Dear loop repeating in my head,

You’re wrong. Not everyone hates me and wants me out of their lives. Not everyone thinks I’m a waste of space; some people love me. They do. Not everyone is here to hurt me or abandon me. You don’t know that; you just like to make me live in fear so that I keep you alive.
I don’t even know when I met you and you first started your track. When was that, anyway? At least a couple of decades ago, now that I’m 30. That’s a long time to be bothering someone, you know. That’s longer than the entire lifespan of a dwarf apple tree. Trees have lived and died and you’ve still been here torturing me for no good reason. I’m ridding myself of you for good this time.
You came to me when I was young and weak; you preyed on an innocent child and planted your roots so deep. I wish you were like that of the apple tree and just die off on your own, but I’ve learned you’re not leaving so easily. Too bad for you, I am so much stronger now than when we first met. You’ve seen me grow, I’ve watched you tremble, worrying if you were going to lose out on me. You wear a smug grin I’d imagine because all of those times before, somehow, you had risen victorious. That’s ending now, though. I have equipped myself with the armor of knowledge that is only going to grow stronger, a thicker skin so to speak that you can’t break through.
I’m learning of your origins, why you exist, and what probably manifested you because, let’s be honest, you’re just a nobody. You don’t exist but in my head. Let that sink in. By learning where you came from and why, I get to rewrite what I thought my “destiny” was — you know what that consists of. Here’s to erasing every bad thing you ever whispered to me when I walked into a room and heard people talking, to breaking down the walls you made me build before I even knew what I was doing. I will burn down your home in my mind until you are nothing but fictional dust and ashes with nowhere left to hide.
I am already beginning to build an army of allies, people I’ve let closer to me. They’re restoring something in me that I thought was long gone between friends: trust. I feel safe in their presence and free to be me. That same girl you always told wasn’t good enough, so no one would love her. Guess what, too? They said that they loved me. I was so embarrassed that I didn’t even know how to react at first to someone saying that from a role that wasn’t expected of them. They are choosing to love me and my friendship. Scared yet? You should be.
Let’s not forget my two amazing children and how they fill me with unfathomable and endless joy. Let’s view them as my helmets, as they are vital for my survival. You know them; you like to watch our daily interactions and pop up in my head at *just* the right time to tell me how I’ve messed up myself so I’ll surely mess them up, too. Or how maybe when they grow up, they won’t love me, either. When I think with as clear a mind as possible, though, removing your words from the equation, I realize how you couldn’t be more wrong. They love me; I see it all over their eyes, in the laughs that echo from their bellies and their endless desires for snuggles. Your days spent leeching off of me are through.
You seem to think that there’s still some hope left because there isn’t a weapon present here. Yet again, you’re wrong. Knowledge, peace, acceptance, faith, and love—love being the strongest—fill the sword that will plunge you into eternal death. Just a heads up, that weapon is me. Gone with you and the wreckage you made, the home you built, and the name you gave me: worthless.
Too bad for both of us, it didn’t happen sooner, but mostly too bad for you because you never really stood a chance.

I was always too strong of a competitor for you.

Good riddance.

