The idea of giving up seemed so easy to me
To throw in the towel
And simply just be..I don’t know just didn’t want this anymore
Whatever was left that person would have been a shell of me
Not only would I have lost myself
But the idea of who I was
The creative side of me
My dreams
Then I would have allowed my mental state to eat me alive
During that, I was ready for that darkness
There were times when I wanted to feel empty
Be nothing
Made decisions that I knew were necessary
Therapy how I needed you but was too nervous to dive in
Faced my fear it helped make things clear in my life
Talking to someone who knows what they are doing is a wonderful relief
Medicated the one thing I never thought I would have done
I’m so happy I did
For the first time in a long time, my depression is not toying with me
The anxiety that riddles me is at bay.
After a whole year on this, I came to terms with who I was
And who I will never be again
Being a work in progress is who I am
Always trying is who I am
Never dampening on my dreams
Always let the creativity shine
Be that beacon of hope, love, mindfulness, and happiness.
Is what I need to do
The idea of giving up became a distant dream to me.
There is that saying how can you love someone if you can’t love yourself?
Then again.
It has me thinking.
I love my family.
My friends.
Inanimate objects.
My creativity.
But at one point I was an afterthought
I spent a good part of my life.
Truly not loving me.
Liking myself never felt honest, real.
Didn’t feel worthy.
I never really drew too much stock of the idea of loving me.
And deep within I thought it was just enough.
Going through life. Being just blah
Giving parts to myself, to people. Who I didn’t love.
Just because I could. It was easy.
I was doing things just to make others happy.
While it didn’t make me happy.
I lost myself in the process.
Once I truly stripped myself down. To the core of me
That’s when I began to accept the fact that it’s OK.
To ask for help.
That. it’s OK.
To set boundaries.
Learn not to settle.
Be honest with yourself.
My Sadness
My Darkness
My Scars
The hopes I have.
The wanderlust of my mind.
Fully understanding of who I am
I began to love everything that is me.
I begin to see this light that I dimmed down for so long.
Then the realization hits that loving yourself is one of the best feelings in the world.
From now until when my time is up
I will always love me.
aww Jazmine, I am so glad you stopped just going through the motions, and you now give yourself the love that you so deserve. I love this line “I began to love everything that is me.
I begin to see this light that I dimmed down for so long.”
I am glad you found and are stepping into your light. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for being part of…read more
Aww Jazmine, how lucky you are to have such a love in your life, and also lucky to have the ability to recognize. Protect that love thoughtfully and with all your might, for you are one of the lucky ones. Thank you for sharing and thank you for being part of The Unsealed family. <3 Lauren
Dear Teenage Self
There are many things I wish to tell you. You need to ask for help it’s not a sign of weakness or failure. Everyone needs it now and then. My young self I know you need it. You were never a burden you are loved. But you have to start loving yourself by accepting your complexion you are a black woman who needs to own it and your hair may be a pain but it is yours. Learn to work with it you will learn to love it. Don’t let people convince you any differently about Who You Are. Deep down you truly know don’t shy away from it. Of course, it is scary and unsure but you need to be bold.
Friends will come and go some friends become more and that will break your heart but it will mend again. Stay true. Let love in even if it doesn’t last those feelings are something worthy of experiencing. You go through trials with your friend but in the end, it will make you both strong and set healthy boundaries. You also be gifted a friend who will hold you down when you need the most. These two hold a significant value in your heart don’t be afraid to tell people you love them. Allow them in you won’t scare them away.
You hold so much within gotta learn to let it out. Regrets have been had that is okay hold on to those. But move forward and try not to have much more in your life.
I need you to be strong. I need you to be better at procrastinating. Follow your gut and that damn heart those two come hand in hand.
A couple of reminders you are a black beautiful woman. Dress however you see
fit. Date who you wish to date whether man or woman. Stand strong in your convictions always be you.
Jazmine, This last part of your piece is so powerful, “A couple of reminders you are a black beautiful woman. Dress however you see
fit. Date who you wish to date whether man or woman. Stand strong in your convictions always be you.” I love it. It’s great advice for so many. Keep being you!! Thank you for sharing and thank you for being part of…read more
Jazmine, you are a Goddess. Our hair will ALWAYS be done. No matter the style,shape,texture or hue it is done and it gives life overall.
I feel you when you say, let love in… It’s hard. Very. When you are a natueruer and a lover in all sorts you want love to visit you in a comforting and secure way. You also want to be the person you need. I am…read more