Dear Past Me

“I want to tell you not to get lost in the petty things”- okay actually you know I just couldn’t resist finishing that with a Taylor Swift lyric but, girl you did do a really good job not getting lost in the petty things. I’m writing to you because I wanted to thank you for doing all the heavy lifting. I know it wasn’t easy-it gets really easy though. I know there were times when you doubted yourself, when you hesitated, when you didn’t trust your instincts. I know this letter finds you at a time where you feel a little lost, I want you to know you’re doing everything right and it works out. You’re learning to embrace the lost feeling and appreciate the journey. I think that may be the biggest thing you have left to learn-keep going. I take the lessons you learned with me every day and am grateful that you created me.
I know you don’t really know me yet, so let me tell you what all your hard work does and who you’re becoming. I am a recovering people pleaser- don’t roll your eyes at me- I am you, remember? Dude, I know that it is so hard to admit because it feels wrong. You have always been a strong hyper-independent woman- how could you possibly be a “people pleaser”? You can be and are both of those things. You’re kind, loving, empathetic, caring, patient, and love to build connections but, you got lost in that. You were so focused on connecting with others- you forgot to connect with yourself. I don’t do that anymore because of you.
I don’t take responsibility to regulate others emotions, I don’t excuse behaviors because I empathize with them, I make myself my first priority when making all decsions and best of all I don’t feel any guilt when I do this. Actually quite the opposite, I am very proud. I won’t lie. It does get rocky for you and some people in your life can’t handle this change. It may feel really hard but, those are the people who were taking advantage of your people pleasing abilities. As your therapist says “they smell it on you” and you’re good for people and make their life better so when you start to prioritize yourself those relationships shift. Now I only allow people in my life who love me for who I am not for what I do for them and that has cultivated an incredible community around me.
The relationships in my life are flourishing. I am surrounded by people who also prioritize themselves and understand that it is the least selfish thing you can do. They have their own passions, hobbies, creative endeavors, music tastes, book tastes etc. I know that I don’t have to love all of those things to love them and that they will still love me regardless. I am able to share the things I love with them, without fear of any judgment. They will listen to me talk about Taylor Swift and how I “share my fire” in dance class and encourage me- not because they love it too but because they love me and support me.
I believe people when they show me who they are. I especially believe them when they tell me who they are *coughs clearing throat*. Not naming names on who wouldn’t listen but, now I know when someone tells you five times by the second date that they’re an asshole don’t argue, they’re an asshole. That person was generous; most people don’t come out and tell you. I let people’s actions show me who they are; I listen, observe and react accordingly. I see things as they are in the moment, not for what they have the potential to be.
I don’t stifle myself to better fit in. It’s good that not everyone likes me. The most important person in the world loves me, is proud of me, finds me hilarious, we go on adventures, visit all the coffee shops, try new hobbies, reminds me I am safe and doing okay. It’s you; you’re the most important person in the world. I am because of you and I will always protect you.
So again I want to say thank you. Thank you for doing so much for me, because of you I am living life wholeheartedly. You learned the importance of living for yourself- and just by being you, you have changed the world. You embrace your fear, you are vulnerable, you are not afraid of failure, you share your story. Living this authentically catches on.

Love Always,
Future me

PS: I know I kept things very vague but, you’re still writing the story I’m not going to give away the ending!

Write A Letter To Your Future Self

Dear You,
Did you find yourself yet or are you still in that space of self-discovery that one can only get to after life has delt us the heaviest of cards? Did you ever learn how to grieve the sudden loses of the many you’ve loved or are you still finding escapes in food and work and sleep? I hope you finally found the courage to push for the goals you desire without the fear of failure, because as we sit now imposter syndrome still has a hold on us. What’s it like in the future? Has technology finally taken over? Has there been a revolution? Are you healthy?
To you who has been with me since the very beginning when we were still energy floating in the universe waiting for an opportunity to be something. I hope you have traveled the world and back and found pockets of home in foreign spaces. What concerts have you gone to? Are concerts still a thing in the future or is everything virtual? Do you still love vegan doughnuts like you do now or have you found a new dessert to crave? Are daisies your favorite flower or have you discovered a new plant to fond over. As we sit here now, I think about, have you finally bought a house yet? What new adventures have you had? How is the bookstore coming along?
To you in the future I hope that you are better at making decisions and have discovered more about the new you that has emerged from the grief, and pain, and heartbreak. I wonder if you and sister are still finding joy in all the chaos and make random excursions to find new food to break bread over because those moments of joy are special, and I hope that you have kept them. What’s it like being you in the time and space that you exist in now? Did you finally get your license because as I sit now where I am, it looks like driving anxiety is still kicking our butts. Did you ever learn how to manage your time or are you still overbooking yourself, because we both know that saying no has been our hardest sentence. However, I will say as we stand now, I am super proud of how far we’ve come. We have accomplished so much and made it so far. There are so many things we forget to celebrate that I hope you finally took the time to celebrate your wins, because I promise we ae learning that they are greater than their losses.
In the future I hope you are I hope you are going even harder than you are now for your goals because you deserve all the things life has in store for you. We are learning that we are worth every number of blessings that find their way into our spaces. We are learning that now, so I hope you are still learning that in the future we designed for ourselves.
Remember to write me back when this gets to you. Compare notes. See the comparisons of our lives then and now. Until this letter finds you my closest friend.

With Deep Love,
From Me, you, Us

Dear younger me,

I thought of you today, recalling the letters you have written to me, your future self. I remember and can feel the pains you are going through now. and I am sending you three wishes.

I know deeply your worries of the future. Worries of how you will make enough money to pay your bills, how you will build the life you want and how you can do all these and not disappoint your family. My first wish for you is to let go of the desires of others. The dreams your mother has for you and the future your father wants for you. The ideas your family has for your career to ensure stability and a life of safety and comfort. Their wishes are only for the best, but remember it is the best in their eyes, not yours.

You know what is best for you.

Trust yourself to do what is right for you even when you make mistakes. Success is found amongst the mess. Don’t try and keep your decisions clean and minimal. Dig into the box of your hopes, dreams, and ideas and try a few of them out; you’ll find the right one. Let go and enjoy the experience of making a mess. I can already sense your anxiety about this idea and I’m telling you- we made it just fine.

Another wish I’m sending you is to trust others, instead of expecting the worst from loved ones. I recall the lesson we were taught so long ago that has cut so deep, that the world is cruel and no one is to be trusted but us; yourself. But you’ve created a bond with a partner that has heard your deepest and darkest secrets and sees the truth of who you are and loves you unconditionally- the whole of you. Others can and will do that too, and you can share your love without fear. Build deep connections and let go of those that don’t work out. Send them love and accept that you were meant meet for a time, for growth, to learn and to move on. You will find the ones that are meant to stay.

My finally wish for you is to stay the dreamer. You have always been a big dreamer and yet you have been afraid for so long of what others will think; about the way you look, the way you act, what you eat and what you do. Others will always have something to say. Don’t let their thoughts and your fear allow them to take your dreams of writing, of creating an artist world that you can live in and share with the others. it’s ok to be afraid, take a breath and hold hands with your fear and work together towards your dreams.

I know it is scary to do what is right for you. Remember, we have chosen the right partner, we will find and choose the right path.

I love you. The whole of you, with all my heart.

I can’t wait to connect, in our future.

Love,