“Grandma Thelma”
written 20 October 2023
by Jordan Taylor Bradford
* Trigger warning: mentions suicidal ideation

In the cozy light of my lamp,
with the cold morning
showing through my window,
I thought of butterflies

Since age 15, I have planned
a butterfly tattoo for Grandma Thelma

She fucking loved butterflies!
They way her face would light
when she saw a beautiful butterfly
Filled with sheer delight
and the absolute certainty
that there was beauty in the world

Gim always found beauty,
and she shared it with me openly
Look at that hummingbird!
She’d exclaim, with the expression of a child on Christmas morning

In the darkest of my childhood times,
when I would say with certainty
that I would take my own life,
Grandma Thelma got the message through to me
That suicide is never the answer

I tend to default
to it being my answer,
but then I hear Gim –
her voice filled with love
and a stern concern –
telling me “No, baby.”
From her, I learned
that to be a lady,
especially a black one,
meant that you were like the sun:

Strong, strongest woman I ever knew
Wise and smart with the absolute biggest heart
and the darkest humor in tow
For life showed her
the darkest of times,
the blackest of days and nights

Even in the utter black,
Grandma always found a nightlight

So when my soul fills with fright,
When depression steals my delight,
I will find a nightlight
and see a butterfly:
Grandma Turtle,
Thelma Jackson Bradford