Dear my younger self,

You used to write letters to your future self every year based off what happened to you in your past. These letters were always centered around the pain that plagued you and the heartbreak that others caused you. They were meant to be warnings for me, a big red sign that read: DO NOT DO THIS AGAIN IT WILL BREAK YOU. But you know what I learned recently? I learned that any advice that strays from the human experience is not based off truth, but rather fear.

We are all little creatures in a beautiful, vast universe – this pain comes with the job title. Living in the future too much caused you an overwhelming amount of anxiety, but living in the past filled you with deep sadness and regret. What you failed to realize back then is that living in the present moment isn’t unproductive – it is peaceful.

I think you missed something very important in all those old letters. You forgot to mention that without sorrow there can not be rapture, without grief there can not be peace, and without heartbreak there can not be love. You were coming from a place of unfathomable hurt. In the end, it was you who needed a letter, not me.

So, this is what I wish I could have told you back then. Never forget you can handle anything life throws your way. It’s okay to feel weak, to break down and cry. It’s okay to have regrets. In fact you should have regrets because if you don’t then that means you’ve never tried anything worth losing yourself in. You are human and your deep capacity to feel is your strength, not your undoing. How lucky are you that you’re able to love the way you do, that you’re able to see the light in the dark, that you’re able to empathize with the sadness of others? How lucky are you that you’re able to laugh wildly, that you’re able to experience unmatched joy, that you’re so grateful sometimes you have to shed your tears in order to express it?

All the heartbreak, all the failures, all the terrible things that happened to you is what’s going to show you which direction to go in. All you have to do is follow the path I carved out for you. And trust me when I say I came out okay on the other side.

I am here today, full of love and hope, because of every good and bad and horrible and amazing thing that has ever happened to you. But I am also here because I refused to give up, because I kept going even when all I could do was crawl, because I envisioned a better future for myself and believed with everything I had in me that it was possible. I will leave you with one final thought: Anything and everything can be a catalyst for change. But it is up to you to take the shattered vase and glue it back together with gold.

Dear Younger Self,

Right now, you’re just getting used to the country world you live in North Carolina. Life seems simple. You listen to your parents. You have your sisters teaching you your ABCs and pretending that you’re in a classroom with toy animals, getting you prepared for kindergarten. As you become a kid. You enjoy the time you spend with your family and other relatives that give you a taste of their world and what it’s like. I wish I could tell you that your journey will be smooth sailing from your youth to your present self, but, I would be doing a big disservice to you by not telling you the truth in a genuine way.

From when you start school (and outside of school) you will endure countless challenges that will test your will and your mental strength. You will have a tough time making friends because you’re just wired differently from other kids. You will start to have doubts about yourself and believe that something is wrong with you.

You’ll ask yourself ”Why can’t I connect with most of my classmates? or ”Why are they so mean to me? I’m just trying to fit in and figure things out.

The world outside of school will slowly become harsher and meaner as you get older. You’ll have experiences like asking an adult if you can use their phone to call your dad after marching with your JROTC group, only for them to give you a nasty look and keep walking away. You’ll even experience harsh lessons with your own family members on how cold the world can be. The more reality tries to get you to accept these truths, the more defiant you become in not accepting these truths. Your optimistic mind refuses to accept that it’ll always be this way. But, the relentless negative experiences will begin to wear you down throughout your middle school, high school & your early 20s. You will start to feel like you’re losing your core self, being around people who don’t have your best interests at heart and who love tearing down others. You’ll have many nights when you just break down and let out your pain, after holding in too much in for so long. But, don’t fret younger self, the story will get better.

Life will start to make sense in your mid-20s. You’ll start to see a way out of the tall forest. You’ll run into people who like you for you and who you can open up with on a deep level. Some people you’ll come across on the internet and others offline. They’ll even help you find out or rediscover who you really are. You’ll begin to blossom and have the courage to love yourself with pride & show it to the world (even if others don’t have that same love for you). You’re going to be battle-tested in ways you won’t believe. But, these battles will show you how strong and tough you really are. You won’t see it while you’re growing up, it’ll take years to see the results of your trials and tribulations. But you will see and be glad about your progress.

You will also learn that guys who looked tough and strong, won’t last long on their journey. Some of them were killed in their early 20s being around an environment that doesn’t allow people to grow in a positive way. But you (and others) got out. You have a long road ahead of you, but the destination will be so sweet when you get to your present self, and the best part is your present self is still growing and evolving. So to my younger bubbly self, I say rejoice and take your battles with glee. I wish I could have don’t that, knowing what I know now.

