Dear Dad,

On this Father’s Day, I wanted to share a message of love and appreciation with you. Thank you for everything we have been through together. Through the ups and downs, I’m grateful that you’ve always been there for me and have never let me down.

I know I haven’t always turned out to be the person you might have hoped for, but I appreciate that you didn’t hold anything against me. Instead, you gave me a chance to learn and grow, even when you disagreed with my choices. Your acceptance means so much to me.

I cherish all the conversations we’ve had while I was growing up. While you are my dad, as I got older, you also became an example of how a partner should be to me. Your actions and the way you treat others, especially women, show your kindness and dedication to making people happy. That is truly special.

I love the father figure you’ve become, and anyone would be lucky to have you as a dad. Please don’t ever change the wonderful person you are. I want you to know that, no matter what I do in life, I will always be your daughter. Although I may not be able to do much for you this Father’s Day, I hope this message and letter brighten your day.

With love,
Your Daughter
Samantha

To my oldest daughter,

You’re approaching a significant milestone this year, and I can hardly believe you are getting ready to turn 15 and start your freshman year of high school. I want you to know that, despite the long and difficult journey we’ve shared, my love and feelings for you will never change.

I admit that I made some mistakes when I was younger and that I wasn’t fully prepared to be a mother. However, my experiences with you and your siblings have helped me make better choices for you. I want you to know that I will be here for you as much as I can to support you in your career choices and make that next phase easier for you.

As your birthday approaches and you continue to blossom into a young woman, remember that you are ready for whatever comes your way. No matter what you choose to pursue, I will love you unconditionally. Even though I may not be around 24/7, I’m just around the corner.

I love you.
Your Mother

In the bustling city of Huntington, Amanda had always felt like an outsider, a piece that never quite fit into the puzzle of life. Surviving a tumultuous childhood marked by trauma, her journey began with the heavy weight of her past. Experiences of abuse and betrayal had woven a complex tapestry of PTSD, anxiety, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, and oppositional defiant disorder into her daily existence.

Amanda was a survivor; her resilience was forged in the fires of her struggles. After each nightmare she faced, she would find herself in therapy, seeking to untangle the knots of her pain. Her therapist, Dr. Lewis, a compassionate and wise woman, became her guiding star. Together, they explored the darkest corners of Amanda’s mind, shedding light on the shadows that loomed large.

One day, while sitting in Dr. Lewis’s office, Amanda recounted a recent episode of overwhelming anxiety that had left her paralyzed. As tears spilled down her cheeks, she expressed the fear of her past overshadowing her future. Dr. Lewis listened intently, then gently encouraged her to turn her pain into power. “You have a story worth telling. Your experiences can inspire others,” she said.

Motivated by their conversation, Amanda decided to channel her emotions into writing. She began to craft a memoir, narrating her struggles with honesty and vulnerability. Words poured from her heart, each sentence a step towards healing. As she wrote, she found solace, and with each chapter, the weight of her past began to lift.

Gradually, she built a community, connecting with others who faced similar battles through support groups. There, Amanda met Carol, a fellow survivor whose laughter was infectious despite her scars. The bond they formed allowed Amanda to glimpse hope in the eyes of another. Through sharing their stories, they discovered the strength of standing together, breaking the silence that had long surrounded them.

Amanda also found comfort in creativity, immersing herself in painting. With every brushstroke, she transformed her chaos into color, creating vibrant images that represented her journey. She titled her pieces “Mosaics of Strength,” each one a testament to resilience and beauty rising from brokenness. Her art caught the attention of a local gallery, leading to her first exhibition, where she showcased both her paintings and readings from her memoir.

On the night of the opening, Amanda stood in front of a gathering of friends, family, and strangers, her heart racing. As she read excerpts from her book, her voice trembled but grew more confident with each word. The audience listened intently, moved by her honesty and courage. By the end, tears glistened in their eyes, and applause erupted, filling the room like a warm embrace.

Despite the challenges that lay ahead, Amanda felt empowered. She understood that healing was not linear, and there would still be difficult days filled with anxiety or depressive episodes. But now, she had a toolkit—therapy, art, and a supportive community to lean on.

As she glanced around the room, she realized that she was not just a survivor of her past; she had become a beacon of hope for others. Amanda learned to embrace her journey, celebrating her survival with every step forward—a mosaic of strength, uniquely beautiful in its imperfections. With a heart full of hope and a voice to share, she reminded others that it’s okay to seek help, to share their stories, and to believe in the possibility of brighter days.

Dear Unsealers, this is a story about a girl who started her school journey with many possibilities until she found the one piece that changed her life forever.

