That’s a powerful story. He’s right. You shouldn’t accept anything less than what he would have been willing to give. From anyone. Grief is tough. Comes in all shapes and sizes. I’m currently apart from my ex girlfriend. It’s brutal. I want to be back w her so much. But I can’t speed up the process. It just has to be a one day at a time process. I think of the good. The memories are great, but tortuous at the same time. People say “ things will get better”. But sometimes I don’t want to hear that. Because I don’t really think they will, because when I was with her I never felt better. In addition, I’ve lost both of my parents. Mom in 2004. Dad in 2020. How did I manage? Not really sure really lol. I just kind of knew I had to. And I guess I just wanted to get through one day at a time. Sound familiar? But that’s really all I could do. Remember the unbelievable memories. All while missing people that I’d give anything to have back. To have one more chat. One more dinner. The finality of knowing that will never happen got overwhelming at times. But I would just realize how they would want me to be strong. As hard it was. There is no manual for this stuff. Every person deals with it in their own way, at their own pace. Grief is tough. It’s a lame expression, but hanging in there and taking it a day at a time is the best way to start
@amazz94
@josh-copeland
@shelleybrill
@theunsealed
@oneturbobenz

The devastating power of grief visited me far earlier than I had ever imagined. I was 17 and undeniably in love with my high school girlfriend. I wanted to go out with her that night but I missed the chance to ask her before she went home. The next morning I was at a friend’s house when I found out she had been killed in a car accident early that morning. It felt like it had been me crushed against that tree with her. I had wanted to give her this beautiful necklace I had bought her for Christmas. 20 years later I still have it. I tried to be as strong as I could, but at the joint funeral, (one of her friends had died in the same accident) it overwhelmed me. Her family had arranged a bagpiper to play Amazing Grace at the service. For the first time the vulnerability inside me came rushing out. Our school had canceled classes that day and most of the students attended the funeral. I barely remember hyperventilating, I didn’t remember fainting. It felt so surreal, like I thought this didn’t happen. For the way I felt I couldn’t comprehend how their families felt, losing their children 10 days before Christmas.

Over 20 years later and I still find myself feeling guilty I hadn’t got to ask her to go out that night, if maybe that necklace I keep was around her neck and that maybe she was my wife.

Only a few years later I lost my Mom. Twelve days passed my 23rd birthday I held her in my arms while her terrified eyes stared back at me before closing for the final time. She had helped me through the well of emotions when my girlfriend died and now I’d lost her as well. I withdrew from a lot of things in the vacuum her passing left me in. For years I just held the emotions at bay, not talking about them and fighting to keep from falling apart. The depression that had started when I was younger fully took root in my life. It led to my trying to take my own life several times. Finally I was forced to go to counseling and I got better, but not over the loss. Then in 2019 I was at the lowest I’d been in many years. It was on the anniversary of her funeral that I was prepared to try again. It was that moment when The Unsealed help change my life. I read Lauren’s first letter and with tears blinding me I took the gun out of my mouth.

I find myself back in active counseling and I know that even despite that, I may never fully deal with the grief in my life. I just am choosing to deal with it via flowers, which both Mandy (my gf) and my Mom loved.

My greatest advice for those troubled by grief is this,
It happened and while you can’t change it, you need to honor. Grief is important, it encapsulates the importance of the person you are grieving. It will ebb and flow and will find you in moments you least expect. Take the biggest connection in your life to that person and honor it. But most of all, talk about it, that is how I finally righted the emptiness it had left me. It is ok to grieve. Not everyone will process it the same way.

-Roger

Grief in general is hard to deal with because when we lose someone we feel like apart of us is gone, but we take on who they were in the things we do. Each person we meet gives us apart of themselves. When I lost my dad I was angry 😡 and sad at the same time. I couldn’t understand why I had to lose him. As I started to come out of my anger I realized we never lose anyone. They are with us all the time. Some are meant to help us grow. I dealt with grief by pushing things down and trying to be strong for others. That didn’t help me heal my trauma though. Healing takes time and it happens in stages. I just had to feel the emotions I had suppressed. I also had to forgive myself for not healing things when it came time to. Everyone grieves differently there is no right way to grieve. It’s unique to all of us. Death will never be easy to handle but if you have people around to help you let them no matter how much you want to push them away. It’s okay to ask for help in any situation.

This is a powerful read. It’s not easy losing people we care about. It takes time to process a loss. Our minds start wondering how things would be different if that person was still alive. It’s said that time heals all wounds, but, it doesn’t feel like it. It feels like time just makes us get into a place where we can tolerate our wounds. Not taking anyone’s love for granted is good advice, because we don’t know how long that love will last (forever would be great). I used to try to get read of the grief I felt when it would hit me. Now, I embrace my grief until that feeling goes away. When I lost my mom, it was traumatizing, because the thought of losing her wasn’t even in my mind until she fell ill. To go from seeing her cook lasagna & watching her soap operas to being at her funeral felt like it happened way too fast for me & my family. I didn’t grieve as I should have, I bury my emotions because that’s how I was taught to handle things. Just be stoic. Those emotions & feelings would eventually come out in other ways. It’s important to express your feelings when they come to you at the moment.