Good Morning Beautiful Soul,

We are connected like sisters, I feel. Not blood, barely relatives, but still sisters. You and I met by chance but our paths were absolutely meant to cross. I met you while we were both in our darkest hour, different paths, similar darkness. You are someone who has poured into me from the moment you met me, as a big sister would. I’ve yearned for a sister like you and I am blessed to have you. I had the honor of watch from a distance as you fought tooth and nail to piece your life back together. You have and continue to build this beautiful life from the ashes like the phoenix you are.

I watch in complete aww as you build a company, buy a house, support your baby girl in the ways every little girl should be supported. You are literally the walking example of the woman I aspire to be. You spend your mornings and afternoons working and your evenings building others up. You ensure everybody around you is cared for and loved while holding your boundaries and staying true to what you absolutely deserve.

You pour into me like I’ve poured into tons of unworthy people, hoping and praying I would receive the worthiness soon enough. You remind me of my worth and empower my boundaries. You help build me to the limitless woman I am becoming. What you don’t know is even when we go weeks where life sweeps us up I still hear you in my head; my voice of reason, of worth. “Don’t let nobody tell you, you aren’t worthy.” “Love yourself baby!” You literally fill my entire being with a yearn to level up.

I will never be able to repay you for what you have gifted me, without even knowing it. However, I will absolutely try to be the best me in return. And I will forever be in your corner, no matter how near or far we are. Aspiration to others, building boundaries, knowing my limits, and evolving always. I’ve always watched and admired from afar, like a fan does to a celebrity. I say this not to put pressure, but to show you how you being you has helped me be me. Most importantly, to show you how loved and worthy of nothing less than exceptional you are.

Thank you for being the sister I never knew I needed. Thank you for fighting, for being you! Because honestly, without you turning your ashes into diamonds I wouldn’t have known that was an option for me. You are my role model.

I love you ALWAYS!

Katie,
Many years ago, I knew I wanted to be a sports reporter. I grew up idolizing the stalwarts like Keith Jackson, James Brown, Jon Miller, et al. But I knew that just naming names wouldn’t even be close to enough.
When you and I became close friends, you were among the first people to see fire and potential in me. You said it yourself with four brief, yet powerful words: “I believe in you.” This was all I needed to know I had someone in my corner.
You saw potential in me before a couple of my professors did, and I thank you a million times over for that. Even when I was down on myself, you told me not to worry, as it would eventually turn around. When I was hired as an MMA writer at my first job, you celebrated with me. When I was close to hitting milestone numbers as far as my article count, you were rooting me on.
When I just wanted to talk about whatever it was that was on my mind, you were among the first people I would email, and it’s for this reason that I look forward to our conversations every single week, even when it seems that I have nothing to talk about.
As I graduated from Youngstown State and prepared to enter the working world, I asked you to be a reference for my resume. Happily, you said yes, and when I needed a letter of recommendation, I asked you. Happily, you said yes.
It took me a few years to realize how big of a role you played in my career, but I sat down in my room one night and thought it over.
Like a right hook from Edgar Berlanga in the Top Rank Boxing ring, it hit me: You, Katie, are my mentor. I’ve always rooted you on, just as you’ve supported me. We’ll always stick up for one another, through the best of times and the worst of times.
I wouldn’t trade my friendship with you for anything else in the world. It’s invaluable to me. There is no denying that you are the best person I know. You are a talented sports reporter and a true friend.
Thanks for always being in my corner.

Dear Ms. Child,

When I came to your class, I was a timid kid who didn’t know what to expect from your English class. I thought it would be another class I needed to survive through to get to the next stage in my class journey. I’m so glad I was way off with my assumptions about you & your class.
You were the starting point in making me teachers in a different light.

I don’t remember the lessons I learned in your class. I remember watching you teach in a way I’ve never seen before. You taught like you were really passionate about English, which was amazing to watch. The real turning point for me was when one day, we had a really nasty thunderstorm. I tried my hardest to hide my fear of thunderstorms, but, the lightning & thunder got too strong for me to not panic anymore.

You saw my fear, my panic & anguish while you were teaching the class. You called me to sit with you on your stool. While I felt embarrassed at my fear of being seen in the classroom & being laughed at by other classmates, I also felt comfortable sitting with you while the storm was passing through Leland, North Carolina. That experience has never left my memory.