Sammie was in the process of just starting her sophomore year at high school. She ended up finding herself a whole new bunch of friends, activities, a whole new bunch of choices that she overwhelmed herself at first but she figured out she was going to just wing it and see what she could get into even though her freshman year didn’t start too great after her relationships got the best of her but she thought to herself not to worry there were new things out there to explore so she didn’t mind what she was going to endure next. She couldn’t believe that after her classes were set in and everything, how the lunch program was set up with different times, it was like, well, why can’t everyone in the school eat together, but they say there’s not enough time during classes for everyone to be put together. Anyway, besides her exploring the different outcomes for friends she ended up one day during an afternoon recess she was chatting with one of her friends and she stumbles across the gym and saw a bunch of students playing around in the gym she assumed it was p.e class but she for a split second something caught her eye and her friend was wondering Sammie who are you starring at and she told her that she was looking at someone that piqued her interest and she asked her friend who was he? Do you know anything about him? She started laughing and telling me things about him, but we ended up getting caught by Zack and one of his friends looking at us was wondering who that girl was staring at me and why. We started leaving from the gym doors, and she kept thinking to herself Wow, I like the way he looks, his smile, and laid back personally. She wanted to know, but she wasn’t sure where to start. She ended up, however, getting lucky in the next few days. Zack and Sammie ended up reconnecting during a PE class together and had to spend it outside on their course track. They started talking as they were walking towards the bleachers they couldn’t believe they were laughing about how they kept looking at each other and she started spilling her guts about how she makes her feel cute and attractive, and the other things about him that made her light up but she started to notice how he would just sit there smiling, blushing with everything she said and he started muttering about his life talking about what he likes and so forth. As they were walking they were discussing if they wanted to begin something but they weren’t sure but she felt something starting to happen inside of her and she decided to go through it but she, however, wasn’t sure if he had every intention as she did but after a long talk they decided to start dating on what they noticed was funnier they ended up looking at the time when they walked back to the class that it was their friend’s birthday today so they said look our anniversary will always be April 24th after that they ended up being inseparable. They both started every day by talking, texting, hanging out, you know the drill, but they ended up hitting a huge snag during school time. She ended up figuring out she wanted more of the relationship. She wanted to always be around him, and she wanted to get to know more about him, but she noticed, especially after he graduated from school 2 years later, that the attraction started dying down, and she wanted to know why. She found out at first that his family was working all the time and he wasn’t old enough to drive yet, so she figured that he couldn’t see me as much, so she brushed it off her shoulder for now, but as time went more, they were happy together. Even though at the time he was working she felt like he made the time the best he could to see her, call her, and text her it was like she was doing all the work including having to get in the middle of his parents and his cousin to spend time with him cause she was in the same predicament at the time he was the only flaw on her end was she was living with her parents at the time and even she had no way to get to her love so want she wanted to explore more and open into she couldn’t get her answers. So, during her last round of school, she made the worst decision to drop out of school even though her peers and teachers kept putting the idea and guilt in her head that she was so close to finishing Sammie was determined after failing her 1st 6weeks course and her senior project scared her into finishing her school year. Even though later on she admitted to Zack that he was the main reason why she left school. She said she felt that he was a big piece of her life, and since that was the only way they could honestly see each other and spend time with him, that was the only way their connection got stronger. She felt that since he was gone, she couldn’t focus on what was more important to her. So she ended up dropping out of high school and tried to focus on her next choices for her life, but she mostly paid attention to how to figure out how to spend more time with Zack while he was struggling with his work and family. As time went by, Sammie ended up losing her home, and she had to go to a program with included housing, and at the time, as she was working on herself, she was mostly focused on more of her relationships. She was still having problems with Zack. She ended up finding out more information about him than she ever prepared herself for. As it turns out Sammie’s identity that Zack knew about surfaced to his family and they weren’t happy that he wanted to be with someone like her so in time she noticed that things were drifting more apart once she confronted him about why he told her that I wasn’t really happy being with you my family said that you should only love me no one else I wasn’t ready to communicate with you, move in, or anything. I wasn’t ready to give up everything I had for you. Sammie dropped everything suddenly and was thinking a lot, but ended up saying what she felt. How could you say that? I did my best to be with you. I wanted us to spend more time together, spend nights together, and see how things with us were going to be being around each other more to see if we were ready to expand further, that’s all she wanted, but that wasn’t the case for him. So, after heated words were thrown around, we decided after 3 years to end everything and just be friends. Sammie ended up resenting him for a while, but something in her heart cared about him so much that she always ended up talking to him and checking on him every day as they both moved on with their lives. During their time apart, they ended up going through different locations and different people, and even brought new additions to their lives, but something ended up tying them back together. She ended up after a hurricane destroyed her life. She ended up one day going to visit Zack at his new location to find out that he was just living his life day by day. He was doing alright, just working and taking care of his new children. She sat down and explained to him everything she was going through and what her next steps were after the hurricane she endured blew through everything she was taught, she had, and everything was shattered. They talked about possibly reconnecting, but this time, everything was drawn out to make sure this was what they wanted to do. She wasn’t sure what he was thinking, even though he said everything about how he was feeling about it. They decided to leave everything that they had dealt with behind and started to try again. She couldn’t believe that everything was going to fall back into place. She kept running thoughts through her head like were things going to be different this time Were our connection that we have going stronger Were we going to be happy together were we able to produce our family Further Many questions were soaring through her mind but her worst part came true when she was making her dreams happen the hurricane came back through and it was trying to destroy everything more Sammie was trying to do to make it come true but the rain from the storm was manipulating everything in place. Zack went in and protected her by blowing through the storm and helped Sammie move everything in and get them set up for the next questions in her journey. As to this day, they have moved to another location, added a furball addition to their journey, and they are going on 19 years of best friend relationship and 3 years of a connecting marriage.

