Sorry this message finds you late, lost in doubts;
Like a lingering letter left at the lake house.
From your former self, the one you put on the shelf,
With faded red capes and some wooden staves;
Comics gathering dust, imaginary bat caves.
You’ve built spaceships and castles in the sky.
Now you’re more concerned with your piece of the pie.
You abandoned those vigilante dreams and energizing themes.
No more crime-fighting schemes. You left that scene.

You needn’t necessarily navigate the night,
Neutralizing the nefarious, loving the fight.
Not too many problems are solved with a fist.
When they are men in suits like Wilson Fisk.
But that fire for justice can’t be extinguished,
Even when taking on enemies more distinguished.
Don’t allow life to plunder the remains of your childlike wonder.
Your courage’s intact, don’t go under, run towards the thunder!

I’ll be here for you when you get the time…

But I’ve been waiting since ‘99, when I wrote this last line.

(Style score 68%)

To Young Chris,
You will live your life in a community of people who will come and go. They will agree and they will argue. No one will ever see the world the same as another, a fact that can both fortify or tear apart any relationship.
Don’t worry about what other people think of you; they do not know your experience. You can do whatever your heart desires; you will be great. Keep in mind you should not live by the fear that governs someone you love and trust. Guard yourself from being influenced by her rules, her warnings, her harsh criticism. You do not have to live within her walls; built to protect her. She has fought many battles of her own, leaving her wise and strong. She will give you gifts beyond compare. You will uncover them in time; her gifts will be your treasure.
You will spend so much of your life doing beautiful things. Success is yours with each new thing you do; you will struggle. When something ends, it is not failure, as each ending marks a beginning. Each time you fall, you will get up and dust yourself off. Raising your family will bring so much joy; there will be times your children raise you, let them. Trust yourself, trust your faith, howl at the Moon. The Sun will warm your back and you can dance in the rain. Marvelous things are in store for you, so don’t hide, accept the gifts with gracious exuberance. Each challenge you face will sharpen your wit, exercise your patience, and uncover knowledge that was buried deep within. You will never be alone; there are new friends with every smile you share. Believe me, there will be bitter tears. This path has many perils. You are strong, resourceful, and resilient. Sorrow will feel like an inescapable abyss. Let the dark embrace you like a protective covering. When you are ready, the joy in the light will be incredible. You will have no regrets.
No matter what is going on in your life, remember that you don’t need to be perfect to be loved. You can achieve whatever you want to achieve. The choices you make will always be the right choice for you. Take that trip to Nepal, Hike the PTC. Ride all the horses and bring your kids. Being a little feral is good for all of you. Life is to be lived; everything will turn out just fine. Believe you can, and you will.

I’m sorry. Lillie, I am so sorry for everything you went through. For every feeling you felt. Every fear you had. I honestly don’t know how you made it through as well as you did. I know a lot of your prison walls were your own walls you built. But I also know you picked up on our families actions and vibes as well, which laid the foundation for so many walls and beliefs about yourself. 

I heard every wish you made. Every prayer. Every self-destructive thought. I was a passenger with all your reckless behaviors. I was there with you through every attempt you made. You walked through pure hell back then and somehow survived. The jealousy you felt watching mom take care of our little sister when she didn’t take care of you. But remember, our big sister took care of us because she was so excited to have a baby in the house. 

You were loved Lillie. I know it didn’t seem like it then, but you were only 5. Our big sister took care of you and kind of took you away from mom. But when our little sister came, mom had to take care of her because she was a baby, and you were in school by then. So maybe let’s try to give ourselves some empathy. And remember, our parents didn’t know you felt different. They just heard us saying things like we wanted to be a cheerleader or gymnast. They couldn’t know what was in your head. And that’s not your fault either princess, because even though you knew you were different; you didn’t have the vocabulary nor thinking skills to verbalize those things. 

I remember when momma sat you down and told us you were adopted. You have to admit that she broke the news to us delicately and made you feel so special. But I also remember the betrayal you felt that our birth parents so carelessly cast us aside and kept the next child they had. Honey, our birth mom was a child herself when you were born, and she couldn’t take care of us. And sweetie, we were so much better off being adopted. One day you’ll understand that. 

