Here as I am, young as could be
Naive to the world
Still assuming good-heartedness in humanity
Still a hopeful child supposed to be carefree
Yet an emotional crutch is what’s seeken
To be without guidance
Facing, fighting turmoil without any alliance

As I wanted to make my parents proud
I wanted parents I could be proud of
As much as I longed for true friends
I felt loneliness in crowds
As I searched for love & acceptance
Real connections were experienced in bouts

I looked for comfort
in my providers, partners & past
Only to realize the evolution
I needed would project me fast
Into thy future self, one unrecognizable
But at the same time never more in tune with my predestined time table

Little me, little would I know
Blissful memories are but fleeting
Relationships may exist for only a season
& the happiness you feel could be so misleading
But as you evolve & become your own
This life you lead will be uplifting

Purging all vices has proven worthy
Practicing forgiveness for my misjudgment & worry
But beware, processing emotions & confrontation will deem weary

I feel just a tad depleted
Giving more than receiving
It’s being shown efforts are not being reciprocated freely
It’s time to call power back to source
Energy back to self
Focusing on my mental, emotional, & spiritual health

Trials and tribulations one’s come to know
This new person has looked in the mirror & acknowledged all we’ve done to grow
Alone but not lonely
Grounded and safe
No longer living life with the need to hesitate
Now guided by my abilities, my angels, my faith

It’s in the present moment
& awareness of self that I will concentrate
All in all, this life I live is simply just great
If there was ever a need to worry
Please let it dissipate

Oh to my younger self
Release all worry and attachment
Let your family, friends, future go
It’s not as if the future is even yours to know
Everything will fall into place
This life will be the most colorful story & Your younger self is just the preface

Counting down to proms and graduations,
Students running to and fro–
One question plagued my adolescent brain:
How could I continue when there was so much I didn’t know?

People told me I was smart,
“Just like her siblings,” they’d say.
But for all my potential and book smarts‐
I was still stuck in my own way.

Struggling to embrace myself in the present,
Always trying to appear impressive,
It felt like life was crushing me into the ground,
And so I began to recede without making a sound.

I withdrew inward, convinced no one would notice,
To disappear would have been my only wish.
I felt sure the world was swallowing me whole,
And who would really care if I happened to go?

How I wish I could put my arms around that 17 year old,
And let her know that she could be bold.
I’d tell her: the things that she worried about
Were not a checklist of choices everyone else had all figured out.

Her nerves were valid,
her feelings allowed,
And wanting to love herself
Did not make her “too” proud.

I’d hold her until she knew she didn’t have to simply survive,
Until she felt‐ truly felt- that in this life she could thrive.
That even though it seemed that she’d lost her drive,
There were still so many reasons to stay alive.

I wish I could give her a key
Some magic word that would fill life with glee.
But I think I would tell her the secret
Isn’t in some lofty work position or college leaflet.

That throughout her life it would be
The people around her that would help her feel freed
From the weight of expectations,
Of turning into someone else’s “successful” creation.

The people who would see her heart,
Who would champion her softness and art,
Who would be there for the steps between finish and start,
And would help her believe in the path only she could chart.

Time wasn’t running out, the world wasn’t ending
But she could start anew to find herself and leave behind pretending
That she had to live her life like anyone else,
Suppressing her true desires like being under a spell.

Eventually, she’ll discover a way to break the hourglass
And know that the best moments of life
Are when time stands still,
And you let yourself BE.

Dear Diana,

It’s your choice, die or live filled with patience and self love. Love yourself so much that even when you want to die, that love will save you. As you navigate through the challenges of growing up, you may feel lost and without purpose at times. In these moments, thoughts of giving up may start dancing in your head, but it’s crucial to choose positive thoughts over negative ones, go for a walk or cried as you like, this two activities will always heal you.
You shouldn’t be worried about the future, it is bright for you. I know you little stubborn, you never give up, you can be scared, you can be lost, but your strength comes from your connection with the universe, and I love it. Thank you, thank you for dreaming, thank you for being you, thank you for bringing me here today.

Dear little me,

Did you know you would go to war? No, not with guns and not with swords, the mental kind most people ignore. Even though it’s in the mind it doesn’t mean there aren’t monsters of all kinds. Although physical weapons are useless in this domain, you’ll hold your kindness like a blade against them refusing to change. You’ll hold empathy like a shield for others, but truly for yourself, because other people’s pain is more palatable than your own. You’ll learn that boundaries are armor and can be worn with love. The people who matter most won’t question their shape or where they came from. In the midst of all this learning the people you love will betray you most, and you’ll betray them too. It’s part of being human, it’s part of what we do. It’s almost never intentional, although it feels that way. Every person on this earth has a battle and it hurts just the same. The thing I hope most is when you look at me, you’re proud of who we have become. I’ve been a people pleaser all my life but my most important target is you. The little girl that dreamt in songs, storybooks and poems. Reality is very far from our imagination but I’m starting to have pride in all the things that have happened.