Change. It’s a part of life.

Seasons change- the sun stays out longer, the leaves change colors and fall, the snow and ice melt, the plants begin to bloom again.
Humans change- as the years pass every person matures physically, socially, and emotionally.
Technology changes- new ideas develop and old ones are updated.
Culture changes- music and fashion fads become popular, then fade away, and sometimes come back again (though not all of those things should. Looking at you, fanny packs).

But, like it or not, ready or not, at some point everything changes.

Modify. Replace. Fade. Update. Improve. Decrease. Alter. Develop. Transform. Revive. Correct. Shift. Amend. Vary. Fluctuate. Tweak.

CHANGE. Everything changes.

I hate it. I hate change. I always have. Even more than hating change, I hate not seeing a REASON for the change. Which makes it difficult sometimes, when the Creator of the universe doesn’t think I need to know the reason, or at least not at the moment I’m asking for it.

I think this opposition to change first started when my family moved away from my childhood home at the end of 7th grade. Try telling an emotional middle school girl, who was very comfortable in her small Christian school and church, that she was now one of 500 kids at a new school where she knew no one. Needless to say, it didn’t go over well. Fast forward eight years when my parents decided to move again, this time, right before my senior year of college. I was so angry. Not at my parents, really, but at God. I felt he had ripped home away from me the last year I really needed it. It took months for me to get over that anger. Those two moves were defining moments in my life (more on that later). Looking back 21 years and 13 years respectively, I can see how the Lord worked both of those moves out for my good. (Funny how He always seems to do that). He used change to direct my life where He needed it to go, but at the time, I didn’t like the change.

Change. It’s a part of life. It’s a part of MY life. But for some reason, it has felt like this year has held more change than ever. Changes I can’t seem to understand. Changes I don’t want to understand. Change. I still hate it!

However, as I continue to wrestle through that ever-present loathing of change, I am beginning to see a thawing in my attitude towards it. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still not a fan. But, throughout this year, I have tried to more purposefully and consciously look back on what the Lord has done for me. As a history teacher, this was easy. I love looking back on the past. It is literally my job description. I now have 34 years to look back on and see how God has wisely and lovingly guided me through numerous expected and unexpected changes. My goal in the coming years is to remember that history. I spend my days telling kids to remember what He has done…it’s time I took my own advice! I have no better way to sum up this new focus and attitude, than a favorite quote of mine from the Chosen. Earlier this school year, I started to watch the Chosen for the first time, after years of one of my friends encouraging me to do so. I have not regretted it. In the Chosen episode when Peter walks on water, and Jesus pulls him from the waves, Jesus holds him tightly in the boat, and says to him, “I have much planned for you, Simon. Really hard things. Just keep your eyes on Me.” That quote has played over and over in my mind in the months since I first saw that episode. But now it has MY name in it. “I have much planned for you, Jessica Dawn. Really hard things. Just keep your eyes on Me.” Like it or not, ready or not, at some point everything changes…but you know what? I serve a God who is unchangeable. That thought grounds me more and more the older I get. MY Jesus “is the same yesterday, today, and forever” (Hebrews 13:8)!

A year ago, just a few months before my 33rd birthday, I sat down and wrote, for lack of a better phrase, a personal historical account. A record of several specific ways I had seen the Lord give me the “desires of my heart” (Psalm 37:4). I am not going to rehash that whole account (if you are interested in reading that, I might be willing to share). The purpose of this account is to explain how some of the things from last year’s account have already changed, and what the Lord has taught me through those changes. What I did last year was make a list of all my responsibilities at school/work and prioritize them based on what I felt the Lord had called me to do at that point in my life. Below is an excerpt from last year’s previously mentioned “historical account”.

I want to be the absolute best middle school history teacher I can be. I have a few specific goals to work on in my classroom in the next few months to make that a reality. I want to be a better basketball coach, but more purposefully seeking out the girls on my teams who need the Lord and discipling those who already know Him. I want to keep serving the Lord here in Wilmington. I’ve struggled with this thought throughout the last couple years, about whether this is where I need to stay, but over and over God has made it clear- WIlmington, NC is where I’m supposed to serve. WCA is where God wants me to be.