I was there your very first day of conversion therapy. I wish I had the words to comfort you for what you went through in those sessions. You were such a brave young girl, and you played the game to get out of there. But I know that the messages and reprogramming you received did a lifetime of damage to you. Sweetness, I need you to remember the time you’re growing up in. People like us weren’t understood back then. There’s no internet to find out you are far from alone in this world. 

But here’s what I can tell you, Lillie. One day, you’re going to be a woman. You’ll transition, you’ll have surgeries to give you the correct anatomy and you’ll be so happy. I can’t promise you that things will always be easy, but I can promise you that not only will you survive, you’re going to feel like your soul has been healed. And even better, because of everything you endured, you’re going to be an advocate for others that are scared to speak up for themselves. You’re going to help so many people. In fact, you’ll even one day change a state law that helps thousands of trans people in our state. 

And not only that. But you’ll have some pretty great bonds with people. You’ll have kids that absolutely love you to pieces too. And everything you’ve gone through is going to make you an amazing parent. Sweet girl, I know you’re hurt. I know you’re angry and so confused. But I promise you, I’m going to spend so much time with you. I’m going to let you vent and whatever else you need to let go of some of these feelings. Anytime you need me you just talk to me, and I promise I will always listen and show up for you princess.

Style Score 100

I’m slowly changing; I’m not who I used to be. You shouldn’t need to worry about who we become. I’m not that scared little girl anymore who was afraid to stand up for herself and let her voice be heard. We let ourselves get bullied because of our petite size and having a noticeable Adam’s apple. We let people walk all over us, use us, and say things behind our backs. Now, I’m no longer afraid to speak my mind. Not just because of being a woman, but I guess in a way from family genetics as well. It is the way we were raised and know that our Great Aunt is that way; she speaks her mind and speaks the truth no matter how painful, but also is filled with love.

Even though speaking up may cause a situation to get worse or have someone say something negative, we shouldn’t be scared to speak up instead of letting others speak up for us. The new me is no longer letting others speak up for me because it is our job as who we are to speak up. I’m no longer as shy as I once was, as you know how naturally shy we are in general. Of course, a part of me will forever remain shy, however as I’ve gotten older and grown up I’ve been slowly being more open and not as quiet. Around meeting new people, obviously, we are shy. I’m changing because I now know my worth in this world and have so much more self-love and self-confidence. Old me, we are beautiful and should let it shine.

I know we used to feel so self-conscious and always think about how boys could like us and see in us something other than our personality that shines within us. But do not fret, old me, our body changes unexpectedly dramatically as we get older, and it helps positively to let our confidence shine through. Remember how Mommy and Daddy used to tell us that men would always chase after us and like us? Well, our parents are right because it is true. But we do come to find a young man who sweeps us off our feet like our favorite Disney film, Cinderella, who comes to love us for who we really are. This young man is our knight in shining armor, just like we wanted.

I’m not who I used to be, old me, because of the horrible situations life tossed at us that tried to break us down. I know certain situations literally tore us apart physically and mentally. I know Mommy and Daddy separating for good unexpectedly got to us more than we realized. But the heartbreak doesn’t last forever, old me, I can promise you that, cross my heart. We are strong, we can make it through anything and come back stronger. Mommy and Daddy stay on good terms and love me and our brother. Staying together as a family is the surrounding love we need to keep in mind. Everything happens for a reason; remember that always.

I know death seems to surround us, as we still don’t quite understand why God takes the people we love so soon. Old me, it doesn’t get any easier as we grow up. As you know, we’re born, we live, and we die. Sometimes, some people we know get taken too soon. However, just remember that we are spiritually gifted, we can sense and know when our family members we lost are with us always. They become our guardian angels, and we will see them again someday. I know it’s never easy, and it gets hard, but be prepared to deal with it when the moments come. The new me understands it so much better and takes time to appreciate more what’s around and to appreciate the small, precious things before it’s too late.

Old me, there’s so much more I can say, but it won’t be enough. Instead, I can give words of advice. Yes, it takes ages to figure out what we want to do in life, but we eventually and slowly find our path to greatness. I advise not completely giving up on our faith and praying to Jesus and God when needed the most. I advise keeping in mind that no matter what, we shouldn’t give up completely. We are loved, we are wanted, we are worthy to live in this world. Old me, life is short; we never know what happens. We can be here today and gone tomorrow. So never give up, chase your dreams, live each day like it’s your last. Old me, you should see us today, you would be so proud of how far we’ve already come, as we’ve always just begun to live.

