PHOBOS

Dear Phobos,

I felt you trickle down my spine like the first heat wave of the summer sun’s rays.

The same warmth that kissed my pale flesh in the morning glow in every year since my birth.

I sensed your lingering touch like that of my mother’s lips against my brow, as she checks to see the rhythm of my chest.

I taste your sweet wonders with every bite of ripe fruit, decadent chocolate.

I see you my wife’s eyes every night before we fall asleep. Her soft voice, a siren’s call to my dreams, luring me into rest. Another second closer to the eternal end.

Phobos is my friend. He is my father, carrying me to bed as a child again. Phobos is my steady hum of music in the air. Phobos is my friend in a new body, showing me the wonders of life and thereafter.

My Phobos, my fear is to forget.

I fight this fear daily. With every moment I gain, I lose another second of life. I am not afraid of death. I am not afraid of life. I am afraid to forget the memories and moments I created, so I make more and more hoping that I will forget…

My fear

(T) 100% style score

As this year closes and yet another one opens
Not sure where to place all this wishin and hopin
Been through the wringer – stuck on survivin and copin
My therapy is written words and those spoken:
All the trauma leaking through my paper plate
Weakening from the all this added weight
Decaying matter past expiration date
Molding, polishing it to verse and bemoan my fate
Freestyle poems to make my flow first rate
Songs of strength, social justice and challenging hate
Lofty ideals and platitudes are great…
But, I witness multitudes of micro and macro aggressions
Many met with uncomfortable silence and hesitations
Past scenarios flash in my front of my eyes
And I try to forgive myself all the botched tries
All the times I thought to speak was unwise
Considering my job threatened and other reprisals
When I could challenge rivals and facilitate soul revivals
Next year, I must develop this skill
holding others accountable cause no one else will
Gotta live the truth that I wanna create
And find something to bolster my paper plate

The excuses are old, it is time to be bold,
as the new year makes its debut.

Wipe away your tears, celebrate with cheers,
today we start our goals anew.

Every step of the way, you are going to be okay,
if you truly believe it to be.

Never stop striving, one day you will be thriving,
And the whole world will flock to see.

Today marks the beginning, don’t dream about the ending,
Because the magic is in the journey.

Yesterday is over, the due date is in October,
This book will be my testimony.

There were troubling times, and halted strides,
That came between my goals and I.

When my name is stamped, my success can set up camp,
And I can burn my mark in the sky.

Encouragement is needed, to prevent becoming defeated,
I pray all self-doubt away.

New opportunities close, your writing exposed,
If you keep the depression at bay.

Try every single day, like it’s your last card to play,
And the provisions will be plenty.

You already know, that once you go,
You are going to be the rawest in the city.

Fire photography, stunning cinematography,
Beyond the horizon your success looms.

I believe in you, damn who thinks it’s true,
Your business WILL boom.

Visions will turn reality, all due to your originality,
My dreams will make my name a brand.

End of twenty-twenty five, my dreams will be alive,
And it will be time to expand.

New year, new me?
This year I will,
This year I will do it,
Class number 3,
Class number 4,
Class number 5,
But do I do this for you or for me,
Share the word they say,
But share the love not always word,
Share the love through the work,
Do not judge,
Finish and show,
Show them you can do it,
Show the polished ones,
We can fight to be there too,
Claw to the top and share the word through work,
Show the world what it means,
Fight for the little guy,
Together we stand,
Side by side,
I am one,
Alone but not forgotten,
We are strong,
We can fight,
I will finish,
I will become a Deaconess,
I will continue to bring the light,
I will continue to shine through the mud,
I will continue to show that we are worthy of love,
Love are the least and the lost.

I have spent much time creating lists;

One for goals, one for wishes, and one for expectations missed. 

I have decided to leave those lists behind;

moving into 2025 more aligned.

Instead, I shall covet each spring blossom,

thawing the winter’s solemn.