I struggled for quite a while after losing my mother. She had been diagnosed with breast cancer many years prior to succumbing to it. When first diagnosed she entered a trial study and it was under control for years. When the trail ended, she was so excited to find out she was in the test group and he cancer was under control. About a year latter she developed a very bad cough in the winter and thought it was just a bad cold. I encouraged her to go to the doctor but she originally resisted. Eventually I called an 800 number to talk to a nurse about her symptoms and then put her on the phone with the nurse. The nurse herd the cough and told her to get into the hospital. We discovered her cancer had come back and spread to her lungs and was now at stage 5. They said she had 6 months to live.
I focused on taking her to her medical appointments and taking the best care of her that I could. In the end she only survived 3 months but in the end, I was able to ensure she was able to get her wish and die at home. This was difficult. One day I went to work, and came home to find my older brother had her sent to the hospital. She was diabetic and her sugar was high as she couldn’t swallow her pill the night before. I rushed to the hospital and convinced the doctor to let me take her home after first learning how to give her insulin and do her tests. This led to a family fight in the kitchen as my brother was upset that I put her wishes ahead of his. My mother was in the living room at the time and listening to the yelling. I had to carry her up the steps in my arms to put her in her bedroom in hopes she wouldn’t hear my brother yelling up there. Unfortunately, it didn’t help and even with the radio on she could her him. My mother was crying in her bed saying she didn’t want to live anymore. When I went down to the kitchen to tell my brother that she upstairs crying his response was to tell someone to shut the kitchen door. I regret not throwing him out of the house but he had brought his 2 sons over as his extra muscle in case it came down to that, and the last thing my mom needed was a fist fight.
The next day she was doing better and was able to eat breakfast. However, she picked up C difficile infection in the hospital that gave her bad diarrhea and by the end of the day she was sick. It took a couple days to get that under control but she passed away a few days later at home. It was shortly after midnight. I knew the end was coming so I told the nurse I would call my brothers and let them know so they could come and say goodbye. By the time I got back to her bed and held her hand her breathing slowed and she took her last breath minutes later. The nurse was surprised how fast she went. I am pretty sure that was done intentionally by her as she didn’t want to see my brother.
After she passesdI looked at her paperwork from her cancer trial. The trial was to see the effect of being on a drug that stopped the creation of estrogen and also one that blocked the absorption of estrogen since her breast cancer was fueled by estrogen. When it I got to the part at the end of the study it said upon completion the patient’s doctor should put her on one of the 2 treatments. My mom’s doctor failed to do that so her cancer had not been treated since the end of the study which is why the cancer came back and spread so fast. I realized that had I only read her study after it was done I could have ensured she was treated. I felt some guilt for not showing more concern at that time and the memory of crying up in bed was haunting me. For weeks I would break down crying whenever I was alone like at a red light while driving. I didn’t have anyone to discuss it with and I didn’t want my kids to see me crying. Eventually I got over the crying but I thought of her everyday and it usually it made me sad like I hadn’t done enough.
Eventually I spent some time thinking about the day when I would eventually pass away. I realized that I wouldn’t want my kids to feel as bad I as did when I lost my mom. Then I realized how sad my Mom would be that I was hurting so much. I realized that what I was most sad about was there was no more time to spend with her. However I had a lot of happy memories with her prior to her death and I should be focusing on those. The only regret I have is that I spent the last months of her life trying to make her comfortable and hoping for a miracle that I didn’t take advantage of all that time I had with her to enjoy the little time I had left. Looking back now as I write this I realize I did spend a lot of time with her those last months and I let that horrible night overshadowed a lot of it.

I still think of her pretty much every day but now I think of the happier times and quite often of the things she taught me growing up. I even found the recipe for one of her favourite casseroles a few years ago and make it regularly now. Eating reminds me of happier times. Too anyone grieving I hope you are able to focus on the happier times and that you value the time you have with the people that are important in your life that are still with you. Try to make as many happy memories with them as you never know how much time you have to do so.

My husband has been nothing but good to me. It’s hard for me to fathom that someone can hold so much love for another person. I can’t imagine what it would be like if he was no longer here with me. I do know it would shatter me. I’m so grateful for him.

This is beautiful, and I’m sorry you lost a true love. Someone that cherished you with all he had. And, No, you don’t find that often and what you promised him, you should hold dear. He wanted to make sure if it wasn’t him, it would be someone who was his example, love you dearly. There’s a true saying, “you don’t miss the water, until the well runs dry”. This is what sort of happened to you after Brain was no longer there, but it’s OK, the love and friendship you did share with him will always be there in your heart and soul, and you should hold on to that. One day in your life, if another Brain appears, you’ll know it.