Love,

23-year-old you

Dear me,
I write this with a wish that I could go back in time and hug you. I picture your curly hair in a tangled mess, with our favorite worn-out SpongeBob shirt on. I see your big brown eyes, rosy chubby cheeks, and smile that lights up your face. Growing up, I never realized that the things I did to my body were also affecting yours. That realization will change our perspective on what we think we deserve. If I honestly believe you deserved better, I have no choice but to accept it myself.
I write this with a wish that I could go back in time and tell you not to worry. To enjoy coloring the walls until mom gets mad and yells. To jump on Dad’s back with full force. To sneak candy into the room without anyone knowing. To enjoy being blissfully ignorant because you can.
I write this with a wish that I could go back in time and wipe away your tears. I would explain how every inch of our skin will carry a story. How sometimes those stories will show through jagged scars that will eventually fade into the palest of white, and how sometimes those stories will leave temporary marks that go unnoticed. I would tell you that we can’t change our story, but we can change the way we think about it.
I write this with a wish that I could go back in time and tell you that we will turn our scars into butterflies. We will give our scars permanent wings and a beautiful meaning. I will tell you how our scars are not a sign of weakness but a testament to our strength. We’ll be compassionate, kind, patient, and thoughtful because of life. Hurtful things will happen, and we will experience pain that takes residency, but it will make us stronger and more resilient.
I write this with a wish that I could go back in time and truly make you understand that there is nothing to worry about. Life will have a funny way of working itself out. I will emphasize how funny it is because laughing will be our way of coping even in the darkest times. We’ll learn how the future isn’t as scary as we thought but rather like a present waiting to be unwrapped.
I write this with a wish that I could go back in time and admire your pureness. Others will try to take that from you, but they cannot take something that never belonged to them. Over time, we realize how our light is uncontrollably infectious and spreads so effortlessly. You will give everyone around you pieces of yourself so that wherever they go, they’ll always find little reminders of you.
I write this with the wish that I could go back in time and tell you how you will find solace through fictional stories. You will experience a thousand different lives in this lifetime. Characters will become your close friends as you immerse yourself in their adventures, providing an escape from life’s chaos.
I write this with a wish that I could go back in time and tell you how the darkness will not last. The wall we spent years building will crumble in a matter of seconds. We’ll realize that the wall had pebble-sized cracks, but life and people will shine a light so bright that every crack will flicker with brightness and warmth unimaginable. We will experience the darkness to appreciate how amazing it feels to bask in the light. In every lifetime, you chose to be here because you saw beauty awaiting.
I write this with a wish that I could go back in time and talk to you about stillness. Stillness will try to creep its way in and bring its closest friend—depression—with it. If you let it, it will linger and leave no place untouched. It’ll make you forget about the things that make you, you. It’ll leave you in a place unknown, but we will overcome it. You will remember the feel of your heartbeat, the warmth from your fingertips, the texture of your skin, the sound of your laugh, how ticklish you are, your random love for ducks, how it feels to hug someone, how loved you are by your family. The list is endless, but every detail will be cherished.
I write this with a wish that I could go back in time and ask you to make a promise. I would ask you to enjoy being a kid without worries because there will be plenty of time for that later. It would be an unbreakable promise for both of us, a pinky promise.
Sincerely, me.

Hello Love,

How are you doing today?

I know it probably feels like you’d rather be doing anything else right now besides reading this letter. I understand. Know that I love you anyway.

Do you remember, when you were eight years old and believed you were magic? You knew that we had a superpower, we just hadn’t figured it out yet. Well, I am here to tell you that that little girl was right. Because you are magic.

And do you know what your superpower is? Love.

Now when I say love, I don’t mean it in a romantic sense, or the kind of love we have for the people that are close to us.

I mean a love that is like the sun, whose warmth shines on everything it touches. Maybe they shield from your light, maybe they bask in your glow. But you keep shining.

I mean a love that is like the rain, sometimes fiercely protective, sometimes a gentle touch. Maybe they stand under an umbrella, maybe they jump up and dance. But you keep pouring.

I mean a love that is like the wind, offering a hug when it’s most needed, blowing away the whispers of fear. Maybe they hold on to their ideas of stability, maybe they dust off the kites. But you keep flowing.

