you, I realize that it hasn’t even been 6 months since the surgery. How am I dealing with it? I place that fake smile that we are known for and just carry on. I got a prosthetic, and people can’t even tell it’s fake. Of course, we feel sad, and I know I need to go to therapy and trust me, it is well needed. I didn’t get married around my 20s like we thought (but who am I kidding in this dating pool? Right?) no kids and a good thing too, found out with all that sleepiness back growing up that it was narcolepsy. Whatever happens, just know we are working towards our dreams and we are never giving up.

We lost a lot of friends along the way, but the ones that stayed are the real ones, the ones we cherish the most. My heart aches for the loneliness and depression you’ll go through, but that only made us tougher and more aware of the world.

Don’t you worry, little one, it’s not all bad. We’ve met wonderful people too. One in particular is a wonderful soul. We connect on another level, even if the age gap is big. She makes us laugh, and sometimes cry with the emotional things they say. She gave us confidence about our art, ourselves, and everything we do. She will live on in my heart. We’ve met friends, and even though we were scared to, we found some love in others even if the time was short. Time is fleeting, and I know you’re worried we will not live past the age of 30 or that we will never have kids or fall in love. But I’m here to say to you that it’s not always going to be as it’s planned. Learned about myself, to say the least. My dreams and ambitions are more important than silly things to worry about like husbands and kids. Our love grows, and being an artist has taught me I could leave my mark in this world with beautiful art or even with the stories I love to work on. Don’t sell yourself short, little one, our art is unique in its ways, and there may be times when we think it’s worth nothing, but I’m here to tell you to think like that because I have become a part of my work, and I believe it is beautiful, just like me. I place you down from my lap and watch that frown turn into an unsure smile, but I know you got this as I watch you run into the world known as our future.

Oh, child you are and so were you a child
I suppose you would know that lasts but a while
And the past will creep up and your eyes will hang down
And you’ll fasten life up by passing the worst of you down
So here I tell you some now and you hold it yesterday
That years may be harsh and foul, and still, you must stay
One day you’ll bleed and that stain marks you fresh
Be careful, take heed the wolves smell of your breath
And they come bearing gifts, and they come like your friends
And you will follow the rest, every trend and river bend
But follow only the drum, the beat of your own heart
Because rivers can drown, and wolves can tear you apart
You’ll spend hours each day trying to sew a new self
And then tuck bottles of aged tears on your mahogany shelf
But that should not frighten or stir you a heap
There are far better sheep to stumble whilst you are asleep
When the sun takes it breath and kisses your cheek
Reminding you each day will be no different from last week
And you will carry yourself as you burden your feet and your back
Trying to make coins for your home by doing mediocre tasks
So, engulf yourself in something, to free your mind of this plight
For the revolving door spins, circling you like shark carrying spite
Imagine your castle without knowing of the suffering outside
Like a drunken Marie Antoinette who trades spades for her pride
It is far easier to swallow a pill than what reality can grant
But one day, a computer will market it, call it a repackaged brand
And your greige kind of lifestyle can be copied and sold
Your soul can be bought and shipped, and your ambition placed on hold.
Your lovers will share lovers and your friends are the phases
Your skin and organs keep records, but your mind just erases.
The letters in boxes are not letters this time
Just reminders of balances and outstanding fines
The eggs are not cracked for baking activities little child
They are prepared as a meal and need to last for a while
And if you find yourself slipping and becoming quite unhinged
Remember that hospitals are for purging and prisons for binge
So, look up in the mirror and have the reflection tell you each day
What your mind wants to lie on so you will continue to play
The play that is life, choose any piece and any path
But know once you choose there is no going back.
But to you dear child, the less seasoned version of me.
Do not worry or bury your head to protect your fragility.
For you see, I will carry myself in you, and fight what monsters I can
I have seen me in my past, be the only one to hold my own hand
I will cry with you and laugh with you and drink with you all night
I will only separate if you feel degraded, but know that it’s all right
Life will always do what life does, it folds time, bends rules and breaks hearts.
Do not worry about it because, one day it will end before the rest of it starts.

You’re the leaf of a tree that’s tall beyond measure,
a heart that yearns for the sky.
Know then that a man who conquers his pleasures, 
will encourage his dreams not to die.
 
