He started to mimic the cries of a child
The birds started their clicking sounds
Warnings in another language
Gun shots in the far distance
Still not home

So last year my mom was diagnosed with AML and immediately our lives changed instantly, we quit looking at 6 months from now and were thankful for the moment, we still planned ahead but new anything could happen, well Thanksgiving came and noticed my mom wasn’t acting like MY MOM, we had planned a Special Thanksgiving with homemade egg rolls and she was sleeping a lot, well we were praying and Trusting God and on Dec 15th we would take her to the hospital.The doctor told us her instines were twisted and asked if the cancer was being treated our hearts sank, We were planning on spending Christmas with my mom, but the 17th of December I had to sign a DNC for my mom, Everyday I spent with my mom was short.Dec 22nd she would pass away.I spend Christmas eve getting her grave site ready, Im STUNNED at what happened.We now cherish EVERY DAY and WILL MAKE HER PROUD.

feb 3
a journal on pursuit.
what if you did? what if you just kept going? what if that dream of yours wasn’t actually too big? that things start aligning, making sense. what if? most people look at what if in a negative light but what if something fucking incredible happened? what if you do in the future, in this moment, for the future? instead of the reminiscent ‘what if’, the optimistic version. perhaps there is no negative outcome of the pursuit of anything. as even failure has its benefits. even failure is a step towards achievement. as some movement is better than none at all. even when its redirection. even when it feels like the world is rejecting you, you are still on the path you are meant to be on, as long as that dream of yours goes nowhere.

truly, I believe everyone has desires deep within them that will never go anywhere. no matter if you try to supplement this desire by something arguably more ‘realistic’, it will never go away. nothing can ever scratch the itch of a dream you have except the pursuit of said dream itself. the more you hesitate, the more you cast fear and doubt on this dream, the farther it will feel. yet the stronger pull you have towards it. the more you tell yourself it isn’t possible, that it’s stupid to think you could have that, the more you will create a pull towards it. so why suppress it? why spend a life going after things you don’t truly want in hopes your truest desires will be fulfilled through supplementation?

most people say they wanted to be something, and decided otherwise as it didn’t seem practical. those people are not truly happy or fulfilled in what they chose to do instead. they are living a life of phony, of pretend. the active decision to not pursue their truest self. how can you argue with your own truth? as if your soul doesn’t reveal its own truth, but your mind will for it?

for years, I could feel exactly in my soul what I wanted out of life. I wished to be aloof in a beautiful way, out in the world, authentically, organically connecting with people of all origins and finding a way to impact communities globally. I always wanted to be a famous writer. to spend as much time as possible creating. I’ve always had an adventure spirit, and a creative mind. I’ve always had a fear or not seeing enough, experiencing enough, meeting enough people, creating enough memories. since I was young, fomo has kept me up at night. the fear of missing out. my parents would always tell me, “the day is over, you can do more tomorrow.” but that answer never silenced the desire in my brain to do as much as I could. I’ve always been so hungry for life. it has always came naturally to want more, to challenge each day, to search for beauty in every single day.

admittedly, I have spent a lot of time pursuing other passions, hoping that my truest passion would go away on its own. how foolish of me. to silence my own voice. to suppress my own purpose and wonder why I cannot find purpose elsewhere? that nothing else in the world has felt like I’m meant to do it, makes sense why now. I thought I wouldn’t be able to be out in the world on my own, so instead I got a job to travel and make money doing that, which sounds ideal. but it doesn’t scratch the itch enough. it isn’t enough. it is not the authentic, organic, traveling I am craving. and it will never be enough no matter how many times I try to tell myself that is the only way I’ll be capable of what I want to do, an easier way out of what I actually want to be out in the world doing. I have always written, but have always put it on the backburner. I have always told myself that it isn’t good enough, that in no way could I be a successful poet, writer, on my own. that I had to have a normal job and it could always just be a passion on the side.

but these thoughts consume me.

these passions consume me.
that’s how I know they are meant to be pursued relentlessly. no matter what I try to do instead, there will always be a nagging voice in the back of my mind containing my truth, begging for my acknowledgment. begging for my honest effort, and full effort towards it. as nothing will work out for me until I am on the path of truth. the versions of me that has tried to suppress my truth are the versions of me that keeps feeling rejection from the universe in different forms.

so, that feeling, urge, deep in your soul will never go away. trust it. respect it. chase it. spend your life not only in acknowledgement of it, but in pursuit of it.

Mirror Mirror on the wall,
Can I ask a few questions?
From different angles,
Different times &
Different spaces,
As my mind processes
This energy I’m emitting.
Looking for my reflection, perception
Always looking different, the
Human I’m becoming is
Constantly growing.While Looking
Through different angles,
Different times & different spaces.
Acknowledgement of growth
So I ask my mirrored self,
Where else can we go?
With the space & time.
What are we gonna do
With them both?
To create a better brighter image.
Mirror mirror on the wall
Why and how do
We reflect these images.

Dear, Unsealers:

I know, I’m a day behind as it’s the second day of February.

But it’s time to welcome in February all the same. After a whirlwind December and a long, drawn-out January.

This is the shortest month on the calendar. Twenty-eight days. Here’s hoping this month isn’t nearly as eventful as the last one was.

With that being said, it’s time to welcome in the new month…

Welcome, February!

After the longest January imaginable
The shortest month of the year opens the door

Twenty-eight new days ahead
Days of love, kindness, and compassion abound
Honoring the saints, Brigid of Kildare and Valentine

Of reminding ourselves
We’re in this world together
Through all of the twists and turns that come along

Days of finding voices and verses
With the Poetic Summer fast approaching

Even if the weather outside still reminds us of winter
There’s hope of brighter days coming our way

A blank canvas for the month ahead
One that goes by in the blink of an eye

He’s air

Not the air you breathe

He’s the air that gently brushed your cheek on that perfect spring morning

The warm air that feels like it’s been long awaited for on the first day of summer

The air that warms you because of the bonfire in the fall

The sweet air that brings you a step back and makes you realize what life is all about

The air that makes you see all the beauty everywhere

Sometimes my smile may appear a little crooked
Sometimes my face may have a blank stare
Sometimes my words can be misplaced
I am who I am that’s a person
I’ve been through a little something and I’ve come
Out of a little something
I’ve been made ashamed, beaten, cussed, and even blamed. I am who I am that’s a person
My walj isn’t so quick, and my reactions can be a little to strong. I am who I am that’s a person
Life is just what the phrase says a journey to hell and back.
Right now, I am on the right
So love me if you want
Hug and kiss me if you want
But never pass judgement upon me, hey I am just a person.