PWA Style Score: 82%

What I’m most afraid of is to finally step into my L(I)GHT and feel at a loss. The thought of living by/through SO(U)L only to be without the things I visualized making it through with me-without the people I imagined being a part of my life and a part of the process of my becoming. Sometimes the thought of having no control of the variables other than yourself throughout the transformation is enough to keep you where you are, the place you desire to leave most. Numerous times there have been where I desired for SO(U)L to take over, the ego being the great decider of whether or not to fly from the nest to experience the great beyond, or to remain in the nest, protected by a false sense of security, left only to imagine what could’ve been. What would’ve been. I know what it is that I truly desire-contentment in my life, peace, happiness. It’s what we all truly want, I should say. That contentment, that peace, that happiness, is beyond achievable, but only if a place is provided for its existence. Throughout 2024 I thought I had it all figured out: “Do me, and I can’t lose.” But that’s not what I experienced when I began to consciously act through SO(U)L. I experienced the cost of my “freedom”-criticism from the one I loved and respected most. It was the deepest feeling of disappointment I’ve ever known besides that of the lies encountered from the adults in my life as a kid. My eyes, my heart, want only to see all around me being elevated and living life in its fullest and truest expression, but I’m met with criticism when I decide to do the very same thing for myself. I’ve stumbled, and stumbled, and stumbled, my knees craving freedom from the weighted burdens of others in which I’ve placed upon my shoulders. After falling so many times, I rise once more, brushing the debris off my bodice and, rather than throwing in the towel, I advance forward. Once having the idea that L(I)FE’S marathon could only be won at a full sprint, I finally decided to shift to a lower gear, continuously advancing forward step-by-step. Step-by-step I continue to inch closer to the L(I)GHT. The comfort I once knew attempts to call me back, threatening me of what it is to be lost in attempting to obtain the sun; comfort is on my list of blocked contacts. IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME. I gotta’ move on because if I stay with you, I lose; I gotta’ go because if I don’t, I reject L(I)FE ITSELF; I gotta go because if I don’t, I won’t ever truly be satisfied with this EX(I)STENCE. So fear, you don’t ever have to leave me, you don’t have to go-allow me to do that for you. If I happen to disappoint you by making myself proud, so be it.

Dear Fear,
You are the shadow born from my past, the echo of words and actions that were never mine to carry. You came to life when others hurt me, judged me, or silenced me. I learned to hide because it felt like the only way to survive.
I sacrificed pieces of myself to keep the peace, to avoid rejection, to make myself smaller in the hopes I wouldn’t be noticed—or hurt again. Every day, I buried my voice because speaking up often led to pain. I wore masks to be what others demanded, even when it meant losing the “me” that lived underneath.
There were times I let myself believe that their words, their actions, and their judgments defined me. I accepted blame for their cruelty, shame for their failures, and silence for their comfort. To survive, I built walls around my heart and turned away from my reflection.
But surviving like that came at a cost. I abandoned dreams that felt too big for someone as “damaged” as I thought I was. I let fear convince me I didn’t deserve joy, love, or success. The weight of hiding and sacrificing myself became unbearable, and the person I could have been slipped further and further away.
Now, I see that I wasn’t broken; I was protecting myself the only way I knew how. You, my fear, were my shield. You helped me endure, but your protection came at a price I can no longer afford to pay.
So, here’s how I will face you: I will reclaim myself piece by piece. I will confront the voices that told me I was unworthy and replace them with my voice—one that speaks of love, compassion, and strength. I will let the pain from the past remind me not of who I am, but of how far I’ve come.
I will face the abuse, the neglect, and the pain that scarred me and know that while it shaped parts of me, it is not who I am. I am not defined by the years I spent hiding. I am defined by the courage it takes to stand here now, to pull back the curtain, and to look at myself fully for the first time.
I will overcome you by acknowledging that I am more than what happened to me. My worth is not tied to the cruelty I endured or the lies I believed to survive. I am learning to see myself fully, not just through the lens of fear, but with the clarity of someone who knows their own value.
You won’t win because you are no longer my guide. I will write my story from here—one where I embrace all that I am, where I live boldly, and where I finally take back the life I was always meant to have.
Sincerely,
Jessica Weitgenant

Style Score – 86%

To My Greatest Fear:

I think it may shock people to find out that you are my greatest fear. From the outside, no one even notices; masking is probably my best hidden talent, if I’m honest.

I’ll give you this: you’re not a conventional fear for most people, especially those around my age. At this point in our lives, most millennials are afraid of: career stagnation, falling behind their peers who may seem to have their lives together (i.e.: owning a house, being married with kids, etc), heights, snakes, the usual.

But not mine.

I didn’t use to be afraid of you; I actually used to know you. I want to say that you and I were something along the lines of best friends when I was a child, but I can’t remember.

And I can’t remember when you left me, either.

Or maybe I left you. Who knows?

Regardless, it’s been so long that I’m not sure whether to call you a friend or an acquaintance anymore.

Because it has been so long.