Finding peace in the moments when the sun rises in the east; 

And with it, the warmth of the sun unleashed. 

Attending nature’s symphony, as the wind whispers through the leaves;

Uncovering a profound simplicity where peace and stillness weave.

Seeking glimmers of humanity, 

in order to restore my sanity. 

I will not spend much time creating lists;

Instead, I will seek life’s apricity where my soul can persist.

2025, this is my goal
Stay 10 toes down and not fold

What’s my goal
Not to let life’s challenges take control

I won’t be shaken
I’m moving forward, don’t be mistaken

I’ve got my own path
Launching my biz-you do the math

Thirty-two years in this game
Now it’s time to shift the frame

No more listening to that corporate voice
I’m gonna make my own choice

God gave me the sign, now’s is the time
No more sitting back, it’s time to climb

I’m walking by Faith and not by sight
My Trust in God will guide me right

No time to second guess, I’m all about delivering success

I’ve planted the seeds, now I’m waiting on the leads

This is my passion
I’m your Travel Advocate

Taking care all your travel needs
Exceptional customer service is guaranteed

I’m not anxious or greedy
My motto is “Making Travel Easy”

You want to know my goal for 2025
Watch me soar and see my vibe

My Goal don’t you know
I’m living in the overflow

Please accept my submission for the writing challenge due 1/16/2025. Thank you
carolyn

DIETER’S PLIGHT

Help me, friends, make me trim,
Let me enjoy milk that’s skim.

Hide the rolls and extra butter,
Even though I may mutter.

Pass the eggs, forget the jelly.
I don’t want a big fat belly.

Give me juice and cottage cheese.
Take away the ice cream, please.

Close my mouth, seal it tight,
Keep those candies out of sight.

Shut my eyes so I won’t see
All that food that’s tempting me.

I will get thin; I will get thin.
The battle of pounds I must win,

Or else I’ll have to give away,
The size 3 dress I bought today!

Start of the new year, time to set some new goals,

What do I want? Most of all to be whole:

Being wholly holy, tending to my soul.

Choosing to engage instead of to scroll,

Stepping more wholeheartedly into this role,

As a beam of bright stardust, wonderfully made,

As a light in the darkness, dispersing the shade,

As a brilliant blade of grass, yet part of the glade,

Rising and dying, and never afraid,

Finding my center while the wheels spin around,

Saving space for silence amidst all of the sound.

Speaking to my maker with each morning sun,

Giving praise likewise when each day is done.

Knowing I’ve come far yet only begun,

Knowing I’ve fallen, and also, I’ve won.

Remembering my weakness is what makes me strong,

Minding my missteps while moving along,

Being a being so wondrous and bold,

Willing my blood to turn my heart into gold,

Remembering the hurts that I bear and I give,

Believing that love and forgiveness always outlive

The sorrow, the shame, the fear blocking joy

Those demons and dangers who drive to destroy

Our peace, our connection, the sameness we share,

Our communities, closeness, and hearts full of care.

This is the call, that’s the bar, and it’s set high,

But I can do it, yes, I believe I can fly.

So long as I’m strong, and remember my why,

So long as I give this livin’ a try,

I can get past all falls and visit the sky,

Get there real high, where all wonders I’ll spy,

Posted above, view like the bird’s eye.

That’s the place
where I’ll see all of space,
And I’ll remind myself…

To bring healing to my wounds, and tend other’s hearts,

To strive continually to play my small part,

To speak, to write, to sharpen my arts,

To create, to play, take it back to the start,

To remember the wonder, of life as it dawns,

To make my young self into my icon.

To soak it all in, each moment I get,

To remember where I come from, never forget,

To fully and freely release my regret,

To put all my money on myself for a bet,

Not to gain profit, but to be sure to set

My eyes on the horizons, and also to let

Myself know my worth, so I can give it to others,

To sacrifice self for these sisters and brothers.

To recognize the gift that is the druthers.