It’s never too late for anything old me, remember that, and always have love.

Love,

The New Alexcia.

If I was the five-year-old version of myself,
I would be ecstatic to have someone like you on my shelf.
I would gaze up at you and see a force,
And automatically know that your strength is my source.
If I was the ten-year-old version of myself,
I could have nothing and know that I have endless wealth.
I would look to you and say ‘I wish I could be just like you one day’.
If I was the fifteen-year-old version of myself,
I would boast about your progress and how far you have come with no help.
You navigate this world with a heavy weight on your shoulders,
But still remain strong as if your purse are boulders.
However, if the twenty-year-old version of myself could talk to me today,
Her words would remain in her throat because she knows there is no right thing to say.
She would hold out her arms and pull me into her embrace,
And she would rock me side to side as she strokes my face.
She knows words would not suffice because my spirit has been broken.
So, the vibrato from her hums soothe my soul as unnecessary words are left unspoken.
The twenty-five-year-old version of myself would have so much to say,
Because even though yesterday you couldn’t, today we have to pray.
No person should carry the weight of the world on their shoulders,
And no person should have to endure an endless fight like war soldiers.
Because that fight has already been won,
So, the only thing left to do is to give myself over to the Son.

Style Score: 78%

Dear Younger Me,

The ‘New Me’ that exists today wouldn’t be possible without our journey together. The doubts and beliefs of the ‘Old Me’ have shaped the resilience and strength I now possess. Together, we’ve created a version of myself I am truly proud of.

Old Me: I doubted my resilience in the face of hardship.
New Me: Storms may rage, but my inner strength is legit.

Old Me: I believed my self-worth depended on self-sacrifice.
New Me: Setting boundaries taught me how to be more than right.

Old Me: I suppressed my individuality to gain acceptance.
New Me: Your unique spirit shines brightly; no exceptions.

Old Me: I built walls around my heart to protect myself.
New Me: An open heart can mend and bring true wealth.

Old Me: I confused comfort with genuine connection.
New Me: Actual love is a vibrant dance, not mere affection.

Old Me: I met anger with anger, fueling the cycle.
New Me: Understanding hearts can overcome the entitled.

Old Me: My mind was a battlefield of worries and “what ifs.”
New Me: Stillness within brings wisdom’s gentle gifts.

Old Me: I didn’t believe lasting joy was attainable for me.
New Me: Your inner light can spark a free destiny.

Old Me: I clung to the familiar, even when it didn’t serve me.
New Me: Learning how to let go allowed me to be free.

Both versions are the perfect mixture of me,
I’m proud of the person I turned out to be!

(Style Score: 100)

Dear Old Self,

Listen up and listen good. I understand that life is a lesson you must experience on your terms, but here are a few words of wisdom that would have made your life’s journey a little easier. I have a long list of things I could say, but knowing you, I need to keep it short and sweet. So here goes my top six.

Accept people for who they are. Never expect them to live up to the expectations you set for yourself. Their journey in life differs significantly from yours, I promise. If requiring others to live up to your expectations is a prerequisite for a relationship, you are setting them up for failure, and disappointment will be yours alone. That’s another promise I make to you. Differences make people unique individuals. Learn to find the value of your differences and see the beauty in others.

Relax. Don’t take things so seriously. It’s ok to be passionate without perfection. Remember, flexibility over rigidity. Life will throw you a curveball at any moment. Many of them, as a matter of fact. Relax and enjoy the pleasant moments. You’ll thank me later.

Make every moment memorable. Rather, with a stranger or a loved one, memories are to be cherished forever. Unfortunately, time will erase a few. It’s just a part of growing older. I always say growing older is better than the alternative, so make the best of every moment and hold on tight to those memories.

Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. How else will you learn? Everyone makes mistakes, and no one person on this earth is exempt, no matter what they tell you. The key is to learn from your mistakes by acknowledging them, figuring out how not to keep making the same mistakes, and moving on. This would have helped you grow into the phenomenal woman you were meant to be much sooner.