You will meet so many people who will cause you to second guess the way you express yourself. Your care will be perceived as insistence. Your words will meet sarcasm. You will wish to be different, maybe even indifferent. But no matter what anyone says or doesn’t say, don’t hide away. Because your love is the stuff of legends. It comes from a source that is as old as time itself.

And if you find yourself tired, and ready to give up, just know that you are loved. You don’t need anything. After all, you are love.

Love,
Your future self

P.S: When you meet M, say yes.

To that boy there near the school swing,
Head deep in that Dictionary,
Reading, to his Apex, new things,
Like there’s no nearby Library.
Just keep on learning new words,their feature,
Cuz they will be of use in the future.

In ten years in different country; at a loss for words,
New School, New Clothes; New Jersey with shoes on an Old Bridge,
O-hi, o-low you go through the corn state forward,
Oh crap, I’ve used too much words; lets keep it abridged,
The words you’ve read you’ll share with the rest of the world.
Don’t fret about tomorrow, just stay out of the fridge.

Hey, Young Drew: I’m you from 2024. I know that the future might be challenging for someone with autism, but I’m here to tell younger you: The future is bright.

A number of your friends who are with you will still be with you and rooting you on. Even better, you’ll make new friends. One of your buddies from college will hook you up with your first job opportunity.

You’re going to kick butt at this job because you’ll be a brilliant writer. Although there will be a pandemic in your late 20s, you won’t let it get you down because you’ll write a book.

Amazing things will happen to you. Even though people will say that you won’t amount to anything, you’ll graduate college and have a successful career– not to mention a great life.

In short, you don’t need to worry about the future, because I’m here to say that it’ll be great.

Hey, you, I can see you pacing
Feeling your world is beginning to crumble
Pulse is racing
Worried about how to stop turning into a pile of rumble

Please now sit still
Unclog your ears
Anxieties are making you ill
I have a message to you that you need to hear

You have been spending much time spiraling
Dancing to the rhythm of teenage rues and blues
Obsessions over prospects of your future are only causing unnecessary fretting
Please listen to me, I’m you but a little older and wiser

Honey, you are standing in the mirror
And pinching at your skin
Wondering if one day you will stop wishing to be thinner
One day you wake up heavier and realize that’s when your life begins

The body you keep abusing
Will undergo more battles that are not your fault
Simmer down all the silent shaming
You’ll need the extra strength to fight the wounds yet to come that are sealed in the vault

Everyone thinks you have it all together
To the outsiders, you are smiley and happy
Only you know you are holding on by a tether
Accept that is ok to feel crappy

Yes, I know it is hard to find a way to see the meaning
On why that boy that promised you forever and more
Left you with your heart-shattering
In microscopic pieces all over the floor

Right now, it feels as if your world is ending
All you want is him back
And you will get what you have been yearning
Only realized the roses had turned black

There will be more boys
Who will eventually turn into men
Some may play with like toys
And others will make you feel born again

Right now, I seem like a delusion
Of an older adult giving you unsolicited advice
Part of some sort of collusion
To control the story of your life

I cannot answer all your questions
Of whom, when, what, and how?
All I can offer is a suggestion
You aren’t supposed to know all those answers yet

Experiences will come and they will go
Some will be remarkable
Many will come with a big blow
It is up to you to keep your sparkle

Put those worries aside
Every single mistake, regret, and stinge of pain
Will eventually just become wounds you’ve been able to bind
Sunshine always follows the rain

Today, start to practice self-love
In lieu of hate because you are wasting your time
You will become a woman with the peace of a dove
And trust me, trust me you are going to be just fine.