All in all, I anticipate with hope all this year may bring,

And with this poem, I throw my hat in the ring!

I come from broken windows, broken doors, and broken domes.

I come from broken hearts, broken trust, and broken homes.

I come from broken words, just trying to help the children sleep at night,

Hoping that my careful words were not completely lies.

I can’t believe I’m still alive,

Scars like poems written from the night,

I can see from the fire burning in my eyes,

There are still stars in my sky.

Year two thousand and twenty-five,

I want to come home to fixing drywall, fixing leaks, and fixing lights,

I want to come home to fixing the pieces that were broken all my life,

I’ll tell the children to hush now, that they can close their eyes,

I’ll sing them quiet poems and make up lullabies.

I come from making mischief, making fun, making trouble.

Since I was the second child, trouble turned to double.

Silly lies, secret spies, cherry pies, and starry skies,

I didn’t understand this world, but I didn’t care to try.

I come from faded paint, faded wood, and faded jeans.

I come from faded hopes, faded wishes, and faded dreams.

I come from faded pictures, never as colorful as they seem,

My parents as faded as the promises they didn’t intend to keep.

Year 2025 I want to repaint my life, too long it’s been so blue.

This year I will not dwell, I want to become something new,

My child has so many dreams that I will never crush or bruise,

My child has so many gifts that I will never hide or use,

I hope the only thing that will fade will be her smile as she falls asleep,

I hope the colors in her world will always be hers to keep.

I come from the darkness, catching in my throat like thick pounds of smoke,

But I have caught my breath and spoken: “I am not a fucking joke.”

I will take steps every day to making everything okay.

My only goal for 2025 is that this year I will finally be awake.

100%

Dear Self-Doubt,
I hope this letter reaches you at your worst, I know you remember me. I refuse to begin this letter with warmth and love. There are no season greetings to be received because there was no joy or celebration when you were around. The cloud of darkness you had invited on my journey, without my authorization had made my vision almost blurry. Self-doubt you sat on my shoulders weighing me down like an animal chained to the floor. You’d constantly force my head to turn in the direction you saw fit but, for yourself. Selfishly you’d push my well-being to the side just so you could shine causing my once vibrant light to become dim. You’ve shut the doors on my ideas leaving me on the other side franticly looking for the knob to break free, but you destroyed the handle causing my creativity to grow cold and my ideas to scatter across the floor. The opportunities that I knew I could have, that I should have!

Wait…I don’t see why I am even writing this. I know with my temperament I should take it easy, but I just had to let you know self-doubt you’ve had me stuck for so long. I blame myself for it all, you were my solace. Welcoming you in thinking that there would be some type of benefit, but the only gain was loss of self. I began thinking it was something normal, I had already accepted my fate. I was willing to let my dreams die because I feared you. The dark cloud you walked around with you locked it in the room with me and so it remained. It was fixated on me while I glared at the door hoping you’d come back to save me like you did before, but this time you didn’t.

Like a caged bird I needed to break free; I needed that light to shine on me even if it meant shining on me for the last time. Self-doubt you kept doubting my ability to be accepting of change. Unbeknownst to you I had a trick up my sleeve, I knew your weakness. I knew you’d try to convince me that it was safer to stay hidden and put, but this time I promised myself I wouldn’t believe you. My resilience still hadn’t failed me at that moment, so I took the chance. I didn’t give you enough time to alter my train of thought. I reclaimed my spot as the conductor. That’s when I realized how small you were, I was sure I could make it through this journey without you. Self-doubt, you only mattered as much as I let you. At that moment I realized you mattered nothing to me at all. That dark cloud became the smoke I left behind because I was now stations ahead refusing to look back. You were now left all alone like you had me. My creativity and ideas danced their way back and I promised them that doubt would never play a part in the making of myself ever again.