Shocking no one, the top two most important responsibilities on my list were teaching history and coaching basketball. It’s been that way since I was in 4th grade. I’ve never had a question mark behind that statement. God wants me to teach history and coach basketball. Period.

Looking for it, or not. Change comes.

That has been the unexpected theme of my Year 33. I started last April with a heart fully dedicated to being purposeful in the areas God had called me to serve, and I do believe I have done that. But in the midst of that passionate pursuit to be purposeful, He threw me a curveball. Several curveballs actually, and the first one was only a month after writing my Year 33 “historical account”.

After much prayer and consideration, I decided not to coach basketball this school year. Anyone who truly knows me, knows how hard of a decision that was to make, and how massive of a change that was in my life. Honestly? I struggled internally with that for months and barely spoke about it to anyone. I had peace about it when I made the decision, and I still have that peace today, but that change was so hard to process. Again, I don’t like change, especially not when I don’t see a good reason for the change, which was the case in this situation. I still do not have all the answers for this one, and that’s ok. God never promised to give us all the answers. Habakkuk is a great example of someone who never got the answers to the changes he saw, and “yet,…” (Habakkuk 3:18), he focused not on the changes, but on the God who allowed the changes. Later, Paul encourages us to “set our affection on things above” (Colossians 3:2). Or as Jesus tells Simon in the Chosen, “Just keep your eyes on Me.” I love basketball, and I love coaching, but the Lord needed to teach me some things off the court this year, and I am going to walk forward confidently in this change.

The second major change began just a few months after my decision to step away from coaching. I knew from before this school year ever started that I would have to make a decision about whether I believed the Lord still wanted me at WCA. This one is hard. Wilmington is my home. I have moved so many times in my life (the two mentioned at the beginning of this document was only the start!). God must have smiled on 13 year old Jessica crying about leaving Chesapeake, VA because He knew He’d be moving me ten more times…well, Eleven. For the past eight years, I have known beyond the shadow of a doubt that the Lord wanted me in North Carolina at Wilmington Christian Academy. But with just as much confidence, I now know, my time at WCA has come to an end. The opportunity to teach with my Dad and Mom up in Green Bay became available and I know the Lord is calling me to take that opportunity. The Lord is moving me…again. Processing this change has been tough. There’s a lot of feelings that have been rising to the surface as the school year has progressed that I do not like (for example, the tears running down onto my t-shirt as I write this). And yet, in the midst of my emotional processing, I have a peace “that passeth all understanding” (Philippians 4:7). I honestly can’t fully explain how confident and peaceful I feel about this decision, but it’s there. Please do not miss the irony of this situation, because it certainly has not been lost on me! Thirteen years ago, I was ANGRY at the Lord because He called my family away from Wilmington to go to Green Bay. We had only been in Wilmington for eight years, and I felt like I had been there my whole life. Wilmington WAS my life. Eight years ago, God brought me back to Wilmington as a teacher, and it has been wonderful. This was my “dream job” back in high school. I am so grateful for the time God allowed me to minister at WCA. But back to the irony… Now I have also made the decision to move away from Wilmington, my home- to the SAME place God took me kicking and screaming thirteen years ago. Again, the Lord must have smiled down on 21 year old Jessica knowing full well that the next time He asked this change of me, I’d respond differently. Wilmington will always be my home, but it’s time for the Lord to use me in a new ministry.

Just one year ago, I had several emphatic periods at the end of my purpose statements. I KNEW I was right where God wanted me to be. Little did I know those periods were actually supposed to be commas.

Modify. Replace. Fade. Update. Improve. Decrease. Alter. Develop. Transform. Revive. Correct. Shift. Amend. Vary. Fluctuate. Tweak. CHANGE. Everything changes.

I may not like change. I may not understand it. I may not be ready for it. But my God is unchanging and THAT is where I rest and find my peace in the midst of my questions and confusion and emotions. I was not prepared for either of these massive changes, but in closing, I want to challenge you with one more thought I have stolen from the Chosen and made my own. Matthew, the former tax collector turned disciple, tells a Roman officer that when he finds himself clouded with confusion, he stops and reminds himself, “I only have one thing to do today. Follow Him. Everything else seems to fall into place.”

This is the second year I have now written a “personal historical account”, reflection and purpose statement to guide my next year. Year 33 was my purposeful year. I am sitting here at the very beginning of Year 34, which I am now going to call my immutable year. It has been said that “there is nothing permanent in this world, except change.” Maybe that is true. But my goal this year is that I will continue to fix my eyes on the Old Rugged Cross as I seek to be faithful to the Immutable God who has given me the opportunity to serve Him. If I want to be like Jesus, that means, being immutable. Seasons, humans, technology, and culture changes, but my God remains the same- and asks the same of me. “Be ye steadfast, UNMOVEABLE, always abounding in the work of the Lord” (I Corinthians 15:58).