I’ve pretty much forgotten the way you made me feel. Sometimes, though, I think I may feel the ghost of you, which then catches me so off-guard that I immediately shut you down. I don’t know how to accept or respond to you during these fleeting moments.

Or maybe I don’t want to because I know you’ll leave and I’ll be left without you again, wondering if or when you’ll ever come back.

And if you do come back, will you actually stay for a much longer period? A week, a month…a year even?

Maybe that’s just wishful thinking.

Recently, I was at a point in my life where it felt like things were going well for the first time in ages and I was more scared than ever of this feeling. More scared of you.

It turns out that it was for good reason: tragedy struck my family in a way that no one was expecting. This is not the first for us, but it was still as impactful as if it was.

I know what it’s like to suddenly have your entire world shattered in the blink of an eye; my world did a few years ago, and it was just a few months ago that I was able to start picking up the pieces.

Now it’s like a big gust of wind came and blew them all away again.

I also know what it’s like to completely lose sight of your former self, because you didn’t know yourself then: your interests, your hobbies, and your goals. I didn’t know or really have any of them.

Today I still don’t know any of them. I realized it when someone recently asked me, “What do you want to do?”

You know what my response was?

“I have no idea.”

You’d think that those four words would be a terrifying thought at my age, this age where we should have a clear direction of where we want our lives to go, but they’re not. I’ve finally learned that life doesn’t end when you age out of your 20s; life actually starts in your 30s. And I’m finally starting to figure out who I am.

I believe this journey will lead to you, Happiness, because I’ll be doing what I want to do: living for me instead of others for once.

But I’m absolutely terrified to do it.

Because I’ve never done it before and it requires change and a different kind of strength that I think is within me, but I don’t know for sure because I’ve never tested it.

How do you make a leap like that without a sure landing?

Happiness, if you remember me, you’ll remember that I need to know ALL of the details before committing to something. I’m not a spontaneous person; I’m not a “oh, let’s just try this right now” kind of person.

I promise that I’ve been working on it though: my motto this year is “I’ll find out when I get there”. I’m working on myself and taking part in activities that I think will lead to our paths crossing again.

Happiness, I know that it takes work to really know you and I’m willing to put in the effort. I know you don’t just show up out of the blue; that’s not your style.

Know that I haven’t given up on finding you again. I can only hope that you haven’t given up on me and are willing to meet me halfway as well.

Your friend (hopefully),
Me

50% Style Score

Dear Fear,

I’ve gotta be honest, I am so exhausted of fighting with you. Every single time I make a move to chase down a dream or let myself be vulnerable, you find a window to the very room I tried to lock you out of. You make me question if I locked the door at all or if I opened it and welcomed you in. I don’t want to treat you like a villain, because I know in a way you’re trying to protect me. Sitting in my nervous system waiting to run to my aid so I don’t get hurt….but you have to know this isn’t healthy anymore.

I stepped away from you when I let myself pursue acting without the dreadful question of “Is this the right thing for me?” and that alone took a year and a half of codependence on you. I drew a line in the sand and allowed myself the peace of mind to know I could start over, enjoy myself and the life I wanted.

I stepped away when I took the risk of flying to a new city by myself for the sake of seeing a new place. You had a vice on me unlike anything I’d ever felt when you reappeared as a hurricane. A disaster of an external circumstance I had no control over and no idea how to handle but I took back my power when I realized that sometimes it’s okay to be scared.

That’s the thing with you fear, you show up in a way where I end up hating myself because you exist in the depths of my brain. You make me wonder if I’ll be safe in a massive storm. If I’d be judged, hated, or seen differently somehow, were I to be seen by an audience rather than a character in the background? If boyfriends or clients would take me less seriously because I’m friendly and funny. Asking myself “What if (enter self-doubt here)?”

You already know this because relationships take two to tango, but we are toxic. You have had me terrified and shaking to the point of breaking because you want me safe….and all I’d ever known before you…was safe. I know you have moments where you mean well. It’s the way you exist, to keep me out of harm’s way-but you and I both know we can’t keep this up anymore. If I have to take a risk, then so be it and maybe a little part of you stays because risks are uncomfortable, but I’ve had no choice but to let myself get comfortable in the uncomfortable.