Dear Younger Self,

I need you not to worry about what everyone else thinks. The way you see yourself and feel inside is more important than the opinions, approval, or validation of other people. Accept what is true to you. Through multiple generations, your ancestors have carried the collective intelligence through your DNA to propel, guide and protect you. You were born with divine wisdom, talent, and gifts specific and unique for your evolution and prosperity. As you learn, discover, and cultivate your skills, be kind to yourself. Be patient with your mistakes and shortcomings, you can try as many times as you need to. Your faults don’t make you unworthy of love or acceptance, in fact nothing does.
I need you not to worry about how many friends you have and how many people like you. Be yourself and your people will find you. Don’t sacrifice your safety or values for being accepted by others. Betraying yourself will create self-doubt and a lack of confidence in what you are doing and how you are making decisions. When your needs and expectations change, don’t be afraid to let go of what doesn’t fit to keep growing and maturing. Keep being the best friend you need even if you don’t have one. Don’t withhold your joy and compassion, none of it is ever wasted. Even the people who reject you are more than likely looking for the same acceptance love and community.
I need you to not worry about failing. Your comfort zone will never invite the unknown because familiarity is the default. Research, rehearse, refine, and redo as many times as you need to. If you haven’t tried the scenario you thought of, how do you know if it works? Just because it doesn’t exist doesn’t mean you can’t be the first to create it—you were birthed from infinite possibility. When you don’t get it right, you are still learning and growing forward. You aren’t a fraud, you aren’t the labels, and you aren’t the pain.
I need you not to worry about pleasing other people. You have so much to offer and it is not centered on performance. Credentials and accolades don’t define impact or your ability to connect. However, love, trust and forgiveness does. Don’t lose yourself worrying about winning acceptance and recognition. Even if no one takes the time to honor you, honor yourself by being and doing your best.
I need you to not worry that you will be single forever. You are beautiful, you are wise, you are intelligent, you are capable and love will find you in all forms as you surrender to it. Spend your singlehood doing the things you love. You were made to commune and connect. Whatever you are looking for in a partner will be reflected when you are already doing and being what you are looking for. You are not alone, even if it feels like it.
I need you not to worry about time. Be present in what is happening right now. A better future starts with what you are doing right now. Take your time with everything you are doing because you are worth every moment. People will try to teach you how to prioritize and maximize it but this is your individual journey, you make the rules.
I need you to not worry about what other people have that you don’t. Comparing yourself to others will almost always make you feel a insecure or inadequacy. If there is something you desire, ask yourself what part of you wants it and it’s bigger purpose or meaning for you. This will help you decide if it is for you.
I need you to not worry about knowing exactly what you want to do or study. You will find what works for you doesn’t let you go-it will stick to your mind and heart like glue- all the puzzle pieces will make sense over time. When people try to convince you to do things that sound good, think about how it might make you feel or if you even like it. You don’t have to have all the answers, just pursue what resonates with you.
I just need you to be your full beautiful, brilliant, magnificent and courageous self.

Love you deep.

I hear and see you, even if the world doesn’t. I know you are drowning, and you fear the sharks beneath the water. Though, we both know that the largest threat is trusting your own strength. The fears you face are real, and I know the largest of all, is the question of how long you have to wait to be rescued. I can tell you sweet truths and sweeter lies, but the reality of the situation is your suffering, and it will be for a while.  
Some of these horrible fears will catch up to you, but not the worst ones. Every evil thought that could be thought, will choke you. Your humor turns dark, so grim that no one can bear a smile not even you. But in the end, the hospital stays you fear will bolster you up. The friends that leave you remind you that change is the painful beauty of nature. Yes, the future is going to be difficult, but don’t allow its dread to fill you.
 At the end of the day you are right, no one is going to rescue you. No one will brush off your tears or remind you it will someday be all ok, no one except you. I know you are too weak to even do this, and there is an idea in your head “If I can’t pick myself up right now, I never can.” This thought is untrue. Strength comes and goes, and it will come back again. Though all seems to be doomed, know that though you can’t smile now, you will in the future.
My dear, I see your pain, but I know your fear. You fear your future will kill you because you see the boat leaving your sight as you tread thick waters. The people you once trusted left you behind due to their inability to understand. You question your strength as you think: “This will be my forever.” Know that this is the greatest lie. Your current situation does not define your future. You can choose your future with the simple decisions of your current situation.

Dear Younger Me
In your 20s, your biggest fear will be loneliness,
that you’ll never marry, won’t have children, grandchildren.
You think you find the one in college,
but he finds someone else. Then, seven years later, this man reappears.
You give it another try. It seems like true love. He leaves you again.
This time over the phone, long distance.

Once again, you’re abandoned. You watch friends start families.
You move, start over, meet a much older, intensively interesting man.
This guy shows you his town, which soon becomes your city.
He tells stimulating stories about where he’s been.
You date him. Things are great, but differences pop up.
You fight, you consider leaving. You make up. You stay together.

After almost eight years, he finally proposes. For 30 years,
you’ve been secure, as cozy as the soft, old t-shirt he doesn’t mind
that you sleep in. The strong, funny man who loves you
left you alone on work trips, but you got busy with church,
spent many hours grading, lesson planning, writing.
Then he retires before you, goes away to take care of his mom.

Weekends are hard, but you find things to do. His love is as steadfast
as the towering oak trees in the yard of the home you moved into.
So many times, your worries about companionship, money, career
occupy thoughts that should have been spent in gratitude
for the life God gave you with this loving man you met
on your first day starting over.