“I only have one thing to do today. Follow Him.”

Dear Me:

You’ve come so far, you’ve struggled hard,
Yet somehow you’ve gone nowhere.

You’ve been in love, you’ve been a friend,
But still can’t find someone who cares.

It’s not your fault, you’ve tried your best,
But just can’t help to feel ashamed.

You broke their trust, they broke your heart,
Still you are not the one to blame.

Your roads been rough, your feet are worn,
Yet you still walk through thick and thin.

You deserve a break, you deserve to live,
Stuck in the past is where you’ve been.

You do know better, you know right from wrong,
Yet you still make the same mistakes.

But you do you, you must go on,
It’s your strong will they cannot break.

You’re a good man, you’ve just made bad choices,
Don’t let them be what defines you.

You write these words, you know them well,
Don’t let bad vibes be the ones that find you.

Just be yourself, and love yourself,
Slowly one day things will get better.

You can do this it’s the choice you made,
When times get tough just read this letter.

Dear mom,

You’ve known me the longest. You had a big role in making me. I was one part you and one part Dad. One part breath, one part earth. Your womb was the kiln I found my true form in.

I was one of 3, byt you always made me feel like the top of that triangle, the high point of our five-pointed star.

I remember you bought the anthology of young writers when, in 5th grade, my poem about winter was published in it.

You knew I’d get into Luther, but you forced, forced me to choose a back up school. Still believing while going over my financial package, with Dad, on our Windows desktop in the living room, that I could make that driftless dream come true.

After coming home from our church’s mission trip to Juarez, I thought you didn’t take me seriously when I said I wanted to go into the Peace Corps after college. But when I was boarding the plane to South Africa wearing my life-sized backpacking backpack, I knew your tears were partly of maternal pride.

You were there when I was in-patient and cracked jokes about the hospitilization experience. How the little library on the ward had barely any books and included the Uglies series and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

You were there when I became a teachers, got my masters and licensure in a year. You were right there cheering me on as I moved from school to school, tirelessly looking for my teaching home.

And you supported me as I published my book of poetry, and pitched it to an editor. You always listened to my words and said they always struck you as insightful and inspiring. I knew I always had an audience.

Now, I’ve learned that you’d still be with me, be my bright shining moon, in the darkest of nights. When I was a way from home, you always said to look for the moon and know that you’d be looking at the same moon.

When you got cancer, I knew I had to keep looking for the moon, for myself and for you.

The moon is always in the sky, no matter the stormy weather. You held the moon in the sky for me so I could always find my way, even if the path led far from home, or from what I thought home was.

For always being my moon, I love you.

april 21
a journal on fulfillment
unfortunately, I have spent a great deal of my thoughts on the ponderance of what it means to be fulfilled. how we quantify it, test it, live it. most of my 11:11 wishes wish for fulfillment. I know I’m not supposed to give away what I wish for, but that’s not all of it. I’ll keep the rest a secret. I’m under the belief that the majority of people die unfulfilled. the sole thought of going hungry, going broke, going homeless, terrifies people more than the feeling of never finding anything they are passionate about, never falling in love, never feeling like themselves, never feeling as if they’re living out their truth.

I fear both.

but I fear never following my passion more. it’s scary to know that money has to be earned and there is no task I currently wish to do in exchange for cash. purpose is so subjective yet as a society, I feel we have found a way to objectify purpose and place it in a see-through box to be displayed. everyone is looking at you, the pressure is on. inside the box, you must do what is subjectively providing a value that has money as currency. I’d rather have fulfillment as currency, get paid in love, joy, contentment, on my own terms. I choose to validate my inner truths rather than suppress them as I believe everyone ought to spend enough of their life digging deep enough within to understand who they are. instead of letting the world tell you. the world tells everyone who to be when they listen to it. but your soul will tell you who to be if you choose to listen to yourself. I think you can only hear yourself when you allow enough quiet, the only thing you can hear is your own production of thoughts, ones that were not placed in your brain externally but created in original form, strictly for your own acknowledgement.

I think a lot of people fear the quiet because they do not like to face the truths of self. most people are numbing themselves with alcohol, drugs, smoking, hooking up with strangers, partying, everyone seems to have a vice. it’s socially acceptable, even. but what is the true motive behind all of these? most people are deeply uncomfortable with the thoughts that arise when they allow enough silence in order for them to do so. and everything has a cost. everything is an energy exchange, for good or for bad.

when I was in the worst mental position I have ever been in, I hated being alone. I wanted to fill every silence, spend as much time with others, and numb all my thoughts with drinking, partying, or even eating. we find comfort externally to mask the internal turmoil we are destined to feel at some point in our lives. but acceptance of the good and the bad will allow the upheaval of the bad. as when you accept the dark parts of you, you shine a little light on them. over time, they transform to light. you can create life from death. there is renewal in endings. there is a golden nugget in everything that sucks. but if you spend too much time ignoring the darkness, you will never know how well the light within you shines.

