Meeting you was like winning the lottery. It was the best decision I ever made to become your girlfriend. Thank you for loving me for who I am and not wanting to change a thing about me. Thank you for helping me love myself more each day. You consistently go above and beyond, and you have been nothing but a blessing in my life. I’m grateful for you every day, in every moment.

Your touch, your scent, your smile, your eyes—everything about you is perfect to me. You are the most selfless, unique, outgoing, and loving person I have ever known. I remember the first time we met and our first conversation. I recall the moment you thought I was cute and when you asked me to be your girlfriend. It was in Central Park, and it was raining. We stood under a bridge, soaked, and you held me in your arms, asking, “Will you be my girlfriend?” It felt like a scene from a romcom.

I remember our first kiss and all the special moments we’ve shared. We have now been together for 992 days, and we continue to promise each other forever. With you, it truly feels like eternity. I remember when I first fell in love with you; it wasn’t love at first sight. I fell in love when you stayed with me at the hospital for ten hours. That’s when I knew you were different from other men I’ve known, and I love you for that.

People say that when you are truly with the right person, you start to look alike. That’s what I see in us. I love you, handsome, forever and always.

I have seven goals for 2025. 

First, I aim to graduate soon and earn my creative writing degree. Second, I want to finish my book titled “The End Begins Now” and self-publish it. My third goal, which might seem a bit crazy but is also exciting, is to obtain my motorcycle (M1) license and get myself a Harley-Davidson, since I’m really passionate about motorcycles. 

For my fourth goal, I hope to move in with my partner. I envision our place being as spacious as possible, filled with sunlight, and having a balcony where I can plant my favorite flowers and enjoy nature’s beauty. 

My fifth goal for the year is to secure a well-paying job that provides enough stability for me to achieve everything I want and need. Sixth, I watoain healthy relationships with my partner and friends, as I’ve experienced the challenges of dishonesty and a lack of loyalty in past relationships, especially with friends I once considered like sisters.

Finally, my last goal is to maintain my peace and showcase the best version of myself—not just a version that others expect. I believe that in this world, it’s crucial to present your true, authentic self in order to succeed and make a name for yourself. I want to achieve this through my writing, helping others who are afraid to express their true selves. I aspire to be someone others can relate to, where they won’t feel judged. 

These are my goals for 2025, and I hope to succeed in achieving them.

Thank you for being true to yourself and not allowing anyone to push you around anymore. I appreciate your courage in being vulnerable again after experiencing hurt from family, friends, and even a toxic significant other. Thank you for choosing yourself in situations that could jeopardize your mental health once more.

Thank you for accepting your flaws and embracing your unique qualities. You have made the little girl inside you proud today because no one else could ever fully understand what you have gone through.

Thank you for loving your inner beauty and not worrying about what others think. I admire how you hold onto your childhood memories while letting go of the pain associated with who you used to be. Thank you for breaking free from your parents’ control over your life and for recognizing that you are not obligated to maintain relationships with people you don’t get along with, especially your brother.

Thank you for following your heart and pursuing your dreams without letting anyone else ruin them. Life is too short not to be thankful for yourself, so always remember to be grateful.

I cry most nights thinking I’m not good enough for this world. I make myself believe that I’m not worthy enough to be loved or cared for. I feel like I’m in quicksand and I can’t get out or that I’m under water and the pressure is pulling me in and I can’t get out. Maybe that’s why I never learned how to swim because I’m scared of not getting out. I hid my depression since I don’t remember when I gotten really good at faking a smile and showing people I’m ok but in reality I’m not, I’m scared to disappoint because I never heard anyone say they are proud of me, I’m scared to love because I never gotten pure love from anyone not a friend, significant other, sibling, or parent it was always tough love because I was taught that being truly loved always becomes a disaster. I hear my parents arguing everyday since I was little it never stopped only gotten worse once I fully grown up, I never realized until now how broken my parents are and how they project it on me, how my mom belittles me and later argues because it gives her power over me the words and tone she represents she knows affects me and she likes it, she’s a force. My dad is just a narcissist who likes to control and throw out people, who not only couldn’t take care of his family but he was the main to break us. I guess that’s where my brother learned it from the uncontrollable range and using then throwing out people. I feel like a stranger in my own home. I don’t belong here. I cry most nights in the bathroom. I don’t tell anyone because I don’t want to be a burden. I think about how life became after a while and how broken I am. I just want to leave and start new. The anxiety and depression that has happened over the years I don’t think it would stop not until I make a change, I used to cry for my mother’s love, crave my father’s affection, expect my brother to support but that was never the case with them I don’t want to be like them ever I want to be better. I am in quicksand that’s only getting worse and worse, I dream about being underwater or having broken teeth, my anxiety takes over and there’s nothing I can do about it. Uncontrollable breath, lungs getting tighter, head pounding, hands shaking. I can’t ask for help from my own family because they think it’s a phase and it’ll be over but it’ll only be over once I’m gone. The black hole I carry in my mind sucks all good in my life and I let it be how stupid of me. The silent panic attacks I get from time to time shows how much stress I’m in and I can’t stop myself. The distraction I cause doesn’t even work. It’s hard to do so in a household of toxicity. One bedroom, broken handles, crippling walls, I don’t even have a room for privacy, parents yelling in front of me, brother nowhere to be seen for fifteen years not even a “hi how you doing” I’m tired of everything I just want to leave and start new. I cry most nights in silence so no one can hear me. I bottle up everything because I rather hurt myself than hurt someone else. I know it’s wrong to do either. I just wish it gets better sooner than when it’s too late. I hope to overcome and escape this nightmare and see some light shed soon.