Self-doubt I no longer fear you, I haven’t for a long time now. But, without you, I wouldn’t have known the strength I harbored. There is so much beauty in my mind and the creativity that flows through my fingers is something magical I wish you could see it, but then again, I don’t. It took me allowing you to bring me to my lowest for me to realize that I could no longer allow you to alter the outcome of my success. Self-doubt I do not wish you well, but I thank you. Just so I don’t forget there is no address or phone number for us to keep in touch because you don’t deserve that, you never did. I want you to read this letter and be engulfed with guilt and regret. I know this letter will play tug of war with your peace, for a fact you will lose, there’s no doubt of that.

Yours Truly

For 25′ I want to be AL(I)VE;
AL(I)VE in my fullest expression without self-suppression;
In 24′ I learned a great many lessons;
I was hesitant to embrace SO(U)L and L(I)GHT and as a result I was the culprit behind the robberies of my opportunities and blessings;

I left things undone, continuously making a bigger mess;
Yet I accomplished , more or less, just not at the level that I desired;
At times I questioned whether or not I was equipped with enough willpower because I often found myself dropping the ball when it mattered most;

A light shines bright inside that EYE was blind to too, not just the ones EYE wanted to really see me;

But how could EYE expect others to see me if I didn’t fully utilize the courage to truly be me;

L(I)FE starts through a single spark;
From a spark I came and a spark I AM;
I desire to know what it means to be AL(I)VE in 25′;
I no longer want to hide what’s (I)NSIDE;
So that spark within, that spark that I AM, I set ablaze until my entire being is engulfed in flame;

My only goal in 25′ and in L(I)FE is to experience the L(I)GHT that fills my world when I choose to shine

!This letter contains harsh language!

To My Uncertainty,
Fuck you, you don’t control me. I have waded through oceans of doubt before and come out stronger. The seeds that you plant in my beautiful garden only wither and die because roots cannot take hold because of the tending I have so carefully done to let these blooms thrive.
To My Anxity,
You can also kindly fuck off. There is nothing for me to worry about because though every thing life has given me, I have only learned to adapt and do better. How to care for myself when feelings of being unloved and unlovable consume me. When I feel like I am a failure and a burden to though around me — Though I know I am not. That I can lean on my family and friends to carry me through the hard times. That I can try new things and be excited and not fearful of failure.

I don’t fear. I expect someone to judge me for how I look, act, using my mobility aid (or not). My fear manifests as your anxiety, a stronger, more powerful fear. It isn’t how can I overcome it’s how can I manage and push forward. You have been a part of me all my life. In ways, I thank you for protecting me, but now it is time to FUCK OFF. I want to live my life. Going out with my boyfriend and connecting with the monster drag community is something I want to do. I want to work on my writing and not wonder will spend all that money and a very stressful two years worth it.
You know Alicia very well and I think you like her because you let me tell her about things. I remember when that wasn’t quite the case. We have grown, but there is so much more we can do this year. Like, next month for the Monsters in the Making drag show. We can absolutely kill it, you heard Churb and the others. I am a born performer there is nothing to worry about and there will be so many people there
cheering me on. Use the fear to work that stage.
Writing is a more side thing, but there is this book. It’s only a quarter way done. I want to finish it. I think it is really good but anxiety gets in the way and says I need to have something steady to make money. My head is my worst enemy. I love writing. I know I can make a good story, but a first book doesn’t pay student $48,000 of student loans. But fuck getting a 9-5, Dolly said it best. “They never give you credit” I have worked so many jobs not getting the recognized like I should and writing will let me get that. Plus, it is a creative outlet for the millions of crazy ideas in my head.