it’s so easy to follow a path and I wish there was one that made sense for me to follow. it would allow be much easier. but I feel as if I have gotten too comfortable with the depths of myself that I can never go to a surface level to complete a mission not created by the innerworkings of my soul. I’m too deep into the acknowledgement of who I am to skip over, neglect, those parts of me. whatever I end up doing in life has to touch my soul in some way. and maybe that will allow me to open up as a vessel of light to others. or maybe it will only go as deep as to shine through myself, never reach anyone. I think my purpose will someday reach others through myself, but maybe it won’t.

nonetheless, in order to feel as if you have a reason to live, you have to feel like you are fulfilling a purpose or achieving something. that looks different for everyone. but in general, working towards any sort of goal provides meaning in your daily life. I truly believe those who take their own life felt as though day to day life was not fulfilling. they felt as if everything they were working towards had no meaning, a complete lack of passion or care for how they were spending their time. the exchange of their time was not providing any sort of deeper satisfaction. a complete lack of satisfaction. that’s why I think even people who are depressed, when they are working towards something, never switch over to being suicidal. because they have a reason to be alive every day. I have met a handful of people in my lifetime who have openly admitted to being suicidal in their life at some point. and they said the reason they never did it was because they felt like they still had some sort of reason to be alive. for some people, they started training for something like a marathon or even just a weight loss journey, and every day, it gave them a reason to be alive. some people have a pet they have to feed every day; and if not them, the pet would not be alive. or they have a promotion they are working for, and it gives them purpose day to day.

but the key to this point is that you have to like what you’re doing, feel as though it is fulfilling a part of you that has been empty. people who feel directionless, or as if they are fulfilling someone else’s dream are more likely to be depressed, or even suicidal. that’s why the distinction of the soul’s desires from worldly placement is astronomically important.

we actually have a very long life to live and that often gets ignored in the urgency of chasing money. motives have been skewed to the value you can provide for others rather than the value you can find within yourself.

the debate I have been internally struggling with for some time is whether or not my personal fulfillment is worth the potential external failure. on the outside looking in, dropping everything and going broke to do the Camino de Santiago sounds reckless and a waste of time. but my purpose comes from soul searching, spending time with the Creator, and feeling within myself. the woods are my element and the answers of what it means to be human, for me at least, exist within them. walking every day from Albergue to Albergue will provide my purpose. and mine alone. for I claim my own direction. while walking every day provides no benefit for the world around me, the world inside me will be nurtured in a way money cannot buy.

that’s the problem, we focus on the things money can buy. we assign value in what can be purchased by paper we earned in exchange for our time. we are told not to focus on anything else as most people feel like spending time delving into the significance of human existence has no real intrinsic value. as they fear the confrontation of any spirituality. but I would argue the sole reason we are here is to uncover all the parts of our soul that are flooded with meaningless jargon pressured upon us as a distraction from who we really are and why we’re here.

when we leave the earth behind, you’ll die with all the things you have acquired. and if you spent a lifetime creating a soul that will ever last death, your fear of death will evaporate. but those finding fulfillment in chasing wealth and materialistic things to quantify, will fear death, likely laying on their deathbed thinking of all the things they should have done, the things that once mattered to them that perhaps had no external, objective value.

when I look back on the 24 years I’ve lived thus far, all my most rewarding and valuable moments have not earned me any money or have provided me with anything tangible. they have all been moments that I felt my soul was nurtured. that’s what life is all about. nurturing our soul and dying with moments that live on.

Let go.
Let go—
of people who no longer walk beside you,
of things that weigh down your spirit,
of places that no longer feel like home.
Let go—
of the self you no longer recognize,
of the inner voice that whispers doubt,
of labels that confine your essence.
Let go—
of habits that dim your light,
of relationships that drain your energy,
of mistakes etched in yesterday’s shadows.
Let go—
of the past that clings,
of the future that looms,
of the fear that stifles the present.
Let go—
of perspectives that no longer serve,
of wounds that ache in silence,
of hurts that echo in your heart.
Let go—
of your first love’s memory,
of your last love’s goodbye,
of the scarcity mindset that limits your abundance.
Let go—
of all that was once known,
of truths that no longer resonate,
of anything that doesn’t align with your soul today.
Let go—
to move forward,
to welcome unwritten chapters,
to embrace the story only you can write.

Hello.
Hello—
to new faces that light up your path,
to new things that spark joy,
to new places that feel like belonging.
Hello—
to beginnings that stir excitement,
to opportunities that beckon growth,
to chances that invite courage.
Hello—
to loves that nurture,
to abundance that flows freely,
to the present that grounds you.
Hello—
to yourself,
to your essence,
to the life you are destined to live.