Extend grace to yourself and others. Life is hard enough. Choose acceptance over judgment. Show compassion and understanding even when under challenging circumstances. Give unconditionally and not with intentions. The power of patience and prayer for yourself and others will become your superpower. Everyone needs these things to make it through life, and you are not exempt my dear.

Finally, understand that it is okay not to be okay. This road has seen many travelers. Invest in your mental health, seek help when needed, and do the work. At the end of the day, you are your most prized possession. Throughout life, you’ve prioritized others and put yourself last. I’m telling you now, you can’t truly take care of others if you’re not taking care of yourself.

I wish I could have shared these words earlier to ease your life a bit and lighten your struggles. But just in case you were wondering, despite any bumps in your road, you turned out to be one amazing lady.

Sincerely Yours

Style Score 76%

How are you doing? I love being able to check in with you. I know this might sound dramatic or silly but make sure you keep doing things that make you happy and never be scared to talk to me. I’d never steer you wrong, atleast not intentionally.

I love the light in your eyes, so make sure to never lose that. Life will eventually throw some hectic things your way, but if you remember who you are and how to stay grounded, you will always be ok. Life is meant to be lived. Enjoy every moment you can. Be confident, because you are Angelically beautiful and protected inside and out and nobody or nothing can ever take that from you.

Love Always,
Older you

I remember you like a bad dream. I know I can never completely get rid of you, no matter how much I’ve regretted you and wished you away. Of all the pieces to my puzzle, you are the ugliest one. But I have realized that no matter how much I hate the past, it doesn’t change. There is no amount of regret or shame that can will you out of existence. You will forever be a part of me. I am learning how to be grateful for you; how to forgive you. I know that if not for you, I would not be who I am today.

What you allow time and experience to teach you will lead you to a new life, a new version of you. A couple of years down the road from the hole you live in now, you will experience a loss and a life-change that will shake you to your core. Your life will reach a boiling point, and something will force your awakening. You will come to realize your strength, your capability, and your worth, but not without suffering. Suffering will be your greatest teacher.

It’s hard to look back on who I was; who you are. A young girl so desperate for direction and love that she would do anything she could to have it, even if it was just an illusion. A girl so desperate for the approval of others, that you have not bothered to look inward for the love you can offer yourself. A girl so stuck in her own victimhood that you are blind to all the power you hold. Yet, this version of me that you are will take me exactly where I need to go.

A harsh and beautiful realization you will come to is that no one cares and nothing matters. No one is coming to save you. No one is coming to teach you how to live and there will never be a guidebook to life handed to you. It’s all on you, and hey, if you mess up, no one will care that much about it in the long run. The most important thing is that you are true to yourself; that your life is wholeheartedly yours. With all the mistakes, failures, and lessons, this story is yours to tell.

When I tell my story now, I look back on you and hold space to love you just as you are. While I have spent time wishing you never existed, I know you are as crucial a part as any to my unfolding story. I will love you hard enough for the both of us. I look forward to the next version of myself, the one who will look back on the me I am today and carry me with her. She will carry both of us with her, and she will love and forgive the both of us. It is in this evolution that we will be able to reach our highest potential, and all the versions of us will rest in harmony with each other.

Style Score: 69%

Sweet sixteen has fallen dead,
Just as I should have
When I slit my wrist,
Not to die,
Just to find some placation.
So much for that.
To the ER I went anyways.

Now my “friends” have disappeared.
It must be contagious –
This virus spreading through my soul.
My heart has surely rotted.
My mind likely insane.
No one has stepped up to help.

You say you’re forty today?
Ha!
No way you’ve made it that far!
But if it is true,
How?
Why?

I beg of you…
Give me a reason
To keep on living
Through this agonizing pain.
I feel like I’m drowning
In a lake of fire,
As they all laugh around me.

Why was I born
Into this decrepit world
With only a strong will
To see it,
While all else pollutes it?

I am only one.
And I am small,
Broken,
Old before conceived,
Tired and weary.
What can I possibly give
That’s worthwhile?

I beg of you –
Ancient me,
Give me one reason
To keep on living.
For this world is not
Suited for me.
I have been shunned.
I have been mocked.
Worst of all –
I am invisible.