I know you can’t keep your head from the clouds,
but at least keep your feet on the ground.
Tune into the world and notice the sounds,
for through your struggle will meaning be found.
 
The song of your being is tied to your virtue,
be wise with your dreams and keep up with your work due.
Balance the self and no one can hurt you,
achieve what you may ere the realm we return to.
 
Physical prowess calms the mind,
the spirit follows, a bodily rhyme.
Focused energy of the divine,
creates in you a glorious shine.
 
There’s grace in being, a natural beauty, 
practice the posture of might.
Unlocking You is the primary duty,
ever-growing toward Light.
 
A student of life and the stories that guide us,
what priceless wisdom our studies can buy us,
compounding thoughts since Younger Dryas,
authoring words that still define us.
 
Connect to what’s real, what essence exists,
experience love and true selflessness.
Open yourself to seeing the gifts,
of being a human, with consciousness.
 
Have your days of peregrination,
required of you – the human vocation,
Man’s quest for harmonization,
to live, to follow where melodies take him.
 

With a heart of adversity, we rise,
With faith as our compass, guiding our skies.
A remarkable journey, woven with grace,
A story of resilience, in life’s embrace.

Listen, little ME, to Maya’s voice,
As her spirit ignites, we find our choice.
In the waiting room, where courage is found,
Our story unfolds, with a resounding sound.

“Mountains Can’t Rise Without Earthquakes,” we both wrote,
Our memoir of triumph, where hope took note.
Through abandonment’s sting and violence’ plight,
We emerged, stronger, in love’s pure light.

In her words, our pain finds release,
As our own pen like Maya’s weaves a melody of peace.
With unwavering spirit, we faced the unknown,
At fourteen, homeless, but never alone.

Our faith, a beacon, steadfast and true,
In God’s embrace, we found strength anew.
Through trials and tears, we persevered,
Our spirit unyielding, our purpose clear.

For Maya taught us, in her timeless way,
That the human spirit can rise, come what may.
With each earthquake we faced, we grew,
Mountains emerged, and dreams came true.

So, dear younger self, worry not, my dear,
Maya’s inspiration whispers, ever near.
In the moment’s of faith, find God and rest,
For the future is held, by God’s loving chest.

Let our story inspire, empower the soul,
As the spirit of Jesus takes its toll.
With resilience and hope, we’ll pave the way,
And touch lives, as Maya did, day by day.

In the rhythm of life, with Maya’s embrace,
We find strength, courage, and endless grace.
Our worries, we release, for God holds the key,
With Maya’s inspiration, we soar, wild and free.

You have dreams that you think constantly about,
Hoping spontaneity is something you live out.
You meditate on the future,
To the point you drive yourself into a stupor.
You can’t think straight,
Because your worries have a heavy weight.
Everyday you strive to your goals,
And everyday the finishing line continues to roll.
You take a step, and your feet are caught in a web.
You fall, you stumble, you choke, you croak.
You scream, you cry, you moan, you whine.
You stress about all the things that could go wrong,
Not knowing that if you just go, it won’t be long.
You have to walk through the fire and bathe in the dirt.
Sleep in the woods and wear the same shirt.
The journey is hard and tiresome too,
But if you keep going I know what God will show you.
He will show you what he can do for you,
He will grow flowers everywhere it hurts, too.
Cleanse the dirt from your life,
And make you as sharp as the edge of a knife.
You have dreams that you think about constantly,
& if you trust in Him he will deliver you from this economy.
“Seek the Kingdom of God and all things will be added to you.”
This verse is why your worries should be few.
Focus on the journey and forget the stress.
Skip through daisies and think less.
Your going to make it to the finishing line, I know that for sure.
Remember to live in the moment and never let life become a blur.

All these thoughts spinning me lies
Wringing me out and leaving me dry
Blinded by the blackened skies
Shadows and haunts creeping by
What- ifs and worries cloud my eyes

Eating me through from the inside out
Chewing me raw giving me doubt
Like termites in a log, gluttonous they flout.
Stewing in stench as rotting trout
Smothered in silence I can’t scream or shout

Hurricanes and stabbing rains
Try to tell myself it’s all in feign
These knotting pits drive me insane
Churning my stomach writhing in pain
Wish I could flush them down the drain

Driving safely down the street
Intrusive thoughts that can’t be beat
I should be dead, no reason to be
No right to cry or even to breathe.
Hit the gas, then swerve into the tree.