Let go—
to surrender to your journey,
to trust in your becoming,
to write the story that is uniquely yours

Let’s go back to those nights of walking the neighborhood.
Of riding our bikes thru that same neighborhood bypassing the “scary” street.
Let’s go back to sitting in front of the TV playing video games til the sun comes up.
Go back to the days of driving around feeling like grown adults.
Let’s go back to those day trips that consist of music blaring thru the speakers. Our voices singing as loud as they can.
Go back to the nights of just us girls & the open road which led us to the unknown.
Let’s go back to those nights in our 20s of just dancing the night away with no cares in the world.
With the only thought of “will it be mimis or dennys” after the night is done.
Let’s go back to girls night in.
Banging drums. Tapping the microphone. & strumming the guitar.
Can we go back and just live for the moment?
For the simplicity.
For the joy.
Can we go back & just enjoy being present?
No rush for the next task.
No responsibilities that will consume our time.
Can we go back & just be?
Let’s go back & see.
Just us three.

You can see us on street corners
Or down the dark alleys
We are hardly a sight for sore eyes
We are dirty and vacant
With ripped clothes and sad faces
We wear this as our new disguise.
See some time ago
We were regular people
Until something in life got us down
Whether it heartbreak or money
Family or lack of
There’s something we needed to drown
The voices in our heads
That tell us we aren’t worth shit
Or The memories we just can’t move on from
Maybe it’s trauma or sadness
Or just basic madness
Fill in the blank with your own noun
It ripped us apart
And it spit out the pieces
And robbed us of all we once cherished
We were desperate for relief
So we followed the dragon
We got lost on the way; our souls perished.
Now as is probably Expected
Pretty much textbook
We burn bridges with selfish behavior
Some of us come back
And they find inner peace
And usually they call it their savior
But some of us misfits
The world has forgotten
We’re broken and fucked up
downright dirty and rotten
Someone or something has shattered our hearts
And we know that we’re never the same
So we escape all the pain
With powder or pills
And we find ourselves stuck in this game
We spiral and wander
Away from reality
And further down into the abyss
The people around us
eventually give up
Cause what’s even still there to miss?
We are just scumbags on street corners
Or down the dark alleys
We’re junkies; unfortunate souls
We fucked up, we get it
We don’t need reminded
Please shut up or spark up a bowl

Dear Music,

You have been my first love, my most loyal companion, and my greatest storyteller. Before I even knew how to express myself fully, you spoke for me. You carried my joy, my pain, my anger, and my healing in melodies, in beats, in lyrics that felt like they were written just for me.
When the world felt too loud, you gave me rhythm. When silence was too heavy, you filled it with sound. You have never judged me for how I felt-you simply embraced me, wrapped me in harmonies, and let me be.
You have been my bridge to places I have never been, to people I have never met. You break barriers, crossing languages and cultures, bringing souls together in a way nothing else can. Through you, strangers have become family, and stories have been passed down like sacred traditions.
Whether I was dancing in joy, drowning in sorrow, or standing in quiet reflection, you have always been there. Guiding me. Holding me. Reminding me that I am not alone.
Thank you for your presence in every stage of my life. For being my escape, my therapy, my celebration. Thank you for giving me the courage to tell my own stories. I will always love you. I will always need you.

Forever Yours,
AmbitiousBMarie

Thank you very much
Hide quoted text

On Mon, Feb 24, 2025, 10:43 PM Lauren Brill wrote:
Click write a letter now in the top right once you are signed in and then you can put it in the “chasing your dreams” category.

Lauren

On Mon, Feb 24, 2025 at 10:25 PM Leroy Bragg wrote:
Thank you very much, where would I put the story at
On Mon, Feb 24, 2025, 10:15 PM Lauren Brill <lauren@theunsealed.com

So for 24 years I have been a lube/tire tech, I have worked some Amazing jobs and never expected to move up, well after my Longest reign of 7 years at a job, I had a opportunity to get within 10 minutes of my home.So I hated leaving but it was time to go.The first day at this new job was SPECTACULAR, after that it was A NIGHTMARE, I regretted going to work, but I was working 5 days a week so I really couldn't leave.I received a call from my job I walked out on 20 years ago.It just so happened the interview was the day we were getting off work early for a Christmas party ( I didn't go to the party) I went to the job was Ready to be a LUBE TECH ( he didn't need what I was) So I figured a porter or something smaller,( I didn't care I WANTED OUT of that other job and I was willing to DO ANYTHING.My boss told me I was to be PDI TECH( ALOT BETTER and better pay) So I GREATLY ACCEPTED.I would quit this other job ( another story) And I'm VERY HAPPY I HAVE AMAZING COWORKERS, I'M HAPPY, and I love MY JOB AGAIN ( FIRST TIME IN YEARS) I THANK GOD for All the hardships cause it led me to my Final Auto shop.I don't know how long I have left to work on cars, But honestly I'm just getting started.PH 4:13 I Can do all things through Christ who strengthen me.