It’s 2022 and the impact you had on me is still strong. You taught me that teachers can have compassion, care & love for their students and the subject that they teach. I believe my strong love for English started with taking your class. You also showed me that teachers do want to see their students succeed in life. Thank you, Ms. Child, for being a positive example to me. I hope all is well with you & your family.
Gerald

Dear Professor Abzug,

When I walked into your Women and Leadership class at Columbia University in the fall of 2006, I expected to learn about women’s history, engage in interesting conversations, and write about famous leaders. But as it turns out, you and your class left me with so much more than I could have ever anticipated.

Before your class, my world was very small. I was a 20-year-old college student, consumed with school, my family, a new boyfriend, and the latest party. I didn’t spend much time thinking about the world beyond my bubble. It’s not that I didn’t care about the issues that plagued our society, but I didn’t see an avenue for me to make a significant difference.

While I don’t remember the books we read, the topics we discussed, or even the themes of any of the papers I wrote, I do remember how you highlighted the inequality in society. You prepared us for the discrimination we’d likely face in our respective careers. However, you never told us what to think or how to respond. Instead, you asked us questions that challenged me to see beyond my little bubble. You showed us women like your mother, former congresswoman Bella Abzug, who broke glass ceilings, stood up for themselves, and single-handedly paved the way for others. As a result, you created this desire within me to discover my power. Every time class finished, it felt as though you lit a match in my belly, as I felt this fire – an energy and excitement that came with believing I could tackle inequality and win one battle at a time. It was you who made me think my voice matters in larger conversations.

It’s been 16 years since your class, and that fire has transformed into a guiding light. It has influenced my choices and my path in life. While pursuing my childhood dream to become a sportscaster, I faced many of the struggles you told us we might experience in our careers. But instead of backing down, becoming a victim, or accepting our culture for what it is, I spoke up and forced change.

Ultimately, I followed my heart and started a company called The Unsealed, which aims to empower voices and inspire people. My goal is to challenge our readers to realize their influence as we showcase diverse perspectives. I believe my purpose in life is to try and be the match that lights the fire in other people’s bellies.

Professor Abzug, I signed up for your class to learn more about women leaders, but I had no idea you’d teach me to become one. It was in your class that I developed an unshakeable confidence, a relentless spirit, and a fearless attitude.

The change I make for others all started with the change you influenced within me.

Thank you!

“To Time
Hello time,
Haven’t heard from you for a long time.
How are you spending your time,
Without me coming along for a run of time?

I miss your light, bright laugh as you fly by
Your transience makes you all the more precious.
Don’t abandon my side and leave me lonely.
Alone to face your swiftly moving wondrous
Glory that eases with your passing.”
(Chehab, M. K., PerfectlyFlawed, 2021)

I wished to thank you for your time, the one that helped me overcome pain and disillusionment, that almost brought me down, at one time or another.  Yes time, your earthly flow is a balm on my soul, which you soothed with your constant presence and support.  Your availability at all hours of the day brought me comfort, when I was confused and drawn. Your help in marking time with me, gave me permission to speak my mind and get all the hurt off my chest.  ‘A clean slate’ for a time, is a wondrous gift of rejuvenation imbued in optimism.
Whenever I think of you, time, I know that each of your hands is holding me up to the tests of time.  In my five decades, I have emigrated four times to three Continents,  experienced loss, betrayal,  disillusionment,  fear, horror, injustice,  motherhood, ‘wifehood’, childhood upheaval,  travel, adventure,  laughter, faith, optimism, and love.  With your help, time, I have had many ups and downs, but what leaves the greatest impression is laughter.  To laugh is to live, and, to live is to savor life.  With laughter comes the humor of a situation that you can only perceive when thinking positively.  They’ve even come up with laughing yoga, laughter university (California- of course, where else?!!), and laughing Kung Fu.  If that doesn’t prove my point, I don’t know what will! So, laughter is uplifting, optimistic, and tickles your funny bone in order to redirect your frown to a smile! It’s also important to note that, life’s constant changes and your ability to adapt to new realities is but a drop in the well of your knowledge and patience, especially when you have a sense of humor that helps alleviate the stress, anxiety of any major changes.
Relish each stage in your life as each is as transient as time itself,  one moment it’s there, another gone into the caverns of memories so deep you need to excavate them in order to remember a specific moment in time.  I’ve learned that time is precious, and that you need to make the most of this treasure you’ve been given. As time flows into an ocean of evocation: a smell, a ray of light, a flower, a cry, a laugh, a touch, a kiss, or all together, will invoke a feeling of well-being that’s unparalleled in your heart.   Savor it, and don’t dwell on the negativity that time, and time again, may erode facts turning them into feelings and interpretations that become dubious in their veracity.
I hope we meet more often time, as I enjoy unburdening my lot to your compassionate ear.
Yours truly,