Style Score: 100%

I. The Hair

He—or rather, a younger edition of me—first appears as I’m getting ready.
“Whoa, dude! Are those… leg hairs I see? And you have a goatee?! We’re not just a late bloomer—we’re a freakin’ legend!”

He circles me like I’m a monument. “Back in gym class the guys used to…”

“Yeah. I remember. I still feel that sting.”

He’s unsure what to do with that, but I see the pride in his eyes. He thinks the hair means I’ve arrived.

He doesn’t yet know—I don’t measure myself in follicles and inches anymore.

II. The Bod

After my workout, he’s itching to ask more questions.
“And we’re getting in shape now? No more ‘husky’ or ‘bigboned’?” He stares like I’ve won something he thought was out of reach.

I kneel to meet his eyes. “We’re strong now,” I say, “but not because of that.”

“No more t-shirts in the pool?”

“No. We don’t hide anymore—
Not in water.
Not in mirrors.
Not in other people’s expectations.
We are free. And it had nothing to do with the numbers on a scale.”

I see the confusion as his surface-level concerns try to reckon with the depth in front of him.

III. The Prayer

He returns to find me kneeling at my bedside.

“Really? Still wasting time on that useless chore?” He backs away, suspicious. “I thought we ditched the whole bearded-genie-in-the-sky thing.”

I nod. “We did.”

He blinks. So, I tell him about the well—

How prayer became water.

How warm-ups replaced those wish lists.

How a performance turned to a partnership.

How desperate searching gave way to deliberate appreciation.

How counterfeit catchphrases transformed to true communion.

He’s quiet, but I notice—he’s stepped closer.

IV. The Stage

When the curtain rises, he gasps.

There I am—center stage, guitar in hand, jamming with my students dressed like rockstars.

He howls with laughter as I channel Jack Black in School of Rock: The Musical.
His voice reaches me over the crowd: “You’re not shy anymore?!”
He’s laughing so hard, he’s crying.

I nod, a knowing smile on my lips and a glistening tear in my eye.
My voice cuts through the cheers of the crowd, “I stopped hiding the best parts of us. I stopped fixating on what others think.”

V. The Fall

Then, the crowd fades. It’s just me and him beneath a moonless sky.

His voice wavers, and then he asks the question haunting all the others.
“What about the collapse? The ground that vanished beneath us?”

We tremble, remembering.

“We died that day. Then, a miracle—

We started living again.”

“Are you saying it gets better?” His voice flickers like a flame.

“Not better.
Deeper.
The pain became our teacher. We found God—
not a being of rules and shame,
but of poetry and presence.
Not a being at all
But rather Being itself.
Nothing more
or less
than
Love.”

VI. The Mirror

This last confession shakes him. He stares like I might be a dream, a lie, a hallucination.

I meet his gaze with love.

He whispers a single shaky syllable, “How?”

“Books brought us home.
Writing built the walls, the fireplace, the hearth.
With the right teacher, we gathered our shattered pieces—the shimmering shards—and made a miraculous mosaic.”

His eyes brim with tears. I press on.

“And you know what’s even better? We offer that same love to others who are
broken in those places.
That’s the holy ground, kid.
That’s where it all turned around.”

VII. The Embrace

Tears stream down his face— words no longer necessary.

We reach out for each other—and another marvel transpires.

We’re no longer alone…. Gathering together is-

The toddler with peanut butter-stained cheeks and a galactic grin.

The inquisitive boy, as eager to ask questions as he is to have them answered.

The wild middle schooler, drifting in and out of trouble, desperate for acceptance.

The tortured teen, fists clenched around a guarded heart, keeping his distance.

The floating 20-something, gobbling up theories, aching to fix the world.

The disciple of a love unnamed but radiant.

The gray-haired man, face wrinkled from years of smiles, twinkling eyes, and eyebrows raised.

And at the center, it’s me— as I am now— a companion of Christ whose heart rests, whose arms open wide.

We wrap around each other like tree roots.

We laugh, we weep, we whisper gratitude—for life, for love, even, if not especially,
for the lows that led us home.

And then, we raise a glass:

To the road.

To the ruin.

And most of all,
To the return.

I got a 90% on my style score with this one 🎉