Suppressed inconsistencies. Unmatched premonition of self loathing and overwhelming destress. Patience steers the wheel of evolution and science fiction. Within belief I’m stricken. Pulsating convictions with immediate results. Camera shy actions of an insult. Take in criticism like a daily vitamin, with self love as your kryptonite and effective communication as a weapon of might, so use it wisely knowing that patience is working in your favor and is usually reciprocated, allowing for forgiveness which frees you from the intercepting vengeance of bondage, while building character, for joy should be effortless, so don’t just exist, live. 🫶🏿

Picture this. An 18 year old, high school senior being tasked to come up with a senior quote before they graduate. Seems pretty easy, right? Well, imagine you are an 18 year old senior in high school whose mind never stops creating stories, poems, and letters. My senior quote literally popped into my head on the way to school one morning. And I live by it every single day.

“Live Your Dreams and Never Give Up.”

What did you want to be when you grew up? A doctor? An astronaut? Maybe a police officer? When I was little, I always said I wanted to be a “typer girl” or a pediatric nurse. But, as I grew older, I realized that I really just wanted to be myself. I was always bullied and gossiped about in school whenever I stuttered during prayer before lunch or when my best friend and I had a secret handshake or when I said I love the Titanic (1997) film. From the music I love to sing to the company I keep, someone always had something to say about it. But, after so long, I learned to ignore those who didn’t like the real me and just focused on those who loved me for me. My advice to is: JUST BE YOU! I always introduce myself as a proudly weird person because I would rather just be myself than someone I’m not. So just remember, always be yourself and don’t ever let anyone tell you any different!

I’m a big guy,
But his hand swallowed mine whole
As he greeted me when we first met.
I would end up marrying his little sister.
As an only child,
I was thrilled to be part of a larger family,
Even if one of my brothers-in-law
Could crush me like a grape.
He was a mountain of a man
With a booming voice
And a hearty laugh.
A gentle giant living alone.
Never married.
Never dated much.
He certainly had friends,
But his family knew he wanted more.
A special someone
To ease his loneliness.
Not that I’m all that special,
But I should have done more with him,
As family and a friend.
Correction, anything with him.
I never reached out.
We were close to the same age.
I am sure we could have found common ground.
As I ruminate to the point of distraction,
My wife throws me a lifeline.
She mentions my career, children, friends, hobbies.
Although I had no time for her brother,
She suggests I wasn’t a bad guy.
Just busy.
She’s so sweet.
I’m fortunate she loves me.
I pretend to buy her argument
And return to my rumination.
When he got sick,
I finally did reach out
And took him to some of his appointments.
The doctors gave him time,
But they couldn’t give him health.
And then, poof!
He was gone.
Just like that,
Never to return.
Like a bad magic trick where the playing card,
Torn to pieces by the magician,
Never reappears whole again.
My brother-in-law left behind
Memories I consider incomplete,
For they should be more abundant and eventful.
Like the time we should have gone bowling,
Or to the movies,
Or just hung out together.
I’m grateful he left me something.
A lesson.
To reach out.
To connect.
To make memories.
To be a better friend.

Dear Pappy,
It has been 10.5 years since you left us for greener pastures and those golden, pearly gates were taught as children. You only knew me for about 6 years of the 15 years you knew your oldest child had adopted three little girls. By the time I knew your name, you had forgotten mine. Oh, how we miss you. We miss your laughs, your candy jar in your milk house, your coffee cups sitting in your truck and how you loved to play with the youngest children. I miss your stories back when you were younger. I miss you scaring us kids with your false teeth and I miss hearing you say “Now, I love you guys but, I don’t want you fighting.” I miss your kisses on my cheek every time I left your house and mostly, I just miss you. I hope you are taking care of your border collies up there and I hope you are proud of your kids, grandkids, great grandkids and the unborn great-great grandkids that are bound to come into our lives at some point. I wish I could have told you goodbye on your last night but, I know you are no longer in pain and you now know all of us, even those you never got to meet.
-Shay

Dearest readers,
Mozart once said “The music is not in the notes, but in the silence between.” And in the world we live in today, music is everywhere! It’s in the trees, when the birds sing, when the wind blows and even in big cities like NYC! I feel most at peace when I can hear music in my everyday life. I love trying to figure out the melodies in nature and I love trying to hear every day songs in those melodies also. Music has always been a huge part of my life and I hope it never goes away!!

The coo of a dove,
gently wakes me from my slumber,
I dreamt of laying near a babbling brook,
accompanied by a good book,
hoping the right direction is hidden somewhere in these pages.
The morning light,
lightly lifted my eye lids
asking me:
“Hey, are u ready to start the day?”
A day where the only demands needing to be met,
are that of being a good father .
That sounds like so much fun!
We can build a fort,
we can go to the park and run.
Then I remember the problems
I tried to pin inbetween
prelude and the exodus,
they started to seep out of the page.
My son’s laughter met my anxiety outside and said
“not today!”
What it did allow-
was a welcoming thought,
for me to be a kid again.
Watching him live his life with so much joy,
Made me realize that
I needed to heal my inner boy.

The current cacophony
currently singing through water,
opened the valves of my heart so my younger self and my son can play together.

“A Dream by the River.”

The Sunlight was very jealous of our smiles,
The Breeze stopped for a second
to enjoy our laughter,
The Grass welcomed the
weight of our weightlesness,
It felt our heartbeat with every step,
then we layed down and became blades of grass ourselves.
My son safely nestled next to me and we dozed off…