Anxiety, I know, can help me get to my goals. It’s not just a bad thing, it’s a survival tool we all have. The key to meeting goals and overcoming intense fears is transforming anxiety from enemy to friend. Medication and a good therapist also help a lot too. It is also challenging to lean into change with anxiety and ADHD; consistency helps calm the mind. With the help of Alicia, I have been more willing to go out and try new things, more so now than in the past. Especially after losing my last job. “I trust fear. Fear exists for one purpose: to be conquered.” – Capt. Janeway.
I often find myself thinking of this and the one quote by Teddy Roosevelt, but I like Captain Janeway better. She is a kick ass woman of a starship who beat the Borg and got her crew through unknown space. She wasn’t afraid to run into the battle for the sake of her crew and, just overall, she’s a badass. I want to be more like her.

Ilkanic
They/them
Style score: 81%
—

Dear 2025,

Hello, there! It’s me, Heather. A woman who each year has so many dreams and goals to accomplish for the new year ahead. A woman that always walks with her head held high and mind set to open. The woman who each year makes a personal goal to better herself. Intellectually and sentimentally. This year though, it’s more about health and taking care of the body in a physical matter.

This year, I want happiness. Not just for my outer layer, but for my internal layer as well.
I want laughter. Not just from social media or television, but from reality. From sincere places.
I want clarity. Not just from words from others that are relatable, but from my mind and soul.
I want adventure. Not just with familiar faces, but with just mine and the open road.

2025, it’s you vs. me.
Your experiences vs. my courage.
Those reminders you send out vs. my achievements.
It’s your arms with the fastballs vs. my open arms, ready to catch those throws.

2025, I’m ready for your experiences.
Ready for your daily reminders.
I’m ready for your fastballs.

I. Am. Ready!

Writing style: 100%

What are my goals for 2025?

To dig my toes into the sandswept shores of the Pacific Ocean

To feel gentle waves breaking and the cool water against my sun-tanned skin

To see sunsets with colors that can only be matched in Heaven.

To sip Cabernet in a Californian vineyard while a sommelier teaches me and my sisters about the wine we are drinking and how it was made.

To see the Golden Gate Bridge in all it’s grandeur

To explore underground caves taking in the beauty of stalactites and stalagmites

To watch seals as they lazily sunbathe as the waves crash around them

To take in the sights, sounds, colors, and culture of California.

To be carefree and in the present moment with the ones I love.

To snuggle up so close to them that I can hear each beat of their heart

To soak in every moment

To travel

To achieve these results will take sacrifice

It will require saying some “no’s,” so I can ultimately say “yes” to time with my family

Will take a re-evaluating of my spending habits

Will require learning to distinguish a “want” from a “need”

Will teach me different ways to save.

This year my goal is to be financially responsible so that I can spend the thing that is most precious

Time with my family and those I love.

The unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. It sounds so matter of fact and easy to avoid. But most humans, not all, live most of their life based on fear. It is a sad fact that we rarely examine in our own lives unless we have suffered enough in order to do so.

Fear is one of the most potent emotions that may either paralyze humankind or drive us toward evolution and change. I currently want to choose the higher roads. I’ll admit that there are still things I do that are anxiety-driven, and I am destined never to be pure perfection. However, from my standpoint, failure or forfeiture is not an option. It never should have been that way, but sometimes people quit, give in, or just collapse.

Anyhow, my fears won’t win anymore. They will always exist, but once you can differentiate rational vs. non rational and persevere through obstacles in your life, you become more powerful. Confidence, clarity and mindfulness can go a long way. I hand my fears over to something greater and more powerful than myself daily. It keeps me humble and reliant on my faith.

I now own a metaphorical tool belt and toolbox. It comes with me everywhere I go. I add more and more tools to it as life goes along. Things that used to be baffle me beyond control, or cripple me, are now being handled with more ease. Things that I would never attempt, I’m now doing. Not only am I doing, I’m accomplishing.

With my tool collection, motivation, and consistency, I’m on the path towards tranquility and a greater degree of happiness than ever before. I don’t plan on reversing my ways now. So, after all the torture for so many years, I won’t mourn you. I will only remember you so I can explore further into the depths of my soul. I won’t cry for you or miss you. Will only think of you, then dismiss you! For now, goodbye fear.