I work at a “little old lady” hair salon. My clients, who I lovingly call my “gals,” arrive week after week, hobbling with walkers and canes, for their appointments of washing, blow drying, or setting their hair in rollers. The more I listen to my gals, their stories, their troubles, their favorite memories, I realized one detail: They were not always little old ladies. They were young, vivacious, fascinating individuals with so much to offer the world. They have stories of traveling, or living in other countries. Some had high paying jobs and drove expensive sports cars. Some used to be so fashionable that it pains us to see them in mismatched attire because they don’t have the ability to match their clothes anymore. Many of them can no longer drive, and depend on family for rides. Lots of them have debilitating ailments making their daily tasks challenging and painful. Many have lost their independence, their confidence, and their loved ones. So many of them have lost children, yet continue to carry on. Many more have lost husbands, and have been left to face the world without the love of their lives.

These women truly amaze me.In many ways, these ladies are the lucky ones. They’ve gotten to live into their 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s. I had one gal pass away just shy of her 100th birthday. As I sit here typing this, I have so much life ahead of me to look forward to, and one day I realized a very sobering fact: I am going to be little old lady one day. That is, if I am lucky enough to become elderly. Some of us aren’t that lucky.

I have been out of high school for only 14 years, and I need two hands to count how many of my former classmates have passed away. I’m sure these people had plans. I’m sure there were vacations they were dreaming of taking, jobs they were considering applying for, conversations they wanted to have with loved ones. I think of them as I write this, and I can’t believe these people never got the chance to live a full life.

But if you’re reading this: You’re alive. So go live.

Whether it’s because we could die tomorrow, or we could live to be 100 and push off our plans because we think we have all the time in the world, we all need to do a little more living. Don’t waste your life being with someone who doesn’t make you feel important, appreciated, and loved from your head to your toes. Don’t go along with plans that don’t excite you just to make others happy. Don’t stay at a job that you tolerate because you’re afraid to go for that new position. Don’t squirrel away all your money and never spend a dime on your own enjoyment. Go on vacation. Try a new restaurant. Go biking if that’s your passion. Do whatever brings you joy, especially the physical activities. I don’t see any of my 90-year-old gals riding horses or racing dirt bikes. So do it now while you can.

Planning for your future is important. For many of us, it’s a big part of our financial plans. Living only for today, and short-changing yourself in the long run is about as wise as playing in on-coming traffic while wearing a blindfold. But we can’t plan so much for the future that we completely forget about ourselves right now either. Don’t focus so much on today that you can’t enjoy tomorrow, but don’t focus so much on tomorrow that you can’t enjoy today. My gals at the salon always remind me how lucky I am that can I race to grab the phone, lift heavy boxes delivered with hair products, or even walk down the stairs without holding the railing. They remind me how great my life is right now. My career has given me a unique and fantastically real view of what is to come for many of us, and I do not intend to waste it.

Our lives aren’t going to be like this forever. So why wait? We may push things off so much that the opportunities we thought we had, have all but come and gone. Look at your Bucket List. What’s on it? Is it traveling places? Climbing a volcano in Hawaii, visiting the Coliseum, or driving cross-country in an RV? Is it doing activities you rarely get the chance to do? Riding horses on the beach, swimming with dolphins, or even dying your hair purple? Is it spending more time with loved ones? Helping coach your kids’ soccer team, spending a weekend skiing with your spouse, or going on girls’ trip with your mom?

We only have a certain amount of time in our lives to do these, and none of us know exactly how much time that is. So do it. Stop wasting time. Stop pushing it off. If you can’t afford if right now, save for it. Plan for it in 5 years, not 25 years. Don’t assume life is going to go as planned and you have “plenty of time” to achieve these, because what if you don’t? Are you going to be laying on your death bed wishing you had spent more time at the office or mopped your floors more often? We can always come up with excuses for why we need to work all weekend, why we should put off that dream vacation for another few years, and why we’ll just plain “do it tomorrow.” But tomorrow isn’t promised. We can’t keep pushing everything off. If you’re lucky enough to live into your 90’s, are you going to look back on your life filled with amazing memories and experiences? Or are you going to look back and wish you had spent your life actually living?