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Jim responded to a letter in topic Remembering those we lost/Grief 1 years, 11 months ago
Thank you for the very kind words Lauren. Yes it truly is amazing. Great moms just have a knack. And yes, always put their kids first. Mom was definitely like that. Our house was a very popular hub. Kids were always over, we had lots of gatherings to watch Browns games and stuff. We still laugh: whenever anyone would come over, especially after a Sunday dinner, mom would always offer them something. More like insist lol. Dad was the beverage guy. He’d always get someone something to drink. Whether they wanted it or not. And I’d tell my buddies when mom was offering food: “just say yes right away. The portions will be smaller. The more you resist, the more she will give you” lol. Those days were great. And yes. As you said: they are still close. No matter how much time has passed. Live those memories
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Jim responded to a letter 2 years ago
That’s a powerful story. He’s right. You shouldn’t accept anything less than what he would have been willing to give. From anyone. Grief is tough. Comes in all shapes and sizes. I’m currently apart from my ex girlfriend. It’s brutal. I want to be back w her so much. But I can’t speed up the process. It just has to be a one day at a time process. I think of the good. The memories are great, but tortuous at the same time. People say “ things will get better”. But sometimes I don’t want to hear that. Because I don’t really think they will, because when I was with her I never felt better. In addition, I’ve lost both of my parents. Mom in 2004. Dad in 2020. How did I manage? Not really sure really lol. I just kind of knew I had to. And I guess I just wanted to get through one day at a time. Sound familiar? But that’s really all I could do. Remember the unbelievable memories. All while missing people that I’d give anything to have back. To have one more chat. One more dinner. The finality of knowing that will never happen got overwhelming at times. But I would just realize how they would want me to be strong. As hard it was. There is no manual for this stuff. Every person deals with it in their own way, at their own pace. Grief is tough. It’s a lame expression, but hanging in there and taking it a day at a time is the best way to start
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Lauren Brill shared a letter in the
Remembering those we lost/Grief group 2 years agoWhy my ex-boyfriend is always in my heart
LaurenIt’s been almost six years since I lost my ex-boyfriend, Brian. He loved me with all his heart. And even though I broke his heart, he never stopped caring about me, supporting me, or cheering on my success. When he was alive, I spent years keeping him an arm’s distance away. At the time, I just didn’t want the same relationship that he wanted. But when he died, I almost fell in love with him all over again, or maybe I realized I never stopped loving him. At that moment, I remembered the roses he bought me for no reason, the times we ran around lower Manhattan going to psychics to see what they’d say, and the comedy shows where we laughed until our stomachs hurt. Brian never wanted to tell me “no” about anything. He always wanted to see me happy. I never really thought about how I’d feel if one day he was no longer here.
Before he died, he made me promise him that I would never settle for anyone who didn’t treat me the way he treated me. He literally made me look him in the eye and say, “I promise.” Now, when I date, and someone falls short of treating me how he wanted, it’s almost like I grieve him dying all over again. With each disappointment, I am reminded of him and how we really did have something special.
While I can’t turn back the clocks of time, I keep Brian close to my heart every day. And when I find that person who treats me how he wanted me to be treated, I will honor Brian’s life by meeting that standard as well.
Never again will I take anyone’s love for granted.
Anyone else have someone in their lives that they hold close? How do you guys deal with grief? Would love to hear from you guys <3
@amazz94 @bigstudbundy @zsigray81@delanomassey @josh-copeland @jim-c @fpjames7 @oneturbobenz @shelleybrill @telina27
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That’s a powerful story. He’s right. You shouldn’t accept anything less than what he would have been willing to give. From anyone. Grief is tough. Comes in all shapes and sizes. I’m currently apart from my ex girlfriend. It’s brutal. I want to be back w her so much. But I can’t speed up the process. It just has to be a one day at a time proces…read more
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I am so sorry for your losses as well. They say time heals all, but I remember writing when I was a kid that time doesn’t heal all, you just start to get used to the way you feel. One day at a time is definitely the best advice, but the reality is, some days are certainly better than others.