I made a pact with the mirror one day,
To stop hiding my dreams, to clear the way.
Pen to paper, my soul I’d bare,
Not just for me, but for others out there.

For the foster youth who feel unheard, I’ll give them a voice, I’ll honor their word.
A guide, a light, to show what’s due, to teach them the power of “I deserve too.”

This blog, this space-it’s more than a goal,
It’s the healing of hearts, the mending of souls.
A place where stories rise and thrive,
Proof that every struggle means we’re alive.

I write my truths, I ink my fears,
Short stories, poems-through blood, through tears.
I signed a contract, sealed with resolve,
to grow through creation, to steadily evolve.

They say I’m late, but I know my pace,
Dreams ain’t a race, it’s a journey to grace.
Even blooms in winter can break through the frost,
No time is wasted, no dream is lost.

So here I stand, a see reborn,
A life once frayed, now no longer torn.
For those who need hope, I’ll always scream:
Even the late bloomer can chase their dream!

Facing the Fear That Drove Me
I do not remember when you first arrived in my life. Sometime between the death of my mother and the first time my father beat me, you took up residence in my rib cage. My protector, you swept in—deigning to save me from a punishing world where those who should have loved me stole my safety and dignity for the smallest of mistakes. I want to invite you to explore a new world with me.
I have so much compassion for you, Fear. We were six years old and trying to save my life, keep belts off my skin, keep my bones in all their rightful places. That was too big a task. After all, you were only a child. We have been carrying that weight all these years.
Since your arrival, you have been the hardest worker I have ever known, immersing yourself in the endless pursuit of being good—good enough. To achieve this, you developed rigorous standards by scrutinizing our environment—books, conversations, and examples—to determine who I needed to be. You made creative decisions to help me meet your standards. Rest was never an option—no days spent snuggling under the covers in bed.
I see how you believed in my ability to improve, grow, and, in doing so, become safe.
Thank you for your relentless dedication to keeping us safe. Your vigilance was born in a time when even the smallest mistakes had devastating consequences—when safety, food, and dignity were bartering chips.
When you came into my life, minor mistakes could jeopardize our safety—our bones, food, and identity—by those who should have loved us. You were only a child, so you believed them when they said that working harder would set us free and being better would keep us safe. You remain frozen in that place of trauma, still fighting battles that no longer exist. But while you have fought without rest, I have grown. It’s time for me to take the reins and chart a fresh path for both of us.
I know the truth now–nothing we did could have made us safer. When the world wants to hurt you, nothing you do can prevent that. Life doesn’t require avoiding or defeating every evil. The beauty, the fun, and the love exist despite the darkness and the pain.
My friend, you fear ceding your role, but I can keep us safe in more constructive ways these days. I’m not asking you to leave, Fear, but to transform. Your vigilance has served its purpose; now it can help us create something beautiful together.
The thread connecting me to my father, his monstrosity, and his humanity, is you, a product of his fallible human self. It’s time to release this thread, this legacy of fear passed down through generations.
It’s time to let you rest and take on a new role—one that turns us toward the sun, to the beauty and peace already around us. A role where you still search, scan, and look, but now use your creativity to help me thrive.
The new title: The Persistent Pursuit of Joy. I want you to seek the moments in life made of sweetness, brightness, and abundance—like the sun on my skin, my grandmother holding my hand as she tells me she loves me, or my husband kissing my forehead while I sleep. Use your creativity to find more joy, ease, and love. Place me in the sunshine so I can open my ribcage and fill my whole chest with the warm glow. Help me notice the beauty I’ve overlooked while trapped in the past.
Through your relentless protection, I survived, but through letting you evolve, I will thrive. Fear—or should I call you your new name, Pursuit—I am so excited to embark on this new journey with you.
Together, we will lie down the burdens of the past and step into a life filled with joy, peace, and possibility.

Style Score: 100%, Spelling 100%, Grammar 100%