out of the echoing cave
By: Jim Kellogg
(The Queer Poet)
2-2025

the shards of glass
from the broken mirror
pierce the heavy and dark clouds
causing a turbulent storm
overwhelming and
tossing me around without direction
the invisible wounds have festered for years
leaking like droplets from a frozen river on a sunny day
i feel like i am trapped in an echoing cave

then…

i see her
my brave and cherished mother
a woman who shed her own tears
sometimes silent
sometimes wailing
she harkens me to the edge of the echoing cave
there…
she shows me an open window
an unexpected means of letting go

What does it mean to have your dreams come true? I’m from a small town and my entire life I have heard “you can’t.” “You’re from a small town, it’s impossible.” Well, I am here to tell you, it is possible. If you were to ask any 10 people on the street, they would say “I wish I had chased my dreams when I was younger.” Everything has its own way of happening on its own time. And I am living proof. My first novel will be published on May 18th of this year, I have began to sing in public again after several years, I have someone who loves me for me and doesn’t look at me like an object and my family has seen my smile returned to me. Thank you The Unsealed for helping me achieve my writing dreams and I can’t wait to see what happens next!

feb 3
a journal on pursuit.
what if you did? what if you just kept going? what if that dream of yours wasn’t actually too big? that things start aligning, making sense. what if? most people look at what if in a negative light but what if something fucking incredible happened? what if you do in the future, in this moment, for the future? instead of the reminiscent ‘what if’, the optimistic version. perhaps there is no negative outcome of the pursuit of anything. as even failure has its benefits. even failure is a step towards achievement. as some movement is better than none at all. even when its redirection. even when it feels like the world is rejecting you, you are still on the path you are meant to be on, as long as that dream of yours goes nowhere.

truly, I believe everyone has desires deep within them that will never go anywhere. no matter if you try to supplement this desire by something arguably more ‘realistic’, it will never go away. nothing can ever scratch the itch of a dream you have except the pursuit of said dream itself. the more you hesitate, the more you cast fear and doubt on this dream, the farther it will feel. yet the stronger pull you have towards it. the more you tell yourself it isn’t possible, that it’s stupid to think you could have that, the more you will create a pull towards it. so why suppress it? why spend a life going after things you don’t truly want in hopes your truest desires will be fulfilled through supplementation?

most people say they wanted to be something, and decided otherwise as it didn’t seem practical. those people are not truly happy or fulfilled in what they chose to do instead. they are living a life of phony, of pretend. the active decision to not pursue their truest self. how can you argue with your own truth? as if your soul doesn’t reveal its own truth, but your mind will for it?

for years, I could feel exactly in my soul what I wanted out of life. I wished to be aloof in a beautiful way, out in the world, authentically, organically connecting with people of all origins and finding a way to impact communities globally. I always wanted to be a famous writer. to spend as much time as possible creating. I’ve always had an adventure spirit, and a creative mind. I’ve always had a fear or not seeing enough, experiencing enough, meeting enough people, creating enough memories. since I was young, fomo has kept me up at night. the fear of missing out. my parents would always tell me, “the day is over, you can do more tomorrow.” but that answer never silenced the desire in my brain to do as much as I could. I’ve always been so hungry for life. it has always came naturally to want more, to challenge each day, to search for beauty in every single day.

admittedly, I have spent a lot of time pursuing other passions, hoping that my truest passion would go away on its own. how foolish of me. to silence my own voice. to suppress my own purpose and wonder why I cannot find purpose elsewhere? that nothing else in the world has felt like I’m meant to do it, makes sense why now. I thought I wouldn’t be able to be out in the world on my own, so instead I got a job to travel and make money doing that, which sounds ideal. but it doesn’t scratch the itch enough. it isn’t enough. it is not the authentic, organic, traveling I am craving. and it will never be enough no matter how many times I try to tell myself that is the only way I’ll be capable of what I want to do, an easier way out of what I actually want to be out in the world doing. I have always written, but have always put it on the backburner. I have always told myself that it isn’t good enough, that in no way could I be a successful poet, writer, on my own. that I had to have a normal job and it could always just be a passion on the side.

but these thoughts consume me.

these passions consume me.
that’s how I know they are meant to be pursued relentlessly. no matter what I try to do instead, there will always be a nagging voice in the back of my mind containing my truth, begging for my acknowledgment. begging for my honest effort, and full effort towards it. as nothing will work out for me until I am on the path of truth. the versions of me that has tried to suppress my truth are the versions of me that keeps feeling rejection from the universe in different forms.

so, that feeling, urge, deep in your soul will never go away. trust it. respect it. chase it. spend your life not only in acknowledgement of it, but in pursuit of it.