I don’t want you around to make me overthink, over-analyze, over-explain. That isn’t your purpose anymore, fear. If you have to show up because I am in real danger, fine, but no more. If I can get to where I am now because I took risks, then it’s time for you to know that I don’t need you to take over when I step towards the new ones.

I’m letting go of the chain now fear, you’re free to go….and so am I.

Style Score: 100%

Dear Unsealers,

My goals have always been productive This year I let go of fear Listen to my heart when it tells me NO To feel how my body embodies joy Say yes to the moment Make friends with strangers Take a risk Be seen so that those who love me can draw near Have an affair with creation And devotion as my potion To use my imagination as my compass Dare to be unproductive Let play lead the way Be friends with my inner me <3

Fear, you don’t belong here!

Since I was young, fear tried to come and visit me.

Whether it was being afraid of the dark…

Afraid of getting hurt by something I couldn’t see.

Or worried that once again I would feel rejected by those closest to my heart.

As I got older, I found ways to hide my fears.

Believing I was handling them on my own.

Pretending it was gone until suddenly it reappears.

What I thought I could handle, is now fully shown.

I thought I had it under control.

Truth is, it was the other way around.

By not truly facing them and letting go…

It caused me to remain bound.

What I needed to do was surrender my fears to God.

Allow him to have control.

To realize that in order to be free, I must let go of the facade.

To take back the peace that the enemy stole.

What facade am I talking about?

It’s when you pretend to be free instead of facing it head-on.

It’s time to remove the mask, stop walking around in doubt.

God says you are free and not bound, his word you must stand upon.

In order to be free from fear, you must trust God completely.

Embrace God’s truth about you.

When God created you, he created you uniquely.

When you accepted Jesus, he made you brand new.

You no longer have to fear what people think of you.

You are fully loved.

God knows all you have been through.

He still says, my child, you are my beloved.

So take your stand this day.

No longer allow lies of the enemy to consume you.

Jesus has made a way.

Your freedom you can walk into.

So no matter what the fear..

Know that God will give you peace.

It is your job to take authority and say fear you don’t belong here!

And the lies of the enemy must cease!

ProWritingAid Style score 81%

Dear Fear,

You don’t win. You can not win. You tried to make me feel small. You tried to make me feel unimportant. I feel like the default, but you lied! Fear you tried to control my life and defeat me. I feel like the last, the go to,the one to settle for .
I feel like the one you have when it is now or never. I feel like the default is what I am, but I realize that is not true, I can not let that happen. Fear, you don’t win! You have talked to me, too much and too long. I am tired of listening to you. You are a liar and have no power. Fear, I face you straight on with God holding my hand. I am strong because you fought me so hard, you helped build my muscles. You “DON’T WIN”!!!

With (my) Strongest Goodbyes,

God’s Child.

New Year, new Me shall see Twenty Twenty-five

Transformed by the holy and living God. 

I should seek the Lord more than ever, but

I am nothing.

My life needs cleansing.

My mere existence is thanks to the Lord.

I seek goals while the Lord shapes me

Oh, Lord spark a purpose for the road.

I am a mess.

Your light is dazzling. 

I have been blinded from your greatness.

The Dark drowned in pools of misery.

Tricked me to fall in that same blackhole.

I saw their pain. 

Happy to sadness

Although I could never feel their pain.

I could never fit into this world.

I thought I was the burden because

How can my life!

How can my life be 

Compared to the world’s gory horrors.

My hope vanished in the air and then

This nightmare seemed to swallow itself.

It was a lie.

But a shooting star,

A vivid sign to write poetry.

I need to become disciplined and

My Lord gives me strength in my weakness.

My King save me!

My Lord and Savior,

I will worship him and he has been

Faith, unmatched unlike other human

He is God and will create the best,

The Newest Me.

The one with tongues that

Will speak with a soft, but thundering 

Melody that will reach many ears.

From english to spanish, I will learn

Italian.

A melody that

reaches the depth of my soul and heart.

The sounds that inhabit a room of 

Intimacy and scented perfume.

