there is always more
of you to love

this month i learned to throw a punch
with painted nails from girls who loved
to yell and sing covered in blood
and huff and cry to feel enough
of who we are beneath these gloves
we sang “let it
go”
to card games and birthday cakes
to your forks and my plates
with « green light » in the background
the porch’s bulb, the dancing
sound, the alarm to cower
if you burn a witch

can i have this dance
called theatre, kids
too tipsy to know the rules
when the cards are dealt
on coffee spills
and yet cackles abound

hidden crunch bars in pockets
whipped cream on faces
drama we missed
drawn out banter
all a new good place
yoghurt, flavor of the year
only marks the clock’s ticks
i was never ready to get
on that plane when I lent you my polo
i spun in that chair like a ‘coaster
to stop the spilling of spirits
to guard this tender ticker

this place showed me
how to find more to love in

waffles and berries and potato soup
and essays that taught us to punch
holes in bags of delicate lies
reveal a world of shared desires
in the sunshine that rays from our lips
and the leisure with which we exist
together
expanding with
each forehead kiss, my third
carry-on premonitions
until our next collision

I asked myself, is this real?
this day is truly coming true.
the day where we both step on the podium and look at each other in the eyes,
while we listen to someone else tell us that this is a forever bond,
is this truly happening?
are we truly becoming one?
April 29th two years ago was the first time we kissed,
and on the 29th of 2023, our first kiss took place again,
but now as a married couple,
as a husband and a wife,
how dreamful it was to see your teary eyes,
in a moment where time froze as we held hands and gave each other our vows,
how fulfilling I felt,
watching you place the ring on my finger while smiling as a tear drop came down of those beautiful brown eyes.
How loved I felt when you kissed my hand, and the butterflies in my stomach danced at the rhythm of the pulse in your hands that accelerated when I placed my love in your ring finger,
I will never forget that special moment where the pastor said you may now kiss your wife,
and you looked at me with awe, and excitement and I just knew that this moment of us would forever remain in my heart,
as the day that my best friend and I chose to continue our friendship and created a marriage that might not be perfect,
but it is worth being in for the rest of our lives.

The day: Sun shining; Vibrancy surrounds.
Within me; a deep gloom, blocking the sun. Torturous thoughts, my demons, gnawing at my sanity and casting flesh to past buried bones. Taunting me with the sad memories of my distant childhood. This occurrence was not unusual in my life, and every time it happened I’d be furious with myself for allowing it to have so much power over me. “Why can’t I just let it go? It’s not happening anymore”. Is what I’d say to myself. But, something was different this time. I felt a call to dive in to this darkness- not to run away from the uncomfortable emotions but to be present for them. So, I invited the demon in. I sat with her, I listened as she told me her story, and why she was in so much pain- of the abuses she endured. The more I listened with compassion and love, the more she’d transform. I wiped her tears and caressed her hair. I told her that it wasn’t her fault, that she was safe now. I felt her rumblings calm into the warmth of the day, the light revealing to me what was not a demon at all, but a scared little girl- In need of the care and protection her parents failed to provide. And, from then on, that’s what I gave her.