Is it real or make believe?

Drowning, twisting, squirming, tight
Tingling, torture, stinging, fight

Biting, choking, scorching, spite
Dead-end turns, endless plight
Waste of time, waste of might

It’ll be ok, I’ll be alright.

I wish I had seen; I wish I believed
truthfully
You have no power over me!

Dear little Willow,
I know you’re not Willow yet, but we will find our name later and it will finally feel good to be called by the name we chose. We are learning to dance through life in a way that we love, and don’t need to be trapped in those made up boxes we thought we had to fit into. Some people still expect that or try to push us into their mold, but not the people who really matter. There are people who accept and celebrate how wonderfully unique we are, as we live authentically. We learn to love our body by decorating it, and being playful and creative with our body, space, and the way we go through life. And of course we’re still in artist, we actually become a professional artist just like we’ve dreamed. People love what we make enough to pay for it, to bring it home and put it on their walls and tables. We found a way to make eating food more bearable, even pleasurable, by using pretty dishware made by us or other artists we connect with. We teach pottery, and have gotten to teach friends and become friends with students. We have so many wonderful friends and connections. People who love and inspire us and witness us for all we are. Your creativity, your unique, your passion is all beautiful. Hang in there, be kind to yourself and others, it gets so much better.
I love you,
Willow
5/22/2024

Knees rug-burnt on the carpet
praying for freedom one day
in your high school body
and your high school face
caked with wet mascara
searching for someplace
that is home
but where is home?
Will you ever know what that is?
You don’t belong here
so you thought:
“I belong nowhere.”
No wine to quench
how parched you are
for acceptance
so hungry
for independence
you thought you were praying to god
but you were praying to me.
As the creator of your destiny—
how rich you life will be.
In your woman body
with your woman face
my god
my force
how gorgeous is your vessel now
to grow into your soul
reaching up into the sky
like redwoods, sycamores—
ever-growing so divine.
Embrace your unbelonging
so much, that you’ll belong
to everyone and
everywhere like
wind and air and water
and I heard your sobs of yearning
egg-shaped on the floor
begging for some glimmer
some proof that there is more
but you need this storm
to crack you open
you need this pain
you need disaster
so you can bring those shards together.
The pointy pieces hurt, I know
like countless shrapnel splinters
but bit by bit
you’ll dig them out
and fill the wounds with earth…
when harvest comes,
you’ll be so humbled
by how much it was worth
and instead of praying
to a man-made god
for the shackles to release—
the world folds with all your thanks
as you bring it to its knees.

1 day, 24 hours, 1,440 minutes, and 86,400 seconds
Time filled with choices to make
Tick, tock time never stops
Not for you, not for me, not for anyone

Anxiety takes over my body, making me frightened of everything
Freeze activated full swing
Yet my mind still runs at a very high pace
Tick tock, time never stops
Not for you, not for me, not for anyone

I face the reality, I can’t make my future if I’m stuck in my past
If I do, my future me will never truly last
I stop, I breathe, I face, and I fight

Fixation never fixed any situation
Yet goals must be made to move onward and upward
In this moment is where I choose to be
To focus on my choices to make me a better version of me

Opportunities pop up on the move
Hence why worrying is disapproved
Tick tock I stopped paying attention to the clock
Happier me and opportunities are finally unblocked

Jess, dry your eyes. Don’t let the haters dim your light. The negative things they say about you are a myth. Realize now that you are worthy just because you exist. That chick who sees you in the hall, who laughs and glares, she like many others cannot handle that you’re rare. Don’t let them get to you. Stop believing that you need to morph into someone else. They’re no authority on who you should be. They don’t know or love themselves. You’ve always been a fighter since before you were born. Abused in the womb, three months early you debuted, nurses held you and were forlorn. You’ll learn to light that spark in you and turn it into a flame. Your story will bring others hope, the battle won’t be in vain. Hang in there. It may feel at times like your darkest hour. If only you knew, the struggle is real; AND, so is your power.

Because there is no effort that will un-harm you
an open heart does not disarm you
there are only lessons, and those are love too
there is only love, what you are left with, is you
we are waiting for nothing, and the fears we cannot fight
only face, stop running. Be still from your flight.
just sit down and stretch
be the ripple that is self
you have always been water
you have will always be wealth