He takes my hand.

Love scented roses

Mesmerize my eyes and holds my hand.

Always guiding me and renewing.

I should not worry because at the 

Highest Mountains, 

Depths of the Ocean,

The shame of my sins and my mistakes,

I will embrace my God and he will 

Perfect our relationship in trust.

In Confidence,

I will reflect love.

Slow to anger, selfish love becomes

Forgiveness that is my remedy.

I will be patient to others and 

Active to my 

Self-care and Body.

Not just hygiene, but nourishing meals.

A daily routine that challenges 

My body to radiate itself

Like bright glitter.

Not to flaunt, but stand

Against the power that holds me down.

I’m determined to showcase my goals

Til I accept my Lord makes things new.

I am Renewed.

Fear, old friend,

I have known you better than any lover, better than any hope or possibility. You have held my hand every time I’ve turned away from what I should have done. You’ve stood boldly at my side as I hesitated to do what I knew I had the ability to do.
You must be my lover, for your advice has kept me at a safe distance from the women I’ve tried to love. I know your songs, your jests, your laughter. I notice myself being held in your arms every time I say, “I can’t.”
You have much perseverance and confidence, always aching to step forward and take center stage. You have always been the voice I have listened to when I doubt myself and others.
Certainly, you must be a part of God, for I see you in the eyes of men everywhere—do you for them what you do for me?
Fear, you’ve helped me make decisions which I have lived to regret, but don’t worry, I will still take your advice, and so will others.
So here’s to you, old friend, for after all, where would I be without you?

INSIGHT: If you seek to overcome your fear, then focus more on where you seek to go–and listen not–to the voice that’s telling you it’s ok to be where you are.

Eric Sander Kingston
wishonwisdom.com

This year, I walk with seeds in hand,
To cultivate dreams, to grow and stand.
A garden of truth, where courage takes root,
With love as my anchor and self-worth as my fruit.
I’ll learn from the earth, her wisdom and grace,
Craft healing remedies in this sacred space.
A student of nature, her word I’ll heed,
To nurture my spirit and plant what I need.
The voice inside, once soft, now clear,
Will echo with purpose, unfazed by fear.
Through words, I’ll inspire, through truth, I’ll ignite,
A beacon of hope, a source of light.
Steps once faltered, now steady and bold,
Guided by faith, by strength I uphold.
The past may have scarred, but its lessons remain,
A testament of healing through joy and through pain.
I’ll craft my own path, a website, a name,
A space to empower, to stoke the flame.
Sharing my story, my trials, my climb,
Proving that healing transcends space and time.
For family and self, my heart will expand,
As I teach, as I love, as I firmly stand.
I’ll honor the past, its lessons, its pain,
And greet each new day with gratitude’s refrain.
2025, a year to embrace,
With goals that align, with a steady pace.
A journey of purpose, of dreams redefined,
An alchemist’s vision, both dark and light intertwined.

Serendipity

December 31, 2025-My future self reflects in the mirror.

As I’m chanting a meaningful phrase,

I am clearing the room with divine sage.

It has been done… great, wondrous, aspirations achieved.

I’m confident my future self knows my highest timeline transceived.

“What,” you ask, “Do I want this year?”

My spirit guides, lead me, making this clear.

BALANCE, LOVE, GIVE, RECEIVE.

Keep learning to LET GO, ACCEPT, and be UNAFRAID to GRIEVE.

Travel a little, read, and ATTRACT.

Challenge your comfort… when necessary, REFRACT. 

Write poetry, a novel, all with authenticity.

Do something brave every day; serendipity.

Enjoy creativity, LOVE MY CHILDREN in all aspects of life.

Play board games with family and friends any night.

EXPLORE and grow in spirituality.

Become a reiki healer, whimsically.

LOVE MY CHILDREN, be silly, play with the dogs.

Always be open. Don’t let distractions or barriers mud up the cogs. 

I saw my first wishing well when I was still a child
The idea was so novel, I remember how I smiled
What a silly thing to believe, I told myself that day
Why would you pointlessly throw all your pennies away?