One message I have for every person in the world is don’t take life for granted because tomorrow isn’t promised anything can happen to yourself or your loved one. I for one took life for granted and I lost my soul pet, you may ask what you mean by that well If I didn’t go out as much to be with friends or be busy with work and had taken care of my Mitsu aka my black cat he would have still been here with me and not get sick too easily and quickly. One thing I regret is not taking him to the doctor’s first thing instead I waited until he got worse, he was always meowing at night in pain and I always thought he wanted attention, but he was just in pain I think about how I failed as a cat mom because I couldn’t do much at first but overall, I loved and cared for my Mitsu he knew that because everyone abandoned him, abused him, locked him in cages but with me he was free to do whatever and he was happy. I remember every morning he would come into my room by opening the door with his head and get on top of the bed waiting for my mom to give me my breakfast which was tea and biscuits and Mitsu waited for my mom to give him biscuits and once she did, Mitsu ate all the biscuit he could. All the memories I have of Mitsu are blessings I’m glad that I could share my life with him, and that he could share his love and commitment with me, he showed me a pet’s love is pure and more trustworthy than a person’s love because a pet is more loyal than certain people. My message to everyone in the world is don’t life for granted because life isn’t promised tomorrow, life is precious and people and pets are also precious I took life for granted and lost my Mitsu but God gave me another chance on make things right with now my Mocha aka my black kitten spending lots of time with him, taking care of him and making my Mitsu proud from heaven.

I like the way you try to help others in certain situations and give advice
I like the way you get your eyebrows sharper than a fingernail
I like the way you have a open mind about anything or anyone
I like the way you’re learning how to communicate and be patient
I like the way you have a fear of rollercoasters but aren’t afraid to jump out a plane
I like the way you value alone time even though your friends are awesome
I like the way you smile even when you’re sad some days
I like the way you can sing the alphabet with your mouth closed and type a whole paragraph with your eyes shut
I like the way you’re not afraid to be harsh and be straight-forward with anyone
I like the way you stopped crying everyday for something sad and instead crying for something joyful

It’s been two months since you passed away. I still can’t comprehend it. I’m still grieving and healing, and it’s hard because I still expect you to come into my room and wake me up with your head bumps. I still hear you saying “ma” instead of “meow,” and I remember how you would always try to steal food when I or your grandma started eating. I miss every part of you. You helped me through so much – depression, and anxiety, and you taught me how to be gentle and care for another, even if it has four legs. You taught me responsibility, and I know you were happy in the end. I miss you so much, to the point where I wouldn’t stop crying for missing you.
I believe you’re up in heaven looking down at me, and asking God for a sign, I received one. On June 7th, 2024, I saw a cloud shaped like a black cat, which made me and grandma cry. We believe that even though you’re not physically here, mentally and emotionally, you are. Then, I asked for another sign, and once again I got it. When my coworker heard about my cat’s passing, she offered me a cat for adoption. I immediately said yes because of the sign of the black cat cloud. The next day, my coworker mentioned adopting a black cat, and then my boyfriend found a purple ball with a black cat on it. I felt like my Mitsu was sending me signs. After all that, in three days, I got sign after sign about a black cat and decided I wanted another cat. My coworker and I went to get the cat, but she wasn’t there as she was a stray. However, we later found four black kittens near a school and managed to catch one of them. After treating and cleaning the kitten, I welcomed it into my home. This whole experience led me to find another baby boy in honor of my Mitsu.