With that said, I have also experienced magical…read more
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I think you are right on. I don’t think you ever fully heal from serious grief like that. You just get used to things as they are. Because to be fully healed, I’d think that means as good as you were before the loved ones went away. And I don’t think that will ever be the case in things like that. Nothing will ever be as good as it was. You just…read more
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Grief in general is hard to deal with because when we lose someone we feel like apart of us is gone, but we take on who they were in the things we do. Each person we meet gives us apart of themselves. When I lost my dad I was angry 😡 and sad at the same time. I couldn’t understand why I had to lose him. As I started to come out of my anger I r…read more
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@oneturbobenz @telina27 I think you are both so right. We all find our own ways to grieve. But i think the underlining similarity is that we all need to allow ourselves to grieve and to express our emotions. Telina, I went through that anger stage like you did. Wanting someone or something to blame. And Roger, I also had guilt, “why did i leave…read more
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This is a powerful read. It’s not easy losing people we care about. It takes time to process a loss. Our minds start wondering how things would be different if that person was still alive. It’s said that time heals all wounds, but, it doesn’t feel like it. It feels like time just makes us get into a place where we can tolerate our wounds. Not…read more
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Gerald I know your mom is looking down on you and she is really proud. You know, I too often bury my emotions . Not because I think I have too but because it’s easier not to face them. Often they come out in other ways like anxiety, stomach aches or even back aches. That’s how I ended up writing. It became a healthy outlet for self-expression. A…read more
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Appreciate that Lauren. I believe she is too, looking down with a smile. Yeah. Anxiety is definitely one way those emotions can come out. I’m glad you found healing and empowerment through writing. I feel writing has done the same for me in terms of its healing power & empowerment I’ll never felt before. It’s a great outlet for self-expression. I…read more
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I struggled for quite a while after losing my mother. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer many years prior to succumbing to it. When first diagnosed she entered a trial study and it was under control for years. When the trail ended, she was so excited to find out she was in the test group and he cancer was under control. About a year latter…read more
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I am so sorry for what you and your mother went through. But you are so right, focusing on the happy times makes everything a little easier. Also, you can feel gratitude for having so many happy times. With my grandfather, I always think about how he called me his little athlete because he knew I got my athletic talent from him. With Brian, I…read more
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I remember the first time I read about the promise you made Brian. I think what he wanted was to ensure you were happy. The way he treated you was the way he felt was the best way he could make you happy so that is what he hoped you would find with someone else. Maybe a part of him hoped you would look and not find someone and come back to him.…read more
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“Maybe next time instead of putting his sister at your table he will put the guy you are looking for there.” This line nearly made me cry. He is probably just waiting until i feel so tortured that I will appreciate that person to no end. And I do think you are right. I do think on some level he was hoping I would one day come to him. I just don’t…read more
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@jim-c @oneturbobenz @telina27 @lostone89 @bigstudbundy All of your responses were so thoughtful and so beautiful. It really touched my heart. Grief is one of those things that I feel like always stays with us in some form. Maybe it gets easier. Maybe it doesn’t. But Grief also means we were lucky enough to have someone pretty special in our…read more
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My husband has been nothing but good to me. It’s hard for me to fathom that someone can hold so much love for another person. I can’t imagine what it would be like if he was no longer here with me. I do know it would shatter me. I’m so grateful for him.
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This is beautiful, and I’m sorry you lost a true love. Someone that cherished you with all he had. And, No, you don’t find that often and what you promised him, you should hold dear. He wanted to make sure if it wasn’t him, it would be someone who was his example, love you dearly. There’s a true saying, “you don’t miss the water, until the well…read more
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I’m literally in tears. I found another “Brian.” He is in the next room working. While they are very different, and they express their feelings for me totally differently, their love and care for me are the same. Thank you for reading. I know somewhere Brian is smiling down on me – on us. <3 Lauren
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I am so sorry for your losses as well. They say time heals all, but I remember writing when I was a kid that time doesn’t heal all, you just start to get used to the way you feel. One day at a time is definitely the best advice, but the reality is, some days are certainly better than others.
With that said, I have also experienced magical…read more
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I think you are right on. I don’t think you ever fully heal from serious grief like that. You just get used to things as they are. Because to be fully healed, I’d think that means as good as you were before the loved ones went away. And I don’t think that will ever be the case in things like that. Nothing will ever be as good as it was. You just…read more
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