I wish I had a ticket back to when I was a kid
I wish I could have learned a little sooner how to give
I wish I’d had the courage to tell her that I loved her
Or hadn’t acted so embarrassed every time I hugged my mother

I wish all those poems I wrote weren’t left unfinished
And that those songs in my head made it out to begin with
I wish I wasn’t such a dreamer, a believer, or
Maybe I wish that I had believed a bit more

I really wish this poem wasn’t written by a hypocrite
Afraid to guarantee any of the things that he says
And maybe then I wouldn’t doubt these words as I say them
And I’d believe in the promises I made, verbatim

I wouldn’t laugh at the people filling wells with pennies
And look down and realize that I’m the one who’s chucked to many
So here’s my final penny, the only one that’s left
It’s something that I’m trying very hard not to forget

I wish to go back and hug the younger version of me
And tell him things are never quite as hopeless as they seem
I wish that I could stare into his eyes, head to head
I wish that I could stop that kid from wishing he was dead

Wish that I could hold his hand, but when I look at my side
It baffles me to realize he’s the one who’s holding mine

Every time he made a wish, taped up a dream that he liked
All those melodies he hummed, all those pretty little rhymes
He’s holding out their broken pieces as he stares into my eyes
You can fix these, He whispers, You’re the only one who can
And then he knocks the horrid little pennies from my hands

I’ve been wishing all my life, it left me penniless and poor
But lately I have found that I’m not wishing anymore
Yes, wishes got me nowhere, so I traded them for goals
Believe your life is in your hands and you’ll hold the controls

This year I have decided that I’m going to believe
For that little kid who told me wear your heart on your sleeve
I’m going to finish those songs for the one who began
Because I owe my inner child for the man that I am

I’m going to hug the ones I love, pick them up and spin them ‘round
And hold on tight forever like I’ll never put them down
Lose myself giving to people, light a smile on a face
Because that’s the way I found myself in the first place

I might buy a ticket back to my home by the mountains
And find somebody throwing pennies, sitting by a fountain
And I might knock those precious little coins out of their hand,
And as they bounce around I’ll giggle like a crazy man

After they curse at me, I’ll tell them, pennies are like moments
Please, don’t just throw them all away wishing that doors would open
If you only looked around, you might find that there’s a key
Pennies are so valuable, don’t treat them like they’re free

to feel my sadness
and the madness

the silence
and imbalance

to love my hatred
of my ego wasted

twisted and
unmotivated

to care,
and to continue

something new
long overdue

I was today years old, when I realized. There is a reason it was never my season. I cannot do what everybody else does. I will not go wherever they go. Alone I may know. As I journey this winding road. Picking up pieces of peace, as I grow. Sewing seed of redemption and faith. As my eyes see the lies I taste. My dreams hold on as my memories change.

10 years ago, I could write a song about anything. From wars on words and vengeance to resiliant melodies. Easier to imitate than to live. Terrified my all wouldn’t be worth the give. I hid behind intelligent performances. But emotionally I could not lie, so logically loneliness began to overwrite. Permeate the inner sanctum of my mind. Making simple the impossible. The rejected, the respected. The forgotten, the source and seed harvested in every moment of grace.

Loneliness made an enemy of me. The moment it let me think that my obedience was punishment for the smile and laughter God gives. For the praise I lift in love, even when my tears have only just begun. I am more than anger and rage. I’m more than smiles and joy that you can’t erase. I learned to love me, flaws and everything. Merciful thru my falls. Forgiven for AWOLS. Uniquely seasoned and reasoned for being me.

Improvement can be a fickle thing
Results galore it can bring
Toil and sweat are required
To get that which is desired

Fifty books I hope to devour
For the mind is but a budding flower
Fact and fiction I hold them dear
Those stories that play in my ear

Knowledge isn’t my only quest
It would also be nice to improve my nest
Can I convert my shack into a castle
Renovation can be such a hassle

They say good things come in threes
So my final goal I will seize
A dose of fitness motivation
Could be my old age salvation

Goals achieved can bring a dividend
What will their accomplishment portend
A healthier body and open mind
With a nicer abode in which to unwind